*𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟠𝟘

-나는 그들의 것, 그들은 내 꺼야-

"you awake?" he banged on my door.

yesterday i asked him something ridiculous; to take my virginity. i regretted asking it the moment it left my lips. but the words escaped me before i could think about it.

he completely refused.

he said that i didn't know what i was asking for and that i wasn't prepared for something like that.

even though i asked him that by accident, i did want him to be the one to take it from me. i wanted him to be the one to take my innocence.

it's not like i don't trust the others like that, i do, and i would do it. but right now, felt like the right time and it was perfect. it's just seungcheol and i. we're alone here, no one to interrupt us.

plus, i feel very safe with seungcheol. i know he won't judge or make fun of me. he would probably be gentle and take it one step at a time.

but i didn't expect him to say no.

seungcheol said he would be the one to take my innocence that night and i also want him to do it, but i don't know why he said no.

"yeah, i'm awake" i walked out of my shower, a towel around my body. i woke up an hour earlier than usual and prepared for my first day of school here in london, right in the middle of the second semester. it's quite an odd time to start a new school, but we had no other choice.

those people were getting too close.

i walked over to the drawers my clothes were in the looked at the uniform i was to wear.

what she was wearing:

"it's not that bad," i said out loud as i look at it.

"be down in 15" he said before walking away.

something i realized about private schools in london was that they were very strict about their uniform policy. i wasn't too mad about it but it was a big difference from the school i was in before. they also required uniforms but they had days where you could wear whatever you wished and they were more lenient with the dress code.

i dressed and did my hair, walking downstairs without shoes to find seungcheol in the backyard.

ever since i asked him that question, he's had a permanent scowl on his face. like as if he was battling himself.

i should have never asked that.

i felt ashamed for asking something like that. a few months ago i would even have the balls to kiss them. i was stupid and naive for asking something like that.

but i truly want him to be the one to take my virginity.

he thinks i don't know what i'm asking for. i'm well aware of what i'm asking and what it meant.

i am prepared. i've been thinking about this for a while. ever since mingyu's birthday when i had that encounter with him. i'm prepared.

i looked at the food he had served for me; scrambled eggs and rice with bacon at the side. it looked delicious, even made my mouth water.

but i couldn't stop looking at him from the window.

there's been an awkward atmosphere between us since yesterday and i hate it. i just want to talk to him.

i went to the door to the backyard, opening and standing next to him. he had been looking at the birds on the trees, they were singing like there was no tomorrow. every morning they sang the most beautiful melodies, it seemed to calm me down.

"morning" he said, still looking at the birds.

"good morning" i stuffed my hands in my pockets.

and then silence.

no other words were spoken and an awkward atmosphere fell on us again.

i opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out, and before i could even say something he started walking inside.

is he mad at me?

"cheol" i latched into his hand before he got too far. "what is it?" he didn't even look at me.

"why won't you do it?"

he sighed deeply before he answered. "you don't know what you're asking for, areum. you don't know what it entails."

"yes, because i don't know what sex entails" i snapped at him.

"seungcheol, i want you to be my first" i put my dignity aside, "you said it yourself that you would be the first."

"i wasn't in my right mind when i said that, areum. it's too dangerous. if i were human i would do it without a second thought" he took in another sigh, "but i'm not."

with that, he tugged his hand away and walked inside.

leaving me alone.

alone to listen to the melodies of the birds.

i felt slightly bitter and ashamed again. he still treats me like a child sometimes, i huffed.

i never anticipated he would be like this.

i walked inside and saw him sitting on the couch, reading a book i had never seen before.

"i know it'll probably be dangerous" i walked towards him, his eyes still focused on the book. "but i don't care. i told you yesterday that i wanted to see all your sides. i mean it."

"i don't care. go eat your breakfast, i'll be waiting in the car" he ignored my words and walked outside, leaving me alone once again.

🌷

during the entire drive to the school, it was silent. it felt like he was angry at me and i felt ashamed, my dignity was pretty much gone for begging for something like that.

i got out of the car and walked into the school, saying goodbye to him on the way out.

i tried to ignore the things that had happened in the morning and yesterday. i had bigger problems to deal with.

school.

i hate school with a burning passion. i don't know why but the people never like me much. even in l.a. the people seulgi introduced me to didn't seem to like me. they would look at me as if i were a weirdo like i didn't belong there.

(a/n i wrote this while i was on a plane and there was a lot of turbulence so i was really scared lol. i went to montreal, canada to visit some family, i am not canadian, and on the plane back i decided to write a bit)

i've been the new kid numerous times. when i was in paris and started school there, when i was in l.a., and the times i've changed schools, from elementary level to middle and to high school. people always want to come up to me to get to know me. i was 'the new kid'.

but eventually, they see the disappointment i am, they realize i'm not sociable and i suffer from rbg, resting bitch face. they just don't like me. they think i'm weird because of how i was raised and because of how i act.

it's strange really. most humans don't like me, but most vampires seem rather fond of me.

the irony.

i walked into the front office, asking the man at the front about my schedule and receiving it from him. i had similar classes from the ones i had in l.a., except i no longer have dance, now it's study hall.

i walked to my designated classroom and stood at the entrance, watching the other kids enter. but all i could do was watch them. it all felt so surreal to me. i felt like i was in a trance like i was sleepwalking.

just enter, i told myself.

it's just going to be like any other year, i'll be to myself like always. it's for the better.

i took in a sigh and forced myself to enter, hoping to find a seat at the back of the classroom so no one would notice me.

but before i could even get two steps into the classroom, the teacher started speaking to me. "you must be the foreign exchange student" she had a smile on her face as she extended a hand to me. i nodded my head to her and took her hand.

