14th May 1949

Chapter 1

When the war started I was very young, seven years old. I lived with my family in a big mansion somewhere outside London, my father was an important general at the time, we had a big house with a huge farm next to it. I knew about the war because the Nazis started bombing big cities, like London, in 1940.

A/N Perrie's home

The bad times were many, we lived in constant fear. Every night was a terror because they were constantly bombarding cities, I remember the rubble and the corpses in the streets. My mother was crying and my father was more and more a memory. He was unrecognisable, I think he lost himself during that war and never really returned.

I remember one night in particular, it was terrible: my mother, out of fear and to avoid screaming, bit the pillow, she clenched it tightly between her teeth and a lot of blood came out. Another day, while I was in the bathroom washing, an aeroplane flew past my window and shot a man on a wagon... I was so terrified that I didn't speak to anyone for a month.

At the end of the World War II, my country, although among the victors, was a nation on its knees economically and socially speaking.

We needed workforce, especially foreign labour, to the extent that we could offer a million jobs: so, between the late 1940s and early 1950s, about 345,000 people arrived from the old continent, mostly male, looking for work.

1948 was the year that saw the birth of multi-ethnicity in Britain, also due to two facts, the passing of the Nationality Act, which gave all subjects of the Empire the right to enter the United Kingdom freely, and the landing in London on 22 June of a shipload of men from Jamaica, who were attempting the adventure of emigration thanks also to the launch price of tickets, which were sold in 3 days.

Although the first black people made their appearance in England already in the early 1900s, the first racist demonstrations began in the 1940s with the banning of black people from pubs and shops, as well as the incidents in Liverpool in 1948, where between 31 July and 2 August the city experienced three nights of racial violence on a scale not seen since the end of the First World War, and in Deptford in 1949, when a mob tried to attack the Carrington House hostel, where around 50 black men lived.

In short, it was not a good time. The memory of the war was too close, uncertainties still underpinned every individual. We celebrated, sure, but we weren't really happy.

It would only be in the 1950s that we would really see that future we had been promised and which seemed so far away.

My father betrothed me to a soldier he had met while stationed in London. His name was Christopher Taylor, son of a wealthy English family and with an enviable heritage.

I had met him during the war, I was twelve and he was twenty-two, we were to be married as soon as the war was over but he had to leave, so the wedding was postponed. When he returned, the desire to become his wife had died. I had dreamed of his return for a long time but realised that I was no longer the little girl I had been just a short time before.

With the end of the war, I was finally allowed to go back to school, even find a job, and I no longer wanted to be one of those women forced at home to serve their husbands.

Of course, the situation was not favourable for women, but you began to breathe change, you yearned for it, some demonstrations for women's rights and emancipation arose from time to time, heirs of the suffragettes who led to the right to vote in 1928, sparking scandal and indignation.

My father didn't know it, but more and more often I took part too.

If he had known he probably would have killed me with his own hands, years before I would never have thought of disobeying him, but I guess the war had changed us all.

In my case, I no longer wanted to obey and stand by, while the world was going on without me, I wanted to be part of the future, I wanted to be part of the change.

14th May 1949

I remember the evening when this story began, it was the 14th of May 1949, I was seventeen years old and I was having dinner at my house, it was an important party as my father had invited all our family members, friends and even some counts and dukes.

It was supposed to be the engagement party for me and Mr Taylor.

I had already talked to my mum about backing out, I wanted to find true love, the one man who would truly love me and not marry just for money, a title or convenience. I wanted to have the opportunity to study and find a job, to be independent and be able to choose what was best for me. My mother surprised me by agreeing with me for the first time, yet even she could not counter my father's final decision.

As I said, he never returned from that war. He wore the uniform of a general until the end of his life, even with his own children.

My last memory of that man as my father was many years before, then he was nothing more than a shadow to me.

Fortunately, my best friend, Miss Jessica Nelson, who was also the daughter of a general, was invited to that party. She was two years older than me, but when the war broke out and our fathers were sent to the front, our mothers bonded a deep friendship, which led Jessica to visit us often.

I immediately got on well with her, she was a comfort to me during the nights of the bombing and I was also able to have a good time with her despite the darkness that surrounded us.

"Jesy!" I greeted her as I saw her enter the Edwards mansion, "Good thing you're here! I couldn't make it without you" I said smiling gratefully at her.

"I wouldn't have missed this social event" she told me in a Scottish accent that made me genuinely laugh, "I especially can't wait to see your repulsed expression when your father announces it" she teased me.

