VegasPete FanFic: Retrun from the hospital

*****Read Me*****

Disclaimer:

Hello everyone. 

This is a VegasPete Fanfiction. Just for fun, nothing commercial!

My fanfic based on the characters of the Novel Kinnporsche from Daemi, but it's just my imagination and has nothing to do with the original novel or authors!

Even if I used the faces/pictures of Bible and Build ther is of course no connection to the actors!

Of Course *Spoiler Alert* for the whole mainpart of the VegasPete story!

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First let me thank you everyone who translated KP/VP in to english. I am so happy that I could read it, thank you for your efforts.

This is the very first time I wrote something like this. English is not my native language, please keep that in mind. I'm sure there will be mistakes.

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Warning:

In this fanfic there is no actual rape or sex, but it's a topic. And the story contains the topic of panic attacks, flashbacks respectively mental issues. In real life it probably wouldn't be so easy to fix Pete's problems, but this is not real life. It's fiction.

Please read at your own risk.

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Why this Fanfic?

No fictional character have ever caught my attention like Pete. Maybe you feel me, because I know almost everybody loves him. 😊

I honestly had a hard time trying to figure out what Vegas is thinking (in the novel). I still don't really understand him especially at the time before their relationship became sweet as cotton candy. If you read the special chapter about travelling to Chumpon and X-Mas you will know what I mean. After reading the specials I liked him more. I think it's still not necessary to exterminate everyone who ever keep an eye on Pete, but hey whatever floats your boat...

The reason I wanted to write this story is on the one hand the point that Pete gives everyone so much. He carries so many burdens and I just wanted Vegas to help him. I wanted him to give Pete a chance to rest and be weak even if it'd be only once.

On the other hand I felt like something was missing in the novel. After Pete escaped he couldn't speak with Vegas about his feelings and "scars" he got from all his suffering and Vegas couldn't explain his feelings either. In the novel in my opinion everything happened really fast. Vegas woke up from the accident and Pete was there to care for him. They live their couple life with Venice and Macau and I was always wondering how they fixed the past.

Oh, by the way: Thank you Macau that I could use you to get Venice out of the way to make room for Pete and Vegas to fix their problems. 😊

I want to offer you my version of VegasPete's "reconcile" (Novel version).

Please don't take it too serious! Nobody has to share my opinion. If you don't like this Fanfic please forget about it and go on.

Have fun :-) Let's go!

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Pete's POV

[About 6 weeks after the confrontation between the Main and Second Family]

Finally the day of Vegas' discharge from the hospital was within reach. Meanwhile he did really well. The doctors were content with his progress in recovery. It had been two weeks since he woke up from coma caused by the car accident. The doctor in charge expected he could be discharged by next week. So I had about five days to prepare everything and bring Venice home as well.

Since Venice was born, we stayed in the hospital, so I could learn all I had to know to take care of him from the nurses and stay with Vegas as well. Honestly I think normally that wouldn't have been allowed, but I guess Khun Korn had made a generous donation to the hospital. However, I wasn't sure if he was sincerely caring about his nephews, but at least it mostly seemed like that. Whatever he was up to about the Second Family's business and future, we could take care of it when it's about time.

Right now my focus was on bringing Vegas and Venice home. I wanted to take Venice home today so he could become familiar with the house before Vegas would come home too. That was the plan, but now I had to convince Vegas first.

"No!" Vegas said sternly.

I sighed. "Come on, Vegas. It's better to bring Venice home first. So I can concentrate on you when you are discharged from hospital. Otherwise it's too stressful." For Venice and for me, I thought but didn't say it out loud.

"Yes, okay. Bring him home first..." He said, but he couldn't fool me, this sentence wasn't finished yet. I raised an eyebrow and looked at him questioningly.

"...but then come back and stay with me." Vegas continued. I knew it, you bastard.

"You know I won't do that, don't you?" I replied while rolling my eyes. " I mean, you're complaining constantly about him being in your room. You said he disturbs you. So I will take him and you will have a few days to get a good rest."

"The reason he disturbs me is because I have no time to spend with you alone. If he leaves okay, but if you leave too, what did I win?"

Oh, I know exactly what you imply, you pervert, but don't think that I would let you do these things to me in a hospital room. Honestly I wanted to be with him alone too... I wanted to touch him almost as much as he did, but I couldn't do that, even if Venice wasn't 24/7 in the room. So keep your hands to yourself... even if I long for you too...

[A/N Note: The italic parts mean Pete talking to himself or Pete remembers something somebody said in the past.]

"Pete?...Pete!" I was lost in my thoughts and startled when Vegas called my name. I felt my face turning red as I stared at him.

"Y-Yeah?" I replied and was absolutely aware I sounded like I had something to hide.

Vegas grinned. "What's on your mind?" He asked in a challenging tone.

I wanted to curse at him, but held myself back since Venice was sleeping not far from us in the same room.

"Venice..." I muttered.

Vegas' smile vanished instantly. "Okay, fine. I don't want to cause you trouble. But don't think you can run away from me. I will try to get out of here as soon as possible and you have to come here every day."

"Alright!" I said enthusiastically. I was relieved, because I was so tired. After the incident at the Main Family's House and Vegas' car accident, I could barely sleep. I had to take care of everything around Vegas. Macau, Vegas' recovery, the subordinates, the house and I tried to manage the Second Family's businesses under the lead of Khun Kinn and Porsche until Vegas was fully recovered. Added to all of this was the fear of losing Vegas in the first month after his accident and the pain my decision to leave the Main Family caused me. Last but not least there was Khun-no Thankhun wo was frequently bothering me to come back and leave Vegas. I love you Khun-no, but this will not happen! I sighed again.

"Pete, come here!" Vegas said softly and pulled my arm so I, who was sitting on the edge of the bed, fell on his chest. I was too tired to refuse and the warmth and the scent of his body made me calm down and stopped my heavy thoughts. Vegas caressed my head and I allowed myself to rest for a few minutes.

"Are you tired, Pete?" Vegas asked, concerned.

"Mhm..." I replied not able to speak clearly because of the comforting chest my head and torso were resting on.

"I am sorry you have so many things to do. Let me help you. I will..." Suddenly Venice started whining, cutting Vegas off. I got up immediately and approached his crib.

"Alright, Venice. I think it's time to drink." I said softly and smiled at him. As soon as he was safely in my arms the baby stopped whining and looked at me with big shiny eyes. With a kiss to his head I went to the table where everything I needed to feed the baby was already arranged.

"Pete, I think it might be too much for you. I don't want you to get sick because you're all worked up." Vegas said and I recognized that he was very worried. So I gathered all my strength and turned around to him, giving him a slight smile. "Please don't worry, Vegas. When you two are at home and things get more normal again, everything will be fine. It's not long anymore. I'm okay."

Vegas didn't seem to be convinced as he frowned at me. He rubbed his face with one hand and said with closed eyes and a strain in his voice: "Pete, when the baby finished his bottle you can leave and bring him home. Don't come back today and take a rest."

