19 - LOVE & LOSS

[ LOVE & LOSS ]

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   "This will be intense, Via." Sayah told her as they waited in a room for Indra and the other warriors to arrive. "Sky People and my people in one room, it will not be easy."

   "I know, Sayah." Octavia replied, sighing. Sayah eyed Murphy who sat alone. Octavia smirked. "Go and stand with him, you know you want to."

   Sayah moved away quickly with a smile, sitting down beside Murphy happily. "Hello." She greeted.

   He smiled at the sight of her. "Was wondering when you'd come over and join me."

   "Well, someone's gotta keep an eye on you, my love." Sayah raised a brow. He chuckled. Indra and her men finally arrived, entering the room slowly, cautiously. Some of the warrior's eyes landed on her and then shifted to Murphy. They glared.

   "I know we don't have a lot in common." Kane began to address everyone. "But we do have a common enemy, and a common goal. And for us to reach it, to get our people out of Mount Weather, we need to work together." He glanced over to Indra who looked like she would be anywhere else.

   Kane spoke in Trigedasleng.. "Together. Sky People and Tree People."

   As Sayah listened to Kane's speech, a warrior approached Sayah and Murphy. Sayah clenched her jaw.

   "You got a problem?" Murphy questioned the man.

   He spoke in Trigedasleng. "You stood there watching as my village was massacred." He spoke lowly. Sayah narrowed her eyes.

   "I'm sorry, man. I don't speak Grounder." Murphy shook his head. The warrior knocked Murphy's cup out of his hand. Murphy stood up quickly and shoved him back. Sayah pulled Murphy behind her.

   "Chil yo daun." Sayah seethed at the warrior.

   "Yu defend disha kwel boy?" The warrior pointed to Murphy.

   "Mr. Murphy." Kane's voice rang out, eyes drifting away from Sayah, knowing she was just trying to keep the peace between the two. "Apologise to that man."

   Sayah turned her head to Kane, brows furrowed. Murphy spoke up. "For what? He was the one who came at me."

   "Two days work detail." Kane stated to Murphy.

   Sayah scoffed. "Murphy didn't do anything—"

   "Shall I make it three?" Kane raised his voice. It was silent for a moment.

   Murphy shook his head and pursed his lips, grabbing Sayah's hand in his own as he brushed past the warrior.

   "You're gonna burn just like your friend." The warrior spoke in English. Murphy gritted his teeth angrily and pulled Sayah behind him before punching the man in the face.

   It was chaos.

   Sky guards wrestled with Indra's men. Octavia jumped in as well as Sayah, not fighting but trying to get the men off of Murphy. Sayah struggled and in a fit of rage, unsheathed her sword.

   She grabbed the closest warrior to her and placed it against his throat. "Enough!" She bellowed. Eyes turned to her and the fighting ceased slowly.

   "Osir laik nou hir kom gonplei." She spat. "The commander has made an alliance. For all the ignorant fools in this room, that means we are allies. Not enemies. Hold your grudges," Her gaze flickered to Indra. "Look at me and glare, call me a traitor," She spat. "But you are then the reason that this war will not be won."

   Her eyes shifted to where two men held a angry looking Murphy. "Now, let him go." The men did not budge.

   "Sayah—" Kane began, raising an hand. Sayah held the sword closer to the man's throat.

   "I will wait." She didn't even look at Kane. The two warriors grunted and dropped him from their grasp. Once Sayah saw that he was fine, she lowered her sword.

   "We are not here to enjoy each other's company. We are here to work together and learn. So at least, be civil." She shoved the warrior away, meeting the eyes of Kane. He simply nodded gratefully and Sayah looked away to Murphy, who rubbed his nose with the back of his hand.

   The Grounders and guards released each other, grumbling and creating distance between them. Sayah caught Indra's eye. Indra for once, wasn't glaring this time. Instead, she held a look of interest.