"where do you come from? the papers didn't say from where" she pointed towards her desk. i could feel the stars of the students on me, looking at me curiously.

"i come from paris" i spoke in a soft voice.

🌷

the rest of the day was the same; introducing myself to classrooms and kids coming up to me, either asking about me or asking me how to say certain words in french or korean. but i have to say, this must be one of the better 'first days' i've had. other times, like when i first got to my middle school in france, the children there didn't even try to introduce themselves to me, they mostly ignored my presence and went about their day like i didn't exist.

i walked out of the building and saw seungcheol leaning against his car at the entrance of the school. he was wearing dress pants and a short-sleeved button-up shirt with a pair of sunglasses.

right... him.

i took in a deep sigh and walked towards him.

and when i got close to him, "get in" was the only thing he said to me.

for the rest of the ride, there was silence, an uncomfortable silence. he was still upset with me.

but i still want him to be my first. "seungcheol" i called out to him, looking at his facial expression. he hummed in response.

"why not?"

"are you still on about that?" he scowled as he looked out at the road. "because it's too dangerous, areum" he turned to me. "i could hurt you"

i let out a sigh at his words, "i don't care if you think it's dangerous, i'm not afraid of you, cheol"

"i'm not scared, seungcheol. why are you?" i finally stated the obvious.

he's afraid. he's afraid of hurting me, just like i'm afraid of losing them. it easy to see. but i'm not afraid of him.

he turned back to the road, ignoring me and not speaking a word to me again.

🌷

he opened the door for me and i walked in.

the house was as empty as it always is. if all of us were together, they would all be in the living room and they would all be greeting me or arguing amongst themselves about a strange topic. it would feel so lively.

but now it's just the two of us in this big house. i hope they're okay.

i turned to ask him about how the others were in l.a. but before i could even open my mouth he was already walking up the steps to his study.

jerk.

i allowed myself to take a breath before i lost my temper and went after him. "i guess i'll make us something to eat."

"what do we even have to eat right now" i placed my bag down on one of the loveseats in the living room and walked towards the kitchen, washing my hands before touching anything.

i opened the fridge to find it mostly empty, except for a half-empty tub of kimchi. "we must have forgotten about the kimchi" i said as i picked up the tub and placed it on the counter. "kimchi stew sounds tasty right now." i let out a small sigh, looking around the empty kitchen. i'm starting to miss them.

it suddenly felt a little colder and isolated than before, hearing the loud silence of the house.

i prepared the ingredients i needed to make kimchi stew, placing it all on the countertop. "just like joshua taught me" i said to myself

🌷

i placed two hot bowls of kimchi stew on a large plater to bring up to his study. usually, i would never do domestic chores around the house, like cleaning and cooking. they always made sure that someone else would be there to do it for me, they said i had better things to worry about; my education being one of them. even if i told them that i wanted to help they would always insist that i didn't need to.

i was somewhat grateful for it.

"seungcheol" i lightly knocked on the door to his study, holding the platter in the other hand.

"come in" he said from the other side. in this house his study was different, it felt almost darker. as if bad things have happened in that room. it wasn't my favorite place to go in the house.

i opened the door and walked inside. he was sitting on a loveseat, his head was lulled back and he was slouching while manspreading. "what is it?" he said, still not looking at me. "do you want kimchi stew" i placed the platter on his desk.

"sure"

i brought a bowl towards him and placed it on the end table next to him.

"why must it be me?" he looked at me with his head lulled back. "because yes" "that's not a reason" he chuckled.

"i'm not afraid of getting hurt by you because you won't hurt me" i placed my hands on both armrests and leaned down to talk to him. "plus, it's not like you'll get me pregnant" i chuckled a little.

"you know i'll never agree to it, right" he looked up at me with a raised eyebrow.

"you know i won't stop insisting" i stood up. "take my virginity" i unbuttoned the vest i was wearing and stepped back, leaning against his desk. "no"

"fine" i took off my vest completely and held it in front of me, "i guess i'll just wait for wonu."

"what did you say?" he chuckled harshly, finally grabbing his attention. "if not you, i'll go ask wonu, or maybe myungho."

i was teasing him, but it almost felt a little manipulative the way i was approaching it. but, the reason he doesn't want to take my innocence is that he doesn't want to hurt me, not because he doesn't want to do it. i'm giving him all the consent in the world and he won't take it.

i slowly unbuttoned a few buttons on my shirt, but only the ones at the top. i could hear his breathing becoming deeper as he tried to look away from me. i started taking steps towards him.

then he turned back to me, he stood up and blocked me with his arms, forcing me to lean against the desk again.

suddenly regretting the teasing, i swallowed hard.

"are you serious about this?" he whispered in my ear, "this isn't some whim you suddenly got?"

"no" i turned to look at him in the eye, "i've been thinking about this for a while"

"..."

"fine, i'll do it"

a/n my classes have gotten significantly harder and it's taking me longer to write these chapters, so the next one might take a while :)

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