The Secrets You Tell Me, I'll Take To My Grave

He could see it, see the wisps of white floating over blue and large green/brown masses that was land. He could see earth.

He could see home.

Lance flew over Cuba, down to the large fields that his family owned. The large fields that he could never forget. The large field that was his past, his childhood, his home. Lance landed Blue in the open green behind his old house.

The house was large, three stories, shipping baby blue paint, creaky screen doors, shackled roof, uneven windows with varied glass because of replacements needed after him and his siblings would break them on accident.

He smiled to himself as he landed Blue, his smile only growing when he saw his family slowly filing out of the house's miniscule back door and onto the old porch with a firepit.

"Oh my gosh! Guys! I'm back! I'm alive! I can't believe this is really happening! I've missed you all so much!" Lance yelled out in happiness, going up and enveloping his mother in a bear hug. But she tensed up under him, slowly backing away from him as though he were a danger to be around.

"Who are you and what are you doing on my property? What do you want from my family? Do we know you?" his mother asked, one eyebrow raised in suspicion.

"Oh haha Mama, very funny," Lance chuckled despite the bad feeling that was festering at the pit of his stomach. "It's me Lance, your youngest son. Lance McClain, the pilot who went to the Garrison in the family! Remember how Sophie squealed and Sebastian sang 'Little Einsteins' until you finished cooking a huge dinner, despite me telling you not to, when I got my acceptance letter? I know that there's a lot of explaining for me to do but there was this whole war across galaxies in space and I fought in it. And we won! The war is over and I'm back! Now we can sit down with everyone an-"

"I don't have a son named Lance," Rosa (Lance's mother) cut him off, looking him dead in the eye as she said it.

Lance's heart sunk to his toes.

"What are you talking about Mama? It's me! I know it's been a couple years but-"

"I don't have a son who would leave and not return for years. I don't know who you are and I don't accept any of what you are saying, now get. Off. Of. My. Property. And don't ever come close to my family ever again!" she raised her voice while holding out a threatening finger at him.

"Mama plea-"

"I am not your 'Mama', get away from me!" she shouted when Lance tried to reach out for her.

"Veronica, Marco, Abuela, plea-"

"Now listen to me and listen good!" Rosa yelled as loud as she could, causing Lance to flinch. "I don't know how or why you know so much about my family but if you think that you can come here and start talking nonsense then you-" she was cut off by a blaster shooting her through the chest.

"Mama!" multiple voices called out at the same time, Lance being one of them. He kneeled down next to her just as her eyes fluttered close. He sobbed as he took a hold of her hand.

"Hey! Get away from our Mama! I don't know what game you're playing at bu-" his younger sister Veronica shouted before also getting blasted through the chest.

"Ronny!"

Lance looked behind him to find a whole fleet of Galra warships shooting at them, destroying the land around them and the house in front of them, picking off his family one by one while they were at it.

"How? We defeated you! Why would you do this?" Lance yelled. But he didn't get an answer, instead there were just more shots fired. Lance got up and tried shielding his family, but all of them pushed him away, saying the same thing to him.

"Just leave! We were fine before you came! Why are you doing this to us? Leave us alone!"

But he wouldn't, he couldn't just leave them alone. They were his family, this was his home. Then there was nothing.

Lance looked up to see the Galra fleet completely gone, as if it just vanished into thin air, then he looked around himself and fell to knees. He looked up to the sky and wailed out the most heartbroken, blood curdling scream that could be heard by anyone anywhere in the universe. Tears fell like waterfalls down his cheeks and it felt as though his heart was just ripped out of his chest and torn apart until all that was left was hundreds of millions of tiny fragments on the ground in front of him. The ground that had its grass churned up as a consequence from the blasters and blood stained from his family.

He could see them all, scattered across the destroyed land with lifeless eyes all looking to the sky, blood spilling out of the same area on each of their chests. Each one of their faces frozen in a silent scream, of terror or of pain Lance couldn't tell through his blurry eyes.

Probably of both.

Lance heaved on the ground next to him, shaking from the exertion that the scream took from him. He looked up to see the house that held every piece of him, the real him, was on fire. It was burning slowly yet fast at the same time. Lance looked down at himself to see not even one spot of blood on his paladin armor. He felt disgusted with himself. So picked himself up, his legs almost like jelly beneath him, as he walked into his house through the melting screen door.

He walked around, it seemed as though nothing had changed, tears still staining his face and his voice lost from the amount of screaming he did. The only slight differences he could see (besides the fire that was starting to eat away at the things in the living room he was in) was that all of the pictures of him were gone and the ones that he was a part of was already eaten by the fire.

He walked into the kitchen to find his dad's old telescope just standing there, all set up pointed at nothing, in the center of the kitchen. Lance smiled bitterly, touching it lightly. It was the same one that his father used when he took Lance down to the beach that one night oh so many years ago.

