Session 16

Quinn loosened her grip around the letter opener as a tall, masculine silhouette drifted down the length of her frosted glass office walls. She had a feeling she knew who was coming, but she didn't want to believe it. She wanted to believe it was anyone else in the galaxy, anyone but him.

 As his figure rounded the corner and appeared in the doorway, Quinn's heart sunk into her stomach. She stood there with her lips slightly parted. She didn't know what to say, and even if the words were to have somehow made it to her mind in time, she didn't know how'd she'd even begin to speak. All she could to was stare. 

"Nice office you got here. You might want to invest in more security though," he shrugged carelessly as he took a drag of his cigarette. Quinn couldn't believe he was there in front of her, no more than 10 meters away. He was just standing there, wearing the same leather jacket and black jeans that Quinn had made him wear the night of the mission. 

"S-Spike?" Quinn stammered as she slowly walked around her desk. She was shaking, she could barely breath, and her entire body felt like it was being dragged downwards. Light reflected off his dark, tinted green hair while smoke enveloped the area around his face. His appearance hadn't changed since she had least seen him, but for some reason Quinn just couldn't see him as the same man she had fallen for all those months ago. 

"That's what they call me," he cocked his head to the side playfully before exhaling a large cloud of smoke. She couldn't believe how calm he was acting. It had been months since he had last seen her, and this is how he chose to greet her? 

He presented the same arrogance he had worn the first night he picked her up at the bar. Quinn hated it, and it all felt like a bad dream. Ever since he left she'd being having nightmares about him. Every so often she'd awake in a cold sweat after dreaming about his return. 

Although it didn't happen often, every occasion was unforgettable. This moment, despite feeling like a nightmare, was real. Quinn could hardly compose herself as she made her way towards the doorway. 

"What are you doing here?" Quinn choked as she walked closer to him. She was completely baffled by his sudden appearance, and needless to say she she was not particularly pleased with his actions. 

 Spike smiled happily as he leaned himself against the door frame. He crossed one ankle over the other as he took another drag from his cigarette. 

"You want the truth?" He asked, and Quinn nodded her head hesitantly. She didn't know what she was expecting to hear from him, but once he opened his mouth, a look of utter bewilderment flushed across her face.  

"Would you believe me if I told you I haven't been able to get out out of my head since the last night I saw you?" He asked, and Quinn's stomach twisted as she bit the inside of her cheek. She couldn't believe what he was saying, and regardless of whether or not he was telling the truth, she hated the way he spoke to her. 

He talked like he had a chance, and he was acting as if his simple words could fix all the pain he had put her through. Whatever he was thinking was wrong. Quinn wasn't one to be easily persuaded. 

"I would think you're stupid for thinking anything you could say would convince me to let you back into my life," Quinn frowned, her tone flat with animosity. She had spent countless sleepless nights attempting to forget him, and now suddenly out of nowhere he appeared at her door? The entire situation was beyond ridiculous, and she wanted him to leave. 

"I figured," Spike exhaled slowly as he turned his head away from her. 

"I think I made a mistake all those months ago," he began, but Quinn wasn't buying his sob story. 

"You think? Or you know." Quinn asked as she folded her arms across her chest. Spike directed his gaze back to her. He seemed taken aback by her response. He stared into her eyes before slowly raising his fingers to his lips. He pulled the cigarette out of his mouth and turned to exhale the smoke away from her face. 

His mouth tugged upwards to one side as he gave Quinn a half smile. 

"I know I did," he stated before placing the cigarette back between his lips. 

His tone was genuine, but Quinn didn't know how to feel about it. He had left her alone all those months ago without a single word of goodbye. He didn't come to see her after that night, and he didn't even bother to send her so much as a text to see how she was doing. In her mind, he was nothing but a smooth talker and a lonely bachelor who wanted nothing but uncommitted sex. 

"Well it's too late for apologies now," Quinn grimaced as she switched off the light to her office before pulling Spike out of the doorway. She slammed her office door behind her before pushing herself past him. 

"Quinn wait-" he called out as she briskly as she made her way towards the elevators. His voice was shaky, but it wasn't cold. It was clear that Spike wasn't expecting her to react in such a way, and Quinn felt like had almost humbled him somehow. 

