Lights in the sky

Declan J Donovan-Numb, Naughty Boy ft. Beyonce -Runnin'(Lose it all), Kate Vogel- Reasons to stay, Slander-Love is gone, Yoon Mi Rae-The Sky of Youth

'Let her read it.' I stare at the notebook placed on my lap. I remember buying it at the shop near the hospital. I wanted a simple one that I could carry with me to write when it got too much in my head.

I stand up carefully holding the pastel yellow coloured notebook in my hands. This book represents everything that ever caused me pain, every thought that made me colder, every word that made me distant. That's why I've had Elena keep it. I knew that no one should get ahold of it, knowing all of me.

'I'm not going to apologize.' I look at her as my hand reaches for the door handle. 'You could have made me do it sooner. You knew what it would lead me to but you still decided to let me do all that shit.' I feel anger building up again, but who am I to be angry at her?

'Even if you don't understand my actions now or even yours, they will make sense one day.' I hate her calming voice! I grip onto the handle and just try calming down.

'Whatever!' I smash the doors behind me and let myself breathe once I'm out of that room. She did so much for me but at the same time, I wish she pushed me to do better.

I shake those thoughts out of my mind and make my way to Jenny's place.

As I get out of the cab, a familiar person caught my eye. I quickly pay the driver and make my way over the street to get to Jenny's place. Fuck! What do I do? I stand still, looking at her putting some stuff into a car. When did she get a car? Maybe it's Loui's?

I thought I could forget everything and just talk to her, beg for her forgiveness but I'm not sure anymore. I can feel the notebook gliding down my fingers as my palms start to sweat. I put the book under my elbow, pressing it to my body so that I can wipe off the sweaty hands. Stop being a pussy! I close my eyes, trying to calm myself.

'Hana, dul, ses! I count for myself, letting courage into my chest. Out of everything that shitbag Chuck taught me, counting before taking serious steps was the only smart one. I feel more relaxed as my eyes burst open and my legs start moving. I can hear my heartbeat, it's loud, almost too loud.

'NO!' Shit! I stop. Every trace of courage left my body as soon as her eyes looked in my direction. I can feel the notebook falling to the ground as my whole body goes numb. What do I do? She starts walking to me! Is she... smiling?

'Sorry, I forgot!' What the fuck?! I turn around quickly following the sound behind me. You got to be fucking kidding me! Even if I was scared and still am, anger came just around the fucking corner! I knew her mother would be here soon, but not this soon!

'El?' O shit! I freeze once more. Hearing Jenny's voice calling my name made me sane again. It made me realize that in this fucked up situation, I'm the one who fucked up!

I hesitate for a second but soon enough, as my body shifts back around, her eyes meet mine. I know how it feels. Eyes burning in flames, just before tears fill the space, making a waterfall down your face.

'We have to talk.' I say quietly, just enough for her to hear me. I see her biting her lower lip to stop herself from crying. Don't restrain yourself! I want her to let it all out, to hate me if she has to!

'Get the fuck away!' She barks at me, her face changed out of anger in a second. I see the frustration behind her eyes. I got startled for a second by her words that came to me as a surprise. We told each other to fuck off multiple times, but this wasn't one of those times! She thinks I'm the one who turned their back at her, she thinks I'm the one to lie, to manipulate.

'I want to tell you the truth.' I say quietly, ashamed of myself, ashamed of this situation.

A smile leaves her lips as my words made her laugh. This is bad! I look at her losing her mind. Tears start rolling down her cheeks as her smile grows bigger. I can't stand this! I make my way to her, to hold her, to tell her the truth!

'Stay away!' She puts her arms between us. Her hands are shaking and her face got red from the yelling and crying. I can't stand seeing her like this.

I attempt to move closer to her but both her hands pressed to my shoulder, pushing me away. It almost startled me as I lost balance but still managed to hold myself up.

'Jenifer just listen!' I try once again letting her hear me, hear everything. She pushes the hair away from her face before she looks at me with disappointment.

