06 • let it out

THE WALKING DEAD- a rick grimes fanfic story -

EDITED: 4/7/24

GREENE FARM 📍

season 2, episode 3 (part 2)

   I found myself slowly but carefully stitching up a man's arm, who I found out his name was T-Dog, as well as the other man Glenn.

 Apparently, there are many more people apart of their group, they shared stories about how they went to the CDC, the doctor going crazy and trying to lock them in, and they talked about Sophia— Carl's best friend, and about how she was lost and the rest of their people were out looking for her.

So far I liked them, both T-Dog and Glenn were nice people, I could tell Maggie took a liking to Glenn which I found cute. I was finished stitching up T-Dogs arm when I saw Hershel standing in the doorway of the kitchen watching me, I looked up at him and raised an eyebrow.

"How can I help you?" I playfully ask him, he lets out a sigh and my smile drops. 

I look back down, finishing up my work on T-Dog's arm and standing up from my chair. "All right T-Dog, you're all set. Maggie is going to help put a new bandage on and uhhh I'll check up on it later." I quickly spiel out, Maggie hopped off the counter she was sitting on with Glenn and grabbed gauze to bandage up T-Dog. 

I walk out the door with Hershel, his hand meeting my upper back as we walk together to Carl's room.

As I walk into the room I let out a sad sigh, I see Carl's face drenched in sweat, his chest moving up and down at an uneven pace, his skin paler than ever. I walk over to him, pulling down the blanket past his abdomen to see it worsening, distending further out, and beginning to bruise, showing the severity of the internal bleeding.

"We might have to operate without the respirator." I whisper out, Hershel only nods, "That's what I told them, they've been out on the deck talkin', determinin' on what to do." Hershel explained to me, I shook my head, carefully running my hand through Carl's sweaty hair.

"They'll make it back in time. I know it." I tell Hershel, determination flowing from my voice. Hershel lets out a defeated sigh, sitting back down in his chair and staring at Carl. I sit in the chair that Rick was sitting in, staring at the young boy.

I couldn't help but feel scared, scared that Shane and Otis won't make it back at all, that Carl won't get the supplies he needs and we'll have to operate and possibly even lose Carl in the process. 

I was scared that Rick and Lori were going to leave this farm without their kid with them, I was scared that Carl wouldn't ever get to find his best friend — Sophia.

My mind kept wandering, but it stopped once I heard a loud cough come from the little boy in front of me. I quickly stand to my feet, looking over Carl's body as he coughs, I hear footsteps running in the room which I assume are Lori and Rick— I knew I was correct once I saw them.

Carl's eyes open quickly, he looks at me, "Where are my parents?" He asks, his voice hoarse. I give him a bright smile, backing myself away so Lori and Rick are in his view. Carl brightly smiles as he sees his parents, Rick and Lori let out a few tears as they see a smile on their boy's face.

"Hey, little man," Rick whispers out, "That's Hershel, and that's—"

"Nola, I-I know," Carl replies softly, Lori and Rick turn to look at me for a second before turning back to Carl.

"Yeah, we're in their house. You had an accident, Alright?" Rick softly said. Carl breathes heavily as he nods his head, bringing his hands up to his stomach and groaning.

"It—It hurts, A lot." Carl whimpers out, I lick my lips and let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding, I didn't expect for Carl to wake up again— especially right now.

"Oh baby, I know, I know." Lori carefully brushed her hand against Carl's hair, softly shushing him, he looked at her as his body shivered. A crooked smile finds a way on his face.

"You should've seen it." He whispered. Everyone's eyes went on him as he talked, Lori's eyebrows scrunched as she looked at him confused.

"What?" She questioned, Carl's smile brightened, his eyes never once leaving his mothers as he quietly talked to her.

"The deer. It was so pretty, Mom. It was so close." He recalled softly, Rick looked at his son tearfully, and Lori's face went pale— a look of guilt flashing through it, which I questioned to myself.

"I've never been..." Carl's voice softly trails off, his blue eyes slowly drifting away, and his mouth opens.

We all stare at him, Lori slightly pats his arm as she alarmingly sits up, Rick calling out his name to which Carl doesn't respond. I watch as Carl's body begins to shake aggressively, I let out a loud gasp and push him over on his side, "What is happening?" Lori cries out, she runs into Rick's arms.

"It's a seizure," I yell out, slowly backing away from Carl, "Don't hold him down, it could hurt him," Hershel warns the couple, they tearfully look at their son.

"You can't stop it?" Lori asks wildly, I shake my head. "He has to just go through it," I tell them, Lori gives me a look and just curtly nods her head.

