Chapter 5 - And Then On Purpose

It's been a month since Jason's birthday and the two of them have been happy in their current state. They hold onto their friends with benefits arrangement like it's in a vice, denying of them being a couple whenever it's brought up. Molly brings it up to the both of them every so often, questioning what the hell is going on.

They might not be doing anything in public, but she sees the way Jason reaches for her hand all the time and the way his hand rests on the small of her back or on her knee when they're hanging out. And she sees the way Sam beams when he talks and the way she nudges him with her shoulder, the way she practically sits on top of him and reaches for his hand. They make it so obvious it's almost painful. Even Bruce has noticed and he's just as confused as Molly is but he doesn't pester them about it. Instead, Bruce has a fond smile whenever he sees them together because at least they're happy.

But, while they're happy together, Jason is still struggling. His nightmares are persistent, he still wakes up in a sweat screaming most nights. At one point, he tried to avoid sleeping with Sam entirely because he keeps waking her up and it's not fair to her. He is not her responsibility. But, Sam is very convincing and reassuring. She promised him she'd be there anyway because that's what people do when they care about someone. She's very convincing. But, then his hands shake and his chest gets so heavy he can't breathe. It's paralyzing and he knows Bruce has noticed, too.

Bruce has taken notice in Jason and Sam not sleeping in separate rooms anymore. He's heard Jason screaming in the middle of the night. He sees Jason's hands shake on patrol and in training. He's noticed the limp. Jason seems physically fine but Bruce is no stranger to the harm someone's mental state can cause them. And Jason knows Bruce has noticed, he was not dubbed the world's greatest detective for no reason. And that scares Jason even more because he's afraid it's only a matter of time before Bruce gives up on him.

He'll make Jason hang up the suit, find a new Robin who's not scared of everything. So, Jason tries even harder. He trains harder and more often, him and Sam patrol together on nights Bruce doesn't, which means he's patrolling every single night, no breaks. Sam notices but when she asks, Jason brushes it off and says he's just wanting to train a little more to be prepared. He's very convincing, too.

While Jason is still struggling, Sam has been getting a little bit better. She swore coming back home, it would be different. She can't run from everything the rest of her life and she doesn't want to. So, she deals with it. She has a nightmare and she tells Jason the details about it and she talks about it. Gar was right, it does help a lot more than she actually thought it would. And when she feels paranoid about Jerry showing up or someone recognizing her from patrol, she tells Jason and he reassures her because no one has ever figured out about him, Bruce, or Dick. She wears a mask and no identifiable clothes. She is safe. And she tells Molly what happened, in small pieces, but she tells her just leaving out the powers and such. And it seems to help. 

She's comfortable here. She's comfortable in Gotham, at the manor surprisingly, with Jason, and with Molly. She has nightmares and the paranoia is real, but it's getting better. She keeps up with Gar and the other Titans and things feel like they might be okay again one day.

Tonight, though, Sam and Jason are on another bust without Bruce. It's not something big or anything, just some run-of-the-mill guys who have nothing better to do than deal laced drugs to kids. So, they're here to put a stop to it. And it's going well, until it isn't.

Jason is supposed to be handling half of them and Sam handles the other half. It's how they do this and they watch the other in case things go south. But, Sam is holding her own just fine until she hears Jason groan from behind her.

It's a reflex.

She can't help it but she hears him and she has to turn to look because Jason should be fine. But, she looks over and he's on the ground, and that gives the guy she's fighting enough time to grab her, despite the throbbing in her head. He yanks her arm and twists it behind her back. Sam lets out a scream in response, feeling her arm bending too far in the wrong direction.

Jason is on the ground, taking the blow to his stomach and the scream Sam lets out nearly shatters his entire being. But, it switches something in him, allowing him to get up and start fighting. His hands shake so bad he's surprised he can land a single punch and Sam allows her hands to glow, shooting acid behind her and hitting the guy in the leg. He drops her arm, screaming in agony from behind her.

"Hey, are you okay?" Jason looks her over as he reaches her, his hands as if on instinct, cup her cheeks softly. His gloves touch her mask and Sam sees the panic trenching his face.

That's not normal, Jason doesn't panic.

His eyes scan over her, frantic as if panicked she's been seriously injured. He doesn't see any injury besides a small cut near her eyebrow or anything to indicate a red flag. But she screamed and Sam is very good at not reacting to pain in these situations.

"I'm fine." Sam brushes it off, trying her best to ignore the throbbing in her shoulder. "Let's get out of here."

