Boyfriends

TW: Warning, this chapter includes mind descriptions of SA and pedophilia, please read at your own risk.

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Dazai paced his room, his feet walking the same path they had for the last hour as he read and re-read the RIVALS post:

Chuuya Nakahara has been making a living off of screwing straight guys:Foster child and outwardly gay junior, Chuuya Nakahara has been spotted having sexual relations with Dazai Osamu and other possible recipients. We can only assume this is to pay for his cost of life as he struggles with a Mom who recently just got out of prison for murder. His Mom is also suspected of having a history of heavy drug usage. Could Chuuya be going down the same path?

Dazai swore as he sat down. He had sent many messages to Chuuya, begging him to talk to him, but there was no reply, no notation that Chuuya had any intentions of talking to him.

"Who could have posted that," Dazai whispered to himself, "Could someone have seen us? And why did they lie?" Dazai glanced out the window to where the silver car was previously parked, only empty space remained there now.

Dazai's thoughts were interrupted when he heard the crash of the front door. Dazai sprung up, alarmed. He raced to the door, his heart hammering in his chest when the sound of someone shouting his name in a pained cry pierced his ears.

He stopped at the door, breathing through panic as he spotted the redhead boy slumped in the hallway, sobbing.

"Chuuya," Dazai whispered, the boy raised his head, and Dazai had to stop himself from crying out when he saw his lover's face, painted with the red of his blood, streaked with tears still falling, and displaying this unimaginable pain, as if he were watching his world burn to the ground in front of him. And maybe he was.

Chuuya's nails scraped at the wooden floor as he stumbled over his words, unable to speak.

Dazai didn't hesitate as he dropped to the floor and cupped Chuuya's face in his hands, "It's okay, you're safe. I'm here."

The face Chuuya made mirrored hurt, and not just from the wound digging into his forehead. Dazai barely managed to catch Chuuya's fist as he aimed a weak punch at Dazai's face. Dazai flinched, holding his lover's fist inches away from it colliding with his face.

Chuuya cried out in frustration, ripping his fist from Dazai's grip and slamming it to the ground, feeling his hand burn, "This is all your fault! It's all your fucking fault!" Chuuya's boy shook with anger, "I hate you!"

Dazai reeled back from hurt, the hatred in Chuuya's voice sending daggers through Dazai's chest, "Chuuya... what do you-"

"It's your fault," Chuuya's voice wavered as he moved away from Dazai, "If you hadn't done- What you did to- it was your fault."

Dazai's mind raced with a thousand unanswered questions, but he kept his voice at a whisper, "Chuuya, take a deep breath, okay? And talk to me."

Chuuya pressed the palms of his hands to his eyes and cried, he shivered and slumped against the wall, "I can't take it," He gasped through tears, "It hurts so much."

"I know," Dazai whispered, moving closer, trying not to frighten the boy, "I need you to talk to me, what happened?"

Chuuya moved his hands from his face, digging them into the fire strands of his hair, his head pounding, "I was hurt- Attacked... I was attacked."

Dazai flinched, "Chuuya... who did-"

"For being gay," Chuuya spoke with venom, ignoring Dazai, "They found out about us and wanted me in for it. They think you're paying me."

Dazai shook his head, "It was RIVALS."

Chuuya let out a bitter laugh, "Of course it was. That's how all this bullshit happened," Chuuya glared at Dazai, "Why did you do it? Were you jealous?"

Dazai opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out, "What?"

Chuuya could feel his eyes burning, "Did you hate me for lying to you? Or did you wish it was you I was kissing at that party? Or maybe you hated me for being gay, that'd be pretty rich of you."

"Chuuya- I don't know what you're talking about-" Dazai stumbled.

"Of course you do!" Chuuya shouted, "After everything I sacrifice to be your friend in middle school, you fucked up my life in high school when you outed me for hooking up with that Junior. I fucking hate you for it, and I should have reminded myself of that before I let you fuck me!"