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   "You're incredible, y'know?" Murphy wrapped his arms around her from behind after leaning the mop against the wall. Murphy had been doing his work detail while Sayah stayed with him and watched.

   "What are you talking about, John?" She chuckled, leaning back into his chest.

   "What you did in there. I mean, wasn't exactly peaceful but they listened, huh?" He kissed her neck. She felt her skin go hot.

   "They only listened because I threatened to slice that man's throat." She rolled her eyes.

   "You took control of the situation." He murmured against her skin. "Saved me."

   "Seems I'm always saving you." Sayah joked. He hummed in response.

   "John," She breathed as he kissed her skin once more. She turned to face him and leaned in, pressing her lips against his. She wrapped her hands around his neck.

   "I loved it when you took control," Murphy mumbled against her lips. "So demanding," He hummed. Sayah felt something inside her ignite at his words, remembering  when he had told her he liked when she was demanding. Murphy leaned in once more, kissing her deeply.

   The kiss was sweet at first, but then it grew more hungrier.

   Sayah pulled away, gaze falling to the floor. Murphy frowned at her. "What is it?" He caressed her cheek.

   "You know how I am when it comes to these things," She mumbled, embarrassed. Murphy stayed silent.

   "It's not that I don't want it to be you," Sayah rushed out. "I just. . ." She sighed. "I want it to be, like, I don't know. . ."

   "Special?" Murphy asked.

   "I guess, yeah." She nodded slowly.

   "Well, I think this is special enough, don't you think? I mean, in a room, with a mop," He gestured towards the mop. Sayah chuckled at his words and he joined in.

   After his laughter died down, he swallowed nervously before taking her hand in his. "Come with me."

   He led them out of the room and down the hall quickly, his eyes scanning for any guards, before he stopped at a door. "Okay, all clear. Come in here." He opened the door slowly and entered first, holding it open for Sayah.

She rushed in and her eyes scanned her surroundings. This was someone's room. A bed was neatly made and at it's sides were two bedside tables.

"Please tell me we didn't just break into someone's room, John." Sayah turned to him.

He smirked and stepped towards her. "Of course not." She rose an eyebrow.

"Okay, technically, this is an empty room so it doesn't belong to anyone. I found it a few days ago and when I realised that no one actually stays in here. . . well, I kept it for myself."

Sayah scoffed and shook her head. "You are an evil little boy."

He grinned at her, intertwining their hands. "You love me."

"Yes, well someone has to." Sayah replied without thinking. She froze in her spot as soon as the words left her mouth. Probably not how she wanted it to go down.

She looked away and then back to Murphy who was no longer smiling. He looked absolutely dumbfounded.

Sayah took a large step back, disconnecting their hands. "I'm sorry." She rushed out. "I didn't mean to— I mean— I knew but I didn't want to tell you like this—" Her words stumbled over themselves and all Murphy did was stare.

"John, if you keep staring at me like that, I will poke out your eyes." Sayah pointed at him threateningly, not really meaning it. She felt her heart race and her hands shook slightly.

"You love me?" He breathed out.

Sayah let out a deep breath before nodding slowly. "I always have."

He took a step forward and cupped her cheeks before kissing her. Sayah had never been kissed by him like this before. It was so deep, so filled with emotion.

He pulled away, resting his forehead against her. "I love you too. I love you so much, Sayah. It's always been you."

Sayah let out a breathy laugh, a smile forming on her face. "Tell me again."

"I love you." Murphy whispered before kissing her. "I love you." He said it over and over again.

Sayah felt her insides warm up and she grabbed his hand, leading him over to the bed. "Is the door locked?"

"I locked it, yeah." Murphy nodded. Sayah swallowed hard before nodding as well and she leaned in to kiss him. He kissed back just as sweetly and she wrapped her legs around him.

He grabbed her thighs and placed her down gently on the bed. She started to undress, leaving her only in a tank top and her shorts. When Murphy pulled away, she flipped them. She was on top as she straddled him.