I looked at him with mixed feelings. I know how hard it was for him to say that, to let me go and stay here alone. I was grateful but at the same time I was sad, because actually I really didn't want to be apart from him either.

"I will come back as soon as Venice is awake tomorrow morning. It's Saturday, maybe Macau can take care of him for a while." Macau was unexpected skilled and dedicated when it came to taking care of his little brother. He let the nurses show him how to hold, feed and diaper the baby. I wondered If he was like this because his older brother always took good care of him. Since I took care of Macau, I realized the teenager was changing his behavior. Back then when I still worked for the Major Family I thought he was just a spoiled brat, a troublemaker and respectless. But now I realized he and Vegas were just two sides of the same coin. Loneliness and a huge lack of love lead them into the wrong direction. Only a little care and love changed them so much. I was proud of both of them.

"Okay. Take care, Pete. Stop talking to yourself and take a good rest. Don't make me worry." Vegas said firmly but gently. I nodded.

After Venice finished his bottle I gathered all his stuff to get ready to leave. When I was sure that I had everything, I put him down in the crib again and approached Vegas, who was following me with his eyes the whole time. I looked in his eyes guiltily, with a heavy heart.

"Don't make that face." Vegas said softly, giving me a sympathetic smile.

"I will be right back tomorrow morning. You can call me every time and if you need anything..." I babbled.

"Pete, I am an adult and Nop is here too. I will be fine. Leave before I change my mind."

I bent down to kiss him and then took our stuff and Venice. "Take care, Vegas. I love you."

"I love you too. I love you so much." Vegas replied.

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When I reached the Second Family's place, Macau came to greet me and help me with Venice's stuff. He took the baby and we brought everything up to Vegas' room.

"Macau? May you take Venice for a while until I put everything in place?" I asked him.

"Sure P'Pete." He replied with a friendly smile.

"And there is another request I have. I promised Vegas to come back to the hospital tomorrow morning. Maybe you can take care of Venice for a few hours?"

"No Problem." Macau replied and smiled at Venice who seemed comfortable and happy being in his arms.

"Thank you so much, Macau."

"P'Pete?" Macau looked at me like he weighed up how much he could say.

"Mhm?" I looked at him questioningly.

"I know you have a lot to do these days and maybe I can't do much for you, but if you need anything or if I can help you in any way, please don't hesitate to let me know. We are a family, aren't we? So whatever I can do to support you, I will do it." He hesitated for a second and then he approached me, still holding Venice and hugged me with his free arm. I patted his back as he said: "I really appreciate you P'Pete and everything you are doing for my brothers and me. Thank you so much." I felt tears in my eyes, I was so sensitive these days, so I took a deep breath before I looked at him with a bright smile. "Thank you, Macau."

Macau nodded with a smile. Then he left the room with Venice. I closed the door of Vegas' bedroom and collapsed on the bed. My eyes starred at the ceiling. I allowed myself to let a few tears flow. I wasn't sad. I was so grateful for having Vegas, Macau and Venice. My heart was full of love. But my head was full of thoughts and I was exhausted. I wanted to lie here next to Vegas. I missed him already. Eventually I wiped away my tears and sat up.

Suddenly another feeling hit me like a punch and constricted my throat. I looked at the closed glass door that led to Vegas' office. Fear rose in my chest and my heart began to beat uncontrollably. I looked at my wrists in paranoia. This situation took my breath away and I didn't know what was going on. I stood up with trembling legs and half-walked half-ran to the door. Opening it with shaking hands. The familiar sound of the door made me panic. I ran out of the bedroom and through the office to the separate bathroom on the first floor. After clumsily locking the door I reached the toilet just in time and threw up. My stomach felt like someone had punched me in my abdomen. I couldn't stand up. My heart was beating so fast. I was just sitting there and trying to breathe... What's wrong with you, Pete? What has happened. Why are you scared out of sudden?! Of what?! Of whom?!

Somebody knocked at the door. "Khun Pete? Are you okay?" I heard the voice of one of the new bodyguards named Pail. I cleared my throat. "I am okay. Just a little stomach ache. But it's alright." I tried to keep my voice clear, even if my whole body was trembling.

"Do you need to see a doctor or take some medicine, sir?" The man asked.

Can't you just leave me alone?!

"N-no. Can you just let me do my personal business alone?"

"Ehm...of course. It's just Khun Vegas is...you know... Just tell me if you need something. I will leave then."

Vegas! What did you tell them? To watch over me like I am a damsel in distress?! Do you think I am weak?! I felt that I got angry. But this was good, at least the fear faded a little that way. I tried to breathe normally, but still couldn't figure out what had happened to me. Why did I suddenly panic like that? I wasn't in danger at all, but my fear felt like I was going to die.

I tried to think about my last steps. I was in Vegas' room. Alone. Laying on the bed, then sat up and looked at the closed bedroom door. Alone... and finally I realized what had happened. Why I looked at my wrist and why I startled when I heard the sound of the door.

All the memories came back to me at this moment. All the feelings I have gone through in this room. Fear, pain, depression, loneliness, sadness, bitterness... I tried to focus on the good feelings I had there. Hope, attachment, compassion and desire and finally I found love. But my heart felt so weak. I closed my eyes and I saw his face. Smiling at me with tender eyes.

You do love Vegas, Pete. Let the past go. You love him and you want to be with him every second you can. Don't make up a fuss!

I felt guilty, because I thought I was over all these feelings when I decided to be with him. When I decided to be honest to myself and allowed my heart to love him. I felt like I would make up a topic that we had buried a long time ago. I wasn't angry with Vegas anymore and I was over blaming him. I had long since decided that I accepted all what had happened to me in the past, because in the end all of this led me to be with the love of my life. Even now when my heart was aching, I felt the love. A love deeper than everything else.

"Shit!" I yelled angrily and punched my fists on the cold floor.

[Knock Knock Knock]

"Go away, Pail!" I yelled, turning my head to the locked bathroom door.

"Pete, it's me Nop." In less than a second I was on my feet and opened the bathroom door. "Nop, is something wrong with Vegas?!" I was afraid, why the hell did I leave him alone?!

Nop looked at me with worried eyes.

"Tell me!" I grabbed his collar.

"N-no, no. Pete, don't worry. Khun Vegas is okay. He sent me here to see if you came home safely and check if everything is okay." He said quickly.

I sighed and closed my eyes. Relieved, I took my hands off his collar.

"Pete, you look like....what's wrong with you? Did anything happen?"

I tried to calm myself down and looked at him. "Nop, can you do me a favor?"

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A few minutes later I was sitting on a bed in one of the guest rooms of the villa not far away from Vegas' bedroom. Nop brought all the stuff for Venice and me to the room.

"Is that all?" He asked, putting down a bag with some of Venice's clothes.

"Yes." I answered as I looked at the stuff and the crib he took out of Vegas' room and brought it here.

