xxxvii

Luna's POV

I am not feeling good. And I don't mean I'm not ready to perform. I'm mentally and emotionally ready as I can be. I did not train myself to death to come here unprepared.

Physically, I'm not. I probably never was physically ready in the first place. I'm at my limit. I wasn't even supposed to be back at the sport, remember? But hey. I'm at the Olympics and the feeling is so surreal. 

"Ladies, you may now begin your 6-minute warm-up."  

I took a deep breath and handed my blade guards to my Uncle beside me and skated off with the rest of the ladies for our warm-up. Stepping onto the ice and going to the middle of the rink, I hear nothing but the muffled cheers of the crowd. 

"From Canada, Luna Saito."  I didn't even hear the other ladies before me being called until my own, making me bow and wave gracefully to the audience. As soon as everyone was called, we all skated in different directions to begin the warm-up.

I did say that I am not feeling good physically but it's kinda like the accident a few days ago when I injured my knee. The adrenaline made all the pain and exhaustion go away. Now the only emotions I'm feeling are excitement, pressure, and honor to even be able to compete.

As we talked about last night, Uncle Brian said that as soon as I get on the ice, I should test my knee. It's actually feeling better than yesterday before the short program so that means something, right?

Feeling that I'm ready, I proceed to practice my jumps starting with a quad toe-triple toe which I had no problem landing. Landing it and smiling to myself, I look over to my Uncle who was gesturing for me to come over to him. So I did.

"Yeah?" I ask arriving in front of him and reaching for my water bottle and tissue from my RJ tissue box.  

"Skip practicing the jumps you're already sure you'll land. Proceed that's giving you a hard time during practice." Uncle Brian said. I look at him with my eyes widened. I was dreading to practice the quad loop. Sure I landed it during yesterday's skate but while we were practicing last night, I couldn't land even one quad loop, even with Yuzu teaching me himself. I landed everything else except for that one damn jump. Was it because of the disappointment I was feeling that day?

After hearing those words, my eyes immediately dart towards where Yuzu, my brother, and the others are. Though I try my hardest to hide it, I couldn't help but look at Yuzu with my eyes filled with worry. It was like telepathy but as soon as I looked at him, he nodded at me which means he already knows what my Uncle just told me to do. Yuzu gives me a smile for encouragement and gestured for me to go. 

Yuzu managed to lessen the anxiety I'm feeling but the fear of failing is still daunting to me. I nodded back to him in reply and smiled a little before looking back at my uncle. "Okay..."

I skate away and prepare for a quad loop. I can do this.

I close my eyes and jump but damn. I land on my ass a bit hard but it wasn't that painful. Tch. Again. Now I'm mad. Clenching my jaw, I stand up and shake the ice off my legs. Not even bothering to look at my uncle who was probably telling me to go to him, I go around the rink once again to attempt another quad sal. 

My eyes laser focus, I jump for the second time. This time, I'm still unsuccessful both my hands touching the ice to keep myself from falling. What the hell is wrong with this jump?!

I don't even stop to breathe. I go again for a third attempt, landing a bit harder than I did after the first try. I stand up breathing hard not because of exhaustion but rather from panic. I unconsciously looked in the direction where my uncle is, asking me to come to him again. I could only bite my lip and look down at my skates as I went to him. 

Negative thoughts started to flood my mind. This is it. I have no chance at winning. What's the point of placing first yesterday if I flop today. I thought I was going to die with an Olympic medal. All that hard work and sacrifice will go to waste. I'll only disappoint everyone today. I... 

"-una. Luna. Luna!" My head snaps up to look at Uncle Brian and... Yuzu?

Yuzu's hand reaches for my cheek. I look at him in shock as he mouthed 'don't cry'. I didn't even notice that tears were threatening to fall from my eyes. I'm not allowed to cry in front of so many people. Immediately after he said that I sucked it up and smiled just so no one else notices. 

"Listen, you're pacing for the jump is a bit faster than usual. Just calm down. Relax. You're too stiff so you can't land it properly." Uncle Brian said, handing me a tissue to wipe my eyes with. 

"But yester-" I said but he cut me off. 

"No. We're not going to talk about yesterday, or the other day, or any other day Luna. What we have is here and now. We don't dwell in the past. Instead, we learn from them in order to improve so that we can become the best versions of ourselves." Uncle Brian said as he placed a hand on my shoulder and directly look into my eyes. 

I look at Yuzu who's smiling at me, his hand caressing the back of my hand placed on top of the barrier. With that simple gesture, I already feel a lot better. I close my eyes and take one, two, three deep breaths. 

Opening them, I look at my Uncle seriously. "So what should I do?" 

