Every Planet We Reach is Dead

Reese was in town. I was so happy I could've exploded. Jeremy drove me to get my car that morning and then I was off to meet Reese for brunch in Venice. When I got there she was in an amazing Alexander Wang dress and huge sunglasses. We got a table and for the first time in days I actually felt hungry.

"When did you get so skinny?" she said jokingly.

"I can assure you, it wasn't intentional. I've just been so busy I feel like I haven't even had time to eat."

"It's hard adjusting to a new job."

"I love it though. It's literally everything I could've possibly dreamed of."

"I'm happy for you. Anna is still kicking my ass but I think I'm getting a promotion soon so fuck it."

"Oh my god! Congrats!"

"Thanks. Shall we drink to that? Bottomless mimosas?"

"You know it."

We spent the next 30 minutes talking and laughing and just catching up. It felt so nice to have a real friend to talk to for the first time in weeks. I missed her so much I wish I could convince her to move back to LA but I knew that was never going to happen. Her life was in new york. Fashion is in New York. It's where she belonged.

"So, I ran into Jessica. She looked terrible. Poor thing. " she said taking a sip of her mimosa.

"What's going on with her? Is something wrong?" I said. She put down her glass and looked at me for a few seconds.

"Cassy...you don't know?"

"How would I know? Jessica and I aren't exactly best friends."

"What? How could you not know?" she said, pulling her phone out of her purse.

She started typing something and then turned her screen around to face me. An article with Justin and Jessica's faces on it had huge letters across it reading "Justin and Jessica Call it Quits". My mouth dropped open. I handed Reese back her phone in disbelief.

"You mean you haven't spoken to Justin at all? I thought...well I don't know what I thought. I wasn't sure what to think."

"I can't...believe he left her." I said in disbelief.

"I can't believe you didn't know. Where have you been?"

I realized I'd been so drugged up and focused on work that I didn't really know what was going on in anyone's life, let alone Justin's or anyone on the cover of a tabloid. What the hell was I doing. More importantly, I had a indescribable urge to call Justin. After brunch I drove Reese back to her hotel and we agreed to meet for dinner. I sat in the car for a while staring at my phone, before I finally gave in and dialed. 

"Hello?" my heart stopped when I heard his voice. "Hello?" he said again.

"Justin." There was a long pause.

"Cassy."

"I don't know what to say."

"I've been trying to call you but you number changed. I just...I figured you just didn't want to speak to me."

"I didn't think you'd want to speak to me after what happened."

"Cassy, we had a fight. I was mad for a while but when you didn't call I figured you were serious. Look, I want to tell you all this in person. Can I please see you? I'm at my house in LA. Please."

"Send me your address."

I drove up the Hollywood Hills and parked in front of Justin's gate. He let me in and i drove up to the front door. I sat in the car, taking deep breaths. The front door opened and Justin stepped out. He stood there staring at me before I finally decided to get out the car. I slowly walked up to Justin. I stopped in front of him and let out a sigh. And then he pulled me to to him and wrapped his arms around me. I could feel the bruise on my torso screaming but nothing was more in important than Justin hugging me.

He let me go and we walked into the house. I had never been in his house, but it was huge and beautiful. His two dogs were laid out outside near the pool and he led me to the couch in his family room. I couldn't help but wonder how many times Justin and Jessica had sat on this couch. Justin pushed my curls behind my ear and I felt my skin go hot the way it always did before.

"I don't know what to say." I said. "I thought you were never going to speak to me again."

"After everything that's happened? Being with you those few weeks I realized those were all the feelings I had been looking for. Waking up to you, making breakfast for you, showering with you. All those simple things that you do with the person you love. Those things didn't feel the same with Jessica. Maybe they did in the beginning, but everything feels good in the beginning."

"This doesn't even seem real."

"I knew you weren't going to believe how in love with you I was until I left Jessica. I told her I was in love with you. I told her everything that happened. We fought for days until she finally accepted that I was saying we could no longer be together. Because I wanted to be with you."

"This is a lot to take in." I said, after a long pause. 

"I know, but...Cassy, you're the one. You're the love of my life. You're my penguin, my lobster, my...whatever the fuck. I want to do everything I possibly can to-"

Justin words were cut off when I kissed him. I didn't need to hear anything else. Justin was all that mattered in the world. My heart was bursting with emotion. Could this be considered a romantic gesture when people were hurt along the way? Justin did the thing I never thought he would do. Now it was my turn to do the same. 

"Cassandra!"

