Dinner

We were walking across the lobby and his arm was around me, laughing together. He pushed the button for the elevator and we stood there talking about whether or not he was going to sell one of his paintings. When the elevator opened we got on and pressed the button to our floor. As the doors were closing, a hand stopped them and they slid open again. Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel stepped onto the elevator and I stopped breathing.

"We meet again." said Jessica, smiling at me.

"We do. How are you?" I said trying not to look at Justin. I could see the look of surprise on Justin's face that we knew each other.

"I'm great. This is my husband, Justin."

"We know each other." I heard Justin's voice from the other side of Jessica. As cold as ice. "Hi Cassy. Nice to see you again, Jeremy." He held his hand out to Jeremy and Jeremy took it. I sucked in all the air in the elevator and tried not to sigh.

"Good to see you too, man. It's been a while." said Jeremy, politely. I could see their firm handshake in front of me and when they touched hands I felt like someone had wrapped their hand around my heart and squeezed. 

"Wait, Cassy? Your childhood friend Cassy?" she said, looking at Justin and then back at me. "I've seen so many pictures of you! All childhood and teen pictures of course. You guys should have dinner with us and you can tell me all about Justin as a kid!" She was smiling so brightly I didn't know how to react. 

The elevator came to a stop and I'd never been so grateful.

"We actually just had dinner, but maybe another time?" I said stepping off the elevator with Jeremy.

"Tomorrow! Just come up to the top floor around 8? Bye!" she said as the doors closed, not giving me the slightest chance to say no. I silently screamed profanities in my head. 

"That was strange. How long has it been? Justin didn't look too happy to see you." Jeremy said as we walked to the front door.

"It's been 8 years, I believe. I mean I can't really expect that he'd embrace me into a bear hug or anything." I unlocked the door and walked in. 

"Considering you guys were best friends most of your life, I would expect that. What happened between you two?" he said, walking into the bedroom with me.

"We just grew apart. The last time I saw him was so long ago I don't even remember what we said to each other or what happened." I said, walking into the closet to change into some pajamas. 

"Probably why it feels so awkward between the two of you. Are you cool going to this dinner? His wife seems really nice."

"She does. I guess we can't really say no since we can't call them. It would be rude not to show up and I know how much you hate to be rude." 

"You're right. Well, we'll go and if it's too weird we can always just leave. We live right downstairs."

"Deal." I said walking into the bathroom and closing the door behind me.

I spent the next morning in a state of anxiety. I didn't run into Jessica or Justin on the elevator leaving for work, so I couldn't possibly back out of the dinner. My last resort. When lunch finally rolled around I was a giant ball of nerves. 

"Dinner? God, are you sure you're not going to blow your brains out?" said Reese. I made her take a lunch so she could attempt to talk me down from the ledge. 

"I really wish I could. Justin wasn't happy to see me at all. He said my name with the strength of a thousand Titanics hitting icebergs."

"Damn. Can you blame him? You broke his heart."

"He was dating Jessica 2 weeks later."

"That's how Justin copes with his feelings. He gets a new girlfriend. What do you think she'll make for dinner?" said Reese dismissively.

"I don't know. I'll be too busy trying not to die of a heart attack. I'm too old for this shit now. I don't know if my body can handle this kind of stress." I said, placing my hands on my face. 

"You look the same, if not better, than you did 8 years ago. We're Black women...or I guess you're a mixed woman...in the prime of our lives! We're like fine wines aging with the grace of Jada Pinkett's mother. You're fit, you do yoga and pilates, you fucking look good!" she exclaimed. 

"I super like where you're going with this and that did help, but I'm the one that was in the wrong here. I'm the one that freaked out at Justin and told him that I didn't love him. Now he's in the quintessential beautiful White couple."

"You're right. You're a terrible person and I think this dinner is probably some form of karma hellbent on torturing if only just for a little while."

"Jeremy is never going to agree to move." I groaned.

I was standing in front of the mirror wearing an American Apparel turtleneck dress in black. I didn't want to look like I had tried too hard so I didn't want to wear anything expensive or extravagant. I did still want to wear something form fitting enough to show off my curves and recently developed toned body. I slicked my hair back into a bun and put on my signature red lipstick. If I was really going to act like it wasn't that big of a deal I could've just worn what I wore to work, but I guess I would be playing myself if I did that.

