5th June 1950

Chapter 17

5th June 1950

"Perrie?!" I heard the door burst open and his shocked voice interrupt our laughter. "What the fuck does this mean?"

"Chris!" I exclaimed in shock, "Chris I'm sorry"

"You- you're sorry? Why the hell are you in our bed with a woman?" he asked staring at Jade with horror painted on his face, "What is this? Some kind of joke?" he continued to speak looking around. I felt the blood pump in my ears and my breath catch in my throat.

"I'm sorry, Chris" I stammered crying, he continued to look between me and Jade clutching the sheet over our chests to cover our naked bodies.

"Get out of here" he said without emotion turning to Jade, she didn't move and he came towards us, I got off the bed and put on my dressing gown going to stand between him and her.

"Please, Chris, let's talk about this quietly" I said holding my hands out in front of him.

"You want to talk about it quietly?" he shouted and I stepped back. "What the fuck does this shit mean? Were you fucking her? Are you a lesbian?" he shouted advancing further and further. "Who the fuck is this whore?"

"Don't you dare call her that ever again!" I yelled back, he grabbed my hair and I whimpered in pain.

"Don't touch her" I heard Jade's firm, sharp voice, "I told you not to touch her!" she repeated furiously, Chris let me go and looked down at me with nothing but disgust.

Tears wet my face as I thought of the consequences that situation would have on me, Jade, Jasmine and the baby on the way, if Chris had told my father the truth I would have been well aware of what the repercussions would have been, but I couldn't let him hurt Jade too.

"Chris, I'm sorry. I've done everything I can to not feel what I feel, but I can't help it"

He laughed at me and took another step forward, at that moment Jade was beside me looking at Chris ready for any move, "What you feel? What do you feel, Perrie?" he asked with anger in his voice and I felt the blood become like ice in my veins.

"I-I love her" I stammered with fear spreading through every part of my body.

He laughed nervously but I felt anger and bitterness, "You can't love her. Two women can't love each other!" he shouted and I gasped remembering my father's screams.

Jade stepped forward and stood between us but I grabbed her wrist to pull her back not wanting her to be hurt, although I tried to make her move she remained still and I saw Christopher watching her as if she was prey.

All three of us stood in silence for seconds that seemed like hours, only the sound of our quickened breaths was audible until he took a step back and looked at us one last time.

"You disgust me" he spat indignantly, "You are nothing but a freak of nature" he declared before turning and walking out of the room, slamming the door.

I leaned against the wall and slumped to the floor before unravelling in a mess of sobs and tears and felt Jade's arms wrap around me and her lips leave reassuring kisses on my temple.

She didn't say anything but I knew she too was considering all the possibilities that would result from what had just happened, and each option was worse than the other.

We spent the night hugging and comforting each other, knowing that in the morning we would have to face reality and the consequences of our actions, I considered every possible option including escape plans for me, Jade and Jasmine.

Jade stayed by my side never leaving me, cuddled me and whispered that everything would be alright but I knew inside that she didn't believe it either.

I wondered if those had been our last hours together, if that had been the last night we had made love.

I wondered if I would ever see Jasmine, Norma, my mother or my friends again and I wondered what my future would be from then on.

I clutched Jade as if she might vanish at any moment and wept into her chest, praying that it was all just a terrible nightmare. I cursed myself for not thinking Christopher might return sooner, for thinking Jade and I might actually have a happy ending.

I cursed myself for having lost myself in the wonderful fantasy I had been living in for the last few weeks without considering that reality would inevitably come back to demand the bill.

I hurriedly got out of bed and frantically packed my bags putting in everything that could possibly be useful for me, Jade and Jasmine, she stood up and put her hands on my shoulders stopping me, I tried to move her to get back to what I was doing but she wouldn't let me.

"Stop" she whispered softly resting her forehead against mine, "This is not how we work things out"

"You don't understand" I said with panic in my voice, "My father... he will come looking for us. If he finds you he will kill you" I cried into her arms.

"I don't want to run away, Perrie. I don't want to hide because I love you" she told me softly but firmly.