Nop went towards the table which had a bottle of water and some glasses sitting on it. He filled one of them and handed it to me.

"Thanks." I said quietly.

"Pete, are you okay now? You know Vegas will kill me if anything happens to you." His eyes were worried, but I was sure he was more worried about me than getting trouble with Vegas. After all what had happened, I trusted him and even if we weren't friends we were good with each other.

"I will take a shower and then take Venice from Macau. I am okay. I was just... I don't know. But it will be okay. I just have to rest." I gulped and then looked into Nop's eyes sternly as I continued speaking. "Nop, you have to promise me that you won't tell Vegas about that!"

"Pete... I have to tell him..." Nop replied and I noticed how uncomfortable he felt.

"Please don't, Nop. I will tell him myself. But I don't want to worry him now. It's only a few days until he is back. When he is home I can talk to him properly. But now...it's just not the right time. I promise I won't cause you any trouble. I will explain everything to Vegas when he is back and I will tell him that he must not punish you. Please."

Nop closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. "Okay Pete. But I have one condition." I looked at him questioningly. "I don't know what you are going through, but if anything happens to you, either you feel sick or you feel like you can't take it anymore. You have to call me right away. If there is any danger of you to get hurt in any way whether it's physical or psychic you have to tell me immediately! Vegas is going to kill me if you are in any trouble."

He held his palm in front of me and I shook his hand. "Yes, I agree. I promise to call you if anything happens."

"Okay. I will leave then and tell Vegas that you are tired but okay." Nop turned around and left the room. I looked after him and was grateful that he didn't ask any questions.

I got up from the bed and took a shower. The warm water and the scent of soap made me relax and let the last tracks of fear vanish. After I finished in the bathroom. I checked my face in the mirror. It was okay. My eyes were lightly swollen and I was a little bit pale, but since I was tired for days, I thought nobody would recognize it. I smiled at myself in the mirror until I thought that it seemed to be a convincing smile. Then I left the room to pick Venice up and bring him to bed.

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I woke up early in the morning. Venice was still asleep. I had fed him two times that night. But he was relaxed and fell asleep soon after again. So it was a good night for a two-week-old. However, I didn't sleep at all. My mind was busy and on top of that I felt lonely.

I grabbed the baby phone and went to the bathroom to take a shower. Nop brought some of my cloth yesterday as well, so I decided not to go to Vegas room before I would go to the hospital. Although I have been in the Vegas' room before, to get some stuff for Vegas or use the bathroom when I used the computer in his office but never anything happened like yesterday. But since Vegas was very sensitive for my feelings these days I wouldn't risk to get in again. I would have to face this situation soon enough.

After I finished everything including taking care of Venice. I went to the kitchen to grab something to eat, carrying the baby. When I stepped in I saw Macau sitting there and having breakfast.

"Good morning, P'Pete. Good Morning Venice." He smiled at me. I put Venice in his chair and sat down. Having some small talk with Macau while eating.

He didn't asked why we stayed in the guest room. Maybe he thought I felt lonely without Vegas. That was fine with me. I didn't want to worry him and couldn't explain anything at the moment neither, because I was unsure myself what was wrong.

After we finished breakfast I left the two boys afterwards.

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I stood in front of Vegas' room at the hospital and looked at the closed door. I tried to cheer myself up. Come on, Pete. Everything is fine. You will feel better when you see his face, smiling at you. Let it go for now, Pete and take care of your special one! I nodded in response to myself and pushed the door open. I used a little bit too much strength, it seemed like I would invade. Vegas who was sitting on the bed and working on his laptop, hurriedly looked up and after he recognized it's me, he looked at me warily.

"Am I in trouble?" he asked while raising an eyebrow.

"Ehm....no... What are you talking about?!" I replied in an annoyed tone. I closed the door softly and cursed at me in my head. Calm down you idiot or he will ask you what's wrong!

"Didn't you sleep well last night?" Vegas beckoned me to come over and put the laptop away.

"No.", I said while turning my gaze on the floor. "Venice was in a bad mood tonight."Sorry, Venice...

"Mhm... I see. So let's stay here tonight together. Just the two of us." I sat down on the bed and he pulled my arm to lie next to him.

"I am afraid it doesn't matter if I'm with you or Venice. You both would not let me sleep in one way or another..."

Vegas giggled and used his hand to turn my face to kiss him. While he was kissing me it takes the load of my mind and heart. I felt a warm sensation was spreading through my whole body and I felt save for the first time since I left Vegas' room in panic. And without realizing it my concision faded and I fell asleep.

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"Pete?" I heard him call my name. The voice I loved the most in the world was calling for me. I felt the warm touch of his palm on my cheek and slowly opened my eyes. It took a moment until I realized that I was lying in the hospital bed sleeping with my head on Vegas chest with his arm wrapped around me and covered by a blanked.

I looked up at him. "I'm sorry." I said in a daze. I was mad at me, I was here to take care of Vegas not to sleep!

Vegas caressed my cheek. "Why are you sorry? Do you feel better?"

"Mhm." I mumbled.

"You slept almost three hours, I guess you are hungry. I send Nop to bring some food, so we can eat together."

"Thank y-..." Nop - the name woke me up from my daze. And I remembered what happened yesterday. Did he keep his promise and didn't tell Vegas about it?

"You don't have to send a babysitter home while I am less than two hours gone." I complained.

"Hahaha, I can do what I want, you know." He said but smiled at me brightly and with tender eyes, so I let it go.

[Knock Knock Knock]

The door opened and the Dr. Thew came in. I hurried to get up from the bed, my face was turning red. But since I was wrapped in a blanked I was tangled in the cloth and hit the ground.

"Pete!", Vegas was about to stand up, but the doctor was faster. He approached to me and helped me to stand up.

"Are you okay?" both of them said at the same time. And I peeked at Vegas, who starred at Dr. Thew with furious eyes. I hurriedly pulled my arm away and said: "Yes, I'm okay. Sorry." I went to Vegas and put my hand on his shoulder. Please let him live, I plead in my head. I was lucky. Vegas just put his arm around my waist and pull me back to sit on the edge of his bed.

"So... I am here to check on you, Khun Vegas. How are you doing?" The doctor asked nervously.

"I am fine, about to have lunch with my boyfriend." He replied with murderous eyes.

Keep your shit together Vegas! He is your doctor! Gosh, this top dog!

"Alright, alright...let's have a quick look in your eyes and let me check your temperature. Then you can go on eating. He approached to the bed like someone who was going to his execution. I stepped aside and went to the other side of the room. I turned my gaze out of the window not daring to look at the doctor nor Vegas.

After Dr. Thew was checking on Vegas he left in a heartbeat.

I went back to Vegas and gave him a peck on his forehead, hoping to delete the fire. When I was about to pull away Vegas grabbed my nape and pulled me in a long and intense kiss. Again I felt so secure, save, loved. What happened yesterday, Pete? Are you insane?

