12th November 1949

Chapter 9

The days went by and slowly Jade, Norma, Jasmine and I established a pleasant routine. Every morning I would come down early and have tea with Norma who would tell me about her homeland and her romance with James before going to work, then I would wait for Jade and Jasmine to have a real breakfast with them.

While Jasmine spent the morning playing with her new toys I taught Jade to learn to read and write and saw the excitement and emotion in her eyes the first time she could write her name or read an entire chapter of Orlando.

We would cook together at lunchtime and in the afternoons I would show her books about art explaining what I had learnt, I could see her eyes light up at every new piece of information or wrinkle her nose adorably when she didn't understand something, then Jesy and Leigh-Anne would join us and we would play with Jasmine.

I saw Jade getting more comfortable with my friends every day and I was happy to have two people like them by my side.

12th November 1949

A Saturday afternoon in mid-November arrived, the temperature was cold but together with Jesy I decided to pack a lunch and take a trip to our place in the country. On Friday I told Jade I was going shopping but instead I went to my friend's house to cook with her. I wanted it to be a surprise.

Jesy also invited Leigh wanting to show her the place, the next day, I told Jade and Norma, who had one of her few days off, to dress warmly and get into the car. They looked at me with confusion but did as I said and shortly afterwards joined me at the car with Jasmine who looked like she was about to burst from excitement.

The child was adorable, just like her mother, her eyes lit up at any new discovery and she saw the wonder in everything around her.

Every time I looked at her my heart swelled in my chest and I felt a new desire arise inside me, but I tried to push it away with all my strength knowing that it could not come true, yet every day it became more difficult to ignore it.

I drove for an hour and just before arrival I saw Jade's eyes widen in realisation, "Are we going there?" she asked and I nodded, smiling.

I saw a toothy smile appear on her face and giggled at her enthusiasm, Jade took my hand and squeezed it, in my peripheral vision I saw Norma behind us hinting a satisfied smile.

"Mum, you're going to love this!" the brunette beside me said enthusiastically.

Soon after we arrived at the same place as last time, I could already see Jesy's car parked and felt Jade's grip on my hand and saw her body stiffen.

"Don't worry" I whispered.

"Perrie, it's not safe" she stammered.

"Trust me" she looked at me and sighed but nodded.

I got out of the car and opened the door for Jade and Norma who thanked me, then I grabbed some blankets and a basket and took a few steps towards where we had been the previous time, I felt Jade's hand tighten on my arm and saw her walk hesitantly but she immediately relaxed and smiled when she saw Jesy and Leigh-Anne waiting for us.

The two got up as soon as they saw us and ran to hug Jade and me, Norma looked at us in astonishment but smiled and then waved to the girls.

The old Thirlwall looked around with crystal clear eyes, "These are the places James told me about" she whispered but loud enough for me to hear her, "Wonderful" she smiled inhaling the fresh air.

We all sat down on the ground and Jasmine began to explore the place like the first time, her grandmother looked at her with genuine happiness and then I saw her look at our strange group and shake her head with a giggle, probably wondering what bizarre game the universe had played on us.

We talked for a long time eating fruit and biscuits, which Jade was only too happy about, and Norma asked us more about our stories and families, especially to Jesy and Leigh-Anne since we talked every morning and had established a good friendship.

A few hours later it was lunchtime and we called Jasmine who was busy watching the squirrels but joined us when she saw the food, another thing in common with her mother was dropping everything else in front of the promise of a meal.

Jasmine ran towards us and I saw Jade open her arms to greet her but she overtook her and threw herself between mine.

I stood still and felt my heart quicken and my eyes become watery, I saw Jade look at me with the same expression and then I hugged the little one.

"For you, Miss Perrie" she said smiling, showing me the flower she had picked.

"For me?" I asked her surprised.

She nodded with bright eyes, I took the flower and thanked her, I sniffed it pretending to smell the scent and Jesy laughed at me as the others looked at us with confusion.