"You ready?" I turned around and saw Jeremy standing there in a tshirt and jeans with a cardigan. I love that he was dressed so simple but still obviously very attractive and drool worthy.

"You look sexy." I said walking up to him and running my hands over his chest.

"So do you. Can't wait to take this off you later." He leaned down and kissed me. "You know how that red lipstick gets to me."

"Let's go." I said, playfully pushing him away.

45 minutes later we were eating at Justin and Jessica's dining table. Jessica had a chef come and cater a four course dinner for us. She was wearing a chic white button up and jeans. Simple, but she still looked great. We were both on our third glass of wine, while Justin and Jeremy were both having bourbons. Justin had been pleasant the whole night, though he avoided hugging me and had only looked at me twice since we sat down at the table.

"So, what was kid Justin like?" said Jessica, taking another sip of wine.

"He was just like Justin as an adult." I took a large swig of wine, attempting to avoid saying the wrong thing.

"So a giant spoiled baby?" she said laughing. I fake laughed along with her and glanced at Justin.

"She likes to make jokes at my expense." said Justin, swirling around his bourbon in his glass and glancing at me for third time that night. I'd forgotten just how blue his eyes were. 

Jeremy's phone rang abruptly and I prayed it was something to save us from this. He excused himself and walked away from us to take the call and I turned back to Jessica.

"Justin wasn't a bad kid. Always singing and dancing around. I was never very musically inclined and I was really shy as a kid so I would just watch him. I always knew Justin was meant to be famous, you know? It was different when he became apart of NSYNC. His head was big for a while, but I didn't allow it to get too inflated and neither did Lynn. He was honestly a good friend to me and he was always there when I needed him...at least as often as he could be." I said it sincerely. I don't have any ill feelings towards Justin regardless of how he may feel towards me.

"Well now that you guys are in such close quarters I hope that we can all grow to be friends. I know that you were such a huge part of Justin's life. He seemed pretty disappointed that you guys had grown apart. I'm sure he misses his friend." she said, smiling at Justin and rubbing his hand lovingly. He smiled back at her. I wanted to barf.

"I do miss you, Cassandra." It was the first time he'd looked me directly in the eyes all night.

"I miss you, too."

"Good! Then it's settled. I've really heard so many things about you, not just from Justin but from Lynn too. It's nice to put a really person to the stories. Besides, I've always wanted married friends. Justin just feels weird around other married couples because he thinks they're fame hungry."

"I have no interest in fame or recognition. Jeremy is a famous artist, but I don't think he would find it beneficial to be friends with you guys."

"I don't know, Justin Timberlake is a name I think could do wonders for my relationships." Jeremy said, walking back into the room and sitting down next to me.

"Jeremy Ford isn't exactly an unknown name in New York." said Justin smiling.

"Fair point." said Jeremy. I didn't even know Justin had ever heard of Jeremy. Jeremy was the son of a very wealthy and well known financer in NYC, and his mother was a well known romance novelist. They divorced sometime around the time Jeremy was 12, but not before both making a name for themselves in New York City. Jeremy's mother disappeared to the south eventually, leaving Jeremy behind with his father. "I hate to do this to you guys, but I have very important man I need to meet before he gets on a 16 hour flight. But Cassy, you should stay and catch up."

"It's 9pm, Jeremy." I said. I knew what a 9pm meeting meant. 

"Duty calls, babe. I'll see you at the house in a few. I love you." He leaned down and kissed me. "Bye guys. Great dinner. We'll definitely have to do this again. Don't get up, I'll see myself out." Everyone said their goodbyes to Jeremy and I heard the door close before turning my attention back to Jessica and Justin.

"So tell me how you and Jeremy met. Do you want another glass? I hope I'm not tempting you this wine is just one of my favorites. I have maybe 5 bottles on retainer." Dammit, I like this woman. She poured me another glass and topped off her own. I was definitely feeling drunk and the last thing I wanted was to be drunk around Justin and his wife. 

"We met in college. I was an art history major and so was he. But he was an actual artist and I wanted to be a curator. I was in love with his paintings. One day at a student show we met and he claims he was immediately taken with me and how passionate I was about art. We dated for a while and then took a break. The beginning of our relationship was lots of him chasing me." I said laughing to myself thinking about it.

"But he finally got you. And look at that beautiful ring on your finger. It looks like it weighs more than my head." Jessica laughed and I saw Justin looking down at my ring. "I can't imagine ever wearing something that big on my finger every day."

