Chapter 39

Leila POV

"Trick said they've found her and she's bring dropped at rehabilitation clinic"

"I don't know why he's bothering, I've told him not to waste his time"

"Because we all know how much you still love her Lala" Alec says with a sigh, sitting next to me "Marshall told me what she said to you, you know she didn't mean it right? Drug addicts are just vindictive, also it's not true"

I stared down into my cup of coffee, it has been an overwhelming 24 hours.

Between my mother turning up and Marshall kissing me suddenly unprovoked and ripping old wounds open I was emotionally exhausted.

The expression of Marshalls before he kissed me burnt into my mind.

I got up and left before he woke because I wasn't ready to face him and pretend like it didn't affect me.

It affected me so much that my body somehow transported back to being a giddy 21-year-old, whose heartbeat hard and her hands were sweaty.

"Lala, you're zonin' out, you sure you're okay?"

I look at him, wanting to talk, to spew my feelings of confusion like some teenage girl on spring break, but I couldn't, he would ask too many questions.

All of which I wasn't ready to face or elaborate on with answers.

"Not really, I just need time and sleep, I didn't really sleep last night"

Alec sat back in the chair giving me an amused glance "Rap God keep you awake huh?"

"We slept separately, get over yourself"

"You snuck out though"

"How the hell do you know when I left?"

Alec snorts "He may have said you were gone when he got up, and said to check on you"

I frowned and stood "He needs to mind his damn business and not gossip like he's on an episode of golden girls"

"You can't be pissed at him for caring Leila, it's not how that fucking works and you know it, what's up with you?"

I shake my head "I'm sorry, I'm just taking it out on you"

"It's ok, I understand, just remember that we care ok?" Alec said quietly, standing up next to me.

I nod again, wrapping my hand around his tall frame as he enjoyed me in a hug then walking to my bedroom, laying down.

I huffed, tossing and turning.

Yes, I was irrationally angry at him.

How fucking dare he.

How dare he what Leila?

Kiss you?

Not read your mind?

Act like someone that overdosed and doesn't remember literally anything?

I grabbed my dog tag.

Sitting up I look at the clock, it was still early in the afternoon.

Monica would still be in the office.

I get up, get dressed and make my way over to see her, maybe it will shake me out of my self-loathing for the moment.

------

Walking down the corridor leaving Monica's office, heading towards the entrance of Effigy feeling lucky that I haven't had a run-in with the man himself.

Walking past an open studio familiar music blast out, looking at Marshall who looks up smirking at me as I nod back, speeding up towards the entrance.

Is that 97' Bonnie and Clyde playing?

I continue out of the building towards the street, confusion hitting me like a tonne of bricks, winding me.

"What the fuck..." I whisper to myself, staring at the sidewalk until I stop at a familiar cafe, walking inside it.

Stomach growling snapping out of my daze.

"Leila! I was just about to close up, you hungry? Want me to make you something before I close?" Stella's musical voice greeted me "The usual?"

I nod "If you don't mind"

"You okay?" She asked, gesturing for me to follow her into the kitchen.

"Yeah, I've just had a bit of a crazy two days..." I sighed, exhausted, taking a seat on a stool.

"Want to talk about it?" She smiled kindly at me as she prepared my salad.

I hesitate for a moment, unsure if I wanted to speak or not, but the nagging voice in my head was screaming too loud, I just wanted ignorance and peace again.

"I'm struggling with my feelings for Marshall" I said, it all falling out of my mouth so fast I didn't even recognise myself.

"Leila, wait, what do you mean feelings?" She said, eyebrows raised, placing the completed salad down in front of me.

"At first I was closed and defensive around him, but I've somehow been letting my guard down involuntary" I said pushing the salad around the plastic take away bowl "It's confusing because I started seeing him in another light, and I'm frustrated, I want to still hate him but can't"

Wiping her hands then taking off her apron and putting it on the table next to us, Stella sits down next to me.

"You want to hate him?" She repeated confused.

"Its easier to despise him"

"You know he was restless when he was with me right? It felt like I was extinguishing his fire, I'm not stupid, I could see he was bored" Stella thinks for a moment then continues "and Whenever I saw him with you, it was like watching a fire be stoked, his eyes would blaze like a ruthless wildfire, you're the same Leila, your energies match"

I felt something in my head snap, and tears fell from my eyes.

"Leila, why are you crying?"

"I'm sorry, this is the last conversation you should be having, I don't even know why I shared it with you, it's actually really insensitive, you're such a nice woman, and I'm sitting here, verbally vomiting my confused feelings for your ex-boyfriend"

Stella turned around walking into the fridge then returned with a container with a slice of cheesecake and placing it down in front of me, in which I almost instantly shoved my salad aside and started to fill my face with it.

"Leila it's okay, really, I've made peace with that a while ago" She said giving me a kind smile.

I don't know what was sweeter this woman or this fucking cheesecake.

I sat there in silence for a moment, eating the cheesecake like my life depended on it, filling that gaping hole that sat inside my chest that burned out decades ago that suddenly started to ache recently.

"He's a good man Leila, he's not perfect, hell he's as imperfect as a man gets, he's rude, obnoxious, hot-headed and merciless... But when you get to know him and look past it all, but to those close to him he will go to the ends of the earth for you, just to make sure you're ok, he really has a heart of gold"

"That's the problem, I know all that, I know every side of him, I've been on both"

"Well, I guess you're gonna have to choose which version of Marshall you want the most" Stella shrugs.

I put the lid back in the salad and cheesecake and Stella hands me a bag.

Thank you"

"Anytime" Stella nods with a gracious smile "If you ever need to talk to some outside your circle with a different outlook I'm always here"

I smile and nod as I stand up, Stella walking to the store door with me and letting me out on the street.

Suddenly realising I had in fact driven to see Monica and internally swore that I now had to walk back to the Effigy building to get my car.

Sighing I walked back towards the security entrance, heels clacking on the sidewalk and everything was suddenly in slow motion as I saw the familiar black SUV leaving the gates.

He drove past me, cackling loud and clear as his window was down, talking to someone on his Bluetooth, wearing his white hoodie with the hood up, sitting back on his head, brown hair peeking out, and just like that he was gone.

I thanked the gods he hasn't seen me and got to my car, sliding inside the driver's seat and waited for my heart to settle before I started my car and started to leave the lot.

"You need to get a fucking grip Leila"