"It's to thank you" Jasmine whispered in my ear but everyone heard her.

"Why?" I asked her with confusion.

"Because mummy has been happy since we are with you"

I looked at Jade and saw her holding back tears, I too tried my best not to let them fall but it became harder by the second.

"You don't have to thank me, Jasmine. Mum deserves to be happy. And so do you" I said tickling her as the kid curled up emitting an adorable giggle.

Jade and I looked at each other, I saw the same look she had the night I told her it was real to me and I wondered what she wanted to express to me.

I smiled at her and saw her lower her gaze and her cheeks turn a light shade of red, I noticed the other three women watching the scene intently with big smiles on their faces and so I looked away in embarrassment. I pulled out the food and drinks and Jesy did the same, we began to eat engaging in light conversation but every few seconds my eyes went back to Jade or her daughter and I saw the brunette do the same.

"Miss Perrie?" I heard the little girl's voice after we finished our lunch.

"Just Perrie, please" I told her, smiling.

"Alright, just Perrie, can you read me Gulliver's Tale?"

I looked between her and Jade and saw the brunette close her eyes and sigh, I wondered if there was something wrong and brushed her hand, she intertwined our fingers and I saw Leigh's eyes grow as big as saucers and looked away.

I felt panic and my breathing become heavier but I tried to distract myself and looked back at the little girl who had eyes full of hope.

"Actually" Jade said just before I attempted to answer, "What would you think if I read it to you?" she asked looking at her daughter.

I gave a huge smile and saw Norma's astonished look and her shining eyes.

"Jade" she whispered, "You don't know... how to... read" she told her in a low voice but I could hear her.

I felt Jade's hand squeeze mine and noticed a giggle, then she moved slightly and took the book from my hands and opened it where we had closed it last time.

She started reading in a trembling voice and I stroked her back drawing invisible circles, the further she went the more confident her voice became, sometimes she got lost with some words so I whispered them in her ear and she went on.

Norma looked at her as if she came from another planet and I saw tears streaking her cheeks, Jesy and Leigh stood in absolute silence but I saw them smiling, I noticed that my Jamaican friend kept looking between Jade and me and for a moment I thought about walking away, but the need to reassure the woman I was in love with and the fact she was so close to me was stronger and I stayed where I was.

"Mummy! Do the voices!" the little one shouted, unaware of anything else.

Jade laughed and kept reading imitating the characters' voices, we all laughed at her silliness and the accents she occasionally tried to imitate and Jade had to stop a few times because the laughter was too loud.

Jasmine moved back into my arms and I saw Jade looking at me from time to time as I cradled her daughter and she read.

Half an hour later the baby fell asleep and Jade closed the book and put it back in her bag.

"Jade..." Norma told her admiringly, "When did you learn to read?"

"Perrie is teaching me" she said smiling, "Writing too" she added and I saw Norma looking at me gratefully.

"Don't ask her to teach you maths though" Jesy teased me and they all burst out laughing as my cheeks turned red again, "One day she said that the square root of 144 was 3236!"

"Jesy, stop making fun of the poor girl" Jade laughed and tried to imitate Jesy's accent failing miserably and causing everyone to burst out laughing again. "I have a question though" she continued, "Why were you laughing as she smelled the flower?" she asked her.

Jesy smiled, "Miss Perrie here, she can't smell"

The three women looked at me in shock and asked if that was true, to which I answered yes.

"No smells?" asked Leigh.

"At all"

"Oh, that explains why you had no problem coming to our house!" Norma laughed.

"Mum!" Her daughter took her back and we watched the scene trying to hold back our laughter.

"Please my dear daughter, that place smelled of despair and carrion" Norma said laughing and I saw Jade follow her shortly after.

"I guess I'll never really know" I replied quietly as the two women laughed at me.

"Better for you, dear" Norma said to me while smiling as they all laughed.