"Sometimes I feel weird and gaudy wearing it, but it meant so much to him and it means so much to me now." I lied. 

"Gaudy is an understatement." said Justin. My eyes narrowed. 

"Shut up, Justin. I think it's beautiful." said Jessica. Dammit, I REALLY like her. The house phone started ringing and Jessica excused herself to go answer it. I heard her say "Hi mom!" and I knew she was going to be gone for a while. Justin and I sat there in silence sipping our drinks for a while.

"You're blonde now." he said, looking at me.

"You have a perm now." I said looking back.

"It's not a perm."

"You can tell the public whatever you want, but you and I both know the truth."

"Your hair looked better black."

"Suck my ass, Justin."

He starting laughing, almost hysterically. "Did you just say suck your ass? Unbelievable." It was nice to see him laughing. I never thought that I would be able to see or hear him laugh in person again. I guess he realized he was laughing at something I said because he stopped almost abruptly. "How long have you been married?"

"It's been about a year now."

"It took you 7 years to marry him?" He said with an eyebrow raised.

"I had a lot of things I needed to work through."

"That's not surprising in the least."

"You can hate me as long as you want to, Justin. But I don't deserve that."

"I don't hate you."

"You've certainly been acting like it."

"I could never hate you, Cassandra." I listened to the way he said my full name and I almost believed him. He was staring at me with those blue eyes and I realized exactly how long it's been since the last time I looked in them, and the circumstances. I could see lines on his face that weren't there before, and the subtle signs of aging. Was he looking at me thinking the same thing?

"Sorry, my mom calls at the most inopportune times." said Jessica, walking in and sitting down again.

"You know, actually, I'm exhausted. I've been at work all day and I have to be up early to speak to an artist."

"Seems like you have a really cool job."

"Probably not as cool as being an actress. Do you need help with the dishes?"

"Oh no, not at all." She said getting up. "Justin, walk her back down to her apartment."

"I don't think she'll be kidnapped 1 floor down." She gave him a look. "Ok ok."

Jessica gave me a hug and made me promise we would do yoga together next week, putting her number in my phone. Justin and I walked down the hallway to the elevator and stood waiting for it.

"Are you happy?" Justin asked.

"About you walking me to my apartment? Not especially." I said, dismissively.

"No, are you happy?" He looked at me before the doors opened and he stepped onto the elevator. I apprehensively stepped in beside him.

"I'm happy." I said. I think I made it sound believable.

"Is he the one?"

"Is Jessica the one?"

"She's the closest thing I'll ever get to a one."

"I don't believe in a one."

"Then why did you get married?"

The doors opened and I stepped off the elevator. I walked over to the door and turned to Justin.

"Because I love him. He's good to me. He's patient with me. He loves me. He understands."

Justin snorted. "No one understands you but you."

"I wish it didn't have to be like this, Justin. It's been almost 10 years. We're both married now. I miss my friend."

"I don't know if it's possible to be your friend." He sighed. "Seeing you tonight reminded me that once upon a time you were my best friend and the closest thing to home I had. And then..." he trailed off but I knew what he meant. 

"Justin, you were my person. You were my only family. The only people that came to my wedding for me were Reese, Josh, Lance, and Lance's husband. That wouldn't have mattered to me if you were there. It was hard on me for so long after you were gone. I felt like I had lost the only thing in my life that was stable. Those few weeks that you appeared again...and all those things happened...it felt like a blur. And then you were gone again. And I was crushed. I didn't want any of that to happen. None of that was my intention. To hurt you like that. I've avoided every mention of you for the last 8 years. Obviously, I can't do that anymore but I can't live with myself knowing you're upstairs and you can't stand the sight of me."

"Cassandra...I just...I need time. I'm torn between wanting to hug you until I crush you and throwing you down the stairs." We both laughed lightly. "See, only you would laugh at that. It's just...awkward. It's been so long."

"Fair enough." I sighed. "Can we...work on it? Please?"

"I'll think about it."

"Thanks." I started fiddling around with my keys and Justin walked over to the elevator and pressed the button. I pulled my keys out and started unlocking the door.

"By the way." I turned around and Justin was looking at me. "I know why you wore that dress. You look good." He flashed a smile at me and I turned and walked into the loft, smiling to myself.