Uncle Brian smiled, finally relieved that I'm able to calm down. "I want you to remember that training we had when we got here. Take it slow. If you feel like you're moving too fast, relax. Pace yourself, take a deep breath, loosen your shoulders. Also..." he continues giving me tips.

I nodded, understanding each and every word he's saying. This time, I'm actually listening. A switch in me flipped and I have Yuzuru to thank for that. As I continued to make eye contact with my Uncle so he knows I'm paying attention to what he's saying, I could still feel Yuzu's warm, comforting hand not leaving mine. 

Suddenly, the arena was filled with 'awww's' and I couldn't help but look at the huge screen above. And I swear, it felt like my eyes were about to bulge out. It was me, my uncle, and of course Yuzuru with the camera slowly zooming in on Yuzu and I's hands. 

I immediately peeled my eyes away from the screen and pulled my hand away from Yuzuru's. Well, I attempted to. I look up to Yuzuru's face and see him smiling at me, still not letting go of my hand despite my effort of pulling away.

"Luna. You're red. Geez, calm down, will you? Everyone knows you're with Yuzuru." Uncle Brian said chuckling with Yuzuru also giggling beside him. 

"Hey! Don't blame me. I'm not used to this kind of attention..." I pout in reply. 

"Stop being so cute, Luna. Do you want me to hug you in front of everyone again?" Yuzuru teased some more, moving his eyebrows suggestively and smirking. Almost immediately, I feel my face turn into different shades of pink and red that I may not even know to exist and my mouth just hangs open. How dare he tease in the middle of all of this. He is soooo dead to me. 

I was about to reply when,

"Ladies. Your 6-minute warm-up has ended. Please leave the ice." 

As soon as I heard that, I look at Yuzu with my eyes digging holes on his face and mouthed "You got lucky."

Yuzu just laughs at me and gestures for me to come off the rink to which I oblige. 

Uncle Brian hands me my blade guards and I put them on. Walking backstage, I could feel him pat my shoulder as if to calm my nerves. I only nod in reply without looking at him, signaling him that I appreciate the gesture. We took a deep breath at the same time and I could hear him whisper, "We now play the waiting game."

-time skip-

One by one, the ladies left the room we were in. I'm skating last which I found ironic. What are the chances of me being the leader after the short AND I'll be the one skating last in the free. I feel like my heart is going to explode any minute now. I also found it funny that Katelyn and Zhenya both skated before me and consecutively at that. I didn't forget to give them the best friend huggies and to cheer them before they head out. I wasn't allowed by my Uncle to watch their performances.

I smile unconsciously as I remember the interaction that just happened earlier during the warm-up. Yuzuru and Uncle Brian knew how to get through me, especially Yuzuru. If it weren't for them lifting up my spirits and breaking my shield, I would've been bursting into tears right now and breaking under pressure.

"Penny for your thoughts, m'lady?" I hear an all-familiar voice say as I feel a figure sit down beside me, emanating warmth that I always loved. 

"Oh you know. Just wondering if I can land that stupid jump again before I actually die. How the heck do you even do that jump so effortlessly?" I huff and pout, crossing my arms over my chest

In the blink of an eye, I felt arms wrap around me in a bear hug. I wasn't taken aback but I tilted my head in confusion. He must've felt it as he tightened his hug some more, nuzzling his face on my neck. Suddenly, I felt something wet against my skin. Tears?

I smile softly as my hands fly up to his fluffy hair and caress it. "Are you okay, pooh bear?" I whisper. I was about to pull away from the hug to look at his face but he did not budge, making me chuckle at his cuteness.

"No don't. I don't want you to see me cry again." Yuzuru whispers as I could feel his breath against my skin. "Ne, hime?" I just hum in response.

"Promise me you'll come back to me. Okay?" 

His words made me drop my hands on my side. He continues.

"You're strong. I know you'll win and still come back to me safe and sound." 

My eyes soften at what he just said as I snap back to reality and I wrap my hands around his wide shoulders.

"I love you, Yuzuru," I whisper.

"You didn't answer me." He mumbles against my neck making me giggle because I was ticklish. 

Before I could answer, Uncle Brian walks back making me and Yuzu stand up. 

"Let's go, Luna." He smiles at me. I nod and look up at Yuzu with his eyes a bit red from crying. I reach up to his face and wipe away the stray tears from his cheek. I take the chance to stare at his face for a few seconds, not wanting to regret anything if ever I do push and live through this program. 

So many thoughts are running through my head in such a short amount of time. I didn't want to leave yet. 

Before I walk away, I lean towards Yuzu and place a soft, chaste kiss on his lips. Like the first time, sparks flew.

I walk towards the door and before going through them, I look back at Yuzu waving and said,

"I promised that my last skate would be with you, right?"

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YOU GUYS!

I'm sorry for the super inconsistent upload. Uni has been stressful and it is internship in less than a month so wish me luck :((

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