"Perrie" Leigh called out to me as the chuckles subsided, I looked at her worriedly and motioned for her to continue, "Could you please walk me to the river? I need to refill the bottle" she showed me an empty bottle that I was sure was still half full just seconds before.

I took a deep breath and nodded with a fake smile.

We walked a few steps away and Leigh grabbed my wrist, pulling me behind the trees.

"Talk!" she ordered in a serious voice.

I felt the blood drain from my face and limbs and my legs trembled as if they were made of jelly at that simple word.

"Leigh, please. It's not what you think" I tried to deny.

"Really? How is it then? When were you planning to tell me?"

I didn't answer not knowing what to say or how to get out of that situation, I knew it was a miracle that Jesy was back and even more so that she could understand and comfort me because she was in the same situation, but I didn't know if Leigh-Anne would react like everyone else in the world, condemning and discriminating for something beyond my control.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to lose you. I care about you and our friendship" I told her because it was the truth.

"Is that why?" she asked in amazement and I nodded.

"I tried to do anything to forget her, to suppress my feelings, I gave in to my father and married Chris thinking that if I was a good wife sooner or later I would forget her but it didn't happen"

I paused knowing that if I carried on I would only make the situation worse and saw my friend looking at me without emotion, I lowered my gaze and prepared for the worst. I imagined that Leigh would leave and I would never see her again except for formal occasions and my heart clenched at the idea of not having her in my life.

"I am glad you haven't forgotten her" she finally said.

I looked at her surprised by those words wondering if it was a joke or she really said it, when I met her gaze I saw her smile at me with understanding and empathy.

"I understand your fear in telling me and I'm sorry for how I reacted, but I'm happy for you and I hope you and Jade will find a way" she said emotionally before hugging me. I basked in the warmth of her embrace and sighed gratefully for her friendship.

"Does Jesy know?" she asked me. I nodded over her shoulder, "And how did she take it?"

"Not well at first, but then we talked and made up for it"

"Was that why you had drifted apart?" I nodded again. I heard her sigh and pull away from the embrace, she looked at me sadly and I wondered why but when I was about to do so she masked it behind a smile.

"I will always be on your side" she said at last and I felt my eyes become watery.

"It really doesn't bother you?" I asked her still incredulous.

"It's almost 1950, Perrie! The future is now!" she told me enthusiastically, making my doubts and tension disappear, "I don't feel any discomfort, but promise me you'll be careful. Most people are not ready yet" she stated to me seriously and I could see the concern.

I knew she was right, not only was Jade an immigrant and racist assaults were rampant across the country, but same-sex love was seen as something abominable.

Jade and I would never have been able to walk peacefully down the street without risking an aggression, we would never have been able to be seen together in public or exchange signs of affection such as holding arms or touching hands.

We couldn't even go into most bars or restaurants together, I had seen it through with Leigh and despite her noble status, the colour of her skin put her at risk wherever she went.

Most of all, I could never have risked Jade and I being seen together by my father or one of his friends who might have reported it to him.

If whatever we were had continued, it would have had to be behind closed doors, hiding us from everyone.

I wondered at that moment when things would change. When would it be the time for us?

Leigh and I went to fill the bottle and returned to the group, I saw Jesy looking at me with concern but I nodded to her silently telling her that everything was fine.

I saw her watching Leigh-Anne carefully and blushing when my friend sat down next to her, letting their arms brush against each other.

I saw the Jamaican girl sigh and swallow, then move away a little but just enough so that there was no contact between them, Jesy lower her gaze and I felt the need to comfort my friend but I knew it was not the time.

I decided that I would talk to Jesy the next day wanting to know how she was feeling and how she was coping with the situation but inside I already knew that the girl in front of me was fighting against her feelings. I could see the suffering in her eyes when the other girl walked away, knowing that there would be no future for them.

The afternoon was short-lived and by 4 o'clock we saw the sun begin to set, the air was cold and we had to set off home before it was too dark. We said goodbye to Jesy and Leigh, who thanked us for the fun day and went home. They too left shortly afterwards.