"I'm not the kind of woman who waits around for men like you!" She shouted back without even turning to face him. She was angry now, more than she had ever been. She was offended by his casual attitude and she was outraged that he had appeared out of nowhere without her consent. She didn't even know how he had gotten into the office, let alone past Sophie. 

"Quinn, just give me a chance," he grumbled as he followed her down the hallway. His voice was cracking and Quinn could almost hear the moments of discombobulation. She had sufficiently thrown him off track, and for once his arrogance wasn't supporting him. 

Quinn thought it was odd that he liked tough women so much yet he clearly didn't know that they never wanted scummy, overconfident assholes like himself. Maybe that was why he never had any women in his life. His cockiness was a turn off, and he sure as hell didn't know it. 

"I've got somewhere to be," she lied as she finally reached the elevators. Spike was behind her, but he wasn't close. She felt powerful walking away from him even though she so desperately wanted to turn around. All the feelings she had felt for him months ago were suddenly starting to come back at full force. She hated every second she spent thinking of him, but she knew she didn't hate him. She bit the inside of her lip before she summoned the elevator to the top floor. 

She listened as his heavy footsteps got closer and closer to the elevator lobby. Quinn had promised herself that if she ever saw him again, she'd turn away without a single word. She had already broken that promise, and she wasn't willing to break anymore. 

Quinn knew her will was strong, but Spike was notorious for testing ones limits. That was quite evident when he was with Faye, and even though it had been forever since she had last seen the two of them, the memories weren't easy to forget. 

"Quinn," Spike called out once he had caught up to her. 

"Save it," Quinn extended her hand to the side, stopping Spike from getting any closer to her. 

"I'm warning you Spike, you'll only embarrasses yourself if you open that pretty little mouth of yours," Quinn threatened as she watched the floor numbers above the elevator slowly begin to  increase. 

Spike stayed quiet as she lowered her hand back down to her side. She didn't even know if she actually meant what she said, but it didn't matter anyways.

All she cared about was her tone, and when she spoke, she knew her voice on its own got her message across clear as day. Spike was unnervingly quiet as they both stood together in silence. Quinn couldn't see his face or even hear the sound of his breath, but she could tell he was thinking about something. 

She listened as he stuffed a hand into his pants pocket. His frustration was apparent, and Quinn was nervously awaiting his next line. As she stood there, mind racing, she worried that his line would never come. Had she really cornered him? She didn't know, and again she didn't really care. 

She watched as the floor numbers got higher and higher. In a moments notice, the elevator doors opened with a ding. Quinn was about to step in when she heard Spike open his mouth. 

"Her name was Julia," he warbled through smoke, and Quinn stopped. Her body was frozen in time while her boiling blood began to settle. She didn't look at him, and she didn't even speak. She stood there, silent, in front of the open elevator doors.  She could feel Spike's eyes burning her skin as she stood there, motionless. 

Her silence urged him to continue. 

"I met her 4 years ago and I thought she was the love of my life," he continued. Quinn stayed still as she listened.

"I thought she was my other half. I thought she was the key to my survival," he added hesitantly. Quinn didn't  want to respond because she didn't want to cut him off. Her silence was the only thing that was encouraging him to speak.  

"I watched her die in my arms a year ago," he croaked as the glass, elevator doors slowly slid shut. Quinn cringed as the word 'die' left his lips. She wasn't looking at him, but she could tell through his tone that he was writhing with anxiety. He was being genuine, and for once Quinn didn't see any ulterior motives behind his words. 

"Why didn't you tell me that six months ago," Quinn exhaled sharply as she slowly pivoted around to face him.

Their eyes locked once again, and suddenly the memories of the night he left her came flooding back into her mind. The memories were so vivid, so real, so tangible. The tears she cried that night still felt like they were pouring from her eyes, and she swore between the tension in the air and the cigarette smoke that surrounded their heads she could smell the same cologne he had been wearing that night he had given her his coat.  

"I forgot how to trust," he shook his head sorely as he plucked the end of his cigarette out from between his lips. 

