Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Another morning of throwing up.

I don't understand. I'm not sick, and that little alcohol incident shouldn't make me sick today like it did. Maybe I ate something, which I know sounds weird, but that's got to be it. After I stand on my weak legs, I assure myself that it won't happen again.

I walk into the silence of the living room. The floor creaks a little as I stand still. A clock ticks from the kitchen, and birds sing outside. At least it's peaceful.

I go back into my room and dress into something for the day. I then go into the kitchen to start breakfast. I'm not even sure why I like to do it now. I guess it just makes me more responsible. I even told the boys I'd pull my weight around here. I guess it's just a part of doing so.

As I stand there, I begin to think about the other night. Me and Ponyboy? Surely not. Maybe it was a dream or something, but he didn't deny it. I know he got less wasted than I did so he's probably sure it happened. What will the others think if they ever figure out? I know for sure Darry wouldn't like it. The others I'm not so sure about.

I honestly don't regret what we did. I've always had this strange attraction to him anyway. Besides, I think when we say we love each other, it's more than a brotherly or sisterly way. I think we like each other a bit more than we let on. So it's okay if you love someone, right?

"Morning, JT," Ponyboy's voice interrupts my thoughts.

"Morning. Boy, don't you look a mess?" I ask playfully, taking in his wild appearance.

"I couldn't sleep."

"So that explains why your hair is a wreck?"

"Yeah," he answers, beginning to smile at my comments. He sits at the table. "You're up early."

"Well, I couldn't go back to sleep."

"I just wake up early for some reason," he says.

"Hey, what's school like here?" I ask, pushing the eggs around in a pan.

"It's alright if you stay out of trouble. Socs still bug you, but when don't they?"

"True. We'll be in the eleventh grade, right?"

"Yeah. We're a little different because of our birthdays." I nod.

"Is there anybody I need to watch out for?" I ask.

"Just any kind of soc. Some don't mess with you. Others, well..." His words begin to trail off.

"I get you. You want some of this?" I ask, pointing to the eggs with my spoon.

"Yeah, sure."

"You know, I think being sixteen's gonna be fun. What do you think?"

"It'll be alright, I guess. Same as always."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Every year is the same. I'm just a year older. Nothing big or anything. Everyday is the same as before."

"That's a bummer."

"You're telling me."

I look at Ponyboy and wonder how he can look so thoughtful and innocent. Everyone usually stereotypes the greasers as hard, mean, and tough. Ponyboy kinda reminds me of Johnny sometimes because they both look like little kids. Johnny, though, is the pet of the group, as Ponyboy's mentioned before. Ponyboy is almost no different, but sometimes I feel like he's ignored. Since I've been around, I feel like we've all gotten closer.

I sit across from Pony and push around my breakfast, occasionally biting off small pieces. I look up at him every so often, thinking up a million questions each glance.

"Do you like me?" I ask suddenly. I feel the heat immediately rising to my cheeks, no doubt turning them bright red. I knew I should've learned to think before I open my big mouth.

"You're a real nice girl and everything. I guess I kinda do. Why?"

"I don't know, Pony. It's just that... I can't get what happened out of my head."

"You don't feel the same way...?" he asks, sounding a little hurt and confused.

"No! I do. It's just... It's complicated."

"It doesn't have to be. We'll keep our mouths shut, no one will know, and everything's alright. We're just kids, you know."

"I guess you're right, but everything's just too fast for me."

"What do you mean?"

"This is too quick. I can't do this right now." I get up from the table and almost trip over the chair in my state of nervousness. I begin shaking my hands a little to try and get rid of the anger rising in me. Soda and Darry are obviously up since they walk into the living room towards the kitchen. I walk past them as Ponyboy follows behind.

"JT, wait a second," he says.

"I- I need t- to get out." I walk out the front door.

"What was that all about?" Soda asks.

"I don't know," Pony replies. "I'm gonna go talk to her."

"No. Let her cool down," Darry tells him. I know he's resisting his oldest brother's orders, but I'm sure he listens anyway.

I begin walking aimlessly to clear my head. I hope I didn't sound too upset with him. He's been nothing but nice. I'm just really moody lately. I guess because I'm still getting used to being here. I'm honestly going through a lot. I just lost my dad, my mom moved away, and I'm stuck here without any other contact with my family.

I look around my surroundings. It's so much better here than my own little world. Sometimes the one that's most corrupted can be more beautiful than the perfect one created in your mind. I guess I'm just saying that. I've been thinking strange stuff like that lately. I'm not sure why. Must be my thoughts running wild again.

Now they lead me to Ponyboy again. I'm not trying to turn our friendship into some cliche, dramatic love story. How could anyone? I'm just confused. It's all happening too fast for me. Today I just found out his true, non-drunken words explaining how he feels about me. All because I can't shut up. I guess this time it messed me up, maybe not for the worst. Though I feel like he's trying to get me to understand something. Maybe he knows something that I don't. Maybe I'm just thinking the opposite of him. A nice relationship between us could work, but what about the others? What would they think?

If we truly cared for each other, I guess the others' opinions don't matter. They can think what they want, but they've all told me I'm kinda like Ponyboy. We are pretty close, and we were then too. I guess nobody would be surprised if we got together, but it would be strange to be something more with my best friend. Though... We did things that we have to hide unless we'd like an early death.

"JT!" a voice calls behind me. "Wait up!" Two-Bit catches up to me and pats me on the back.

"Hey, Two-Bit," I greet him a little glumly.

"Hey, why the long face?"

"I don't know. I'm just thinking."

"About what?" he asks.

"Things that only a girl would find complicated."

"Tell me about it."

"Are you sure?" I ask. "Two-Bit, it's kinda weird that you're gonna actually listen to it."