[Knock Knock Knock]

I straightened myself and looked at the door. Nop came in with the food. The two of us put everything on the table and before the idiot left he turned his gaze on me checking me secretly from head to toe. Asshole, if Vegas recognize that, you are dead meat. But luckily he stand up at this moment and didn't saw anything. I looked at Nop angrily and he gave me a fade smile as he left the room. When did you become so caring, asshole?

The day went by quickly, we ate, I helped Vegas with his physiotherapy and a little of school stuff and work. In between I called Macau to ask if everything was alright. He told me that I don't need to worry. Thank you Macau, for having my back.

Eventually I had to leave because I wanted to bring Venice to bed myself. But it wasn't that easy since Vegas hold me tightly while laying in bed and kissed me continually. I didn't mind it, because It felt so good and calmed me down. He wasn't forcing anything else just kissing like teenager, for ages and not letting go. Luckily he let me take a breath from time to time.

"Uhmm... V..Vegas... I..." I protested. "...I got...Uhm...to go." I pulled away from his face and tried to stop him with my hands on his chest and his forehead. "Please" I said softly. "Let me see Venice before he is too tired and falls asleep."

He looked at me dissatisfied. But when he saw my pleading eyes his gaze softened and he let me stand up.

"Oh boy...how long will it take for him to grow up?" he said sarcastically.

"Mhm? How much longer will you take your time?" I scoffed.

He narrowed his eyes. "I really want to be in my room at home, when you dare to insult me like this." He said with a wicked grin. I got goosebumps.

I turned around quickly. "Then hurry up get well soon and come home." My voice trembled a little. Did he recognized that?

"Hahaha...come here. Kiss me goodbye."

"Didn't we just kiss like... I don't know... about one hour?" I turned around to him and frowned.

"Yeah, but that was just kissing for fun. Now I am talking about a kiss to say goodbye."

"That's a trap. I am not that stupid." I said angrily under my breath. I grabbed my jacket and was about to leave, when suddenly he started to count down.

"Pete. One..."

I spun around and looked at his face.

"...Two..." I don't know why but I couldn't resist this countdown. I knew myself it was ridiculous but it made me nervous. Not really in a bad way I admit.

"Argh, fine!" I groaned and went back to kiss him.

Of course he tried to hold me back from leaving. But after a while I decided that it was enough. I tried to pull away and when he wasn't willing to let me go, I quickly reached under his blanked and grabbed his cock not violently but strongly. He was surprised and took a breath. I used this moment of confusion to pull away and create some space between us.

"Look at you!" he shouted out amazed, but not angry.

I smiled wickedly at him with narrowed eyes. "I have my tricks too."

Then I softened my expression and give him a kind smile. "I really got to go now. I love you, Vegas. Sleep tight."

"I love you so much, Pete." He said full of tenderness and his eyes hypnotized me.

Pete! Damn it! Get your ass out of here! I scolded myself and left the room quickly.

...............................................

When I closed the door. Nop looked at me.

"You look better now, Pete."

"Whatever." I said and turned to leave.

"Wait, I will take you home. I will leave too."

"But who will stay here?" I said in concern. Vegas wasn't actually targeted or something, but someone should take care of him anyways. He is still a member of a mafia family.

"Here he comes." Nop said and waved to the approaching bodyguard. I knew him, his name was Angh. "Hello Khun Pete." He said and waied at me. "Hello." I replied "Take good care of Vegas." I knew it was redundant to order that, but I couldn't hold it back.

"Of course, sir." Angh said and bowed his head a little.

Nop and I said goodbye and went to the garage. When I went to my car and pulled out the key from my pocket, the asshole grabbed the key out of my hand and said: "I will take you home... No, don't make that face, the Boss ordered it." I sighted. "Whatever" I said. I was too lazy and tired to fight and when the asshole was driving I could rest a little bit to be clear when I cared for Venice.

...............................................

The next days nothing special happened. I got up and got Venice and me ready for the day. On Sunday Macau agreed to take care of him again, but on Monday I didn't want to bother him and he had to go to school anyway. So I took Venice with me to the hospital.

When I entered Vegas' room while carrying our son, the room was quiet crowded. Vegas stood at the table fully dressed, while Nop helped packing his bags. Dr. Thew and a nurse were there talking to Vegas.

"Of course Khun Vegas, it's up to you. If you want you can leave today and come back to check up your condition. But please remember that you still have to take it easy for a while, so your head can get used to your usual live."

Then all heads turned to look at me. "Good morning" I said and waied as good as I could with Venice on my arm.

"Good morning." They replied.

"Nurse Ping, please go get the papers Khun Vegas have to sign before he leaves." The doctor said to the nurse and she waied and left the room. "She will give you an appointment for your Check up as well Khun Vegas. I will leave then." He said and hurriedly left the room without looking at me.

"You will come home today?" I asked breathlessly. No no no, I wasn't ready yet. Venice and I still stayed in the guest room and I had planned to put all things back to his room before he comes back. I didn't want to speak about my feelings now, I was insecure and still didn't figure out what was wrong and how could I explain myself.

"That sounds like you are not really fond of this fact..." Vegas said frowning at me in disappointment.

"No, that's cool. I missed you. ... Uhm, Nop can you take the bags and bring it home. I will take Vegas with my car. And make sure you put the bags in the right place." I looked at him worriedly and hoped he would understand. Vegas stood behind my back so he couldn't see my face. He nodded and left the room. Oh lord, please have mercy on me and let Nop understand what I wanted from him.

"Okay, let's sign the papers and bring you home." I smiled at him.

Vegas approached to me. "Aaahhhh..." Venice started crying when he came near to us.

I hurriedly hugged him and turned away from Vegas. "Hey Venice, everything is alright. Aren't you happy that your Pa Vegas comes home?"

"Aaaahhhh..." he cried even louder.

"I am not happy as well, sharing a room with you again." Vegas said sternly to Venice.

"Vegas!" I scolded him.

"As long as you are there too, I will endure it, Pete." He said and kissed my forehead.

After I calmed Venice down and Vegas signed the papers we went to the garage and I took the two of them home. Luckily Macau was already home and took Venice to feed him and let him sleep on the couch, so I could go upstairs with Vegas, praying that everything was already in the room.

When Vegas and I entered the room, Nop came just out of the bathroom.

"Nop what are you doing?" Vegas asked skeptically.

"Khun Vegas...ehm..." he stuttered.

"I asked him to tidy up the room a bit. You surprised me with your sudden homecoming, the room was a mess. I know you don't like that." I intervened and hoped Vegas would not become suspicious, because actually there has been no opportunity for me to order Nop that. But Vegas didn't care. Mhm...maybe the hit on your head during the accident let your cunning senses weaken a little? Hehehe...