Nervously, she fiddled with the corner of her tank top before lifting it up and over her head. Murphy's eyes scanned her body in amazement.

"Beautiful," He breathed. She lent down to kiss him, guiding his hands to her bra-strap. He paused, pulling away before looking at her with serious eyes. "Are you sure you want this?" He questioned. "We don't have to do it now, Sayah."

Sayah rested her forehead against his. "This is what I want, John. I want you."

Murphy nodded in return and she pulled away slightly. He undid her bra strap and threw it wherever (he didn't care) and he looked at her.

He really looked at her.

"I love you." Murphy whispered, meeting her beautiful eyes. He always loved her eyes.

"I'm yours." Sayah whispered back just as quietly. Then she leaned in once more and connected their lips.

John Murphy always loved the stars. John Murphy had always loved Sayah.

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   The next day, Murphy had to do his second day of work detail and Sayah decided to leave him to get the job done while she and Octavia watched the warriors train outside.

   When Octavia approached Sayah, she narrowed her eyes. "You look. . . like you're glowing." She smirked.

   Sayah scoffed. "Ridiculous. Do I not glow any other day, Via?"

   "You and Murphy slept together, didn't you?" Octavia gasped in realisation. Sayah's eyes widened as she put her hand over Octavia's mouth.

   "Must you speak so loudly?" Sayah seethed, blood rushing to her cheeks.

   Octavia licked her hand and Sayah pulled away in disgust. "Oh my god." Octavia shook her head. "I mean, I knew you two were. . . Wow. Well, how was it?"

   Sayah furrowed her brows. "We are not having this conversation."

   "Would you like me to inform Lincoln then?" Octavia smirked.

   Sayah knew Lincoln wasn't here; he was with Bellamy sneaking into Mount Weather. But it didn't stop the fearful expression that crossed Sayah's face. "You wouldn't dare."

   Octavia smirked before chuckling. "No, I wouldn't. Now come on." She pulled Sayah along with her towards Kane. Sayah eyed Indra, who watched a distance away, eyeing the warriors that sparred in the middle of a crowd that circled them.

   "Impressive, aren't they?" Kane questioned Octavia.

   "We are trained even as children." Sayah informed him, gaze flickering to the large fighters.

   "What doesn't kill them, makes them stronger." Kane stated, something unrecognisable in his features.

   Suddenly, one of the men were dropped to the ground. The winner standing above him and letting out a victory cry. "Good, Fio. Who's next?" Indra called out, arms crossed.

   Octavia suddenly stepped forward. "I am." She stated, approaching Indra and standing beside her. Sayah followed quickly, brows pulling together in worry.

   She pursed her lips as she stood beside Octavia. "Via, I'd advise you not to." She said, gaze scanning the large warriors.

   "We're supposed to train together." Octavia argued, clenching her jaw. "Right?"

   Indra didn't turn her head when she replied to Octavia. "Only warriors train here."

   Octavia glanced at her, annoyance evident on her face. "I saved your life." She reminded Indra.

   "And now I'm saving yours." Indra replied quickly before glancing at Sayah. She then turned away, taking a step forward as she called out orders to the men.

   Octavia clenched her jaw once more and glanced to the floor. Sayah sighed, "Octavia, just like myself, Indra is trying to keep you alive. These fighters are—"

   "So you think I'm too weak to fight them?" Octavia questioned, cutting her off.

   "No." Sayah told her truthfully. "You are anything but weak. However, Indra may been stern but she is right."

   Octavia scoffed before shaking her head, turning and walking away in the opposite direction, leaving Sayah alone. Sayah sighed, running her face tiredly.

   All she was doing was trying to keep Octavia from getting herself hurt, or worse, killed. Not only for Lincoln but for herself. She wouldn't be able to deal with anything happening to Octavia — especially when she could've done something to prevent it.