Dazai's eyes softened, "Oh... Chuuya-"

"I wanted you to suffer for what you did, for what you made me go through. So I tried, the same way you did. You had forgotten what you did, as if it meant nothing as if ruining the life of the person who once devoted everything they had to you meant nothing. And hell, it probably did." Chuuya's breath shuddered, he expected Dazai to say something but he was staring at Chuuya, his expression unreadable, so Chuuya continued, "But then you kissed me in the F-block toilets and suddenly I was brought back to 10-year-old me, falling head-over-heels for the boy I thought could never love me."

The two sat in silence, letting Chuuya's words hang over their heads.

"You're right," Dazai finally muttered, "I was jealous, I was angry. But I would never do that to you Chuuya."

Chuuya raised his eyes to meet Dazai's.

"I never told anyone about you, I never messaged RIVALS. I hated myself for wishing you were kissing me. And a small part of me hated you for never telling me you were gay, because if you had..."

Chuuya's world spun around in dizzy circles, "It wasn't you?" He whispered.

Dazai shook his head, "I thought you hated me for ditching you in middle school, in truth I was scared about how I felt."

Chuuya almost laughed, "I ditched you. I was scared about my feelings for you."

Dazai smiled, "I guess we're both idiots then."

Chuuya nodded, "I'm sorry," He whispered, "I'm sorry for threatening to put you on RIVALS, I'm sorry for not seeing that you were just looking after Atsushi. I always knew you had a tough life but..."

Dazai's eyes became downcast, "And I'm sorry for never asking you about yours, I never knew about your Mom, I never knew about you being in foster care, I was so concerned with my own shitty situation that I never realized the boy I loved could be in one too. Moreover, I'm sorry for messing with your feelings. I was never able to fully understand how I felt."

Chuuya looked up, "What about now?"

Dazai smiled, "You know how I feel, I love you, and I will never stop loving you. I want to be your boyfriend."

'This is what boyfriends do, Chuuya, like this. See?' Chuuya shivered, his blood running icy cold. He scrambled to stand up but his vision quickly blurred, reducing to a tunnel before his knees gave out.

Dazai swore and jumped up, catching Chuuya before he fell. He held the boy in his arms and pushed the hair from his face so that Dazai could inspect the cut on his forehead. It was deep, not deep enough to need stitches, but it would definitely leave a scar. Dazai had a sneaking feeling that Chuuya was in too much shock to feel much of the pain.

"Who was it?" Dazai whispered as he picked the shivering boy up, carrying him in the safety of his arms, "Who attacked you?"

Chuuya relaxed into Dazai's arms, ignoring the ringing in his ears, "Mori and his crew of assholes."

Dazai sucked in a breath, "I'll kill them."

He carried Chuuya to the bathroom, placing him gently on the floor. The two were silent as Dazai cleaned Chuuya's wound with a warm cloth, tears running down Chuuya's face as he carefully placed a dressing on it. Dazai stripped Chuuya of his dirty clothes, letting him sit in the bathtub as the shower warmed his skin. Angry bruises had begun to blossom on his chest and stomach, so Dazai washed him carefully, letting his lover's tears mix with the water. He scrubbed the dried blood from Chuuya's red hair and gently kissed his eyelashes until his tears stopped falling.

Dazai didn't care that his clothes got soaked as he pulled Chuuya from the bath, holding him close as he dried him off, wrapping a towel around him. The two were still for a moment, embracing each other, letting the silence speak volumes.

When they finally got up, it was to get Chuuya some clean clothes from Dazai's room, and even though Dazai's clothes were too big for him, he put on one of his hoodies, letting it hang almost to his knees and boxers.

"Thank you," Chuuya whispered, it was the first time in a little while, that his voice was hoarse and sore.

"You don't have to," Dazai sat on the bed next to Chuuya, wrapping his arm around his waist.

Chuuya leaned against Dazai, grateful for his embrace, "It's something boyfriends do."

Dazai sighed sadly, "I thought you didn't want that yet?"

Chuuya shuffled uncomfortably, "I do, god, I want that more than anything. I just..."

"Is it something I did?" Dazai asked.

Chuuya shook his head, "I don't like the word.""Boyfriends? Why not?"

