Chapter 19 - Feelings

Chapter 19 – Feelings.

Georgia; The Walking Dead Set;

Jeffrey Dean Morgan...

Leaving her this morning was one of the hardest things I had ever done; with her deep brown hair framed out on the pillow like some sort of halo adorning her head. The gentle brush of her long lashes on the top of her cheek-bones, as her eyes moved rapidly under the lids, her mouth slightly open – I hadn't thought that she could get more beautiful, until I saw her this morning – once again, in all things Emily related; I was proven wrong.

It wasn't hard to recognise her as Grace' daughter. I, sort of hate that fact, especially when it came to my ex-wife, Lizzy.

My ex-wife, had always known that I had been in love with my best friends' wife. I, had stupidly, confided in her about how I was suddenly finding myself attracted to Emily. At first, Lizzy had actually been supportive and comforting, as she tried to convince me – what I should do, and I, honestly, thought that she had changed. In fact; I had been so convinced that I thought my secret feelings for Emily were safe with my ex-wife.

I am such a fucking moron!

The day Charlie had asked for my blessing to marry my oldest daughter, Lizzy had shown up at the house – dressed like some twisted version of Emily. I say, twisted because for her whole life; Lizzy had, had natural bleach blonde hair, but that was all gone; she died her hair a deep chestnut brown colour to match that of Emily's natural colouring. Then there is the fact that she was dressed like Emily.

Emily had been, understandably, freaked out by my ex-wife. Once Emily had hightailed it out of my house; I had pulled Lizzy to the side and told her that she was out of line and that was when she had said it...

'You are only interested in her because she is Grace's double and you think that being with Emily is, almost, like being with Grace.... finally!'

Of course, I had been absolutely livid; mainly because – I had seen the resemblance myself but the outside was where the resemblance ended. Emily was so different to Grace, and I don't know if that is because Ben had raised her alone or what, but deep down, I knew that it didn't matter – Emily was the one, that I wanted and my feelings had nothing to do with who her mother was.

'Hey babe, what time are you finished filming for the day? E x' just in that moment she had sent me a text, almost like she had known that I was thinking of her.

'Hey darlin', I am stuck here for another 4 hours, why? J x'

'Charlie showed up – he's needing my help with something; I was just wondering how long I had. E x'

I figure Charlie was enlisting Emily to help him find the perfect engagement ring. Charlie and Emily had become good friends, as my daughter, had done everything that she could think of to make him walk away.

I can't stop my irrational, or paranoid thoughts from entering my mind – what if she finds someone closer to her own age? What if she decides that I am far too old for her? How would I feel? I am surprised that I feel instantly devastated. I didn't even realise that I was this deeply invested in this relationship; but it was true and I am now smiling like a fucking moron.

"What's up with you, joker?" Norman approached to have a cigarette with me. Making reference to the fact that I am smiling like the new adaption of the Joker from Batman.

"I think, that right in this moment, I am the happiest man in the world, smart ass!" I retorted.

"And does that have something to do with little Miss Jail-Bait?"

"She isn't jail-bait man,"

"No, but one point; getting with her would have been against the law – and your lawyer friend, would have your head as soon as look at you, or in court so quick that your head would be spinning, dude!"

Of course, I knew that what he was trying to tell me – some people would have a huge problem with the relationship that Emily and I, were trying to build. However, if I tried to please everyone, I would never be happy. My life away from the big screen – is private and in all honesty couldn't give a flying fuck what anyone thought. I am the happiest I have ever been in the longest time – that was down to Emily. And because of that, I will not let anyone change the way I feel about her.

"Dude, you should know I don't give a flying fuck about what anyone says or thinks!"

"Fair enough man," my friend replied, "so has something happened?"

Despite being here from 'stupid o'clock' as Emily called it; I hadn't managed to get any time with my best friend, Norman, to tell him what had happened with Emily and I. The truth of the matter is – I need to talk to someone about all that is happening.

Norman and I had just sort of clicked when we first met; we go out on our Harley's together, we hang out; when we aren't filming – so I know that I can trust him; no questions asked.

Once he lit his own cigarette – we began walking around the outskirts of our set and I began explaining what happened with Emily and I. I found myself even telling him about my ex-wife. With every word coming out of my mouth; the weight was lifting from my shoulders. So much so, that I hadn't even realised how much I had been carrying.

