Chapter 13

Zoe

"Well, you've got to come out at some point. Eventually you're going to see him."

I tuck my blankets further beneath my chin, repelled by the idea of leaving my dorm.

"I don't want to think about that."

Stevie nods, sighs. Eric raises his eyebrows. I've snuck them both into my dorm after deciding to tell them about my complicated relationship with Blaise. I don't like keeping things from them, and I'm in desperate need of advice.

Last night, I revealed one of the most personal details of my life to a boy who on-again off-again hates me. It was a move made amidst a storm of emotion, and I completely regret it. I'm furious. At him, at myself, at everything. I'm afraid, too. If Blaise were to tell someone what I told him, my life at Hogwarts would only worsen.

"How about we go to Hogsmeade today?" Eric chirps. "It's the first visit of the year."

I wrinkle my nose at first. After a little more egging on from the two of them, though, I finally give in.

***

Hogsmeade reminds me of something you'd see inside of a snow globe.

The strange little stores mash together oddly, lining the cobblestone street. They're imperfect - crooked roofs and doors are missing shingles and knobs. The air is sweet, filled with the sound of laughter and tinkling bells.

We first enter a store called Dervish and Bangs, then another named Honeydukes (a place that gives me cavities just by looking at it), followed by Zonko's Joke Shop, where Eric buys a nose-biting teacup that he insists he's going to use on me later. Afterwards, Stevie leads the three of us into a warm bar called the Three Broomsticks.

"Wow, this stuff is unbelievable." I say, and down what's left of my butterbeer in a single gulp. My glass makes a hollow sound as I set it on the table. "Should we get more?"

"As soon as you wipe that foam-stache off your face. God, imagine if Blaise were to walk in right now."

I give Eric's forearm a tiny slap - a silent signal to let him know that I don't want to talk about Blaise right now. Or maybe ever.

"I'll grab another round." Stevie says, and floats off to the crowded bar top.

Eric makes a sudden gesture, flicking his hand in the direction of the front door.

"And in he comes - the most venomous, cold-blooded serpent of Slytherin." He says, his voice laced with mock fear. "Don't look him in the eyes, my dear, for you may turn to stone."

Sure enough, I find that Julian has walked in when I look over at the door. He is completely alone, unlike most of the Hogwarts students who are here. Per usual, he appears dark and reclusive.

I shush Eric, unable to tear my eyes away from the mysterious boy. "He might hear you."

"He's eight feet away, and it's louder than Pansy Parkinson and a glass of fire whiskey in here. He can't hear shit."

Despite Eric's reassurances, I still feel uneasy. There's something about Julian that provokes fear. Not so much an erratic fright, but a sort of dread that causes the hair on the back of my neck to rise.

Stevie returns with the butterbeers, but they no longer give me the warmth and cheer that they had minutes ago. The more I stare over at Julian, the colder I feel.

"I can't believe we let him get away with it." I say, my mug hovering beneath my lips. "You know, the thing with Theodore."

"Julian does that kind of stuff all the time." Stevie explains. "He'll have his fun, and then leave the kid alone. It's nothing worth risking your own safety over."

I can't seem to shake the thought of the young boy from my mind. I start to wonder what kind of lunatic would torture a child with a knife for fun.

"It's not right, though. I can't believe no one's told the headmaster about this. Dumbledore would have him expelled in an instant."

Eric shakes his head. "No one's told Dumbledore about Julian because he's fucking insane, Zoe. Julian has a way of working behind the scenes, even while professors are watching, to ruin you. Whatever you do to him, his revenge will hurt twenty times worse."

I hum absentmindedly. Surely, there's only so much that he could get away with under the watchful eye of Professor Dumbledore. The more I think about what he did to Theodore, the more I can't shake the faulty feeling from my bones, no matter how many glasses of butterbeer I chug down.

***

Despite the advice of my two friends, I decide to tell the head of Gryffindor what Julian did that night. Snape seems to favor Slytherin students, and I sure don't want him handling it.

