Secrets

She spent the afternoon tidying her already tidy flat. She always dealt with stress by keeping busy and oh boy! was she stressed today! Despite her best efforts not to descend into a fan-girl haze, Rosie just couldn't help herself. The more she thought about what had happened, and what was about to happen, the more hyperactively excited she became. Oh, and more nervous. What if he didn't like her once he got to know her? What if he had second thought about even coming over? She wasn.t glamorous, she was just an ordinary woman living an ordinary life. She didn't move in the esteemed circles he did with singers and actors and even royalty. Would she bore him, or worse embarrass him? Was it the done thing to tell him how much she admired his work and could she ask him questions about it. All these things raced through her mind as she hoovered and dusted and polished things that neither needed hoovered, dusted nor polished. Rosie paused as she looked at the vase now sitting centre stage on the low coffee table. She smiled as she looked at their warm glow in the sunshine of the afternoon and smelled the exquisite perfume as it filled the small flat. No matter what would - or wouldn't - transpire today, she knew that from now on, yellow roses would always be her favourite flower.

It was gone 6pm by the time she was satisfied all was in order so she had just enough time to shower and change. She was just putting the finishing touches to her lipstick when the doorbell announced he was here. Her hand froze halfway to her lips , lipstick poised, she swallowed nervously ,

"Be right there, hang on!" she yelled and quickly finished up. Spritzing perfume as she walked, she hurried to the door and pulled it open. There he stood, arms laden and the most enormous smile spread across his face.

"Darling Rosie!" he exclaimed "you look beautiful this evening and sooo much better than when I last saw you" he leant over and pecked her on the cheek. She blushed and smiled, stepping back,

"Tom, how lovely of you to say so, thank you! Please - come in!" He bounded in and made straight to the small kitchen area.

"Don't mind me! I'll get dinner going - don't know about you but I'm famished!" he called over his shoulder as he went. "Come on, you sit down and we can chat while I cook..." she trotted after him, a mixture of amusement and excitement rising in her chest.

"So," she perched on a kitchen chair "how was your day?" she'd decided to hell with protocol, if she wasn't allowed to ask then he'd soon tell her.

"hmm good question " he mused as he rooted around for pans and utensils. "In a word, exhausting! I had to hold up a falling building about 30 times, not easy when you cant even see the damn thing" he winked "and then I had to prance around in the most hot and scratchy blue polo neck I think I've ever worn" he laughed, shaking his head. "Who said film and tv were glamorous obviously never came into contact with woolly jumpers!" he paused and turned round from the stove "Erm, I have a really cheeky favour to ask Rosie, if you don't mind?" he tilted his head to one side, squinting at her and biting his lower lip,

"Sure Tom, fire away!" she was puzzled,

"Could I be awfully rude and take a shower after dinner please - too hungry to do it before - I'm eh, a bit "ripe" shall we say after all my exertions today" he looked sheepishly at her, smiling awkwardly.

"Oh Tom, of course, dont be daft it's not cheeky!" she smiled and nodded. "Plenty hot water and fluffy towels , help yourself"

"Aw thanks love, you're a star!" he grinned boyishly and turned back to the pan. "Hope the smell of the steak outweighs any others though!"

Rosie laughed and snorted at the same time "Oh God Tom, now you've made me snaffle - so unladylike!" she put a hand over her mouth, laughing loudly.

Tom turned the steaks over in the pan and as they cooked gently, he opened a bottle of wine and poured a couple of glasses, handing one to her. "To new friendships, new adventures and lots of laughter " he raised his glass "Oh and dancing - and cake - lots of cake!" with that they clinked glasses. The wine was warm and spicy and she felt it warm her insides as it slipped over. 20 minutes later, they sat down to a delicious meal, steak and creamy mash, brocolli and a red wine jus. As she sat opposite him, watching him take obvious delight in both the food and the company her mind wandered to another night, years ago when she'd shared a meal just like this with another man. Someone she'd thought special too. that was before , before all the nastiness and all the ... she shook herself mentally to rid herself of the memories. Lost in her thoughts for a moment, she came back into the room as she heard Tom say

"Are you ok Rose? You've had that bite on your fork for a full 5 minutes but it hasnt made it anywhere near your mouth. You feeling ok love?" he looked full of concern and she felt really bad.