'To what exactly?' She stops for a second, staring at me. 'To the fact that you have put my mother behind bars and for what? For the fact that my father messed up some documents?!' What?! My eyes widen as her words cut too deep. What the fuck did that asshole tell her?

'J. I know you don't remember...but I want to tell you everything!' I want to continue but her sudden outburst holds me back.

'If you came to me first, I would have listened...I would have been there for you! I would have believed you!' My soul left my body, even my mind got numb.

'I thought you trusted me!' Her voice got hella louder. I can feel my arms shaking as her frustration grows. 'Shit! I trusted you!' Now everyone around is looking at us, observing every movement every word. I know that in this picture, I'm the bad one. I'm the only one who needs to get the fuck away after I messed it all up.

'I'm s-' I try speaking but her frustration reached a peak!

'No, you are fucking not!' Her eyes turn into disappointment real quickly, right before she turns around, leaving me standing in the middle of the street.

I can hear people talking, cars driving past me as my legs manage to walk all by themselves. I can't feel anything, nor in my mind or my body. I feel empty, delusional almost.

Before I realized it, I already made my way back to the hotel. Did I walk all the way back?

'Evening Miss Eleanor!' George greets me and I manage to present my most forced smile that could look somewhat sincere. I keep low, looking at the floor, making sure that no one looks at me.

'I told you.' I look up from the ground and try to find the voice that came to me. I narrow my eyes as I try to recall the person behind this voice, but I would have run if I knew who it was sooner, I would have run!

'What now?' I ask, even if I want to know why he lied, why he presented Jenny a whole another story, I decide to stay put, knowing that whatever I try to do, he will always make the best of it for himself! I try controlling my breathing before I get frustrated and make myself crazy.

'She didn't listen, did she?' I hate him! 'I guess believing in something other than the fact that you were the one to harm her family isn't likely now.' A subtle smile appears on his face as his personality shows off the dick that he is!

'The fact that you care so much to protect her but yet, you are the one always causing all of her pain.' I feel my heart slowing down. My breath almost disappears as my hands stop shaking. Every sound seems so distant, every breath I take is further apart.

Adam looks around the place before his eyes meet mine. I want to look away, but at this point, I'm frozen. He walks closer, looking at me with such content making me fade away even further.

'You know what to do, at least that's the only thing you're good at.' My fists close up along with my eyes that try to find light in this darkness that his words have put me in. I thought that maybe if I closed them, there would be some rescue when the only thing with them being open is darkness. Darkness in my past, my mind and now I faded into it completely. I hear him walking away but what do I have to lose anyway?

'You broke the deal!' I say loud enough to make him stop. His hands in his pockets, showing off his enormous ego. He turns around, face serious but then a smile appears.

'Darlin, you broke the deal as soon as you stepped into that police station.' What? He used me for so long, he always brought up that stupid deal persuing me into things! 'An eye for an eye!' His voice is quiet, satisfied as if he feel proud saying that he got what he wanted! His lips form a straight line as he turns around, walking away.

Maybe I should go crazy, or go kill him but the only thing that I sense happening is my mind going blank again.

'Mis, is everything alright?' With that voice, my body unfroze completely. I felt a shiver all over, leaving me cold.

'I'm just leaving.' I quickly look at her before rushing the hell out. I open the doors of this fucking building and manage to breathe. I put my hand in the air and bring the cab to a stop. I can't deal with this on my own so I dial Niall's number!

I called six times, hoping to hear his voice on the other side, hoping for him to say it's okay. I just needed to know that it will be okay!

The driver stopped at the destination, I haven't even realized that I automatically went to the only place I thought he was at. I pay for the ride and before I get myself together, Harry stands in front of me.

'El? What's wrong?' I look at him as if he's the one misunderstanding my current appeal.