I know Eric told me that Julian would have his revenge cut out for me, but I couldn't care less at the moment. What he did to the little boy was disturbing and wrong, and the longer I keep that secret for him, the more guilt heaps onto my conscience. Whatever Julian decides to do next, I'm sure I can handle. I'd much rather him go after me than defenseless, innocent students.

When I tell professor McGonagall what I'd seen, she seems mildly surprised. She tells me she'll alert the headmaster and make sure that the situation is handled. Her words promote a flood of relief through my body.

The corridors are mostly empty as I make my way back to the Slytherin common room. I've skipped dinner, and the sun is already setting beyond the Hogwarts grounds. With every corner I turn, I keep expecting to see Julian waiting on the other side, knife in hand, as if he's already found out what I've done.

The person that I do meet is far the opposite.

Halfway between the great hall and the dungeons, I bump into someone familiar.

Seamus.

"Oh - " I stutter, not sure whether or not he's still pissed at me. "Sorry."

"Hey, Zoe. You're fine." He says, sort of smiles. This surprises me.

An awkward silence passes between us. I shift uncomfortably from foot to foot.

"I was sort of hoping I'd run into you, actually. I need to talk to you about something."

I sigh. Of course - he's talking about the fight we'd had over the Slytherin party.

"Listen, Seamus," I say, "I know what happened with that whole party thing was weird for us, but I'm ready to move past it if y-"

"No, Zoe." He interrupts me. His voice is firm, yet oddly trembling. "I need to talk to you about something else."

I cock my head to the side, confused. What could he want to talk about besides the argument we'd had? Nevertheless, I let him continue.

He draws in a slow breath. "I need to be honest with you about something. The reason I got so pissed about that party is because I care about you, and that's not exactly a place you send someone you care about. I just - I really like having you around, you know?"

I nod my head. "I like having you around, too. You're a really good friend, Seamus."

At my words, his face falls. His mouth opens and closes a few times, as if he's having trouble speaking. "No. Like, I like you."

Finally, what he's trying to tell me clicks. My eyes fall to my feet, and the tense silence thickens, because I don't feel that way about him at all.

"Seamus," I say, "I think you're really great, but I just don't see you like that-"

"No, listen." He cuts me off, his voice growing louder and almost forceful. My heart begins to drum quickly in my chest. Warning alarm. "If you just gave me a chance, I think you'd see that I'm a really good guy. Hell, I know you would. Just - let me try, Zo - "

He reaches out, skimming my arm, the hot tips of his fingers causing me to pull back. I am speechless, paralyzed by the increasingly wild look that's taking over his eyes. Somewhere within me, a knot of fear is tightening, and I'm shaking my head but he must not see because he keeps stepping closer and closer to me.

"You don't understand the things you make me feel, Zoe - "

His hands are gripping me and he is so close to me that I can feel his breath on my face. My heart is pounding, screaming inside of me and I am trying to push him off but I don't know if he can tell.

"Stop - "

"Hey, what the hell?"

And then, for one short second, everything halts.

Seamus is ripped off of me. Someone familiar is standing behind him.

"Zabini, what the fuck are you doing here - "

"What are you playing at, mate? She said stop - didn't you hear her say stop -"

My breath is heaving in and out of me in short gasps now, and my lungs feel as though they're shrinking.

"It's none of your damn business what I was doing. Just keep walking, Zabini." Seamus snaps. He pushes Blaise against the chest, but it barely sends him stumbling back an inch.

"Nah, I'm good." Blaise says hotly. "You leave her alone, man."

I feel my eyes beginning to sting as Seamus turns to me, sticking a finger in the other boy's direction. "You don't know him like you think you do, Zoe. He's done shit you wouldn't believe. He's an asshole, and he's only defending you because he has feelings for you too."

My world is spinning now. Seamus is still yelling, but I can't make out a word that he says. I hear blood rushing in my ears, feel my heart lodge itself into my throat. I can't contemplate anything anymore. Not after that.

Finally, he takes one last look at me, and storms off in the other direction.

There's a moment of silence between Blaise and I that seems to last forever.

"Zo-"

"I -- I can't." I say. My voice is trembling as I jerk back from his outstretched hand. Unable to take the pressure any longer, I take off in the other direction.

Blaise doesn't follow.