Once home Norma took her niece for a hot bath and I stayed with Jade in the living room, I saw her look at me for a long time before she leaned in and left me with a long, chaste kiss on my lips.

I inhaled her imaginary scent and embraced her, holding her close to me with the desire to never let her go.

"Thank you for the day" she spoke softly as her arms tightened around my back. "I can't believe I was able to read in front of the others" she laughed.

"You did great" I said smiling at her.

"I have a very good teacher" she joked and giggled.

"Or you are a very good student. You learned so fast, Jade! You could do anything!" I told her believing it.

I felt her gasping on my chest and clutching my body even tighter.

"Do you think a girl like me could be a teacher one day?" she asked with sadness in her voice.

"I'm sure things will change, I'm sure one day skin colour or origins or gender will no longer be a limitation" I told her with belief.

"Do you really believe that?" her voice small, I pulled her into my embrace and nodded.

"Would you still want to be a doctor?"

"I don't know, I haven't thought about it anymore actually, maybe I would like to do something in art or writing. I would like to describe the world" I smiled, realising that new desire for the first time.

"That would be nice, you could let the world know about people and their cultures, maybe it would help stop the hate that surrounds us" she said seriously and I realised how true her words were.

"Hate comes from ignorance, two evils that are like 'animal spirits' that disturb and attack people's reasonableness. Their bacteria attack the foundations of rationality, empathy and awareness. In the long run they undermine the structures of civilised coexistence and what is left is only blood and despair" Jade said and I looked at her in awe and admiration, "I guess reading is paying off" she said shyly as a blush marked her cheeks and I was speechless at her incredibly truthful analysis of society.

"One day you will be a very good teacher" I told her with emotion and admiration.

Norma and Jasmine came back and we ate something easy having overindulged at lunch and in the afternoon, the older woman went straight to bed having to get up early the next morning to go to the laundry and greeted us with a warm smile, Jade walked Jasmine back to her room shortly after and then returned to help me wash the last of the dishes, even though Norma had almost finished the job before we forced her to go and rest.

"Sleep with me tonight?" I asked her as we walked up the stairs, she smiled and took my hand intertwining our fingers. We entered the room and I pulled her with me to the bathroom, she looked at me uncertainly but changed her expression when she saw that I slowly and seductively began to remove my clothes.

I saw her breathe deeply and swallow as I removed my bra, and her eyes grew darker as the panties followed.

I moved closer to her and started to do the same with her clothes leaving her wet kisses from time to time, I saw her struggle internally between letting me do it or taking control, but in the end she let me have the power.

TW SMUT

I took her hand and pushed her close to the tub, I got in and motioned for her to join me, she did so and sat with her back against my chest.

I left wet kisses on her neck and behind her ear, biting her earlobe from time to time and hearing her satisfied sighs, my hand wandered between her legs and I felt the wetness, I began to rub her sensitive bud and she rested her head on my shoulder, I could see her smug expression and her closed eyes as I added more force and speed, I lowered my hand and slipped two fingers into her centre.

A whimper came out of her mouth and I supported her as I quickly pumped my fingers inside her curling them and hitting her sensitive spot.

"Fuck!" she screamed in a whisper and I felt myself getting even wetter each time she cursed.

"Shhh" I whispered and saw her shaking.

I felt her walls tighten around my fingers and I increased the speed until her body was only shaken by short spasms.

I kept my fingers where they were going at a slower pace and extended her pleasure as long as possible. When she relaxed I stopped and kissed her temple. I saw her open her eyes and look at me with adoration, then she turned completely around lying on top of me and grabbed my cheeks kissing me with ardent passion, her hand came down and reached my thighs, I felt her brush my core but without really touching it.

A whimper escaped my lips as I longed for the contact, "Ask me" she ordered in a deep voice and I felt myself faint.

"Please" I said in desperation.

"Please what?" she taunted me.

"Touch me" I begged her, I immediately felt embarrassed having never spoken that way before.