"It wasn't until I let you go that I realized you weren't someone who was going to leave me," he choked as he exhaled the last of his smoke. 

"I left you, and I didn't think about how you must have felt that night until after I left Mars," Spike continued, and Quinn remained as stone faced as ever.  She didn't know how to feel about what he was saying. He wasn't apologizing yet, but he was stating his wrong doings. He knew he fucked up, but Quinn wanted to hear him say it. She wasn't convinced just yet. 

"Did she leave you?" Quinn questioned, and Spikes expression twisted into one of confusion. 

"It was complicated," he shrugged, and Quinn rolled her eyes before extending her finger towards the elevator button again. She wished he would have just give her a straight answer, but as always, he was as vague as ever. 

"Stop," Spike swiftly swat her hand away from the button before hastily attempting to regain her attention. She felt her heart flutter as his hand touched hers. There was a certain electricity in his touch and it shocked Quinn the moment she felt his skin against hers.  

"I promise I'll tell you everything you need to know," he begged, and Quinn began to consider her options. She could leave, and this whole night would be over, but by the way Spike was looking at her, it didn't seem like he was going to let her go. 

She didn't want to hear him out, but she didn't want to be blind anymore. His past was so intimate, and so secret. She hated that she still cared to know more about him despite how cold he had been towards her. 

She was absent for a moment, but she quickly made up her mind once she realized what she was waiting for. 

"I just can't," she croaked nervously as she pulled her hand away from his. She placed a finger back on the elevator button, and to her surprise, Spike didn't stop her from walking into the shaft. 

"Quinn," he pleaded once she had entered the elevator. Quinn didn't reply, she just looked into his eyes longingly as she raised a finger towards the large array of floor numbers ahead of her. The tension was unreal, and Quinn figured if she had to endure it for any longer, she might just snap in half.  Her movements were awkwardly slow. She was waiting for something still, and she was giving Spike every last second to redeem himself. 

"I'm sorry," he muttered pathetically as her finger hovered overtop of the lobby button. 

Again, she stood there frozen in time as her body quickly untensed itself.

There it was. The words she had been waiting for. Her finger shook as her breath caught in her throat. The pressure surrounding her began to ease as she pulled her hand back from the button. 

"Fuck," she cursed under her breath as she shook her head in defeat. 

Spike untensed as she stepped out of the elevator and back into the lobby. She wasn't willing to fully accept his apology until he explained himself, but he had at least said sorry. That was really all she wanted to hear from him, and she was surprised that it took that much to get the words out of his mouth. 

"I'm listening," she sighed halfheartedly  before gesturing towards two arm chairs that were situated at the end of the lobby. 

"Thank you," he smiled through a sharp exhale as they walked over to the chairs. 

Quinn didn't want to believe that Spike had bad intentions. He really seemed genuine, and she felt that now more than ever he was ready to actually be truthful with her. Quinn was one to trust her gut, and although her initial thought was to run far far away from him, his words had eased her anxiety, and she was ready to at the very least hear him out. 

Once they sat down, Spike was quick to tell Quinn everything about his former life. Julia was a woman he had came to know during his time in a crime syndicate called the Red Dragon. Spike explained how he had had plans to run away with her and leave the organization behind, but Julia never ended up meeting him at there decided location. He told Quinn how he waited for her. How it was raining, and how she never showed up. He had faked his own death, and all he wanted was to runaway with his love. 

After that day when Julia  failed to meet him at their spot, he ran. He ran for 3 years with only the thought of her keeping him going. When he finally found her again, she told him her truth.

Vicious, a former close friend of Spike's that he had met during his time in the syndicate, had threatened to kill Julia and her lover is she were to have met Spike at their disclosed location. 

The relationship between Vicious and Spike was rather complicated. From what Quinn understood, they used to be quite close, but it seemed like a divide had occurred between them once Spike had fallen for Julia. It seemed like there could have been some sort of love triangle developing, but Quinn wasn't quite sure. 

She had never gotten the chance to meet either of them, and considering that they were now both dead, she figured she'd probably never know the other side of the story. 

Quinn came to know that Vicious was the one who had given Spike the scar across his abdomen. He had obtained the wound during a battle against him, which Spike ultimately won. 