"Damn dude – you know that you're going to have to keep a very close eye on Lizzy, right?"

"I know – I have told Emily that I fixed it but I am on edge with it all, knowing my ex-wife the way that I do,"

"My point exactly," my friend agreed, "and on the other hand – I have never seen you this happy – so if it is down to Emily; you need to lock that down as soon as possible!"

"Woah, that's way too soon man, I mean we haven't even had sex yet!"

After my marriage to Lizzy; I had promised myself that if I had the chance to get married again – I would have to be completely sure that it would be 100% different to my first marriage.

The thing with Emily is that she is the polar opposite to Lizzy and that was extremely attractive and I am completely smitten with her; she was like a breath of fresh air. As right as Norman is; its just way too soon, to propose to Emily.

Isn't it?

LA – Emily's Club;

Paige Morgan...

I truly hate when Charlie has to leave for work; he had, had to head to Georgia this morning to meet with some movie exec about an upcoming role that he had been asked to read for. Unfortunately, I had agreed to keep an eye on Emily's club while she was in Georgia also with my dad, but he had said that he was going to grab a coffee with Emily, if she was up to it.

I know that Charlie thinks I am crazy but I am more than certain that there is something going on with my best friend and my dad – I feel a bit crazy for even thinking it. I mean it couldn't be the case could it?

Emily, was far too young for my dad, plus she is the daughter of my dad's oldest friend, I can't even imagine that my dad would have ever looked at Emily in that way, especially not when Ben was still alive. I don't even know how I would even feel about it; if it is true, just thinking and suspecting it – I feel icky. Like I can't imagine what they could possibly have in common; how could Emily be with someone so old? I mean he is my dad and I love him dearly, but let's face it is getting up there in age.

Oh God, what if they ever got married? That would mean that my best friend would be my stepmom. I don't think that there is anything more wrong than that. I mean how would that even work? Would I be expected to call her mom? No, surely, she wouldn't insist on that, right? Not Emily, she is far too level headed to ask that of me.

Charlie has been acting a little off lately, almost like he is trying to hide something – but that's not my boyfriend, that isn't what he does – he would always tell me if there was something bothering him. I can't help but wonder what he is thinking about. My initial reaction is to resort back to when Ryan started freezing me out and I am terrified that this is happening again – I mean it is going the exact way that Ryan did it; he is withdrawing from me. And I don't know why. I want to talk to him, I want him to talk to me about whatever it is that is on his mind, but no matter how much I poked at it, the more evasive he became.

I don't think that I can get through another man walking away from me – especially when I love Charlie, far more than I had ever loved Ryan, and at the time I had thought that what I had with Ryan was love, so how bad is it going to be with Charlie? I feel sick at the thought, I am terrified that I am not going to make it through it this time.

My world suddenly feels like it is spinning and I need to sit for a few minutes, Fuck just the thought of Charlie leaving me, is having this type of effect on me, what would it be like when he does actually walk away? See, I have already convinced myself that it is over?

This is what my brand of thinking does to me. I can only hope that Charlie isn't as cruel, or as big a pussy as Ryan was. No – not my Charlie, he can't possibly be that cruel and thoughtless, especially when he knows what I went through with Ryan.

Lighting a cigarette, I roll down the window of my car and welcome the cool breeze on my face, just as my phone dinged with a message, rooting in my bag, I finally get my hand on it and pull it from the bottom of my bag.

'Hey honey, just wanted to tell you that I am going to be having coffee with Charlie this morning, can we do the video chat a little later? E xx'

Ok, so I have to be overthinking this right? I mean if my boyfriend and best friend were having some sort of affair; they wouldn't be messaging me to brag about it right?

What the hell is wrong with me? First, I think that my friend is sleeping with my dad, and then I think she is possibly sleeping with my boyfriend; I know Emily better than I know anyone, and there is no way that she would make a play for my boyfriend, she was all about loyalty, she wouldn't even date an ex of mine, no matter how much I said that it was ok. I don't like this feeling of constant paranoia and I don't know where it has come from all of a sudden. Is it because Ryan had been in touch lately? Has it swirled up all the memories of what my ex had done to me? Now that paranoia is eroding through my thoughts and feelings and I have never felt this sick, or ashamed of my thoughts.