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   "It's extraordinary, isn't it?" The man, Jaha, spoke as he Murphy, and Sayah walked through the forest.

   Murphy had come and gotten her, telling her Jaha had gotten him off work duty and wanted Murphy to take him to his son's grave, Wells. Sayah had been hesitant, unsure of leaving while her people and the Sky People were training together but Kane had reassured her that it was under control. Plus Octavia was there in case anything went badly.

   So Sayah had agreed to go with him, telling him that at least they could go for a walk together like they had always talked about.

   "Oh, just give it a few days." Murphy replied to Jaha's amazement of the forest as he took Sayah's hand in his own.

   "I may not know everything that happened before I got down here, but I do know something about what you're feeling, son." Jaha said to him.

   Murphy paused in his tracks. "Don't call me that." Murphy turned to Jaha. "I'm nobody's son."

   Jaha stayed silent and Murphy raised his chin slightly. "You made sure of that." Murphy added, turning back around and continued walking. Sayah squeezed his hand comfortably.

   "I remember your father," Jaha stated.

   Murphy scoffed. "Yeah, right."

   "Alex Murphy." Jaha suddenly said. "Convicted of theft of rationed medicine. He stole it to take care of you." Jaha paused. "I remember them all."

   "And now you must live with it." Sayah added quietly to Jaha. He did not reply.

   "We're here." Murphy sighed. "Home, sweet home." Sayah's gaze shifted to the drop ship.

   "The graveyard's this way." John nodded, pulling Sayah along with him. As they walked, Sayah whispered in Murphy's ear.

   "Are you alright, my love?" She questioned him. "We can leave whenever you'd like."

   "I'm fine." He replied, sending her a smile. Sayah noticed how it didn't reach his eyes.

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   It was soon dark when Murphy had finally gotten tired of Jaha's mourning. Cruel, yes, but he never planned to stay here, only to be a guide.

   "Are you about done?" He questioned to Jaha who crouched beside his son's grave with his head low. "We gotta be heading back."

   "How well did you know him?" Jaha questioned Murphy. Murphy inhaled deeply, gaze flickering to Sayah then back to Jaha.

   "Well enough to be hung for his murder." Murphy stated. Jaha turned his head to look at him, surprise evident on his features.

   "Clarke sugar-coated it for you, didn't she?" Murphy questioned, a hint of amusement in his tone. Jaha got to his feet slowly.

   "What happened to my son?" Jaha asked.

   "Twelve-year-old girl stabbed him in the neck with a knife she took from me." Murphy explained. Jaha's lips parted.

   "Why would she do that?" He asked, gaze down to the ground.

   "Why else would she do it?" Sayah mumbled sadly. Murphy pursed his lips and added: "She couldn't kill you."

   "So, you got a lot of blood on your hands, Chancellor." Murphy inhaled. Sayah could tell he was growing angry. Because he was upset. "And every single one of them, including your son, would still be alive if you hadn't sent us down here."

   Jaha let out a shaky breath. "If I didn't send you," He took a step forward and Sayah narrowed her eyes. "They would've died on the Ark with the rest of us. And we would've never known that Earth was survivable."

   "Their sacrifice, is why we are here." Jaha gestured to the graves. "Good can come out of even the darkest acts, John." Murphy did not reply and nor did Sayah.

   Jaha then walked away, heading towards the drop ship. "Camp 'You' is that way." Murphy pointed in the opposite direction.

   "We'll rest at the drop-ship for a while." Jaha replied before disappearing behind the wall.

   Murphy shook his head. "Suit yourself."

   Sayah sighed. "Perfect," She mumbled under her breath. Murphy chuckled.

   "At least the stars are out tonight." He raised his brows before looking up at the sky. Sayah did as well, smiling. When she looked down, Murphy was already looking at her.

   "What?" She furrowed her brows.