The fire started to eat away at it, spreading faster than a real fire would, and burned Lance's hand. But he took it, he took the heat of the fire. But as it enveloped his body, it didn't hurt him. Sure, it burned a little, but it didn't hurt him. It was almost comforting, like his mother's hugs. Like they were.

The feeling that the embrace made Lance start crying again, harder than before everytime it squeezed him tighter. He cried so hard that he drowned himself in his tears, the fire never fading.

Then he was yanked upward

Rude, he thought.* * * "-ance! Lance!" someone yelled at him, violently shaking his shoulders but leaving his head be.

"Woah woah, I know I'm irresistibly cute when I'm asleep but damn," he said groggily, a smirk on his face.

There was a collective groan and a few facepalms.

"He's fine, I'm out," Pidge said loud enough for Lance to recognize who she was.

"See ya later Pigeon," he mumbled.

There were a bountiful amount of voices and conversations going on, causing a headache to come onto Lance. He groaned and held his hand to his head. The talking ceased.

"You good buddy? You need anything?" someone, Hunk most likely, asked him.

"I think I'm on the verge of a killer headache, I could use some Aspirin," he replied, trying to sit up just to be forced back down. He was too groggy to fight back so he just scowled.

"I don't think we have that and every other medicine is labeled in Altean so..."

"I'll accompany you Hunk," Allura said, walking out of the room silently with him.

"I think I'll go check in with Coran, tell him what happened, Keith, you stay here with Lance and make sure he doesn't sit up any time soon," Shiro instructed before also heading out of the room as well. Keith nodded silently, he had been crouched down next to Lance's bed for the past twenty-four hours, only getting up to stretch out his legs by walking around the room for a while before taking his position next to Lance once again. The others always brought in things like fresh bandages, food, water, etc.

"Hey, are okay? The only reason I forcibly tried to wake you up is because you began freaking out in your sleep. Was it...was it another nightmare?" Keith asked oncer he was sure everyone was gone.

Lance opened his mouth then closed it without making a noise. He did this a few more times before an unreadable expression passed over his face.

"What do you mean 'freaking out'?" he asked instead.

"Well, at first you were just whimpering and murmuring a few things I couldn't hear. Then you screamed, like screamed, as if you just died the most horrid death there is. And you were sobbing uncontrollably. Plus you started flailing at some point."

Lance stayed silent, blankly staring up at the ceiling.

"Look Lance, I don't know what we are and I get it if you don't want to but, I think you should tell me about it. Talking is the best way deal with all sorts of things," Keith whispered, keeping a respectful distance from Lance.

"Oh you're one to talk Kogane," Lance retorted. "I'm not going to be that person, who spills their guts to everyone just to get attention. I'm not going to make myself more of a burden by crying to the team about my dumb problems."

"Lance, how many times do I have to tell you that you are a valuable member of this team? You matter to us and we're all here to listen to and help you. We help each other, that's how we work well together. And besides, of ou feel like you're not ready to, then you don't have to tell the whole team. You could got talk to Hunk, or Shiro, or Pidge. You could talk to me," Keith said, reaching out a little before dropping his hand back to his side.

"Oh please, since when have you cared? Why do you care?"

"Lance I told you, I care about a-"

"Are you just that desperate to get your gay ass laid or something? You twist being friendly with your desires. Or are you just trying to get me to open up just to laugh behind my back later?"

Keith went quiet, he could feel tears well up in his eyes but blinked them away. Lance really had a way of hurting him.

"Do...do you really think that's why I would try to help you?" he asked, looking at the floor. "Not for the fact that maybe I just want to be a better friend to you or that maybe I was just feeling guilty that my teammate almost died because of me and I just want to return the favor by being a good person to them?" his voice was just shy of being that of a whisper as he spoke.

Lance sighed and struggled to sit upright in his bed, Keith didn't try to stop him.

"I'm sorry I just...it was that nightmare again," Lance said, curling into himself. He yelped as he laid his chin on his knees, a sharp pain in his neck causing it. That time Keith pushed him back down to a lying position on the bed.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Keith asked, hiding his emotions with a blank face as he sat away from Lance. "It really could make you feel better. Or maybe we can wait for Hunk."

Lance shook his head, "no it's fine. Just promise you won't tell anyone," he said.

Keith wanted to tell him off, yell at him to try to get the point through that he wasn't a horrible person, but he couldn't find his voice. So he just nodded and listened.

Lance started talking, stuttering at first but becoming more understandable the more he spoke. He took a lot of pauses to compose himself before continuing. He talked about everything, all of the details of his horrible nightmare. The way his family forgot him, didn't accept him, and died because he couldn't save them. Because he brought death to their doorstep.

Lance was sobbing by the time he finished his tragic tale, although it wasn't as bad as any of the other times. "But something weird happened at the end."

"What was it?"