"His brain isn't gettin' enough blood. His pressure is bottoming. He needs another transfusion." Hershel sighed, I rubbed my hand over my face in distress, and a loud sigh came out of my mouth.

"Okay, I'm ready." Rick rasps out, holding out his arm towards me, I shake my head, pushing his arm away.

"I can't. If I take anymore from you your body could shut down, you could go into a coma— or cardiac arrest. And I don't want that." I explain to Rick, he puts his hand to his mouth, shaking his head as a tear slips down his cheek. "You're wastin' time." He finally mutters out.

•••

Minutes had passed since Carl had his first seizure, me, Hershel, Lori, and Rick all sat in the room while waiting to hear the door open, waiting for Shane and Otis to appear with everything we needed to get Carl prepared for surgery, but there was no sight of them anywhere, and Carl could be dead any minute now.

My hand was on Carl's wrist, checking his pulse and timing it, my eyes squinted as I looked down at the watch on my wrist. I softly dropped his hand and turned to his parents, "He's losing blood faster than we can replace. Plus with the swelling in his abdomen—" I cut myself off from saying anything else, looking into Rick's sad eyes made it hard for me to break the news to him. 

I stare down at Carl's pale cold fingers, slightly squeezing them in my hand before looking back up. "—Look, we can't wait anymore or there will be no choice and he'll be dead." I said coldly, Rick and Lori looked at each other, then at their boy.

"I need to know if you want to do this, right here right now, even with the risks. Carl is out of time, Y'all have to make a choice." I breathed out, Lori's puffy hazel eyes squint and she let out a sniffle.

"A choice?" She stutters out, and I only nod.

"A choice." Rick repeats coldly, turning to his wife, his eyes are set cold on hers as he whispers, "You have to tell me what it is. You have to tell me what is it." He begs, his now pale blue eyes begging for an answer from his wife.

From this interaction alone I could tell Lori and Rick were discussing what to decide to do with Carl, they weren't given the luxury of having an actual surgeon, in a hospital, they had to choose to save their child or not, and I could sense that Rick was pleading with his wife to try and help save Carl.

"We do it." Lori declares, she looks away from Rick, who I see has a relieved look on his face. Hershel and I both look at each other and nod, I let out a deep breath as I prepare myself

I call out for Patricia, she runs in with the metal table, me, Hershel, Rick and Lori all listen to Hershel as he orders us to put Carl on the table. We do as he says quickly, Lori and Rick standing by Carl's head, stroking his hair.

I grab the tray of medical equipment, carefully studying each tool to make sure they're all in the right spot. Patricia runs in with a lamp, making sure it's right above Carl and bright enough. Hershel and I quickly put on our blue plastic gloves, I ask Patrica to tie my hair back and she does so.

Hershel and I stand above Carl, I carefully breathe in and out, making sure to stay calm. I look down at his face, remembering our first conversation, I remember opening up to him about Myles, and how he was so enhanced in our conversation, I just wanted to make sure it wouldn't be our last conversation either.

Hershel picks up a tool, bringing it to Carl's abdomen but stopping once he notices Rick and Lori still in the room. "Rick, Lori, you may wanna step out." He says carefully, Rick and Lori look at him getting ready to step out but stop once they hear what seems to be a car driving from outside.

I turn my head towards the noise, watching as Rick and Lori look outside the window. "Oh God," Rick mumbled out, I quickly removed my gloves, watching Hershel do the same. I jog out of the room and run outside, Maggie, T-Dog, Glenn, Lori, Rick, and Hershel all following along.

As I open the screen door I cover my eyes as I'm blinded by the truck lights. I watch as a man gets out of the truck, breathing heavily as he has a bag over his shoulder. We all run to meet him in the middle watching as he's limping, as I get closer I notice it's Shane, his face dirty with dirt and blood. He hands over the heavy bags to Hershel and Glenn, full of the very needed supplies.

"Carl?" He breathes, almost unheard. Rick nods his head, "Still a chance." Shane stands back, breathing heavily.

I look around Shane, even looking around the truck, waiting for Otis to appear but I don't hear or see anything. I look over at Hershel and Maggie to see the same look on their face.

"Where's Otis?" I ask Shane carefully, Shane looks over at me, no words coming from his mouth but I already know the answer. I feel my shoulders slump down, my jaw dropping as well. I felt the sadness, but no tears came from my eyes, and I felt even more angrier.

"Fuck." I gasp out, bringing one hand to my forehead in shock. I hear Maggie softly gasp, Hershel staring at Shane with the same anger I feel. I was fighting the urge not to knock the lights out of Shane and cry my eyes out.