"I got nothing better to do. Besides, a problem of yours I'll be glad to help with," he answers with a reassuring smile.

"Aren't you a sweet kid?" He laughs. "I can't believe I'm about to tell you this, but uh... I think I like someone."

"Really? Who?"

"I can't tell. I'm keeping all names out, but what do you do when they like you back and all, then you think it's all happening too fast?"

"Jeez, girl problems are complicated..." he mumbles.

"Told you."

"Well, I guess you ought to tell this guy to back off."

"It's got to be a gentle saying at least. C'mon, Two-Bit. Work with me!"

"Okay, okay. Uhm... Tell the guy that you aren't ready. If you aren't, you aren't. If they give any lip about it, tell me, alright?" he says, smacking his fist into his open hand. I smile.

"I will. Thanks. You really know your stuff, huh?"

"Shoot, my sister had the same problems. I heard her friends talking about it at a sleepover. They still don't know I listened to every word they said."

"I bet you were well in tune with the latest news."

"Yeah! I knew everything. I even started some rumors too!" He laughs his hysterical laugh as we continue to walk around. I kick at a rock and look around again.

"You know, Darry said you were supposed to stay for about a week," he says.

"Huh?"

"Yeah. He made a deal with his brothers that you could stay for a week."

"Well I guess that worked out for them," I answer sarcastically.

"It worked out for us," he says seriously. "I'm glad you're here. You're kinda like the group sister, you dig?"

I laugh to myself. "Yeah, I dig."

"So why are you out here by yourself, anyway?" he asks, changing the subject. "Where's Johnny or Ponyboy? You're always around them."

"I needed some fresh air, and Johnny wasn't around. Pony was still eating breakfast." I mostly told the truth. I just didn't want to explain it all to Two-Bit. How could I ever tell him about us?

"Still got your blade?" I nod and pull it out of my back pocket. I flip out the sleek, shiny metal blade with a click. "You got a nice one," he says.

"Thanks." I know about his prized black-handled switchblade he swiped awhile back. He never travels far without it.

"Do you want me to walk you back home? The boys are probably worried about you," he says.

"Yeah. That's fine."

We turn around and begin heading back. A familiar truck pulls up to us and slows down. The window rolls down, and three familiar faces greet us.

"Why'd you run out like that?" Soda asks.

"I don't know. I just needed some air," I reply.

"Well Ponyboy's down at the house," Darry says. I nod.

"See y'all around!" Steve calls. They wave as Two-Bit and I continue to walk.

"They sure are something else," he comments.

"Yeah," I agree. The rest of the walk is silent, which is odd because Two-Bit's always making a joke or talking. I guess I'm always talking too, but I just can't find the words to say.

We arrive at the front porch, and he follows me inside. Ponyboy looks at me with an expression I can't determine. He looks a little sad that I didn't even give him and chance to talk to me. I guess I should let him. It'd probably be the best way to go right now.

I grab his wrist, and we go back into my room and sit on the bed. Ponyboy sits beside me and gently grabs my hand. I prepare myself to hear him out. He deserves a chance to talk.

"JT, I know that... what happened... wasn't really supposed to happen. I'll understand if you're mad at me..." He gets quiet for a minute, and his grip on my hand tightens.

"But I want you to know that I didn't... I didn't use you. That's not what I was trying to do. I'm not like that, JT. You know that. I didn't plan for us to get drunk, and then, well, you know..."

His face is serious, and his eyes won't leave mine. He looks like he was upset, not at me, but with himself.

"If I did something wrong, just tell me. Please."

It makes me upset to see him this way. Yes, what happened that night probably shouldn't have happened. It was really fast, too fast, really. Still, didn't he know I loved him enough to look past this? Then again... how would he even know? It seems like the only time I ever tell him that I love him is when I'm drunk, and those didn't really count. Not to mention I just walked out on him and left him hanging. I'm the best at showing my love.

I look at him with a soft expression. I lift my hand to touch his cheek. I tilt my head and look at him while slowly leaning in. His cheek feels warm, and I think to myself that he's blushing something awful. Our lips make contact, and it feels right. I feel his hands cup my face as one caresses my hair once. We pull away, and I look into his now bright green eyes.

"Ponyboy, I'm so, so, so sorry. I'm sorry for walking out on you earlier, and I'm sorry for making you feel so guilty. I'm sorry for not telling you that I love you enough. But I do, okay? I love you. And I don't know how the others would take it, but they don't really have to know. What happened that night... Don't blame yourself. I was there too. I could've said no, and I didn't. It takes two to tango."

He looks at me. His face lights up with happiness. For the moment, he can't seem to say anything.

"I love you too," he finally says, pulling me into a hug. I bury my face in the crook of his neck. He rubs my back and strokes my hair. "And you sure you ain't mad at what happened?"

I pull away and look him right in the eyes.

"I'm positive."

We get up and leave the room, heading back outside. I feel so much better now that I'm finally opening up to Ponyboy, and I could tell he feels the same way.

Steve's sitting on steps, digging dirt, and god knows what else, from under his fingernails with his blade.

"What did you get so torn up about anyways, JT, running off like that?" he says, not looking up from his fingers.

Before I can say anything, Two-Bit's at my rescue.

"She's still upset that she didn't get to see Darry drunk at that party," he says, letting out his infamous laugh and shooting me a wink.

"Trust me, you don't wanna see Darry lookin' like that. He's wild." Steve says, smiling to himself.

"Oh, he's not the only one that's wild," Pony whispers in my ear, a devilish smile on his face. My mouth pops open, and I smack him on the arm as hard as I can.

"Don't even go there, Curtis. You've been with Two-Bit too much, I swear."

I walk back into the house, leaving him there to laugh by himself.

And to think, everyone says that he's the innocent one.