Jason agrees and the two of them finish tying up the men for the GCPD to deal with when they show up and they head back. Jason can feel Sam's grip on him looser than normal and the guilt starts to chew at him. Sam is good on her own usually, especially with these guys. They're easy. But, Jason knows he groaned and he's thinking that grabbed her attention. She was going to bail him out and it got her hurt. This is his fault and it's not fair.

Back at the manor, they change and meet in the bathroom to clean each other up. Sam takes a seat on the counter while Jason grabs the supplies and he hasn't said a single word.

"You okay, Jay?" Sam's voice is hesitant, knowing he's definitely not. Jason is only quiet when he's trapped in his own head.

"Fucking fine." Jason mutters, looking at the blood by her eye. It's the only cut and it's small but it's enough.

"Are you sure? You don't seem fine." Sam eyes him carefully and she knows him better than she knows herself most of the time. She got hurt and he's blaming himself.

Jason grits his teeth. "How'd you get hurt?" Jason nearly seethes.

"I don't know. He grabbed me." Sam shrugs her shoulders, brows pulled together in a tight line.

"Bullshit." Jason scoffs. "You can feel that shit."

Sam chews the inside of her cheek and she has to tell him. "I heard you, looked to make sure you were okay."

"Fuck." Jason lets out a groan, running a shaking hand through his hair and he's supposed to protect her. And instead, he's the one getting her injured.

"It's not your fault, Jay. I'm fine. It's just a little sore, it's not a big deal." Sam assures him and she's certain it's fine because it doesn't feel like it's dislocated again. It's just a little sore.

"Yeah, but you got hurt because of me!"

"Not because of you." Sam argues. And her heart plummets in her stomach.

He can't do this. He cares too much about her. He can't do it. He cannot let her get hurt because of him again. This isn't fair and it hurts so fucking bad that he can feel tears brim behind his eyes. He likes her so much it's agonizing. Jason is so sure his heart will only ever beat for hers but he finds himself ready to quit and push and scream. Just like he always does because he fucking can't. This isn't fair to her. She deserves better. And there's Sam who can see it across his face.

Jason is very good with hiding his emotions sometimes. It's like he just does it, effortlessly and maybe it's because that was always easier than showing them. Maybe showing them always got him hurt. Being vulnerable and honest can lead to heartbreak and she knows Jason has too much experience with it. But his issue here is that he is always comfortable with her. So, he slips. And she can see the struggle across his face and she hates that he battles himself so fucking much. He has enough enemies but Jason Todd is his own worst enemy.

"Jay?" Sam calls and it snaps Jason right out of his own head, his eyes looking to hers and he's about to call it off. He's about to push and she sees it. She shakes her head, her heart breaking with the expression on his face. "Hey, like you said, we go out there and we get hurt sometimes, it happens. But, honestly, I am fine."

Jason shakes his head, his jaw clenches and his adam's apple bobs as he looks down to her lap. "Yeah, but I didn't get hurt because of you. You got kidnapped because of me, remember? That shit was my fucking fault just like tonight."

She knows he's about to push. It's written in every pissed off and agonized wrinkle on his face. It's how he runs a hand through his hair, something he only ever does when he's beyond stressed out. It's how he won't close any of the distance between them and he hasn't started cleaning the cut by her eye. She can see it in the redness of his eyes and the dark shade of green of his eyes. And it is breaking her.

It feels like he's going to break up with her and they aren't even together. They're friends but she can feel it in the marrow of her bones that he wants to end it anyway. All because she got hurt and that's not fair. He comes back night after night injured more often than not and not a single part of her has ever thought about tossing in the towel just because it's hard seeing him hurt. And she knows it's because he blames himself, but it's not his fault. He would do the same for her. Always. And she knows that and she's not gonna let him give up so fucking easily.

"Please, don't push me away, Jay." There's something so simple and desperate in the way she says it that it makes Jason snap his attention back to her eyes.

She isn't quite pleading or begging. But it's as if she wants to. She has this look that Jason remembers vividly. It's the same look she had when he went to leave with Rose. The same red eyes and wrinkled forehead, her mouth in a straight line as if resisting the urge to cry. This is the same damn look she gave him that day she wanted to beg him to stay with her. And for the first time, Jason sees the way it hurts someone when he pushes.