I feel a comforting hand on my shoulder, I turn and see Rick, his eyes filled with sadness. I let out a sad sigh and shook my head, Rick opened his mouth to say something but I cut before him, "I'm fine." I lied, I diverted my eyes away from Rick's turning away and making my way back into the house.

"We say nothin' to Patricia," Hershel proclaimed, "Not till after. I need her." Hershel backs away from the group, following close behind me with the bags.

Hershel and I walk back into the bedroom where Carl lays on the operating table, we lay out all of the supplies we need, and we hook him up to the respirator. 

It was difficult to try and keep a strong face in front of Patricia, trying to hide the grief I felt deep down. I remembered when I offered to take Otis' place, offering to go out to get those supplies for Carl, and now Otis was dead.

Damn it.

•••

Hershel and I closed up Carl, the operation went well. I remember giving Hershel the biggest high-five as we finished, the biggest smile on both of our faces as we succeeded in our first surgery... on a human. I moved Carl back to the bed, his pale face was beginning to get color back, and I was happy that this little boy had his life.

I walked through the front door, seeing both Lori and Rick sitting on the porch steps. Lori leaned her head on Rick's shoulder.

"Hey," I call out as I open the door, they both quickly stand to their feet, looking at me in fear.

"He's stable," I tell them with a smile, They both let out grateful laughs, hugging each other tightly.

"I don't have words." Lori expresses, a hand on her chest. Rick looks over at me with a grateful smile, quickly walking over to me and pulling me into a big hug, I freeze for a moment as his strong arms wrap around me. 

I slowly wrapped my arms around him as well, my chin resting on his shoulder as his head leaned on top of mine. I take a deep breath, breathing in the smell of Rick. The hug loosens, and we both meet face to face for a moment, "Thank you." He whispered, so soft, so quiet that it was only me who could hear, my heartbeat quickened, and I let out a shaky breath and slowly nodded my head.

"Neither do I," I gasp as I hear a voice behind me, Hershel, he was replying to Lori. "Wish I did. How do I tell Patricia about Otis?" He asks, I frown, almost completely forgetting about Otis and the tragic loss. Rick and I fully pull away from each other, I look over at Lori only to see her tightly hugging Shane as he was leaning against the truck when he heard the news.

"I'll help tell her." Rick offers kindly, Hershel thanks him as they both walk into the house. I ran a hand over my face in pure exhaustion, this day had gone on forever, so many things happening— so many emotions.

I look up to see Shane and Lori talking, Shane keeping his gaze on Lori even as she looks away from him. I furrow my eyebrows as I continue to observe them, Lori brings one hand to her mouth as she softly cries— Shane softly takes her left hand in his and squeezes it. I watch this interaction happen, Lori looks up at Shane and says something I can't tell but she slowly pulls away from him and hurries inside.

Instead of staying outside, I decided to go inside as well, as I walked in I heard Patricia screaming her dead husband's name over and over, crying loudly as she hugged Hershel.

I shake my head, carrying myself up the stairs to my bedroom. I swiftly open the door, closing it behind me before I fall face-first into my bed. I turn over so I'm lying on my back, my eyes meet the ceiling as I'm lost in my thoughts— thinking of everything that has happened today.

A boy gets shot, the man from my dreams in the same Sheriff's uniform is real— plus the boy's father, the man from my dreams has a wife— who by the way obviously has something going on with his best friend, Hershel and Maggie is on my ass about Atlanta, I open up to the little kid about my brother, two random men show up from Rick's group— and more are coming, we had to perform surgery on a 12-year-old boy— which I had never done before, and Otis gets killed. Wow.

As the day flashed through my mind, all I could do was sigh in sadness. I thought about Otis, how he woke up alive and well, then he accidentally shot a kid, tried to go out and get supplies that would save the kid, and wound up dead. 

I should be freaking out that someone is dead, that Otis died doing something I warned him about— But I'm not. All I do is simply stare at my ceiling, I feel sad that Otis is dead, but I know there is nothing that could change that.

I let a few tears roll down my cheeks as I think about Otis when I was a kid with Maggie, he would always take care of the farm animals, he was a great friend, a great man to have around, and I know I would miss him greatly.

As I sat in sadness I remembered my conversation with Maggie earlier on the porch, I closed my eyes as I remembered her words.

"You need to— to let it all out, you've been holding it in."

I reopen my eyes, a shaky sigh leaving my lips.

Maybe it's time I let it out.

—

part 2 of the last chapter, so sorry but i didn't want you to have to read over a 5000-6000 word chapter

anyway pls enjoy, leave advice or any comments below but please be kind and respectful to me and to others

tpwk

L