Nop bowed his head and left the room quickly. He didn't close the bedroom door properly, so Vegas went to close it and turned around the key. He didn't pull it out, so the door could be easily opened from inside, but when I heard the sound of the door closing and the key turning in the keyhole, my heart suddenly started beating fast. I stood in the middle of the room the door in my back and heard Vegas footsteps approaching to me. I felt goosebumps all over my body, but it didn't feel like before when Vegas was about to touch me.

"Is there something wrong with you, Pete? You seem to be so nervous. Or are you just excited because you missed me so much?" He wrapped his arms around me from behind. I tried to keep on breathing but my heart was beating so uncontrollably that it was hard to get some air in my lungs. I closed my eyes. I was sure now, that wasn't my usual feelings of excitement and nervousness when we were about to have sex. My body and my mind were in panic. I had a big lump in my throat and the rising fear was about to burn every inch of my body.

I pushed Vegas arms away and was about to go towards the door, when he grabbed my wrist and pulled me back. He was holding me tight and kissed my neck. My ears were ringing and my blood was rushing in my head. My whole body felt like I was burning alive. My heart was about to explode and I didn't know what to do.

"Uhm...Vegas..." I moaned. I could barely talk. He kissed me and I tried to focus on the kiss, to focus on his touch and hold on to his shoulders to anchor myself, because the room was about to twist. But something in me was already burning and I felt so weak that I thought I would break into pieces. I tried to consider what I could do, but I couldn't catch a clear thought.

"I missed you too, Pete." He said softly into my ear but the words didn't reach my brain. But suddenly I heard something different in my mind. The same voice but with an completely opposing tone: 'Fucking Pete!' I heard Vegas' angry voice, when I kicked him that day he was stressed out and wanted to punish me because I cried for help from Macau. What was that, why felt this memory so real? It was like I could even feel the pain when he slapped me and the taste of blood in my mouth...

Where am I? I was lying on the bed in my memory as well as in the real time. Vegas was touching me. But who was it. Was it the devil Vegas or my Vegas? I couldn't figure it out. I felt the pain spread trough my body, it was the agony of getting raped violently. I felt the unbearable pain in my back side ready to shatter my body and letting me die alive. I tensed up. Why did the pain felt so real? Was it actually real? Am I still in hell with this devil. My body was trembling, while one version of Vegas was kissing and biting my chest. Which version? I tried to push him away weakly but I was so scared. I couldn't open my eyes and I felt so overwhelmed and in pain that I had no strength, so he couldn't realize that I was trying to escape.

"I love you, Pete."

What did he just say? I couldn't hear it because the ringing in my ears was so loud. My body and my mind seemed to scream in fear and suffering.

'How much do I need to hit you for you to remember?! Huh?!'

This time I could hear his angry voice clearly, it was louder than my ringing ears and my beating heart. Eventually I lost all my doubts where I was. All memories of the last weeks were vanished. I saw the pictures of getting captured, tortured, raped. I felt the chain on my wrist. I traveled back in time and everything good was gone as if it never existed.

I needed to protect myself. What should I do?

I tried to struggle beneath him. Wait, should I struggle or not? What was my plan? Did I had a plan? Will he hurt me even more if I try to escape? Am I able to escape?

My head was completely messed up. All this thoughts shot wildly through my head. I couldn't catch up with my thoughts. I was lost. I didn't know what was happening around me. I heard his voice again, the voice with the cold and merciless tone, which made my blood freeze, while my body was still burning in pain.

'Are you scared? So people like you get afraid, huh?'

I need to get him off me.

'I will make you suffer. Watch!'

I wanted to beg him to stop, but I couldn't talk.

'Huh, now you're begging for your life. Good! I like this...'

Bastard Vegas' words rushed through my mind. I couldn't tell what was real or not. My gut told me I have to fight or I will die. My body moved automatically, like an animal in death throes. I opened my eyes rapidly but my vision was blurred. Possibly I kicked and beat someone, I wasn't sure. Everything around me was so loud and dark. I recognized that I suddenly hit the ground I didn't know where I got the strength to push myself up and run towards the door. I didn't need to see the door clearly. I knew where it was, I looked at it so many times in despair while I was imprisoned by devil Vegas. My legs felt so week as if there were no bones nor muscles inside but I still reached the door and tried to use the door handle. No! It didn't open up. Tears flowing all over my face falling down to my hands which desperately tried to open the door.

"Pete! Pete!"

Someone called my name. Devil Vegas? Will he punish me? Will he kill me? If I couldn't get that damn door open he would catch me and I would die...

No... I knew it would be worse than death.

I thought my fear couldn't get more but someone touched my shoulder and the panic implode in my body and my mind. Again my body acted itself as it had learned from the past experiences and shouted out the only phrases my brain, which was blocked by panic and agony, could recall.

"Let me go! Don't do that to me... Please. I...I'm begging you!" I couldn't control the words coming out of my mouth. It was like someone plays a rerun of an old show on TV.

"Let me out! Let me out! Please!" I cried and pulled and pushed the door handle. I couldn't breath anymore. My body was about to stop function.

Suddenly a hand appears in my blurred sight turning around the key which was still in the keyhole all the time. I pushed the door handle down again and opened the door. I ran through the open door. I did it! I escaped! Am I save now? Where is the devil?

Lastly my whole body collapsed. The last thing I recognized was someone catching me so I didn't hit the ground. And my world turned all black once again.

...............................................

Vegas' POV

I was shocked. I sat on the floor at my office, holding Pete tightly in my arms. He had passed out, but I was able to catch him before he hit the ground. He was breathing heavily as his lungs tried to get air inside again. His face was streaked with tears, his body was still trembling and I could feel his heart racing. What has just happen to him? He was in such a panic that he couldn't even hear me. Blood ran down my face. My eyebrow has been cut open when Pete slapped my face and cut it with his fingernails. But I couldn't care less about that. My only concern right now was Pete. What should I do? I couldn't tell what has happened. He has never been like this before, not even in the beginning when I used to abuse him. Now he acted like someone who was in death agony. He acted absolutely irrational.

And I felt a deep cut in my heart when I just heard him begging. Every single word he shouted in panic I have heard before. Actually it wasn't long ago, but for me it felt like a completely different life and I had been a different man back then. I didn't expected to see him like this ever again. I swore to myself, that I would never cause him this kind of fear and agony again, but now. What has just happened? What did I do wrong? What should I do now and how could I help him?

"Khun Vegas?" Nop stood in front of me with worried eyes. I closed my eyes and slowly breath in and out to calm down my beating heart and my trembling hands.

"Help me getting up." I told him. He grabbed my arms and pull me up, so I didn't had to use my arms and could still hold Pete. I managed to carry him and turned around to go back in the bedroom.

"Khun Vegas, please excuse me." I looked at Nop who seemed to be uncertain. "Please follow me, Khun Vegas. Don't go back inside, sir."

I nodded slightly. I don't know why he asked me to do so, but I saw in his eyes that there was a good reason. Something important. He led me into some of the guest rooms. The one which was close to my own bedroom. He pulled the blanked away, so I could place Pete on the bed and cover him with it. Pete was still breathing hard. His face was tensed and pale.