"Please don't remind me. If only that man could look to the future like the rest of us, then maybe he would understand that I don't want to marry just for the money"

"Oh, but he knows you don't want to get married, unfortunately he still believes that the surname Taylor will move you further up the social ladder. Unfortunately, change hasn't affected everyone, just look at what's happening in the rest of the country. Fights and riots over black workers... absurd, isn't it?"

"Since when have you been interested in politics, Nelson?" I teased her but participating with interest in the conversation.

She laughed with delight, "Since they are finally giving women a role, who knows one day we might even be able to do men's jobs"

This time it was me who laughed, "Sure, Jesy, keep dreaming!"

The first time I heard those words they sounded like just hopeful children's dreams, never would I have imagined that one day, what my friend said, would come true.

"Are we all here?" asked Jesy.

"No, I think three people are still missing but of course I have no idea who they are, nor do half the people in here. Can you believe this is my engagement party and I don't even know the guests?" I said bitterly.

"Pez, I know you are nervous" she said now seriously squeezing my hand, "I want you to know that I will always be here for you" she smiled at me and I saw the genuineness in her gaze.

I silently thanked her, trying to hold back my tears and trying to ignore my anxiety about what was going to happen that night.

All my ideas of independence and revolution would vanish in a matter of hours. I had tried to avoid thinking about the moment this party would mean, but it was now inevitable. As soon as my father made the announcement, my life would change, but not by my choice.

The doorbell rang, allowing me to compose myself and put off thoughts of what was now almost done. I flashed another fake smile as I prepared to meet the last three people who would congratulate me without knowing me and who probably wouldn't even remember my name the next day.

"Oh my God," whispered Jesy beside me, her mouth wide open, "Remember when I said your father was immune to change? Here, I take it back"

My eyes were wide open at the sight in front of me, as were those of all the guests in the room, an awkward silence filled the space until my father cleared his throat to break the tension and welcome the newcomers.

"Count Pinnock. Finally I can make your personal acquaintance, welcome to our modest abode. This is my wife, Deborah, and this is my daughter Perrie, the celebrated one. Please come in, so I can introduce you to the others guests" my father looked tense but nothing would interfere with his plan.

I saw my mother wrinkle her eyebrows but then pull herself together and show off her manners as she headed for the other two people who arrived with the count. A woman who was about her age introduced herself as his wife and started talking to my mother, shortly after they disappeared towards the living room, leaving Jesy and me with the newest arrival.

"Perrie, do you see her?" I heard Jesy whisper behind me.

"Yes, Jessica, I still have eyes!" I shouted in a low voice.

"Look! She's... She's-"

"Black?" the girl in front of us said obviously having overheard our non-silent conversation, "I'm Leigh-Anne, Count Pinnock's daughter" she introduced herself, extending her hand to us.

"Good evening Miss Pinnock, I'm Perrie and this is my friend Jessica Nelson" I smiled shaking her hand.

"You can call me Jesy, and forgive me for the bad impression, it's just that.... well, Perrie and I weren't expecting this encounter" she said embarrassed.

"Yes, it seems obvious to me" Leigh-Anne replied irritated. Jesy's gaze fixed itself on the floor and I sighed, thinking that this evening would only get worse.

Leigh-Anne laughed amused and we looked at each other confused, "Oh my God, you should see your faces, ladies!" she teased, I could feel everyone's eyes on us, but the girl's laughter was contagious and it didn't take long for Jesy and I to join her too.

"Don't worry, Jessica, I understand your confusion and it's strange for me too to be surrounded by all these white people. I guess the world is changing. This dinner seems to be a mirror of this new society" she said, smiling warmly.

"Yeah, so it seems, I would like to apologise for my attitude earlier. It was not appropriate-"

"True, but it's understandable. I forgive you, Jessica" Leigh-Anne said, smiling at her.

"So, tell us about yourself, Miss Pinnock" I asked her with interest.

"Oh, there's not much to tell. We arrived a few months ago from Jamaica. Now that more and more workers are coming from our country to yours, my father has been sent here to strengthen relations between England and Jamaica, honestly I think it's just to keep our country quiet, but I don't think my father has figured that out yet" she said bitterly.

"Are you referring to the riots?" Jesy demanded, never taking her eyes off her.

"Yeah, honestly this whole multiethnicity and contamination thing just seems like an excuse to me to get more underpaid workers, but white people still have to get used to our skin colour. People are dying in the streets just because they are different and nobody really seems to care"

"I am very sorry, Miss Pinnock" Jesy said sadly and I saw the honesty in her gaze.