He's never seen it before. He pushes and pushes and pushes so damn hard all the time that by the time the people leave, they're mad at him. They might be sad, sure and hurt, yeah, but they are also mad at him because he hits below the belt. He brings up things that should have remained unsaid. He fires as hard and as fast as he can to get them to leave. And they do and he never sees the aftermath of it. But, tonight, he can see the hint of pain it would cause her if he pushed harder. It's the way her eyes look to his and then behind him as if it's almost too painful to look directly at him. And for the life of him, he can't figure out why. But, that's enough for him because hurting her is always the very last thing he ever wants to So, he nods and steps closer to her even when he wants to push.

"I just don't want you to get hurt because of me."

Sam offers a sad but tender smile as she places her hand on his jaw "I know. But, uh, I think that's just part of working together. Sometimes it happens but that's okay. I don't want you to get hurt because of me either."

"Yeah, I know." Jason lets out a sigh, taking her hand in his.

"Hey, look, you've gotten hurt because of Bruce before I'm sure, and vice versa, right? Like he's the reason you're Robin so...technically..." Sam offers him this grin that gets him laugh.

"Yeah, but it's different with you." Jason states and he didn't even think before he said it. It just came out and Sam's grin turns into a soft smile.

"I know." She nods her head. "But, I am fine and you don't get to blame yourself for it. I won't let you."

"You won't let me?" Jason chuckles.

"Nope." Sam smirks at him. "You wouldn't let me so I won't let you."

"Yeah, alright," Jason lets out a half-scoff, half-chuckle. "Promise me you'll be more careful, yeah?" Jason asks and he tries to hide the worry in his voice.

"I promise." Sam nods her head. "You, too, okay?"

"Promise." Jason presses a kiss to her knuckles.

"Thanks for not pushing." Sam says quietly. "I know you want to."

Jason nearly pauses and there is something that is both comfortable and terrifying about her knowing when he wants to push. It's always been his best defense mechanism. And no one ever saw it coming. No one cared much to figure out when and how he would push or even if they did figure it out right before he was going to, they never even tried to stop him. They always just let him push. Not Sam though. She knows and she won't let him and that is so terrifying because without that mechanism what does he have left? But it's comfortable because he has her.

He loses that defense mechanism around her and then he gets to have Sam. That's how it works and it's comfortable. He wants to push and she won't let him and she won't yell at him for it either. Instead, she offers him an ear and a voice of reason and she sits here, allowing him to clean up the cut near her eye with ease and a simple smile on her face. And he knows she wants to run sometimes.

"Thanks for not running." Jason lets the words fall with ease from his lips and he does that.

Sam notices he'll say something that almost gives away exactly how he feels and thinks. He says something casually but softly and quickly. As if the words just slip right out and he just lets them.

Sam watches him as he cleans her eyebrow and she's sitting here, lost in her own thoughts about him. He could have pushed her away. Sam wouldn't have let him but he could have tried. And he didn't. She asked him not to and she is the only person to have asked him not to. No one's ever even asked him to stop. They accept what he does and that's the end of it. Not Sam though. And he's standing here cleaning her eyebrow that she can absolutely do herself. It's a small cut that doesn't even need a stitch but he cleans it anyway. And he has her promise him that she'll be more careful. And she realizes, he's taking care of her and maybe he's been doing it the whole time.

Jason told her a few months ago that she should stop trying to take care of other people and let someone take care of her. She should let someone take care of her because she deserved a break. And she's realizing that the only thing he has done for her, is take care of her. Since day one.

It's always been him looking after her. Always. The first day in the training room, he went easy on her and she didn't even realize it. When they told each other all of their baggage, he made sure she was okay. He helped her off the floor that first secret training night. He's the only that knew she'd go after Jerry and he's the one that fixed her hands. And he's the one that knew reading to her would make everything less heavy.

He took on Deathstroke to protect her. He let go of her when the bomb went off to protect her. He turned her down to protect her. He let her in his room when she had nightmares and always asked, always offered training or reading or watching something. He came back to the tower for Gar, sure but he came back to make sure she was okay. He asked Bruce to let her live with them to take care of her, to keep her off of the streets. He taught her how to ride a bike so she wouldn't have to rely on him. He teaches her to cook and he cooks for her so she doesn't have to worry about food. And he never goes easy on her in training now, so she'll be prepared for whatever happens out there. He's been taking care of her this whole time and she didn't even realize it.

"You taking care of me?" Sam asks and her voice lacks any form of sarcasm but Jason feels the smirk growing against his hands as he cleans the cut.

And he remembers that night. He remembers everything.

She told him someone should take care of him and she asked him a question that seemed too sarcastic but he's realizing maybe it wasn't. It's always going to be the two of them trying to care of each other and maybe, for once, they'll openly let each other.