Nop rushed into the bathroom and came back with a cloth and a bowl of cold water. He also filled some water in to a glass and placed it on the bedside table, while I used the cloth and to wipe Pete's face and chest gently. The cold water seemed to cool his body down and he could breathe easier again. I covered his body up to his neck with the blanket.

Afterwards I turned around so fast that Nop shrank back.

"What do you know?!" I yelled at him. I was so worried that I could barely control myself. He looked and behaved like he knew something that he hadn't told me. I was furious. I was 100 % sure that he was aware of what just had happened and I was so angry and worried, that It took all my self-control to not beat him up. How could it be that Nop knew something about Pete that I didn't knew. In particular something so important. Something that harms him.

"I think he may had a flashback or something like that, sir." Nop said his eyes closed and his head bowed. I was about to grab his neck, but a faint voice stopped me.

"V-Vegas..." Pete's voice was shaking.

I immediately turned around to look at Pete's face. His eyes were half closed and he was pale as a ghost.

He took a deep breath like he was gathering all strength that he had left and said: "Nop... you... can leave..." While he said that his gaze was constantly on my eyes.

Nop bowed his head and left without daring to speak.

"Pete..." I said full of sympathy as I felt tears coming up in my eyes.

I wanted to touch him, hold him, comfort him, but after what just had happen I was insecure if it was okay to touch him. His body was still shaking. He looked like glass about to break at the slightest touch. I never saw him this fragile before.

"Vegas, may...would you embrace me?" He seemed to be so vulnerable that it broke my heart. I went around the bed and got under the blanked. I pulled him gently towards me and hugged him, trying to put all my love in this embrace to make him feel save. His right arm wrapped around my waist and he buried his face in my chest. I didn't know how much time passed by while we were laying like this, quietly, no sounds except us breathing. Eventually I felt that Pete's breath and heartbeat normalized and his body stopped shaking.

"Do you want to sleep?" He shook his head with his face still buried in my chest. His right hand grabbed my shirt and hold on to it tightly.

"Pete, I am so sorry. I'm so sorry, I don't know what just happened but If I did anything to scare you or to hurt you I am so... so sorry."

Pete pulled away a little from my chest so he could raise his head to look in to my eyes. His gaze swapped to my eyebrow which was still bleeding a little. He took his hand off my shirt and touched my face gently.

"I am sorry, did I do that to you?" he asked with guilty eyes, his voice was faint. How could he still be concerned about me while he was at the end of his rope. How many times will my heart break today?

"There is no need for you to apologize. But I am so sorry because I didn't realize that you have been so scared of me. I am so stupid, I'm sorry, Pete. Please forgive me."

He used his feet and arms to push himself a little up, so we were lying face to face. He took his palm off my face, took both of my hands and intertwined them with his own hands.

"Vegas. I am not scared of you. I love you so much. You didn't do anything wrong to me." His voice was still hoarse but full of tenderness.

"But why..." he pressed my hands lightly and I stopped talking.

Pete opened his mouth to speak but before could talk he started coughing hard. I helped him to sit up a little and to drink some water. After that he sank down again weakly and I put the glass back. We lay down again. Face to face, eye to eye. He grabbed my hands again. He was very exhausted but I felt he was slowly becoming better though. His face was less pale and his eyes became clear little by little. He cleared his throat before he started talking.

"When I started to work as Khun-oh's head bodyguard P'Chan told me something about panic attacks and flashbacks, because after getting kidnapped Khun-oh used to had it from time to time when he was a kid. When I became his bodyguard that was long time ago. Nevertheless P'Chan wanted to sensitize me, because even if for a long time nothing has happened, it could come back anytime. And he told me it could happen even if the person feels save and mostly it comes without a warning. It depends on the trigger."

He hesitated for a second and continued clearly. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "I think I have had a panic attack."

The guilt smashed my stomach like a hammer. If Pete have had a panic attack in my bedroom, I was pretty sure what it was about. "I am so sorry, Pete. That's all my fault." Again I felt tears rising in my eyes, but I did my best to hold them back. I was disgusted by myself for being the reason for his sorrow once again.

I had been too careless. After I woke up at the hospital, I was so relieved to see Pete standing by my side and promising me that he would stay with me. I was so madly in love, that I forgot what I had done to him and since he was always so calm and strong I underestimated the impact it could had on him.

I scolded myself in my head. How could I been so stupid and careless. After he escaped I followed him and saw it myself. He was paranoid and couldn't even endure to hear my name. But after the incident at the Main Family's house and the accident, that fact was vanished from my brain. I failed taking care of my loved one again.

Pete pressed my hands again to pull me out of my thoughts. "I am neither mad at you nor blame you anymore. What happened is over. It's already past."

That's him. Despite how bad he felt, he found the right words at the right time to make me feel better. He was so much stronger than me.

"How can it be past? Pete, you were so deeply scared. Your face showed so much pain. I thought you were going to die." My heart felt so heavy. "For a moment I thought I would lose you." I whispered.

...............................................

Pete's POV

I saw the guilt and pain in Vegas eyes when he whispered "For a moment I thought I would lose you."

What could I say to make him feel at ease? What should I do. I was so angry with me. My body and my mind betrayed me. I have been fine. I was over it, why it suddenly came back hitting my head like a heavy rock. I am aware that what Vegas did to me back then was cruel and I have been hurt so much, mentally and physically. But for me this person wasn't my Vegas. The devil Vegas is gone for good.

I trusted my Vegas. I was sure he wouldn't hurt me anymore. He wasn't able to do that, since he sincerely loves me.

'It depends on the trigger.' P'Chan's words came into my mind. 'The trigger has the same effect like the one you use when you shoot with a gun. When you pull it the bullet will fly and hit something. You can't stop it after the trigger was pulled. It will definitely hit something, the damage it causes can be variable.'

So what was my trigger? And how big was the damage?

"Pete?" Vegas' gentle voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

I didn't recognized that I turned my gaze away, so I turned it back to look in to his eyes.

"Was that the first time, that happened to you?"

I sighed and decided to tell the truth. "No."

Vegas closed his eyes for a moment then he opened them again and looked at me with eyes full of love and concern. "I need to know. Can you tell me?"

I lowered my eyes, it was hard to talk about it, so I couldn't focus on his eyes. "The first time was, when I brought Venice home from the hospital on friday."

I heard that Vegas took a deep breath. "Are you angry with me?" I asked worriedly.

"No, of course not. But I wish you had told me about it. I hadn't do that to you today if I had known before."

I raised my head to look in his eyes again. "What do you mean? What did you do to me? I don't understand." I was confused. I tried to remember the situation in his bedroom, but everything I could recall was blurred.

"Have sex with you." I frowned and looked down under the blanket. My chest was bare and the button of my trousers was open, the zipper was closed. Vegas was still fully dressed only his shirt was unbuttoned.