"Oh, please, just call me Leigh-Anne! And thank you, Jessica. I appreciate it" she smiled, then turned to me, "Are you always this quiet, Perrie?"

Jesy laughed hysterically, "Perrie quiet? Absolutely not. This girl could talk for hours, sometimes I wonder how it's possible that her jaw has never dislocated" my friend teased me and Leigh-Anne smiled, "She's very nervous about tonight"

"Oh, of course! You must be excited!"

My gaze lowered and I sighed, I felt the Jamaican girl's hand on my wrist and saw her inclusive eyes, "Oh, I see" she said, "I'm sorry" a sad smile tugged at her lips.

I smiled back and squeezed her hand, silently thanking her for being so understanding.

Shortly after my father called us all to the dining room, the moment was near and there was no backing out now. My escape scenario was unlikely, my father would have searched all over the UK if I had messed up the wedding.

My life full of dreams and hopes was coming to an end, I would be bound in marriage to Christopher and together we would build a family based on appearances and agreements between men.

No one would have cared about my desire to study and become a doctor, my passion for reading and music. I would never have found true love and I would never have experienced the feeling of being independent.

I would have been just a puppet in the hands of a father and husband who would never have cared about my happiness.

And there was nothing I could do to change that.

As my country began to move into a decade that would revolutionise history and change the fortunes of us all forever, I was destined to watch from the window raising children and keeping a house clean for a man I barely knew and who had remained with the beliefs and values of his father and his father's father.

While the whole world was pushing forward into the future, I was destined to live in the past.

"Thank you all for being here tonight" my father said lifting his wine glass, I lowered my gaze to my hands and saw Chris's reach my thigh, his touch surprised me. I turned to face him and saw a feeble smile on his lips.

"Tonight we gather to celebrate the engagement between my dear daughter Perrie and the valorous Sergeant Taylor who has served our country with courage and devotion. It's due to men like him that England has emerged victorious from the terrible war that has affected the whole world" my father continued solemnly, and I wondered how many times he had rehearsed this speech.

"I could not be prouder to give Perrie in marriage to Christopher, and I am here with you tonight, dear friends, to celebrate this incredible union. I know that Christopher and Perrie will live a life full of joy and following the values that define our families. They will prosper and give us the gift of beautiful grandchildren. Christopher and Perrie are the example we should all follow, not even the war was able to tear apart their sincere and genuine love".

If I had not been the one directly concerned I would have laughed at the lies my father was deliberately telling. He was well aware of the fact that I had never loved Chris and that I had no desire to marry him but, as I said before, he would not have allowed anyone to stand between him and his plan.

"To Perrie and Christopher!" he exclaimed with a sincere smile, knowing that by then there would be no turning back.

"To Perrie and Christopher!" all the guests shouted enthusiastically as they toasted to the lie of a perfect romance.

I looked around and saw their smiles brim their faces, I stared at Jesy who looked at me with sympathy and sadness, my gaze fell on Leigh-Anne who looked at me sombrely knowing the truth of my feelings.

Finally, I saw my mother's tired smile and her eyes full of regret.

No words were needed, we both knew she would not be able to fight my father, I felt her support and warmth and knew I could always find comfort in her arms, the same comfort she gave me years before during the war.

My mother was always a role model and an anchor for me, she supported me every step of the way, and that night I knew she always would.

Hours later the party was still not over, people were laughing, dancing and drinking escaping the horrors and memories the war had left behind.

I went to my room needing a break, I fought all through dinner to hold back the tears while showing off fake smiles, trying not to think about what my life would be from then on.

I sat on my bed opening a book and searching for answers to the questions swirling in my mind when I heard the faint creak of the door opening, I turned around and saw Chris looking at me intently, his dull eyes did not reflect the boy I had known when I was younger.

"Chris," I mumbled, "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see my future wife" he smiled at me, his tone was different, there was humour and the words were faded.

"You shouldn't be here, it's not appropriate" I said bitterly.

"Perrie, you will be my wife in a few weeks" he replied mockingly.

"In a few weeks is not today. Find your manners" I said irritably, getting up to face him.

He approached and with a quick movement turned me around and pushed me facing the wall.

"Chris! What the hell are you doing?" I screamed in fright, fear made its way through my veins and I felt my heart speed up. I had never been this close to a man before and I really didn't understand what was going on.

