Stupid

Shane's POV~When I saw him, I didn't really believe my eyes. I had myself convinced it was someone else. It made no sense; why would Joey Graceffa be outside my house at ten at night?Lisa and I had been watching a movie on my laptop when I saw him. I leaned back over the couch, glancing out the window. The figure, whoever it was, was slowly getting up, running a hand through his hair and wiping his face with his shirt. He glanced over his shoulder and for a brief moment, our eyes connected. He turned away again instantly, running in the opposite direction."What is it?" Lisa asked, tilting her head up so our eyes met."Just a second," I untangled myself from her, getting up from the sofa and taking the wireless phone into the other room. I dialed Joey's number and let it ring. I silently cursed as it went to voicemail. "You've reached Sawyer! And Joey! We're not in right now, so, uh, leave a messsage and we'll get back to you!" I sighed and hung up. Maybe it was Joey that I had seen. I had a feeling he was mad at me, or something, mainly because he'd been ignoring me for the past few weeks! I was upset, I wanted to hang out with him a few more times before I moved, but it was so late now, I was just too busy. Sawyer had texted me a few days ago, telling me that Joey was in this strange depressed kind of state, and I was wondering what he could've been doing out so late.When I walked back out into the main room, Lisa was staring expectantly at me from the couch. "Ok, now are you going to tell me what this is all about?""I'm just worried about Joey," I confessed. "I think he was outside earlier, and Sawyer said he's been pretty messed up...""Come on, we've only got a few minutes left in the movie," she waved me over. "You can do all the 'investigating' or whatever when we're done."I settled back onto the couch, but kept looking over my shoulder. I couldn't stop worrying, and I had a gut feeling that something was seriously wrong. The instant the movie was over, I was up again, putting on a coat and shoes.Lisa laughed. "I'm headed to bed. You'd better be back by tomorrow morning.""Yeah, yeah," I shrugged her off, opening the door and stepping out. "See you."Outside, I stood in the spot where I had seen who I presumed was Joey. There was a crumpled up piece of paper on the ground in the gutter. I retrieved it, and unfurled it. I nearly dropped it as I read when it said.'I'm sorry, but I had to do it.' My heart stopped. The handwriting... it was Joey's... but what did he mean? I was afraid to think about it, but I knew one thing for sure: I had to find him. I started my car and began to drive to Joey and Sawyer's place. I put my phone on speaker and called his cell. 'Come on, Joey, pick up!' I willed, biting my lip with worry.I was shocked beyond belief when he answered. "Joey, where are you? What did you have to do?" I could feel my pulse speeding up and my grip on the steering wheel tightened.He didn't say anything. All I could hear was a soft sobbing and gentle sniveling. Anxiety built in my stomach. "Joey, answer me! What is it? Are you ok? Joey!"The line went dead. I felt all the blood run out of my face. Something was definitely wrong.When I pulled up in front of their place and felt my stomach drop. All the lights were off and the car wasn't in the driveway. I ran up to the door, jiggling the knob and yelling. "Joey, are you in there? Hello?" There was no response, but somehow, I knew he was inside. "Joey, I'm coming in!" I dug under the welcome mat and retrieved the extra key, jamming it in the lock. The wind whipped my hair around my face and my breath intensified. I swung the door open to find a dark house. "Joey!" I called, closing the door behind me and entering. "Are you in here?" I started walking in and paused as I stepped on something. I bent down and pulled it off the bottom of my shoe. It was a piece of crumpled paper, with "You're worthless" written on it in bold letters. As light shone in from the streetlights outside, I noticed more papers scattered across the floor. I felt sick as I read them. Ugly, gay, no one likes you, retard, faggot, waste of life, fat, you should die. All these phrases were written in the same thick marker print that I knew was Joey's writing. My stomach dropped as I realized that he believed all these things about himself. I always knew he took criticism poorly, but I had never expected that it was this bad. It was terrible to know that he despised himself so much.

I walked through the papers in a kind of trance. Across the room, there was another note taped to the wall with the same writing on it. I pulled it down and read it slowly, my heart aching more with each word I processed.

Dear friends and family,

I'm sorry, but I just couldn't stand it anymore. It seems that everything I do in this world is wrong. I have given up on myself and everyone else too. I wanted to thank you all for being there for me, but I was a hopeless case from the start.

By the time you find me, I will most likely be dead already. Mom, Dad, Nicole and Jett, I love you guys very much, but I had to do this. Sawyer, thank you for being there for me. Meghan, I'm sorry I messed up your life so much. And Shane... Shane, I don't even know what to say. I love you more than words could describe. But you have Lisa, and I know you don't feel the same. Life is just a big joke to you. And that's partially why I love you so much. Maybe... if you had loved me back, it wouldn't have come to this. But I had to do it. I'm sorry.

My stomach knotted and guilt just about overcame me. "I will most likely be dead already." The thought of Joey being dead just about made my heart stop. I placed my hands on the door, pounding it. "Joey!" I attempted to yell, but it came out more as a strangled whisper. "Joey, are you in there?"

An unnatural strength overcame me as I heard a whimper from the other room. He was still alive! I twisted the knob as hard as I could and rammed the door with my shoulder, and the lock gave.

The first thing I noticed was the blood all over the tile floor. It was terrible, worse than a horror movie. I followed the puddle back and saw a bloody tangled mess. No... It couldn't be...

I ran forward, kneeling and gently lifting the head of the body. I felt a tear roll down my cheek. "No... no..." It was Joey. His wrists were both covered with with long red lines, blood streaming down his arms and onto the linoleum. There was also a long gash down his stomach where the majority of the blood was coming from.

"Joey..." I stroked his cheek, starting to cry. "Joey, can you hear me?"

He didn't move. I felt worse than I ever had before. Joey was lying on the ground, nearly dead, and it was all my fault. What had I gotten myself into?

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DUN DUN DUNNNN!! Bwaaaahhh! Sooo... this chapter was really intense... and a cliffie... Hopefully I'll be able to have the next part up really soon! This chapter took me kind of long to write because THE FEELS JUST ABOUT KILLED ME. Which brings me to another point: 287 reads. THANK YOU ALL I FREAKING LOVE YOU GUYS MORE THAN I LOVE CHICKEN!!! And believe me, I love chicken a lot... it's past 11 here, I can barely see the keyboard, and I need to sleep... BAIII!!!

(ps: if you comment and vote, the next chapter will be up sooner! :D)