"You gonna let me?" Jason quips back, dropping his hand as he finishes cleaning the cut.

"Yeah." Sam mumbles softly, Jason glancing to her eyes and something about it makes his chest burn. Last time they had this conversation, she didn't seem like she wanted someone to care of her. She could do it on her own. But then there's Jason.

"I'll always take care of you, babe." Jason grins up at her and his words lack sarcasm.

"I'll always do the same." Sam states. "If you'll let me."

And for the first time in his life, Jason has no doubt in that comment. Sam has always been taking care of him and she's made it well known. Unlike Jason who's done it a little more subtly, Sam has repeatedly said she'll take care of him. She's always been there. She calls him out when he's pushing because that's part of taking care of him. Making sure he always has someone in his corner. Even when he doesn't think he needs her to take care of him or deserve to be taken care of, he believes her because that's all she's ever done for him.

"Yeah, alright." Jason nods his head, a tender smile on his lips.

Sam's entire chest warms because honestly, she never thought he'd willingly admit to allowing someone to take care of him. But here is, letting her.

"Ya know," Sam lets out a breath as Jason tosses the bloody gauze away. "I don't do this shit for you, right? Like... vigilante shit."

Jason raises a brow. "I know. Why would I think that?"

Sam shrugs a shoulder. "Blaming yourself. I'd be doing it even if it weren't for you. I was always given the choice when Dick picked me up so....not because of you any of it happened."

Jason offers her a soft smile. "You were just gonna go out, kick some ass on your own with your powers?"

"Yeah," Sam lets out a laugh that echoes through the bathroom. "Right, you have powers so you either use them for good or evil, I guess."

Jason can't help the smirk that crosses his lips. "Yeah, you coulda been real fucking evil."

"Shut the fuck up! I could definitely be evil if I wanted to." Sam holds her head up.

"Sure, babe." Jason lets out a soft chuckle.

"What about you? Like...not you being evil or some shit." Sam snickers, getting a devious look from Jason. "I mean, if you ever pull a Dick or whatever, make your own name after Robin. Would you still or...?"

"Yeah." Jason nods his head and he places his hands on either side of her thighs. "Uh, ya know, I can't imagine doing anything else now." He chuckles. "Well, kind of."

Sam furrows her brows. "What do ya mean?"

"Kind of want to actually go to school, get a degree in something. I don't know but I'd still be doing this." Jason clears his throat as Sam rests her hands over his. "But, yeah, I mean, Bruce has people like Penguin, Mr. Freeze, Bane, all them covered, right? They keep us pretty busy sometimes and we don't patrol Crime Alley very often, just on the anniversary of his parents. I'd want to patrol there, help kids who grew up like me."

Sam nods softly and she adores him. "That's a good idea, ya know? Batman and Robin, you guys like....you take out the big bads but who looks out for everyone else?"

"Yeah, exactly." Jason nods his head. "We still do. But, if I wanted to do my own thing so Bruce did his, it would be that." Jason nods once. "Not sure I'd give it up though."

"Yeah, I know." Sam laughs. "It is a good idea, if it ever happens though."

"What about you? You always gonna tag along with us?"

Sam rests her head against his as she laughs before picking her head back up and shaking it. "No," She scrunches her nose. "It's your thing. I kind of agree with you. You and Bruce take out the big bads. I look out for the smaller people. Crime Alley, get rid of traffickers, the dealers dealing to kids, people assaulting women and kids. Those people that don't always make it onto the radar."

Jason's chest fills with warmth. "You'd be good at it. You get it, I mean." Jason clarifies.

"Yeah, exactly."

"You'd be good at it." He smiles gently. "You planning on doing that any time soon?"

Sam shakes her head. "Nope. I am having fun doing this." Sam glances his lips. "And, I do get to do it with you so."

"Oh yeah? That really do it for ya, huh? Me?"

"Shut up." Sam rolls her eyes, pressing a kiss to his lips.

Jason smiles against her lips. "Come on." Jason backs away, offering his hands dramatically to her. Sam places her hands in his, hopping off the counter. "Let's go to your room and I'll rub your shoulder."

"Trying to get lucky?" Sam quips as the two of them start their walk.

"Taking care of you, like I said." Jason chortles but he's got that smirk dancing over his lips.

"Mhm, okay, Jay."

The two of them go off to Sam's room and instead of taking up Jason's offer, she walks over to one of her shelves where she keeps all of her scrapbooking supplies and her current project. She plucks the book from the shelf and walks over to the bed where Jason has made himself comfortable already. She sits down beside him and Jason sees the book with furrowed brows.