"I want to teach you a lesson too, Miss Edwards" Jade said in the hottest tone I had ever heard, "Is that alright?" I nodded frantically only wishing she would grant my wish.

"This" she touched my bud and I moaned sonorously, "It's the clit" she said rubbing circles and making me moan without interruption.

"These" she lowered her hand to my slit, "They are the small and large lips. You like it when I touch them, don't you?" she said stroking my swollen flesh, her tone was so deep I thought I could undo myself with just that.

"I want an answer" she growled pinching what I discovered was called a clitoris.

"Yes!" I screamed.

"And this one" she reached my entrance, and I prayed for her to move, "It's your pussy" she said entering with two fingers.

I was a moaning mess as she began to move inside me, all the newly discovered terms swirled in my mind and her warm voice only increased my excitement, "You like it when I fuck you like this, don't you?"

"Yes! Fuck yes!" I cursed for the first time in my life feeling waves and waves of pleasure.

My walls tightened around her fingers and Jade spoke again, "Last lesson for tonight" she bit my neck and began rubbing my clit with her thumb as her fingers continued to fuck me.

"This" she said as my body was pierced by a rush and I started to tremble, "This is a fucking orgasm" she bit my earlobe and I felt myself being pulled into the ecstasy of pleasure. Jade didn't stop, however, nor did she slow down.

"Again" she said fucking me faster and deeper and I felt another orgasm hit me again, "Cum for me, baby" she ordered and I felt the adrenaline and pleasure mingle for the second time under her touch.

She slowed down and let me ride the climax, I kissed her with every ounce of passion and strength I had left and smiled into the kiss.

SMUT End

"Did you enjoy the lesson?" she asked me ironically.

I laughed exhausted but happy and nodded.

We finished the bath and went back to the room, as promised Jade stayed with me and snuggled with her head on my chest, I stroked her hair and scratched her scalp knowing it relaxed her and I relaxed with her by my side, but the peace was short-lived.

"Perrie, what's going to happen when your husband comes back?" she asked and I felt the floor open beneath me.

I still hadn't thought about what to do next, I knew that Jade had already stayed longer than she had originally planned and I had decided to just enjoy her presence, but at some point it would be inevitable to have to come to terms with reality, I just hoped I had more time.

"Chris won't be back until Christmas, we still have time" I said hoping that would be enough to close the topic for the moment.

"We should start thinking about it though. When he comes back he'll want you back and..."

"And?"

"I don't want to think about him touching you the way I do" she admitted. I realised the meaning behind her words and remembered the few times Chris and I had connected with the hope of having a child, immediately I felt sickness hit me but tried not to let it show.

"You shouldn't think about it"

"But I do. Besides, I have nothing to give you, Perrie. I'm just a whore" she said angrily.

"Don't talk about yourself like that. You are not a whore. You are a wonderful person, intelligent, full of curiosity and talent and you deserve the world"

"And a woman. Perrie, I will never be able to compete with him"

"What are you trying to say?" I asked her fearfully.

She pulled away from the embrace and looked at me with tears in her eyes, she rested her forehead on mine and sighed, I felt the warmth of her breath on my lips and braced myself for the worst.

"This... us... is just a dream, beautiful and wonderful, but just a dream. And dreams don't come true. You and I are not destined"

"I don't care, I don't want it to end, I don't want to live a life without you" I told her in a broken voice.

"I don't want to fall in love with you knowing that I can never have you. I don't want to delude myself that this dream can be real, the more we live in this fantasy the harder it will be when it ends and I don't want you to suffer because of me, I can't let you fall in love with me knowing I can never be yours, Perrie"

"It's too late then" I confessed with tears in my eyes.

Jade snapped her head up and looked at me with astonishment and sadness.

"Perrie wha-"

"I'm already in love with you, Jade" 

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A/N - Hello everyone! Hope you enjoyed the chapter and see you at the next update! ❤️

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Thank you for reading and take care 🌈🍪

- C