"Mind your tongue, Perrie! It doesn't suit a good girl like you" Chris held me down as he slowly started to lift my dress, his hands roamed over my legs leaving shivers and goosebumps, I felt uncomfortable and in danger.

I tried to scream but a hand prevented me, he began to rub himself on me and I felt something hard under his trousers.

"You're going to be my wife soon, you might as well start figuring out where you belong" he whispered in my ear and then moved to kiss my neck.

I felt tears running down my cheeks as I tried to break free but he wouldn't let me, the sound of the zip being lowered filled the room and I knew that whatever happened next would be awful.

Suffocated sobs broken by his hand over my mouth came out uncontrolled. The sensations I felt were disgusting and although I didn't know what was going to happen, I knew it wasn't right.

I cried louder and tried to scream when I felt something hard and warm between my legs.

I realised it was his member and nausea hit my stomach.

"Don't move" he ordered me in a rough voice. The blood froze in my veins and I tried to fight despite the fact that he was much bigger and stronger than me.

Then I felt a loud thump and soft hands reach out and support me, I gasped but relaxed as I realised I was free, turned and saw the worried eyes of my friend Jesy and Leigh-Anne.

"Oh my God! Are you all right, Perrie?" the latter asked.

The words stopped in my throat and I saw Chris's motionless body lying on the floor.

"Perrie, look at me" Jesy said snapping her fingers in front of my eyes, "It's over. You're okay" she reassured me.

I nodded wanting to ask her what was going on but shock prevented me from speaking.

We heard a grunt and I saw Chris moving slowly holding a hand over his head, he looked at me angrily and his gaze scared the hell out of me.

"Perrie, go away. We'll take care of this" the Jamaican girl told me with a warm smile.

I didn't take it twice and ran out of Chris and my house, I ran past the door ignoring the astonished stares of the guests and ran faster and faster until I felt my lungs burning and a metallic taste in my mouth, I realised I had bitten the inside of my lip until it bled.

I stopped realising I didn't know where I was or how to get back, the street was dimly lit except for a few street lamps and some signs.

I ventured out trying to find recognisable signs and was plunged into fear when I realised I was lost.

The neighbourhood was characterised by old buildings, some of which still bore the marks of the war. Many houses had been destroyed and although the conflict had been over for four years, there was still rubble.

I saw a long line of men near what I thought was a bar, Chris's memories returned and I tried to walk by without being noticed, passed the building and looked at the sign realising it was a brothel.

I knew what a brothel was thanks to the feminist demonstrations I had attended, there I had also found out what sex was and, I only realised in that moment, that that's what was about to happen with Chris if Jesy and Leigh-Anne didn't intervene.

In my house it was absolutely forbidden to talk about such scandalous topics, so the demonstrations for me had become not only a way to become an active part of the change, but also to find out more about women and what was going on behind closed doors.

I discovered that women were sometimes beaten by their husbands and forced to have sex with them, feminists called it rape and fought for laws to be created to fight it.

I had never realised the extent of the problem or the seriousness of it until that evening, when it almost happened to me.

Just as I rounded the corner past the brothel I heard a faint screeching sound, my curiosity got the better of me and I moved closer to the sound, a dimly lit street lamp showed me the presence of two silhouettes, flashbacks of what had happened earlier at my house flooded into my head as I saw one figure nailed to the alley wall while another stood in front of her.

"Hey!" I shouted, "Leave her alone!" I exclaimed, running in the direction of the two people.

The man looked at me for a second before running away letting go of the other figure who immediately fell to the ground, I approached and saw her body shivering on the cold cobblestone floor of the dirty alley.

I brought my hand close to the girl's face who gasped and covered her face to protect herself.

"I don't want to hurt you," I told her in a calming voice, " Allow me to help you"

"I-I'm fine" she whispered in a weak voice.

"No, you're not. Let me help you"

She nodded and permitted me to caress her face, I felt her body tremble but she relaxed shortly after. I slipped an arm under her neck and gently lifted her back so she could sit up, she hurriedly lowered the skirt that had been raised covering her thighs and legs.

"It's okay, I'm Perrie. I won't hurt you," I told her softly, "What's your name?"

"J-Jade" 

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A/N - Hello everyone and thank you for reading the first chapter! Let me know what you think about it!!!🥰 Hope you enjoyed the story and see you at the next update! ❤️

Also, if you're new here, go check out my other book "Survivor"!

Feedbacks are always appreciated, so if you want, comment and share! 

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Thank you for reading and take care 🌈🍪

- C