"They will force us apart" I sobbed, "I don't want to lose you, Jade. I can't lose you!" I screamed collapsing in her arms. Jade held me and kissed my head drawing circles on my back, I stayed hours in her arms just crying and shaking begging her to leave with me and build a future together somewhere else.

It was morning by then and the sun streamed in through the windows illuminating our exhausted and broken bodies, the doorbell rang and we both gasped fearing that Christopher had already warned my father and he had come to sort things out.

We descended the stairs cautiously and hesitantly went to the door, Jade stood in front of me using her body as a shield despite my pleas to move.

She slowly opened the door only a few inches preventing me from seeing who was behind it, "What do you want?" I heard her ask angrily.

"Just to get my things and then I will let you dirty lesbians continue what you were doing" I heard my husband's indignant voice.

I whispered to Jade to let him in so as not to make the situation worse and so she did.

She opened the door a little wider and a second later Chris slammed it and came in and looked at us sickened, ran up the stairs and we heard loud noises coming from the floor above but we didn't dare go to see. About half an hour later we saw him coming downstairs with two large suitcases, he looked at us and threw them on the floor a few steps away.

"You should just thank me for not saying anything to your father" he said through clenched teeth, "And I'm not going to because I don't want to see you in a corpse bag" he stated angrily.

I lowered my head feeling tears roll down my cheeks and felt Jade take my hand and squeeze it, I whispered a thank you to Chris who laughed bitterly.

"I want a divorce and I will go to court today" he declared without leaving room for misunderstanding, "After that I never want to see your face or the face of this whore you are fucking again"

"Don't you dare call her a whore!" I shouted feeling anger boiling in my blood.

"Keep your fucking voice down!" he shouted and I stepped back but saw Jade stand still with no sign of fear on her face.

"I want nothing more to do with you or the child you carry. That will never be my son, he will just be a creature who lived in sin and I want nothing to do with him" he said with contempt, "You disgust me, you make me sick. I hope you two get what you deserve" he said through gritted teeth before grabbing his bags and walking briskly out of the house.

I heard the door slam behind me and shuddered in fear and despair.

Jade was immediately at my side, hugging me and whispering reassurance.

"Alright, we're leaving" she said looking deeply into my eyes, "Pack your things and I'll go get Jas and my mother" she told me with fear-filled eyes.

I nodded still in shock.

"Perrie, love, look at me" she said snapping her fingers in front of my eyes, I looked up and looked at her, "Did you understand what I said? Get things ready, I'll meet you back here in two hours. Don't open for anyone but me, okay?" she asked frantically.

"All right. I got it. Come back as soon as you can" I replied coming to my senses and finally managing to react.

Jade ran into the bedroom and a few minutes later returned to the living room dressed and ready.

"Look at me, everything will be fine" she said taking my face in her hands and giving me a kiss on the forehead.

Before she could leave the house I stopped her and looked deeply into her eyes, tears wet my face, I pushed her against the wall and captured her lips with mine savouring the sweet taste of her lips, she squeezed my hips and I moaned, immediately she entered with her tongue and began to explore the inside of my mouth.

I joined her as our tongues met and separated retracing our history, it was a different kiss, full of promise and despair, love and fear, anguish and unspoken emotions.

Although I knew Jade would be back soon after, for some reason, it felt like a terrible, desperate goodbye kiss and I wished I could stop time and shut the whole world out so I would never let her go, but I knew we had no more time.

Time was never on our side in this story.

"I love you, Jade" I told her before she left.

"Don't say it" she put a finger to my lips, "You'll tell me when we're safe" she said firmly.

I nodded but inside I could feel the feeling growing that things weren't going to go well.

I watched her run down the street and as soon as she disappeared from my sight I rushed to close the door and up to my room, I grabbed the bag I had started packing during the night and filled it with everything I thought we might need, I also grabbed the camera Jade had given me and our books.

I walked down the stairs realising that it had already been two hours and Jade still hadn't returned, I felt panic grow inside me and I started gasping for air, the phone rang making me scream in fear, I answered it quickly as if my life depended on it.

"What's going on?" I heard Jesy's frightened voice, I stammered something nonsensical in response, "My mum just told me Chris went to your parents house saying he's going to file for divorce!" she screamed with fear in her voice.

