Crash

Joey's POV~

"What the f'ck?"

I felt my heart sink as Shane laughed and continued walking. "Well, that was awkward," he grinned, raising his eyebrows. "Gotta learn to control those hormones, boy."

He didn't get it. Shane just didn't understand how much I loved him; how much I wished he would hold my head in his hands and stroke my cheek and whisper, "Joey, I love you." All the happiness that had possessed me moments before all just vanished. I wanted to cry, but I had to play it off. Shane would just think I was being ridiculous if I cried about it.

I forced a smile and quietly said, "Y-yeah..."

"So, what do you want to do? There must've been a reason for you to come over," Shane just went on, going into his living room. I remained where I was standing, biting my lip and trying to keep the tears inside. Shane glanced back over his shoulder, asking, "Joey? You alright?"

I blinked a bunch and looked up, lying, "Yeah. I, uh... just remembered I said I'd meet Sawyer back at the apartment, so... I guess I'll be going..."

"If you say so," it didn't seem like Shane believed me, but he was willing to let me go. "Call me later, ok?"

I nodded and backed out, feeling anguish fill my empty body. The emotional high I had been on during the drive over had crashed, leaving me feeling the lowest of lows. I sat down in the driver's seat, but couldn't bring myself to start the car. I just sat there, staring blankly ahead of me.

I finally let the tears come, gripping the steering wheel and shaking with sobs. So many emotions just overcame me all at once. I was frustrated, both with Shane and myself, and I was so very jealous of Lisa... But most of all, I was just defeated by sadness.

I was crying harder and harder the more I thought about it. I was so stupid. Shane wasn't even gay! How had I convinced myself that he could ever love someone like me? I curled my fingers into fists and felt like screaming. I was an idiot to think that things between us could ever work out.

I opened the door and stepped out of the car, leaving the keys in the ignition. I had to go, I just couldn't stay here. I walked without any set destination. I focused my eyes on the ground, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other. I rubbed my arms as the fog around me started to condense and chill me to the bone.

I bit my lip and dug my hands deep into my pockets, blinking constantly, trying to shake the tears from my eyes. I just couldn't stop thinking about Shane's face after I'd kissed him. To him, this was all a big joke. To me, this was a reality.

I squeezed my hands into fists and dug my fingernails into my palm almost enough to draw blood. The pain that was received was nothing in comparison to that of my heavy heart. It felt like I'd been punched in the chest and couldn't get back up. My cheeks stung with salty tears and my throat hurt from sobbing. Everything was just so wrong.

I walked a little faster as the rain started falling heavier. I had no clue where I was or which direction home was in, and I didn't really care. The dull ache in my rib cage made everything else pale in comparison.

As I stepped, my extreme sadness began to slowly change into an intense hate towards everything around me, especially myself. My breath started picking up as the rain soaked my hair and clothes. Rage burned through me; all I wanted to do was punch someone... particularly Lisa... Uhg... if it weren't for her, maybe Shane would take me seriously for a change.

I was shaken out of my anger by the sound of my phone. I pulled it out to read a text message from Shane. "You kinda ran off back there, you ok?" he asked.

"Like you care..." I muttered, squeezing my phone and then throwing it with all the force I could muster at the pavement beneath my feet. Two girls passing by shrunk away as I did this and hurried off, huddling closer together.

I was quivering yet again, and tears were still streaming down my face. I glanced over at my reflection in the storefronts to my left and frowned. I looked pretty bad: my clothes and hair were completely disheveled, my eyes were red and puffy and my cheeks shone with teardrops. It was no wonder someone as flawless as Shane would see me as a joke.

I turned and starting walking again, my mind filled with thoughts of self-loathing. I was a pathetic loser and a wimp. A real man wouldn't cry like this. Thinking these thoughts only made me feel worse, and I had suddenly began a negative spiral, down and down as I walked on. And then I hit the absolute bottom.

I collapsed on the side of the road, shaking, sobbing, biting my lip hard enough to make it bleed. I was tired of being a failure. I was ready for it all to end.

~~~

Sorry for the depressing chapter, broskis, but I just LOVE writing this stuff. *rubs hands together* Now, for some life story. (If you have something better to do, you can stop reading now XD) A bit of the inspiration for this story came from my own experiences. A little while ago, I was so "in love" with this guy. I was so happy and so convinced that we would fall in love and date and get married and all that stuff, but then I confessed my feelings and made myself look really stupid because CLEARLY he did not feel the same towards me. :/ So... that's a bit on my life.

Anyway, I'm getting so much support on this story, I absolutely love all you guys! I'm really happy with the way this story's coming along and I'm super psyched the you guys all like it too! :3 I send hugs out to all of you and thank you!! :D yay!