Chapter 42

Marshall's POV

Driving through the streets of Detroit was a common practice I had done when I had a lot to think about.

I pull into the drive-through of the restaurant and place my order then picking it up from the end window.

As I'm waiting to exit the car park, I spot a familiar bar across the street, my mind started to race, the glow of the sign, suddenly triggering the feeling of dejavu creeping up my skin.

December 2007

I stood staring at her laying sleeping in my bed, the sheet barely covering her naked body.

Walking into my bathroom, dumping some pills into my hand from the container and shoving it back in the drawer before dropping them on my tongue and swallowing with some water from the tap.

Looking at my reflection in the mirror only reminded me of the disgusting mess I had become.

I didn't deserve a beautiful woman giving me affection, she didn't deserve to be dragged down with me.

But I really liked her.

The week had been one of the best I'd had since Proof passed.

In this haze of euphoria from the drugs and the feeling of disassociation from the world, she made me feel connected to something again.

I had a connection with her.

She made me feel... Something again.

Like some fucked up clearing in the clouds that shine a light on the darkest of places momentarily, warming a sold heart just enough so that it starts to beat.

She deserved more.

"That last kissI'll cherishUntil we meet againAnd time makesIt harderI wish I could rememberBut I keepYour memoryYou visit me in my sleepMy darlingWho knew?"

The honking of a car behind me and the song playing over the radio snapped me out it my flashback.

What.

I continued to drive back in the direction of Sterling heights.

The revelations of our past have shaken me to my core, it was a bomb that was dropped in my lap that I wasn't prepared for.

When she said I wouldn't like what I heard, I thought it was something along the lines of being a jackass in public or something.

The fact that I had not only taken advantage of her kindness towards me in a dark time but also disrespected her while being so poisonous and classically me.

But why did I do it?

Why did I feel like destroying her at the time?

Was I scared of something?

The reaction had me baffled and it was even more frustrating that I couldn't remember it all.

It all made sense to me why she was the way she was towards me that she was, her toxic behaviour was because of things I had done.

I had ripped her to pieces while she was most valuable, I had probably the one person at the time who meant the world to her as her world was falling apart after losing her brother and in all honestly, I was disappointed in myself.

I groaned as I felt the pangs of guilt heavily kick me in the gut.

At one time in this hellish world, two damaged people had found each other, hiding from the world, while we healed our wounds together, and I still couldn't help but end up being the asshole.

I wouldn't know how to make it up to her when if it tried.

How do you make up to shit like that?

I could take it back, but after 15 years the damage was done and scarred deep.

And the fact that she gave up her virginity?

The fuck?

I didn't even know where to begin to think of that.

I had remembered her mentioning at the cabin when we were talking locked down together that she had decided to keep her virginity intact because she felt that was the only thing she has true control over in her life growing up the way she did, the one thing that was hers.

There's that pang again.

That made me feel even worse.

I looked out the window, and see a store.

I know it's not going to fix it and make the situation go away but maybe it's a start, a way for us to start over?

I do a quick U-turn and pull into the parking lot, before parking and locking up the car.

Upon entering the store I'm greeted by the familiar face of the manager.

"Mr Mathers, so good to see you, can I help you find anything?"

"Yeah actually you can man, I'm looking for something in particular, and I'm gonna need it customized"

He nods at me and I start to list off the specifics of the item I want as I followed him to the back of the store and into his office as he sat me down, disappeared and then returning with the items in question.

As I said, it doesn't make everything I did right.

It's a gesture to make a new beginning at least.

---

Standing in Leila's doorway, I breathe in and knock.

Everything still spinning around my head.

I tried not to think about her face twisted and distorted in pain, caused by the words I had said about her, the cold poisonous words I said about her brother.

If someone had said that to me about Proof, I would have destroyed them.

The door opened and I see a fresh-faced Leila, who stepped aside silently and let me in.

"So" I started as we walked into her living room, putting down the bag of food, I remained standing as she took a seat  "Despite fragments of memory and minor vague flashbacks, my mind isn't crystal clear on everything, and I struggle to understand why I said what I said to purposely hurt you, but I remember the warmth I felt back then when I was with you, the darkness I was feeling daily, went away in your presence"

I handed her the bag with the gift before I continued.

"I don't know if one day I'll be able to forgive myself for the way I treated you, but today I want to apologize to you, I'll do my best to make up to you and maybe one day you will be able to forgive me fully for my actions and my words but I will understand if you can't"

She looks at me confused before she looked into the bag, pulling out the jewellery box and opening it.

Holding up the chain with two defining dog tags, inspecting them closely.

"Why would do this?" She asked frowning up at me.

"I ain't even know where to begin? A fresh start, to make it up to you? I mean I can't obviously fix everything at once but what I can do is show you how sincere I am and that my apology is real"

She squints at me again after looking back at the tags and raises an eyebrow "Superman?"

I chuckle "Even he trips on his cape occasionally"

"You fell an awfully long way" She snorts and stands.

"The important thing is that I found my way back up, and I'm still making amends for the havoc I wreaked when I tripped and fell" I shrug.

"It's a sweet gesture, as much as it was then, thankyou"

"So is this you accepting part of my apology?"

She nods, taking her chain off and replacing it with mine, remaining hers and adding her brothers Tag to it, then reaching for my hand and placing hers in it, on the old chain.

I look down and place it in the pocket, with her other tag, and we stood for a moment in a locked gaze.

Her rich brown eyes were all-consuming for the moment, I step forward and kiss her softly, deeply and then lean back "Leila I think we-"

"Uh, fuck, guys, you have company-"

I turn my head, frozen in place, seeing Alec, towering in the doorframe, shit-eating grin plastered across his face, with Monica fluttering her lashes in joy at the scenario they both clearly had been there long enough to witness.