'No, nothing. I'm just looking for Niall.' I cross my arms, revealing my nervous ass. I take a moment to look at him, his eyes look tired, his whole mood is the opposite of optimistic, which he usually isn't like!

'Harry, what happened?' He breathes out, looking up, moving his hand through his curly hair. I can't look at him like this. I move closer, putting my hand on his shoulder, letting him know that it's okay to feel blue.

'I can't deal with this shit anymore!' What the fuck? I move away, he caught me off guard, making me scared there for a second, he is never like this.

'Did the boys do som-'

'Fuck no!' What the hell? I feel nervous, I can feel his pain coming from his voice. He never raises his voice towards anyone and seeing him like this just makes me wonder what could have hurt him this much.

'Sorry, God!' He puts his hand on mine, looking me into my eyes assuring me that the old Harry is still present. 'I always try to believe the best in people, I really do.' He starts talking, making me anxious about what he's about to say.

'But with her, I knew that she wasn't good. I did know that but she changed.' He walks away, leaving me worried.

'I knew that loving her would only hurt one of us, but how is it possible that it hurt us both?' I look down, trying to let him be, let him vent. He walks up and down the studio, moving his hair from one side to another while playing with his necklace in his other.

'You know that we can't choose who we love.' I prop myself and find the courage to finally talk after leaving him to calm down for a second.

'But sometimes, they choose for us.' He leans on the table and looks at me this time his eyes stay focused on me.

'You will always love them, no matter how much shit you've been through! You will love them because, at one point, they did love you... It doesn't matter that they decide otherwise because one day, maybe tomorrow or in two years, they will look back and realize that not loving you, hurt them the most.' I lean on the table next to him, putting my hand on his.

'And by them, someone will choose you every morning, every day, after the ugly and the ideal because that's the least you deserve.' I squeeze his hand in mine, letting him know that I'm here.

'You are a human being, not a plan b. Remember that.' His head falls to my shoulders as his hairs fall to my neck. He puts his other hand over our already intertwined hands, making them combined completely.

'Hey El, didn't know you were coming!' Liam rushes in for a hug as his face lights up from his smile. Harry stands up, letting go of my hands as he acts tough so I play along as well. I put my arms around Liam.

'I just made a quick stop, I haven't seen you in a couple of days so I had to!'

'Um yes and Niall, he took Serena to the hospital, she-' after the mention of her name popped into my head, I stopped listening to him.

'Thank you.' I hug him tightly, giving him my last feeling of compassion. I make my way to the door and without looking back, get out.

Looking back can only make me change my mind but as life has proven me, looking back only brings you down, burying you deeper.

Niall's POV.

'When will she be discharged?' I look at my watch that hugs my wrist as I wait for her answer. I know that El must have already gone to Jenny. I have to find her, I need to know if she's alright!

'Tomorrow morning.' Well shit! I grab onto my hair too harshly as I almost pull most of it out! Not really but it still hurt.

'Thank you!' I walk past her, trying to remember Serena's room. Why on Earth does she do this? I thought she moved past all of it.

I found myself in front of her room way too many times. Seeing her fragile like that, lying on the bed, face pale, lips almost blue. I said to myself that I'm over this, that I won't care anymore but seeing her like this again plays with my heart. It makes me wonder why she's done it again? Why can't she lead a peaceful life?

But who does even lead a peaceful life these days? No one! I remember seeing El, her tears, her screams, her dreams, everything. Wait, El! I push my hands in my pockets as I try searching for my phone. Where did I leave it?

Idiot! I run down the hall, right into the elevator. How could I leave my phone in the car?

I rush to find it as quickly as I can! How is it dead? God! I take the charger from the car and run back into the hospital. Why do I keep fucking up more every step of the way?

I slowly open the doors of Serena's room, trying not to wake her up. I sit on the chair next to her bed and plug the charger in.

Come on! I try to start it but even if I know that it won't start right away, I still force it. Yes! The phone gets back to life, but as soon as it does, notifications start popping up.