"Oh my God!" I cried, "How long ago?" I asked praying I still had time.

"About an hour" she told me with concern.

"FUCK!" I screamed, "Jade went to get Jas and Norma, we're not safe here anymore" I confessed.

"What are you saying? Are you guys leaving?" she asked crying.

"I will call you as soon as we are safe and tell you where to find us" I assured her, "I promise, I love you, Jesy. Leigh-Anne too, please tell her. I will see you again, my friend" I said hearing her cry.

"Promise me you will come back" she asked desperately.

"I will" I said before undoing myself in a mess of sobs and hanging up the phone.

At that moment there was a knock at the door, I ran to meet Jade but when I looked out of the window I saw my nightmare, my father was there and I only had to look at his face to realise that the story would not end well.

"Perrie! I know you are there! Open the damn door!" he shouted in a mix of rage and fury.

I didn't answer and he continued to bang loudly on the door, I heard the hinges squeak and knew he was about to break it down, I ran towards the couch just in time for him to break through the door and reach me.

Before I could think I was already on the floor with a bleeding lip, he grabbed me by the hair and pulled me to my feet, "You can't even keep a husband!" he spat wrathfully, "You're useless!"

"Please" I begged him crying and praying for Jade to make her appearance and get us out of there.

"Be thankful you are carrying a child" he said with cold eyes and let me go, "Where did you think you were going?" he asked mockingly looking at the packed suitcase by the door. "Did you want to run away, daughter? Do you have a lover? Is that why Christopher wants a divorce?" he asked laughing.

"N-no" I lied.

He laughed at me grabbing my elbow and tugging me, "Sure. Well, it's a good thing you've already packed your things, we're leaving" he said smugly.

"What? No! No! Please!" I cried out as he effortlessly dragged me back to the car. "Please, I'll do whatever you want but don't take me away" I begged him.

I needed to wait for Jade to return, I would rather be his prisoner but stay in London and see Jade again than leave for who knows where without her knowing with the possibility of never seeing her again.

"Please!" I continued to struggle in his arms to no avail.

Without any difficulty he managed to get me into the back seat of his car, he sat beside me continuing to hold my arm tightly which by then would certainly have been bruised, closed the door with a loud bang and instructed the driver to go to the station.

"Father, please" I continued to cry.

"Don't abuse my patience, Perrie" he said raising a hand in my direction to which I responded by covering my face defensively.

In a short time we arrived at the station, I saw my mother there with red rimmed eyes and a heartbroken, resigned look on her face, I ran into her arms and she held me tightly as in the nights of fear during the war, "I'm sorry, my child" she whispered crying. I cried between sobs being perfectly aware that there was nothing I could do to change the situation.

My father caught up with us and pulled me away from her, "Don't touch her, Alexander!" my mother shouted and I saw my father's eyes widen in surprise as it was the first time she turned on him.

"Look at her! You're killing her!" she continued to scream, "Look at her eyes! There's nothing left" she said angrily, he watched me for a long moment before letting go, my mother immediately came to hug me again looking at him with resentment and hatred.

He took a step back but never stopped keeping an eye on us.

"She has to know I didn't leave her. She needs to know I love her" I whispered through tears in my mother's ear, "I have to say goodbye to her" I finally surrendered.

"She knows, Perrie. She knows you will never stop loving her" she said comforting me, "Wherever she is, she knows you will never forget her"

"Jasmine" I cried, "Jasmine will forget me. I won't be able to watch her grow up, to read her fairy tales before bedtime, to watch her go to school and celebrate her birthday. I won't be able to watch her fall in love. I won't be able to be her mother" I unraveled between sobs.

"Perrie, breathe. You have to breathe, this is not good for the baby" she told me worriedly when she saw I was hyperventilating, I took deep breaths with her and slowly calmed down, "Look at me, my child. Jasmine will not forget you, you will always be her mother" she told me with tears in her eyes, "You will never stop being her mother"

Her words were interrupted by the loud screech of the train coming to a halt on the tracks, I again felt panic rise within my chest when I saw that it was right on the platform where we were standing, my father motioned to the driver who grabbed our bags heading for the doors of the train.