I looked up from my desk the next morning to see my old friend Eric Robinson standing in the doorway. My eyes lit up. Mr. Robinson was an older filthy rich man I'd met at a LACMA event who had taken a liking to me. Justin and I had spent a vacation on his island where Justin first told me he was in love with me. He was the one that had gotten me so many job offers after my graduation. Of course, my descent after Justin and I's fight prevented me from taking them. I was glad today I was completely sober. 

"Mr. Robinson! How did you know I was here?"

"Well, I was visiting my old friend and she happened to tell me she hired you here. How are you doing? How's the husband?" he said walking over to my desk and sitting down.

"I'm doing amazingly. I couldn't ask for a better job. This is my dream. My husband is fine."

"I must admit, I was a little disappointed you gave up your job at The Met. You know I had to put in a few good words to get you that one."

"What do you mean? I didn't know you..." I said in disbelief.

"Well, child, who else could've gotten you a position like that? Good lord!" he said laughing. "I was on the island and started thinking it's been a while since you visited. Perhaps you can bring the husband?"

"Yes, of course."

"I was just dropping in. Let's have dinner soon?"

"Of course! I'll call you."

I sat back in my chair in disbelief. Jeremy had always held it over my head that he got me the job at The Met. When did he create this lie? Why did I never even question it? I assumed because he had a lot of money maybe he did have connections in the art world. How could I be so stupid? More importantly, why was he trying to manipulate me? How many things has he been lying about? Does he even really love me or does he just know he can control me?

"Wait wait wait. He told you he got you the job at The Met, when in fact it was Mr. Robinson?" said Justin. I'd driven to his house after work. I didn't want to go home. I didn't know if I could contain my anger. 

"Yes. Why would he tell me that?"

"I knew something was always off about him. Something in his eyes looks crazy."

"You don't even know him, J." I said, laughing.

"Yeah, but he's always been creepy." he looked over at me stuffing my face while I sat on his kitchen counter. "Are you hungry or are you fine just eating all my grapes?"

"I think I'm good with the grapes." I said. 

"You look like you've missed a lot meals the past few weeks. I don't think I've ever seen you this skinny."

"I've just been busy."

"You know...we could be busy..."

Justin walked over to me and kissed me. We made out for a while before he wrapped my legs around him. His hand went from my behind my ear to my breast and I let out a moan.  Our breathing started getting more rugged, and when he started kissing my neck and more aggressively grabbing my breast an image of Jeremy suddenly flashed in my mind.

"STOP!" I pushed Justin away from me with all my strength and he flew away from me. We were both looking at each other with shocked expressions on our faces, our chests heaving. I jumped off the counter, grabbed my purse, and started walking towards the door.

"Cassy, what's wrong?" I could hear Justin's following voice behind me.

"Nothing I just need to go." I said practically running out the front door.

I got into my car and put the key in the ignition. As I was pulling off I could see Justin standing on his porch watching me with a look of disbelief. Oh god, I'm having PTSD flashbacks again. I had to leave him. After everything Justin had done for me, it was my turn to do something for him. Pushing him away wasn't an option anymore. I had to be an adult. I had to face my problems head on, whatever that meant.But was it better to face Jeremy considering?

When I got back to the house Jeremy wasn't home yet. I packed a suitcase of some clothes and valuable possessions and I put them in the trunk of my car. I realized I had forgotten my MacBook and ran back into the house to grab it. When I heard the front door open and I sat down on the couch quickly, deciding in that moment if I had to face Jeremy I was going to do with courage. 

"Hey babe." he walked over to me on the couch and kissed me on the cheek. I felt my body tense.

"We need to talk." I said trying to gain strength.

"Do we?" he said sitting down next to me. "About what?"

I didn't want to beat around the bush. I just wanted to leave as quickly as possible.

"Mr. Robinson came to see me today. Why did you tell me you were the one that got me a job at The Met?" I said looking at him.

"Why didn't you tell me you were fucking Justin?"

"What?" I said shocked.

"Don't play stupid, Cassy. I know. I've known for months."

"Jeremy, you sleep with different women all the time."

"And that makes it ok for you?" he replied. I gave him a look of utter disbelief.

"You know what? I slept with Justin because I'm in love with him. I have always been in love with him. It is baffling to me that I have allowed this kind of abuse from you for so long. I'm leaving, Jeremy. I'm leaving and I will never be coming back."

"Oh, you're leaving?" he said, almost mockingly.

"Yes, I am." I said, getting up. The moment I got up I knew I made the wrong decision.