"We didn't had sex." I said with conviction after checking our bodies. Vegas smiled lightly. "No, we didn't. But I thought it was because of that. Because I tried to do it with you. Did you feel forced?"

"No that's not the reason. Don't you know I long for you as well?"

I turned my gaze away. Wait, what did I just say? Oh Pete, you bastard, can't you think before you talk. When did you become so depraved. I felt my face and ears turning red.

Vegas chuckled. This sound warmed my heart.

He touched my chin and gently pull my face up to face him, then he kissed me gently. And again it took the load of my heart and I felt the familiar warm sensation spreading through my body. When he kissed me I felt save. My heart was beating faster in a good way and now I was sure everything what I just felt in his bedroom wasn't real. Although the pain and fear felt real it had been old memories. I was relieved.

Eventually I felt Vegas' hand sliding down and lay on my ass. I pushed him away. "Wait! What are you up to, pervert?"

"Hehehe. Yeah, that's you." He laughed. His laugh let my heart flatter.

I pretended to punch his abdomen. Then I lowered my head again and said quietly. "You aren't my trigger. You are my save haven." It wasn't easy for me to say that. Not because it wasn't true. It was because even if I know we loved each other I felt shy and a little bit insecure. Vegas pulled me in a tight embrace immediately. "I love you so much, Pete." He whispered and kissed me all over my face and on my lips.

After that he let go of me and looked at me firmly again.

"But now tell me everything!" he said and even if I wished I could lose myself in his touch forever, I agreed to do so.

So I told him everything about the two panic attacks. At least everything I could remember. As much as I wanted to protect him and don't make him feel bad about the past my gut told me that I had to be honest now. I wasn't used to show my weakness to others. Usually I kept my problems for myself and tried to cover it up, because I didn't want to worry anybody or try to save my face. But Vegas was my special one. I wanted to give him everything. Open up and allow him to look in to my soul. Not all at once, but step by step.

After I finished talking Vegas grumbled angrily. "So Nop knew you wasn't okay and still didn't tell me?! I will kill him!"

"Vegas, no."

"He shouldn't have hide it from me. I will..."

"Vegas!" I hissed and then continued in a softer tone. "He helped me so much. He took good care of me and respected my feelings although he was afraid to get in trouble. If you want to do something to him, give him a pay rise."

He smiled slightly at my little sassy remark. The anger in his eyes faded.

"Whatever... If it's your wish I will let it go." He gave in and drew his attention back to the main topic. "Pete, if I got you right. Your Problem, your trigger is the bedroom, especially the door when it is closed or locked."

"I think so." This sounds very logical to me. In the end what hurt me the most of all what Vegas did to me was to be locked up.

"So, let's move to another room." Vegas proposed.

"I don't want to run away." I replied. Actually wanted to run away, far far away, as far as I could get. But after I endured so much suffering to be free again, trying to run away from this problem would only put an invisible chain on me.

"What should we do? I'm willing to do everything you want."

"Let's try to stay there. If it's okay with you maybe we could leave the glass door open for now."

"But I don't want you to feel uncomfortable, Pete. You don't need to go through this ever again."

"I am okay. These thoughts, feelings and memories I had, I didn't brought them up myself. It's not me. There is something in my subconscious. I have to figure it out, so I can get rid of it." I was determined.

Vegas rolled his eyes. "You don't like it the easy way, Pete. Don't you?"

"You are lucky, Vegas. If I would prefer the easy way I didn't have chosen you to be my boyfriend." I smiled wickedly and hurried to get up from the bed before he could grab me. He got up too and hugged me.

"I am aware of that. I am the luckiest man on earth. And I will love you forever and ever and ever ever." He grinned at me.

"So cheesy." I said frowning with a crooked smile. "Let's go to your room and get rid of it." I took his hand and was about to go to his room.

"Wait wait wait", he stopped me. "Don't you think it's a little bit too fast. I know you are bold, but maybe you should recharge your energy first. Eat something and sleep. Maybe you should see a doctor."

"Yeah, let's see Dr. Thew. Would be fun to explain everything to him." I said sarcastically, because the thought of talking to someone else then Vegas about what happened made me very uncomfortable. Immediately I saw the fire rising in Vegas' eyes. Pete, you moron! Why are you not able to think before you run your mouth. You need to learn, otherwise this human bomb will vanish all life on earth someday! Okay, you start the fire now have to put it out.

I took a step to get close to him and touched his face with my palm. "What about your wound, should I take care of it first?" My voice was gentle and used my thumb to swipe away some of the stains of his dried blood.

"It's just a scratch." He said, confused by my actions.

"Ok." I said softly, and grabbed his collar with both hands to pull him a little bit down and kiss him. You are so shameless, Pete! But it worked. Maybe I should make a donation or something later to avoid bad karma..

But the karma stroke back too fast, as Vegas wrapped his arms around me and kissed me hard. My heart was beating fast. He sucked my lower lip and before I could do anything his tongue invaded my mouth. It twisted and turned inside and I kissed him back in the same rhythm. Then one of his hands grapped my nape to lock me in this position and his other and slipped down to my...

Dammit Vegas! What's up with my ass and your hand?! Is there a magnet?

I tried to pull away from him, maybe a little half-hearted. I could feel his smile while he kept on kissing me and squeezed my buttocks. I really wanted to let myself go and dive in to this arousing feeling but my increasing heartbeat reminded me of the situation a few hours ago. I didn't felt any fear but I didn't want to melt together with Vegas until I could trust myself again. I had to be sure that I could control whatever came over me in that room. So I used my hands to take both of his wrists and pulled his hands away. I did it strong and determined but not violently and hoped he would understand. I released his wrists and took a step back.

"Are you okay?" he said worriedly.

"Yes. But please let me go to your room now. I don't want to rest or eat. I don't want to do it with you if I feel my heart is not with you. I don't want to wait. You know, if you get hit by a bullet you don't sew up the wound before you get the bullet out."

He looked at me with his beautiful eyes and took my hand. "First of all, it's our room. Everything I own is yours as well. And whatever you want to do I am right behind you to catch you if you fall. Do you promise me that you will tell me immediately if you get overwhelmed?"

"I promise."

I closed my eyes as he kissed my forehead and felt how his touch encouraged me and let all the good feelings grow in my heart. My weakness was gone and I felt strong and confident. And the awareness he will stay by my side gave me safety.

You can do it, Pete! I encouraged myself and raised my fist a little.

Vegas frowned. "You have to stop spending so much time with Tankhun. You are going to get crazy. Or did your brain got a lack of oxygen?" He chuckled while his gaze was on my fist. I put it down quickly.

Huh... Is he right? Am I about to go crazy? No, Pete you are alright.

Vegas cocked his neck. "Talking to yourself in your head doesn't convince me of your sanity."

"Argh..." I groaned. "Let's do it! Now or never." His teasing lightens my mood. We walked to his room hand in hand.