Chuuya chewed at his bottom lip. Would he tell Dazai? Could he tell Dazai?

"I can't tell you like this," Chuuya's eyes scanned the room, he wanted to be honest with Dazai, he really did, but he'd never really been honest with anyone, "Can you leave the room? If you sit on the other side of the door I can tell you, I just... Don't want to see your face."

Dazai's jaw tensed, he felt as if he should refuse, but Dazai knew he needed to do this for Chuuya. He sighed and got up, not looking Chuuya in the eye as he closed the door behind him. He sat on the other side of the door, leaning his back against it.

Chuuya slumped against the other side, Dazai being able to hear him shuffle anxiously as he tried to find the words.

"When I was 7," Chuuya paused, letting his thoughts gather, "I struggle to remember..." Chuuya paused again, unable to speak.

Dazai wanted to say something, anything, but he let Chuuya continue.

"My Mom's boyfriend overdosed, it was his own fault. I found him when I came home and... I called the emergency services," Chuuya was half aware that his breath was shaky, "I wish I hadn't, I should've let him die. I should've..." Chuuya choked, though he felt incapable of crying as if he were hollow.

Dazai pulled his legs to his chest, it took everything he had not to break down the barrier between them and pull his lover into his arms.

"When I was 9, my Mom murdered him, because I told her that he..." Chuuya's voice sounded like white noise in his ears, would he finally let the truth out? "He... raped me."

Dazai sucked in a breath of air, his body tensing. A wave of anger for this man he had never met pulsing through his veins.

"He would call us boyfriends, and do these horrible things that hurt," Chuuya's whole body shivered, why was Dazai silent? "And every passing moment, with every touch or kiss, I can't seem to forget the feeling of him owning me."

The door swung open between them, Chuuya jumping up to his feet as Dazai stepped out.

"He doesn't own you, and he never will," Dazai whispered, Chuuya realizing he was fighting back tears, Dazai rarely cries... "He's a fucked up person. And you were a kid. You didn't deserve that."

Chuuya's hands were shaking so much, he gripped the hem of his hoodie, "I know, but-"

Dazai shook his head, "No, Chuuya, you deserve the world, and he tried to take that from you. He made you hurt, not just once, but for your entire life. He's dead yet you still suffer because of him. That is the most fucked up thing you can do to a person."

Chuuya lowered his gaze, "You don't find me disgusting?"

Dazai was taken aback, "No, Chuuya, of course not. I would never. I love you. I want to be your-" He stopped himself, "I want to be yours."

"Dazai," Chuuya smiled sadly, "I want to be your boyfriend."

Dazai's eyes glowed slightly, "You mean it?"

Chuuya nodded, "But in my mind he still owns me, I still feel his touch on me. No matter how hard I try to forget. Then today, Mori said... something that brought me right back to that room with that man, and I know I'll never truly be able to escape that."

"Chuuya..." Dazai whispered, his heart aching for his lover.

"I want to be your boyfriend, not his, I want to feel the ghost of your touch on me when I try to sleep at night."

Despite the situation, Dazai blushed, "I can help with that."

Chuuya ignored him, or maybe he didn't even hear him, "I want you to make me your boyfriend." And Chuuya regretted saying that the moment it came out of his mouth because, in a sudden swift movement, Dazai had grabbed his waist and pulled him dangerously close, crashing their lips together. And maybe Chuuya didn't fully regret it as he kissed him back.

Dazai's hands found their way from Chuuya's waist up his hoodie to his shirt, hungrily exploring the smooth skin on his lover's body. Chuuya wrapping his arms around Dazai's neck was enough of an invitation for Dazai to guide Chuuya to the bed, pushing him down onto his back.

Dazai leaned back, his legs straddling Chuuya's waist, "Is this okay?" Dazai asked as he began to take his shirt off.

Chuuya nodded.

Dazai grasped Chuuya's jaw, "I need words."

Chuuya shivered under his touch, "Please. Make me yours."

Dazai smirked, leaning down to kiss him, "Good boy."

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A/N:

Things do be getting serious.............

Thanks for 40k reads guys, love all the support and feedback.