Tons of notifications appear in a second, but the only one that caught my eye was 6 mixed calls from El. I should feel angry with myself, and seeing those missed calls was just a slap across my face to wake the fuck up!

I look at Serena, lying there for the hundredth time! How come I couldn't help her?

How could I do the same to El?

I walk over to Serena and move the few hairs, that hung down on her cheeks, behind her ear.

'I'll be back.' I say quietly even if she can't hear me now, I want her to know that I'm not a bad person. I want people to know that I care!

I find myself in the car, trying to call Eleanor but fail to reach her. I needed to be in the studio, so that's where she will be for sure!

But what will I tell her once I arrive? What will I do? Give her hope and then again fail at being there? I can't stand the thought of letting someone down, especially if that someone's Eleanor.

The first thing that comes to my mind is that stupid saying to Let her go. How could I? Maybe that saying wasn't about letting the person you care for go, maybe it meant to protect them. I have never seen it that way until I realized that I couldn't shield her from everything by being next to her.

Eleanor's POV.

I open the door of the studio, the whole city represents my messed up mind. I look up, every cloud is coloured in gray shades as the wind moves them way too quickly. I can feel my throat tightening as my chest becomes heavy, too heavy. As the cold wind collides with the warmth of my body, the front bits of my hair keep getting in my face.

I keep replaying Adams words in my head, knowing that he was right. I'm the one to cause all confusion on other people. I tried to do the best for Jenny, but now I know that Louis will take after her, and Niall, I know that he will be the one who chooses Serena. She was the one he choose to love before she chose for him. I'm not ready to be someone's option, even if I never should be. Everything is a choice, one way or another.

My thoughts got cut off as the phone in my pocket started buzzing. What the fuck now? I answer before reading the name that popped up. Stupid me!

'Eleanor! What on Earth are you doing?' I could be upset, or just bothered by my boss, but after going all day like this, being yelled at, I just stand still and listen. 'How dare you disappear when in two weeks one of the biggest events is being held? You are in charge! I asked you if you could! What are you doing Eleanor?'

What even am I doing? I promised to arrange the event before I knew I could come to visit Jenny. I wanted to settle everything before I go back to NY. I hoped to sort it all out but instead, I did the exact opposite.

'I apologize.' The line goes silent as my words caught her off guard. I want to sound professional and polite, but right now, I'm the picture of emotionless.

'You have two days to come back and settle everything! Is that-' My eyes drift to the other side. I must be delusional but isn't that... wait who is it? The cars keep driving by, making it harder for me to see clearly. I push the hairs behind my ears so that the wind doesn't keep on getting them in my face.

The 'Get some rest' guy! Why do I feel like I've seen him before? The way he walks makes me unsure. Wait where did he go? Did I just make it all up in my head?

It can't be. No, no he isn't. I remember the way he held my arms earlier today, the same way Niall's bodyguard protected me from that crowd in Ireland! Wasn't his hair black back then?

'Eleanor are you there, what happened?' I get back my senses as her voice got too loud for my ears.

'I'll be there tomorrow morning.' I hung up before she gets the chance to answer. Could they be the same person? His face looks the same but his hair is different. Am I hallucinating?

I must be going insane! I don't have much time, I have to disappear before I get the chance to think about this. I turn around, trying to think of ways to get my stuff without meeting Chuck or anyone that knows me. What will I do?

Oh great, as if today wasn't enough! Instead of tears, the rain started dripping down my face. It's slow but still, if I stay like this I'll get soaked real soon! I look around trying to find a shelter but the only thing that catches my eye is the little cafe at the end of the street. I put my hands over my head as I start running, trying to protect myself from the weather.

Suddenly, a girl rushes out of the astonishing building, holding a coffee in her hand. I feel my legs tingling as they stop cooperating, leaving me standing in front of the cafe.

Then, just like a movie, everything slows down, as memories start flashing back.