"No, no , I'm fine, sorry, just got a bit lost there. Overwhelmed a little - this is all very surreal for a small girl from a small town in Scotland that has never met a star like you before, let alone had them for dinner!" she grabbed her glass and washed away the remainder of the memories with the last gulp of her wine. He looked at her a little uncertainly,

"If you're sure that's all it is? You can tell me anything you know" he smiled gently "I'm human too I promise!"

"Honestly, I'm ok - any more wine to go with this truly AMAZING steak? Be honest Tom, is there anything you're NOT good at?" she winked at him and he blushed, making her heart beat just that bit faster.

"Why lots of things!" he tried to say as she shook her head " but I do have more wine, hold on..." he opened another bottle and poured some out for her. They continued to eat, drink, chat and generally get to know one another. Favourite colours, films, tv shows interlaced with stories about their childhoods and family. They discovered a mutual love of bad jokes and passion for Shakespeare. At last the food was all gone and they cleared the plates.

"I'll do them later " Rosie said, taking Toms plate and putting it in the sink. "you cooked so it's only fair". As she turned back, he was right behind her, bottle and glass in hand,

"In that case, perhaps we could continue our chat in a little bit more comfort?" he was so close she could feel his breath on her. His height suddenly amplified , he looked down at her all golden red hair and blue eyes, she couldn't look away if she tried,

"yes, conversation, yes" she almost whispered, looking up at him as he licked his lips. His eyes never left hers as he placed the glass and the bottle down. His hands now empty, he gently stroked her cheek, running a finger down her chin to it's point, tipping her face up to him. He smiled, his eyes now dark and intense,

"oh Rosie, you really have no idea do you" it wasn't a question, it was a statement " you are so beautiful" he put a hand on either side of her face and bent down , pressing his lips to hers softly. For a moment she froze, unsure if this was some kind of hallucination from residual concussion, but as he pressed himself against her and held her more tightly in place, she realised it was actually happening. Before she could stop it, she suddenly started to panic. The feeling of him pressing against her, the hands on her face, his height, it all triggered the worst kind of flashback. she tried to fight it, but it was like a Tsunami of emotion, rolling over her. Suddenly she pushed him away and bolted for the other side of the room. Panting , she sat on the couch, tears streaming. For his part Tom looked shocked and dazed and more than a little concerned.

"Oh my god Rosie, I;m so sorry!" he ran a hand through his hair and came over to her, being careful to keep his distance, but sat on the chair opposite to try and not tower over her. "I - I - thought you - we - I'm so sorry" he put a hand over his eyes "what must you think of me?" her heart broke at the apology and she knew she had to try and explain.

"Tom, please" she said quietly, "it's ok - you did nothing wrong. I did want you to kiss me, really I did, but there is something about me you should know that will explain my actions. I have a dark and scarred past. I try to live in the now, but sometimes it just comes back to remind me just who the hell do I think I'm kidding." she got up and crossed over to him, taking one of his hands and pulling him up to stand. "Come outside into the garden and we can talk. I feel at peace there and , well, you're probably going to need the fresh air when I'm done". She didn't smile and neither did he, but he nodded and squeezed her hand in agreement. She opened the patio door and they went out into the little garden at the back of the flat, sitting on a bench just beside the kitchen window . It was a warm night, and they sat close, side by side neither looking at each other , both looking at the stars as they began to twinkle. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, opening them again she began.

"Before I start, I just want you to know, the hours we have spent together today have been the most wonderful experience of my life. No matter how things turn out, I really want you to know you are a special , special person and it has been my absolute honour and delight to get to know you. I just hope that my story doesn't scare you away, although I really will understand if you choose to leave." with that, she took his hand, still not looking at him, and entwined her fingers with his. She took another deep breath and began.