He barely survived the attack though, and if it weren't for Faye coming to rescue you him that night, he surely would have died. Quinn listened intently as Spike continued working out the details of his past. The story was truly heart wrenching, and Quinn almost felt bad for pushing him away earlier. 

She apologized for her harshness, but Spike vey much understood her reasoning. He didn't hold her against her initial aggression, and for that reason Quinn let his sudden, unannounced appearance slide. 

As his story came to a close, Quinn felt herself coming closer and closer to a final decision. She didn't know whether or not to accept his apology and let him back into her life, or to settle their differences and move on. 

Eventually Quinn came to the realization that no matter how enduring he was, she didn't want to waste her time getting to know him again. She had places to be, and a position to uphold. She didn't have time for such a commitment, let alone something casual, and as the night grew older, she allowed the conversation to fizzle out. 

"Spike, I'm glad you came to see me, but I've got to get going," Quinn urged as she slid herself off of her seat. Her presentation was less than 12 hours away and she was beyond exhausted. 

"You sure you can't spare another hour or two?" He asked as he followed her towards the elevators. Quinn sighed as she pulled out her cellphone. It was a quarter to eleven and she was terribly sleep deprived. Her mind told her no, but her gut told her to go for it. She was conflicted, and Spike could tell that she was trying to make a decision. 

"I promise it wont be a waste of your time," Spike urged as she slipped her phone back into her pocket. Her mind was racing, and all she wanted to do was say no, but due to her exhaustion and sleep deprivation, she was unable to think logically. 

She knew she didn't have the time in her life for anything romantic, but something in her mind told her to just go for it. Maybe that thing was the free spirit she had obtained during her months as a runaway, or maybe it simply was fate. Whatever it was, Quinn wasn't too upset with her decision. Sophie would have told her she deserved a break anyways, and for once Quinn would have agreed with her. 

"What do you have in mind?" She asked as she summoned the elevator. Since no one was left in the building, it opened immediately and Spike and Quinn stepped in together. 

"Well there's this little jazz club just down the block that I've always wanted to go to," he began as the glass doors closed in front of them. Quinn let a small laugh escape her lips as the elevator began to descend. 

"Jazz club? Hmm, you never really struck me as a jazz kinda guy" She taunted before playfully nudging him in the side with her elbow. 

"Didn't think so either, y'know I've actually been there before, but I wasted my time flirting with some red haired chick when I really would have rather been there with the girl who was talking my ear off all night," he threw back. Quinn smiled as her cheeks flushed red. 

"Talking your ear off? Come on, you would've crumbled without me!" Quinn chuckled as a wide smile grew across her face. 

"Crumbled? What makes you have such little faith in me?" He added tauntingly before packing his hands into his pockets.

"The list is too long, I'll save it for another night," Quinn laughed as she tucked a strand off loose hair behind her ear.

"Another night? Does this mean I've already got a second date outta you?" Spike grinned as the elevator settled on the main floor. Quinn groaned lightheartedly as she glass doors opened in front of them. 

"What makes you think you've even got a first date?" She shrugged impishly as they made their ways out into the main lobby. 

"Hmm, I haven't thought about that yet. Let me get back to you at the end of the night," he replied casually as they walked towards the exit. Quinn chuckled as Spike held the door open for her. 

"Wow, who knew a cowboy could be so formal," she mocked sarcastically as Spike followed her out onto the sidewalk. It had been forever since she had last been able to joke around like this, and it was truly comforting to be able to ditch her professionalism for the night. 

"Who knew a simple business woman would have a heart colder than space itself," Spike shot back as he accompanied Quinn down the cramped, city sidewalks. His presence was enjoyable, and as they made their ways towards the jazz club, she couldn't believe she was actually appreciating his company. 

Quinn figured that this might be the balance she needed in her life. Perhaps it was a good thing that he had disappeared for all those months, because it actually gave her time to think about what she was missing. 

{A/N oh my god this chapter took days to write. Apologies for any spelling and/or grammar errors here! I poured my heart and soul into this session but I'm still prone to mistakes just like anyone else lol}