   "I love you." The words slipped out but Murphy didn't care. Sayah grinned and pulled him towards her.

   "And I love you." She murmured before kissing him deeply. The clouds above them grew angry and thunder boomed loudly.

   Lincoln always said a storm brought chaos.

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   Sayah eyed the strange edibles that Jaha offered. She only raised a brow. "We're fine." Murphy told him.

   "You sure? You both must be hungry." Jaha frowned.

   "No one gives anything without expecting something in return." Murphy told him. Jaha sighed, putting the food down.

   "That's cynical way to go through life, John." Jaha said as he ate one himself.

   "Sometimes we are brought up in that way." Sayah spoke up, leaning into Murphy's arm that wrapped around her shoulders. Jaha pursed his lips at her words.

   "You pull me off work detail, you offer me food. Why are you being so nice to me?" Murphy questioned, narrowing his eyes.

   Sayah chuckled a little. "You are so sceptical of people's kindness towards you, John." She turned her head to face him. She almost forgot Jaha was in the room until he spoke up again.

   "She is right. Everyone deserves a second chance." He nodded. "That's why we sent the hundred to the Earth in the first place."

   "What a load of crap." Murphy rolled his eyes. "You didn't give a damn about us. You still don't. That's why you're not fighting for those kids in Mount Weather."

   "No, I have to think of everyone." Jaha shook his head. "I know you don't want to hear this, but sometimes, you have to sacrifice the few, to save the many. Like I said, good can come out of even the darkest acts."

   Sayah knitted her brows. She admired his strength. But that did not mean she disliked him any less.

   "Then you take it from me that no good has come from any of this." Murphy spoke sternly. "I was pardoned, slate wiped clean. I'm still treated like dirt by anyone other than Sayah." Sayah rested a hand on his thigh.

   "You've made mistakes. So have I."

   "And yet John is nothing like you." Sayah clenched her jaw.

   "No?" Jaha questioned. "We both should've died several times over. We both have suffered at the hands of the Grounders." Sayah shifted in her spot as Murphy tightened his grip on her. "And we both have been betrayed and imprisoned by our own people."

   "So there's no place for either of us then. Great." Murphy drawled. Sayah turned to him quickly.

   "Don't ever say that." She told him, worry set in her tone. "There's always a place for you, John."

   "There is a place for all of us." Jaha smiled sadly. "When I first landed on Earth, I met a woman who spoke of a place beyond the Dead Zone—"

   Sayah scoffed. "Even if there is anything beyond the Dead Zone — which there isn't — going there is suicide. It has it's name for a reason. You are only foolish for believing."

   Jaha shook his head. "A place where everyone is accepted. A City of Light."

   "There is no such thing of a world where everyone is accepted. Conflict is inevitable. Without it, there is no growth. It is what life is about." Sayah told him, shaking her head.

   "It sounds like a fairytale." Murphy chuckled at Jaha's description of the place.

   "Or a second chance." Jaha argued.

   "You don't even know if it's real." Murphy shot back.

   "You're right. I don't. But I believe." He said optimistically. Sayah rolled her eyes as Murphy smiled in amusement.

   "Okay. Well, that's good for you, Chancellor. Very good." He grew comfortable, lying down first before opening his arms for Sayah to join him. She laid down beside him and he wrapped his arms safely around her.

   "I'm gonna find it." Jaha spoke. "And once I do, I'm gonna come back and lead my people home."

   Sayah and Murphy did not reply.

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   Sayah awoke to shouting.

   She opened her eyes slowly and leaned on her elbow, scanning her surroundings just as Jaha walked outside the dropship. Murphy jolted awake soon after.

   "Someone's here." Sayah glanced at him, getting up quickly. Murphy stood up too and they rushed out through the make-shift curtains.

   But it wasn't anyone bad.

   It was a group of Sky People.

   Sayah and Murphy shared a look before Murphy called out to Jaha. "Hey, what the hell is this?"