We got inside and let the door opened. The bedroom was quiet and peaceful. I picked up my shirt which Vegas took off me before I had left the room in panic and put it on. Then I switched off the air conditioner and opened the curtains. I sat down at the edge of the bed and let me fall behind.

Vegas came to lie next to me and turned his head to look at me. I was calm, only my heart was beating fast.

"Are you okay?" Vegas asked.

"Mhm. I'm fine." Vegas put his head on my chest. "W-what are you doing?"

"Your heart is beating fast." He lifted his head and looked in to my eyes. "If you say 'I'm fine' in this tone you usually are lying."

He is so knowing, is he Sherlock Holmes? Mind your own business bastard.

"You insulting me in your mind." That wasn't a question.

"No." I lied.

"Again this tone." Vegas laughed and laid back on the bed again.

I loved the way he laughs. I felt better and saver after telling Vegas everything. It was a good feeling that I was assure he would be here for me.

"Okay", I said swinging my legs to sit up quickly. "Please close the door, Vegas."

"Are you crazy, Pete?"

"Yes, but that has nothing to do with it." I joked to cover up my nervousness.

He looked at me with worry.

"Hurry up." I ordered and closed my eyes to calm myself down and focus on my feelings.

Vegas got up and closed the door unwilling. When I heard the sound I startled for a second but it was okay. Keep on breathing. This is something I learned at the training to be a bodyguard of the Main Family: 'Never stop breathing. If you are in danger use your breath to calm yourself down, so you can focus on your duty.'

"Are you okay?" Vegas asked with concern. He was still standing at the door ready to open it anytime.

"Yes..." I wanted to say 'I am fine', but after what Vegas said earlier, I kept it in. "Please lock it now and give me the key." I was still a little nervous and my heart was beating faster than usual but there was no fear inside my heart.

"Here." Vegas said. I opened my eyes and he gave me the key.

I looked around the room. Then I went to the bathroom while still holding the key tightly. I thought about what happened to me in this room and in the bathroom as well. I was imprisoned, tortured, humiliated and raped. I forced myself to say these words in my head. My grandma once said to me 'When you are able to face a problem, you can solve it. It will fade away because you are brave enough to look at it.'

"Thank you, grandma." I mumbled. Then I went towards the door and unlocked it. I opened it. And closed it again.

You are free, Pete. I told myself. Maybe I should ask Vegas to give me one of his socks, just to make sure I am free. I smiled about my own joke. 😊

And just like that I couldn't clearly remember what I was so afraid of before.

I turned around and approached to Vegas. Then I wrapped my arms around him and hugged my special one. He hugged me back and kissed my cheeks. Then he made me sit on the sofa with him.

"Pete, we never talked about what happened here."

"What do you want to talk about?" I asked. My skin started tingling.

"I heard that sometimes the unspoken words cause us trouble, because if you don't say it, it will always be there. Hiding to surprise you when you are off guard." He gulped. "I have said sorry to you many times, but I have never said exactly for what I am sorry. Do you want to hear it?"

I wasn't sure. Is this a good idea? But what he said was true. If he said it out loud and we both witness it, there will be no room for something from the past which could surprise us in the future...

I made my decision.

"I want to hear it." I grabbed his hands and looked into his eyes nervously.

"Pete. I love you with all my heart. I love everything about you. All these little and big lights you brought into my life to light it up. There is so much to love about you. But even if you would change someday, I will still love you. Because I don't only love you for who you are or what you do. I just love you, because it's you.

When you came into this room the first time, I felt lonely and angry. I was angry about everything. I hated everything and everyone. Even if I loved Macau and my father somehow, despite how bad he was, I felt empty inside. So I decided 'If the world tries to fight me, I will fight back merciless'.

When I caught you, you was just someone I wanted to subdue. Seeing you being loyal and strong and fearless made me doubt myself once again. I was so furious because this was the only way I could survive in my skin. I wanted you to feel the pain, because I felt the pain in my heart all the time. Oppressing you gave me relief. But every bad thing I did to you and others came back to myself all the time. Maybe I could vent my anger but in the end my heart was aching, because all these bad things never gave me what I really needed. I was craving for love and appreciation, but since I couldn't find it I chose hate and brutality instead.

I couldn't see this at that time. But you helped me realize it step by step. You are the strongest person I have ever met. And you are the best person as well.

Pete, although I am so sorry. I was hurting you in so many ways. I raped you, beat you up, slapped you, forced you, humiliated you, intimidated you. And I locked you up and I know all you could do was to adjust. I know you tried permanently to find a way out of this prison and you tried do behave as I wanted, because you was afraid I would hit you and rape you again and again. I am sorry for all of that and I am sorry that I punished you so merciless after you tried to escape or called for help.

I am sorry I let you doubt my feelings for you and my sincerity.

I am sorry for every single tear you spread in this room and even those you had to cry after you escaped and today.

I am sorry for didn't let you choose what you wanted. I was selfish and told myself that it's okay to have sex with you as long as I don't act violently and you don't need to cry. I know now that I never asked about your permission. And even if you seemed like enjoying it mostly, it was wrong. Because with this chain on your wrist you have never had real choice and that wasn't fair. When I look at the situation now I have to admit, that I didn't care about your feelings enough. I should have done better.

When I realized that I liked you, I should have let you go. But I was selfish because I wanted you for my own and I was afraid you would leave me when you have the choice.

I am sorry, Pete. I promise to take care of you for the rest of my life. I will do everything I can to make you happy and let you never regret that you chose me.

I thank you so much for the chance you gave me and that you allow me to be with you.

I love you."

He looked in to my eyes all the time. I didn't know when I started crying. I tried to hold myself back, but after he finished talking he embraced me and I let it all out. I cried like I have never cried before in my life. I couldn't think about whether I was embarrassed or pathetic. After Vegas sincere words, I felt like all the tension which pent up in my body after Vegas caught me washed away with my tears. And there weren't only the feelings I had inside this room, there was also the pain I felt after I escaped and hurt him, the worries I had about him, the way I tried to lie to myself, the sadness I felt when I left the First Family and Khun-oh, the fear of losing Vegas again after his accident, the great responsibility which was on my shoulder, because I had to manage the second family for Vegas and had to care for him and Macau and Venice. I cried until I had no tears left.

Vegas didn't say much. He said that he loves me and caressed my back while I let my tears fall. I was crying like a little child but he wasn't annoyed. And he didn't ask me to stop it. He embraced me patiently until my last tear fell. We were both exhausted. The day felt as long as a week. And suddenly I became so tired that I almost couldn't stand it. So Vegas helped me to shower and go to bed. He talked to Macau to take care of Venice one last night, because we both felt like we had no energy left. Vegas came back and hugged me from behind like he always did I slept soundly and peacefully. The glass door was closed.

It felt like the storm was over and every damage it caused was finally fixed, so we can look up at the blue sky and be happy. And I was assure whatever we have to face in the future we can do it together.

End.

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Thank you for reading :-)