He was immediately behind me ready to grab me if I tried to escape, "Please, please, dad!" I wriggled out of his grasp and begged him once more knowing it wouldn't do any good but too desperate not to try.

The doors opened in front of us and I saw people coming out and others going in, he started walking briskly dragging me with him, my foot was on the first step when I heard a scream.

"Perrie!" I turned sharply at her voice and saw her running chased by Jesy, Norma and Leigh-Anne carrying my daughter.

I managed to break away from the general's grip and ran towards them throwing myself into her arms, but before I could do anything he grabbed both my arms trying to pull me back.

"I'm sorry, love" I told her.

"For God's sake! Let her go!" Leigh-Anne screamed angrily at my father but he continued to pull me back as the crowd gathered around us watching the pitiful scene.

Jade approached me and grabbed my face with her hands, a general gasp filled the agonising silence as she pressed her lips to mine leaving me with a long kiss full of emotion and despair, I tasted mine and her tears on her lips.

"I love you, Perrie. Forever" she told me between sobs.

"Don't forget me, Jade" I implored her.

"Never" she told me with intention and eyes full of promise.

"I will come back. I promise"

At that moment my father took me in his arms and dragged me towards the train doors, on the other side I saw the security men blocking Jade and my friends from any attempt to reach us.

"I love you, Jade" I screamed as he let me onto the train. I watched her face memorising every detail knowing it would be the last time I would see her, I saw her looking at me and doing the same.

"Mom!" I heard Jas's voice and watched my daughter squeal and cry in Leigh's arms, "Mom, come back!" she cried desperately.

"I will come back, princess. Mom will love you forever. Remember this" I said looking deeply into her eyes and saw her crying and clutching herself in Leigh's arms.

I went back to look at Jade and all the moments of our story chased each other in my mind, from our meeting in the alley, to the night I spent in her arms discovering new feelings for the first time, when I saw her again and our first kiss I escaped from.

I felt all the mixed feelings and emotions again and then I remembered the night I went to say goodbye to her before I got married and when we made love for the first time, when I met her again outside the grocery store and the first time we went to the countryside, when I taught her how to read and when we lay on the bed at night reading to Jas.

I remembered the first time we confessed our love for each other, when she gave me the camera and every time we made love. I remembered Jas's birthday and the look on Jade's face when she saw the sea again after years, when my mother also understood and accepted her, and finally I remembered the exhibition and her look full of love and admiration.

I remembered every feeling and emotion she had made me discover, every secret she had revealed to me, every detail of me that I had only known because of her.

"I'll come back to you, love!" I cried before the doors closed, "Will you wait for me?"

Before I could hear the answer the train doors closed in front of me and I only saw her lips move through the glass but she was too far away for me to read them.

I felt the train begin to move and I saw her silhouette growing smaller and smaller, just like the night I had seen her in the alley, just a silhouette without a name and without a face, but this time I knew the true identity behind that small shadow, I knew her name, her face, her chocolate eyes with honey reflections and the thousands of emotions and truths they could hold within them, I knew how her hair felt between my fingers, what the sound of her angelic voice or her laughter were, how her skin felt on mine. I knew how it felt to be protected and safe in her arms and I knew I would never forget her.

I sat down next to my mother looking out the window, I felt her soft, gentle hand reach out and take mine and I squeezed it as I continued to watch the city recede.

"Ladies and gentlemen, good morning, this is the train conductor speaking, welcome to The Golden Arrow. It is 10:45 am, the scheduled arrival for our next destination is 5:40 pm. We thank you for choosing British Railways. Next stop, Paris"

I closed my eyes and sighed as I continued to relive our love story in my mind, trying to remember every detail, I stroked my womb and felt my little one kick, I smiled and pulled out the photo I had taken of Jade, I remembered her expression when she saw it, I brushed the edges of the photograph and the features of Jade's face.

"I'll be back, my love" I whispered, "Will you wait for me?" 

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A/N - Hello everyone! Hope you enjoyed the chapter and see you at the next update! ❤️

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Thank you for reading and take care 🌈🍪

- C