   Jaha turned to them. "We're going to the City of Light," Sayah scoffed at his words.

   "You're going now?" Murphy questioned him. "There's a million ways to die out there."

   "Well, if it's not your time, nothing can kill you. But if it is your time, it only takes one." Jaha told him.

   Sayah hid her amused smile as Murphy stepped foward. "You even have a map?"

   "No." Jaha shook his head.

   "Then how do you know where you're going?"

   "We don't." Jaha admitted. "But I will not be ruled by fear." He took a step towards Murphy. "You wanna stop being treated like a criminal then you have to stop thinking that's all you are."

   Sayah knitted her brows in confusion as Jaha drew closer to Murphy. "Take this leap of faith with me, John Murphy. And let me show you there is so much more for you, than this." He glanced up to the drop-ship. Jaha then walked away, going back to the people who waited patiently.

   Sayah's lips parted as Murphy turned to her slowly, his jaw set tight. "John," Sayah began.

   He approached her quickly, grabbing her hands in his. "Come with me." He told her. "We could leave, leave all of this. Start new. Just us."

   Sayah's eyes widened. "Are you as foolish as him?" She glanced to Jaha who watched them from afar.

   "Sayah," Murphy cupped her face. "Please."

   Sayah scoffed, taking a step back as she looked at him incredulously. Murphy's hands fell from her face as something inside him crumbled. This was all too familiar.

   She shook her head. "I can't leave, John. My family is here: Lincoln, Octavia, even Bellam—"

   "And am I not apart of that?" Murphy took a large step forward. His voice grew quieter as he held her face in his hands: so softly, so gentle. Like she was fragile.

   "Don't you love me?" He asked, brows pulled together in pain.

   "Of course I do, John. How can you even ask that?" Sayah whispered.

   "Then come with me." He begged. "Sayah, please."

   Sayah's lips parted as she stared at him in disbelief. He was truly leaving her. She swallowed the hard lump forming in her throat as tears welled in her eyes. Her face fell.

   Then she blinked. And her face went hard, emotionless. But Murphy was not stupid nor blind. He saw it. The pain. The heartbreak. He saw it swimming in her eyes. The eyes where stars would reflect in from the sky. The eyes he loved.

   He loved her. He loved her more than anything in the entire world. And here was a chance for them to be together— together perfectly, where they had no worries. Nothing would bother them. He thought that's what she had wanted. Wasn't that what she had wanted?

   "I'm sorry." The words were a pained whisper as they left past her lips. Murphy's face fell and he felt tears in his eyes.

   He closed his eyes slowly, lowering his head. "I can't stay here, you need to know that, Sayah. You must know that." He opened his eyes and looked up again to meet her sad ones.

   "Then don't." She frowned, cupping his face with her hand. He flinched at her hand and a tear fell down Sayah's cheek. Then he leaned back into her hand slowly and he felt her press her perfect lips against his. This was goodbye. He kissed back deeply, telling her everything he needed her to know. They could taste each other's salty tears.

   When they finally pulled apart, Sayah's shaky voice spoke: "I'll love you always, John Murphy. I'm yours forever."

   Murphy's heart shattered but he nodded. "And I'm yours." He whispered. "I love you."

   "Thank you." She smiled, and it was so sad, and Murphy hated to see it. He absolutely despised it.

   Then she brushed past him, so quickly he couldn't even reach out his fingers to grasp her and pull her back into his arms. Sayah couldn't look back, knowing if she did, she'd break right then and there.

   And as Murphy watched her walk away, he didn't even think about asking her what she was thankful for. He already knew.

   Everything.

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a/n

*smiles while holding in tears* im hurting🥰please don't hate me mwah

but they did the dirty so... 😃.. aha ha.

TRANSLATIONS:SAYAH: Stand down.WARRIOR: You defend this weak boy?SAYAH: We are not here to fight.

^ sayah .

^ murphy .