Back to Square one

They sat together on the grass for what seemed like hours, Rosie cocooned in Tom's arms, safe and warm and as at peace as she'd been for a very long time. They didn't speak, they just sat. Sharing the stars and the silence. At last Tom spoke, quiet and measured, " Rosie" "Hmmmm" she mumbled into his chest" you know something?""Hmmm?" "This grass is damp, I'm getting a wet bum!" And the tension was broken. He even knew what to say when there was nothing to say, she thought to herself smiling inwardly."In that case, " she extricated herself from his grasp" we better go back in" she stood up and held out her hand, a shy smile on her tear stained face. Tom took it and unfolded his long legs, standing with a bit of a groan "Good God, im getting old! " he laughed" cant get up without making a noise!""You're not old Tom, its just the mileage" she quipped as they walked back inside.

"Im going to be incredibly British here" he smiled down at her, " since we've had a traumatic turn of events, I think we both need a cup of tea" she giggled inspite of herself " and a chocolate Hobnob" he grinned, picking up the kettle and filling it.

Rosie shooed him away from actually making it for a second time for her and he easily hoisted himself onto the kitchen counter beside her, absentmindedly swinging his legs. There was another silence, and Rosie had the feeling he wanted to say something. Her heart sank, she knew she'd blown it. At best she was now "Friend-zoned". She was damaged goods and someone like him could never - despite how much her fevered imagination might want it- get involved with someone like her. She didnt just have a little sad skeleton in her cupboard, she had a massive great wooly mammoth sized skeleton, tusks and all.

When the tea was made and the biscuits plated up - a girl had standards after all - they sat and drank it in the kitchen. There was a slightly strained atmosphere now, that hadn't been evident in the garden. It was as if the darkness had allowed them to pretend everything was going to be ok , but the light showed up the fatal flaws in that plan.

They eventually chatted about not very much, dancing around the massive grey elephant in the room, each not wanting to address it but for very different reasons. For her part, Rosie couldn't bear to bring the night to an end. For all she really knew, this was her oneshot with Tom. Hiddlescharm was legendary, but he was , well HIM and however well-meaning, a busy man with many priorities, in which she could not she decided, hope to feature.

Something inside her suddenly decided that if this really was it, then she should take whatever small crumb of comfort she could. "Tom" she began, the words sticking in her throat suddenly " erm, if you still want that shower..." she didnt even know herself where this was going or what he would think but like a drowning man, she was grasping for anything.

For a moment he looked startled, then over the rim of his mug, his eyes crinkled and she could tell he was hiding a smile. "I thought you'd forgotten Little One" he said as he put his mug down. She shook her head and smiled. "I will never forget a single moment of this" was all she said. He jumped down off the counter, crossing to where she sat. "Neither" he whispered in her ear, his breath dancing across her neck" will I" with that he stood up and went to the door. "I'll be 10 minutes" he said" im sure i can find the bathroom" and he blew her a kiss as he left.

She sat, still not quite believing, as she heard the water turn on, that in her shower, right now, a naked Tom Hiddleston was washing! The thought had barely had time to crystallise when she heard a noise outside in the street. Milk bottles rattling and a bin moving. Her road was usually very quiet so it nade her look out. Nothing. Must've been the cat from upstairs. In her emotional state , everything sounded more sinister.

She had just sat back down when Tom reappeared, all freshly scrubbed with his hair in damp curls. He'd never looked more angelic, or quite frankly sexy, than right now. Her insides twitched and she felt her pulse quicken. He came and sat next to her, taking her small hand in his, entwining their fingers as she'd done before.

"How are you now darling?" He asked softly, " do you need anything? Can I do anything , anything at all?" He looked at her with such a sweet intensity she almost cried again" I dont want things to be awkward between us, careful maybe, but not awkward" he paused, looking at their hands. "I meant what I said Rose , youre very special to me ". He leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Oh Tom, thankyou for everything, really, you're just , well, wonderful" she felt the words pour out as her heart overflowed. She just had to try and relax. For a moment they sat, barely inches apart, feelings almost sparking between them, she was dying to kiss him but still something was stopping her. Was it the fact he'd only kissed her cheek? Had he really friend zoned her or was she just still uptight? She wouldn't get an answer to that right now as he seemed to mentally shake himself and pulled back,

" I'm sorry Rosie, really I am but I should go.""Oh! Yes, of course, what was I thinking, I totally understand, well it's been..." she began to babble, a mixture of embarrassment and regret. He put a finger to her lips, soft as a feather "Shhh little one, let me finish" he smiled, his eyes crinkling. Its absolutely 100 percent nothing to do with what you shared tonight, I just have a really early start and you need to rest". Rosie smiled and nodded , outwardly calm and understanding. Inwardly, her heart tearing apart. Was he being kind? Was he being honest. Would she ever find out? " Oh Rosie, " he looked down at her, his eyes searching her face " this isn't goodbye, I promise" he seemed unsure what to do next, so she hugged him, hard."Thank you" was all she said.They walked to the front door, as close as ever but a million miles away. Things, she felt, would never be quite the same for her again.Pausing at the door, Tom stood, his hand on the latch and turned to her, " this is not the end Rosie. Its only the end of the beginning. " and with that he left , leaving the faint traces of his aftershave and Rosie staring at the back of the closed door.

Slowly, she came to, let out a huge breath she didnt even know she'd been holding and went back into the livingroom. For a moment she stood looking at the yellow roses , hugging herself. So what now Rosie? What now? Where to go from here? This wasnt like telling him you'd been caught stealing daffodils from the local park when you were 12 - which she hadn't by the way- this was life changing stuff. Dark, insidious, nasty baggage that couldn't just be left somewhere and forgotten. Tonight, with Tom, wonderful witty, handsome, kind and utterly charming Tom, having dinner and laughing and being "normal" she thought she'd got somewhere. But now, after her shattering revelation he was gone. To all intents and purposes, she was back to square one. She didn't even have his number. Her shoulders sagged, defeated.

Bed , time for bed , she thought to herself. She'd feel better in the morning. She was, as they say, tired and emotional. And her head had started to hurt again. She caught sight of herself in the darkened livingroom window, wow! Panda eyes and dishevelled hair. No wonder he'd run a mile! Putting out the light and wandering through to the bedroom she didnt see the figure across the street. Watching. She didnt see him pull up the collar of his jacket and turn to walk away as he saw the lights go out. And she definitely didnt see the face, steely determination in his dark night-blackened eyes. She would though, soon enough.