'That's cool honey – I am at the site, so I will go in and take some notes, and get a chat with the head dude. Chat later. P xx'

I had to keep my reply light as I normally would, I don't want them to be worrying about me. No, I know that Emily would never do that to me – she isn't that type of person, she is a loyal friend and she has only ever had my back; she has never given me reason to doubt her. So, no I don't believe that she is having an affair with my boyfriend, they had become friends when Charlie had been pursuing me, in fact I would say that they were almost, like best friends.

However, I am still stuck on her being with my dad. Everything seemed to add up to her being with him – I mean why else would she go away to Georgia with him, so close to her club being completed? It really was the only thing that I could come up with.

My only question is how serious is it? At this point, I am more than 100% sure that they are hooking up and I honestly, do not know what to think of it.

How did it even start? What do they talk about? What do they have in common? What would Ben have thought?

Deep down I know that Ben would be having a shit-fit over this if he were still here.... would it ever have happened if Ben was still here? I don't think that it would have happened had he still been here. There would have been no point for my dad and Emily to spend so much time alone together if Ben was still alive.

Is my friend working out her grief on my dad? No, because Emily isn't like that – she never used people for her own gratification, that just wasn't who she was; my dad always told stories of Grace, Emily's mom, who died while giving birth to Emily, and how the woman had been the kindest and most helpful woman that he had ever known, and that sometimes he could see that spirit of Grace in the things that Emily said or did. Emily had always found that to be a compliment; she would blush and thank my dad for that.

Normally I would call my sister, Ryan about something like this, but she was off on the road with her hubby, they were over-seas, so their time zone was not the same as ours, and I didn't want to wake her over something that I don't know for sure, despite how convinced I am – I could have it wrong, and then that would cause undue upset. No, it was best to keep it to myself for now.

If I couldn't talk to my sister, I would call Emily, but since she is the one that I am having these thoughts about, I, obviously, can't call her.

For the next hour, I went through the building with the project manager, writing everything down that he said, so that I could tell Emily exactly where the project was at and how long that there was left to go before it was completed. I had to admit that I welcomed the distraction; at least my mind wasn't overthinking all these things that they had been thinking while I was sitting in that car having a cigarette.

It had been extremely welcomed; I hate to think about my friends and my dad in the way that I had been.

It was good for me to do this – and before I left, I went back over the colour swatches with the camera, so that Emily could decide what colour she wanted to go with. Getting back in my car, my phone started ringing – looking down, I could see it was my mom; what did she want?

Georgia;

Lizzy Morgan...

Jeffrey had always wanted to have his own farm – where he would take in abandoned or in need animals – and it hadn't been a surprise to hear that he had done it. I hadn't ever seen the farm, he had bought it after he put me in that 'hospital'. Seeing it now; I could see that he had cows, donkeys, Lama's and other animals, that I couldn't see from my vantage point.

"Hi Lizzy, what's up?" my daughter answered.

I hate that she calls me Lizzy and not mom, but I guess that I deserved some of that caution – after all that she had seen me do to her dad, I don't blame her completely. All I want is the chance to make it up to my husband and to my girls, and I knew that wasn't going to be easy.

"I flew into Georgia today, I wanted to surprise your dad," I lied, I had no intention of letting Jeffrey know that I am in town, "but I see that he is down here with your little friend, Emma is it?"

"Emily, her name is Emily,"

"That's right, sorry sweetheart, I am not so good with names," I lied once again.

"Its fine, and yes I know that he is down there with Emily, they both told me they were going together,"

"Together? As in a couple?" had they told Paige that they were an item?

No surely not – they had been extremely careful around my daughter, they didn't touch, and they barely talked to one another.

"Why would you say that?" Paige asked me.

"Oh no reason honey, I just misunderstood what you said,"

"No, they are not down there as a couple, they are there so that Emily could get away before she opens her business,"

"Ok," I nodded, "and did you know that Charlie is visiting with her?"

I had followed the 2 of them moving around the city, I hadn't been able to keep up when they had headed into a mall; the crowds of happy shoppers had swallowed them up, and I had only managed to catch up to them, when I saw them sat outside of a café, having a coffee and laughing with one another. I managed to capture a few photos, which I intended on passing to one of those online trashy celebrity sites.

I just hoped that it wouldnot end up hurting my daughter too much.