Back then, in the hospital, as I was sitting, waiting, he was always sitting on the end of the hallway watching me. He always left food for me on the floor, next to the door. He brought me coffee in the morning, the same cup as this girl held in her arms. I recall the colour so vividly, it's cream coloured, with maroon blue dots all over the cup as their logo sits in the middle. I recall Korean writings on it every day, but I never understood what they said, I thought the workers wrote it on every one of their cups.

I start shaking as those memories overwhelm me. What the hell is going on? My breathing accelerates, the rain keeps on running down my body but right now it's the last thing that could bother me.

I knew that his name sounded familiar, but I didn't know his name in the hospital? I try thinking of another way to recall his presence in my life but I fail at it repeatedly.

I pause for a moment, trying to collect my thoughts but then more memories start flashing back. I bring my hands to my face, trying to hold my head, keep it away from exploding! My heart starts beating again, loud waves spread through my spine, combining with my breathing. Why did he do it?

I pull out the phone from my pocket and dial Chucks number, I have to know!

'Eleanor?' His voice is still something so vulnerable to me.

'Hyun-woo, he worked for you?' I knew that he seemed familiar, he was! When we were together, he secretly let him take care of my safety. I remember it so clearly. I heard him say his name a million times, he was his right hand and I forgot it so easily!

'Yes.' His voice narrows down as he awaits the next question. A tear falls down my cheek, I bite my lower lip trying to get my shit together, trying to stop me from remembering anything further, opening up the already closed chapters of my life.

'Does he still?' It can't be, he can't!

'No.' I can feel relief as soon as his words came to me. I need to know that he doesn't look after me, that he doesn't care, I need it to keep my conclusion closed, finished!

Even if I'm relieved, something still doesn't seem right. I just stay silent for a minute, trying to think of anything but today's events keep on replaying in my head, making me conscious of my mistakes.

'Do you need him to?' His voice is low, gentle, caring. Damn it! Why does this always happen? He is just like that bitch Serena! I get even angrier with the thought that he once again went to her side, helping her. Maybe it was for the best, maybe I should just let him be, let them go through their lives together.

But Chuck? I thought that we got our conclusion! That was before I realized that he sent Hyun-woo to look after me when I was in the hospital. Even if it might not change a lot, the old feelings overwhelm me, leaving me wondering again.

I ended just like a year ago, alone and afraid with nowhere to go. I thought that I had no one to care about me at that time, but he cared enough to keep an eye on me. Even if he provided protection, he still wasn't there!

I look into the distance, trying to breathy properly, trying to stay calm. I ran away hoping to settle everything, but how come I found myself in the same position, this time, even worse?

I hear the loud sound of rain colliding with the umbrella that is now held over my head. What on-?

I look up at the see-through umbrella that is shielding me from the rain as the drops keep dripping down. The sky is already dark, so the drops look even more magical. They are like stars above my head, the lights in the sky that show us that even in the cold Universum, there is still light showing us the way.

I feel something touching my arm, making my head turn to the side. I must be going mad for real!

My hand loses strength as it falls to the side still holding my phone. My eyes drift up slowly, landing on a familiar face. His hair looks perfect, too perfect for this weather.

My mouth still slightly opened, trying to figure out what is going on. I search for any trace of emotion on his face but there is nothing! Just like earlier today, his face is blank, serious. I don't know why but he seems angry, annoyed?

My eyes widen as soon as his unknown ones look into mine, without any sight of emotion and just like last time, I try finding something but fail immediately as their colour remains unidentified. They could be green? Maybe light brown?

What is this? I feel a tingle in my chest, making me uncomfortable, am I going to have a heart attack?

This chapter is a lot, I know! But sometimes life happens that way!I want you to be patient, nothing good comes easily. So it won't for these two!

But who do you think could be Hyun-woo? Do we hate him or maybe just like him a little bit?

I'm thankful for every notification saying : added Over Again to library.

I'm grateful for you kindness and involvement in this story.

You are my lights in the sky!

Love you, xx