"Well the other two times this happened, and yes I counted, the fire at the end always climbed over my body and burned me to a crisp. It always killed me, but this time it just hugged me, like a pair of arms just hugging me. It was almost, comforting, and it felt so wrong yet so right at the same time," Lance whispered, holding his hand over his eyes, the hand that touched the telescope in his old family kitchen.

"Was that just before you woke up?"

"Uh, yeah. Why?"

"Because I think you were subconsciously thinking about me. I mean, what I did in the real world. I hugged you, tried to warm you up because you looked so pale and were so cold. We were all shouting our name but you wouldn't wake up, so I held you and started shaking you. I was only holding you so that I wouldn't disrupt your wound by the way, no ulterior motives."

"Why would there be?"

"I don't know, because I'm so desperate to get my 'gay ass laid'."

"Hey, I said I was sorry!"

"Yeah, whatever. Let's just talk about something else."Talking to Keith who was obviously listening carefully to what Lance had to say, actually did make him feel better. And the red paladin gave a small, soft smile when Lance told him so.

"Told ya."

"Whatever."

"Hey Lance?"

"Yeah?"

"How did you know that I was gay? I've only told a few people and I don't believe you were one of them."

"Oh, I um," Lance's face heated up from embarrassment. "I saw you, at the parade. The pride one when we were both still in the Garrison. You had a rainbow shirt and stuff. I think it's the only real time I saw you look so...happy...so, accepted," he whispered, looking at Keith from the corner of his eye.

"Oh. Well, what were you doing there? Not to be rude," Keith asked, keeping a level eye contact with Lance.

"Dude, I'm Bi."

"Oh."

"What, you didn't know?"

"No..."

"You have got to be joking, how dense are you?"

"Hey!"

Lance just chuckled in response, focusing his eyes back on the ceiling above him in the dimly lit room. "You're not going to tell anyone my secrets, right?" the Cuban asked.

"For the last time Lance, I'll take your secrets to my grave. Not a soul that you don't want to know about your secrets will know about them from me," Keith huffed.

"Thanks buddy," Lance smiled, but Keith didn't smile back, he just sat with the same blank expression painted across his face.

"It's whatever," he replied. Lance's smile turned into a frown.

I just spilled my guts to him and that's all I get in response? Sure I may be asking him if he really will keep my secret a lot but it's not like anyone else wouldn't do the same in a situation like this. These are my deepest, darkest secrets, I'm going to execute caution and I'm not going to apologize for that, Lance thought to himself.

Just then Hunk walked back into the room with Allura and a weird glass bottle filled with gray pills.

"Sorry that took so long buddy, we had some trouble finding the right type of medicine. Allura also wanted to make sure that it was still good to give you since it was used for Alteans and is over ten-thousand years old by now," Hunk said, gently shaking the bottle, changing the mood in the room with his cinnamoroll presence in an instant.

"Of course Allura was worried about me, if I'm not okay then who's going to sweep her off of her feet~?" Lance purred.

Another collective groan.

"Of course I'm worried about you, you are my friend, and just like any of the other paladins I wouldn't want to give you expired medication that could worsen your state Lance," Allura said irritably.

"Oooh, did I just hear the sad sound of Lance being friend-zoned?" Pidge asked, bursting through the doors as soon as Allura was done speaking to him.

"No! She just forgot to add the the 'boy' in front of the 'friend', right princess?"

"Oh yes! Boy friend, friend that is a boy. Is that what you meant?" Allura asked him with genuine curiosity.

Lance frowned to himself as Pidge and Hunk practically fell to the floor in a fit of laughter before calming down enough for Hunk to give him a pill for his dull headache which actually got worse after listening to his friends laugh at him.

Lance shut the thought out of his mind before it could grow and relaxed in his bed.

"I think I'm going to take a nap," he yawned.

"Yeah, the pill makes you drowsy, it helps with the headache through stuff, I don't know. I'm not good with biology or anything that has to do with the human body," Hunk said, twiddling his fingers.

"It's okay, same here buddy," Pidge pat the chunkier man's arm.

Allura just looked even more confused than the last time, mostly because she was still wrapping her head around the fact that they were laughing a minute ago and she doesn't know why.

Lance looked over and glared at them, causing the others to chuckle a little. But as his eyes hazily scanned the room around him he found that Keith was no longer there, he must've sneaked out while the others were talking, sneaked out on his soft, quiet feet.

Lance unconsciously reached his hand out to where Keith was seated before passing out on his bed again, slight voices danced around in his ears.

"Should we get him new bandages before he falls back asleep?"

"But Keith isn't here."

"What? Where-but he's always in here! He didn't even leave for food."

"Or to train."

"Yes because that makes things so much better."

"He's not even bleeding anymore, I think it'll be fine if we leave them on until he wakes up again."

More noises, then everything went black for the blue paladin.