"What're you doing?" He asks.

Sam lets out a sigh. "You're a pain in my ass, you know that?"

"Would you have it any other way?" Jason quips back.

"No." Sam answers simply and the sweetest smile comes to her lips. "You were upset about me getting hurt so, I'm gonna show you one page."

"Not sure how that correlates..." There's a hint of sarcasm in his voice but he's almost nervous. This is like her personal secret.

"Proving to you that I might get hurt but I trust you anyway." Sam shrugs. "One page."

"One page." Jason grins widely, sitting up as Sam flips to one of the pages she has finished.

Sam puts the book on his lap and it's a page of the Titans. He was right. It was the page she was working on a few weeks ago. There are plenty of pictures with all of the Titans, including Jason and he can't help the smile that comes to his face. From these two pages, anyone would think there were never any bad days. Every single picture paints the idea the tower had never seen any horrors and they'd always gotten along just fine. It's funny because these two pages show how Sam views them.

It's messy but they're her family. By accident and then on purpose. It's not always happy and trauma-free, but everyone is there and there are plenty of happy moments with everyone. And they all have each other. Even when it's messy and everyone's fighting, they have each other. Even now, with half the Titans spread out across the country. And there are quotes on the pages.

The quotes are in a similar style to the ones she made Jason for his displays of his favorite books. But, he has a feeling the quotes she used were from movies and TV shows. They're mostly about family and he does recognize one of the quotes. He nearly laughs because she would have a Lilo and Stitch quote. But it makes him happy and he wonders if this is how she felt when he read to her the first time.

She's welcoming him into her world and this is something no one else gets to do. No one gets to see what she's working on, not even Molly. But, she's showing him and it means the world to him. And he's so head over heels for her.

"I like it." Jason's voice is soft as he looks back to her.

"Thank you. It's a little messy but I mean it kind of fits, I guess." Sam laughs softly. "You can see the rest of the book when it's done but that should tie you over." Sam grins as she takes the book back and closes it.

"The whole book is really about us? The Titans?" Jason asks as he watches Sam put the book back.

"Pretty much. Oh, I will tell you, that my best friend has his own separate page."

Jason gains a wicked grin. "All for me?"

"No," Sam shakes her head. "Krypto." She beams with the most cheery smile Jason has ever seen.

"Still a dog." Jason states, his eyes widening as Sam joins him back on the bed.

"Still my best friend." Sam smiles widely at him and she still loves to tease him.

A part of him can't believe he wanted to blow this whole thing up a few minutes ago. It's what he does, sure, but he really can't imagine not having this thing with her anymore. It would crush him entirely. Sam means so much to him, more than almost anyone he's ever met. And he adores every piece of her. He knows it's a little bit more than just friends with benefits because if it were, maybe she would have let him push. Maybe if it were, she would not have shown him her scrapbook. And he finds himself thinking that it almost feels comfortable being aware it's a little bit more. Jason finds himself thinking he kind of wants her to know he knows this is a little bit more than that.

"Oh, fuck." Jason shakes his head, not really sure why Krypto jogged his memory. "Did Bruce talk to you?"

"About?" Sam questions slowly.

"We have to go out tomorrow, get you something to wear. We have to go a Wayne Enterprises Gala." Jason nearly groans with his own words. He hates those things.

"First all, why do I have to go? I'm not his kid. Second, what's wrong with my clothes? And third, when the fuck?" Sam has no desire to go. She can't even decide if she even really likes Bruce or not.

"Because I have to go so you have to go." Jason states. "Uh, you don't own anything nice." Jason chortles earning a flick to the side of his head. "Next week."

"Just because you have to go doesn't mean I have to go, Jay." Sam smirks at him. "That was also rude."

"Yeah, you do. Do you want me to suffer by myself? Come on." Jason groans. "It's true. This shit is fucking...ugh. Like black tie kind of shit. Do you have anything for that?" Jason challenges with narrowed eyes.

"You've been before and came out alive. I think you'll be alright." Sam giggles. "Okay, that...yeah. Fair."

"Please." Jason pleads as he lets out another groan. "Come on, we both get all dressed up. Make fun of all those rich fucks for a few hours and then ditch."

"Mmmm." Sam scrunches. "Still a no."

"Come on, babe." Jason nearly whines but he's got this toothy grin where he knows he's gonna get her to cave. And she knows it, too. "I said please."

Sam lets out a laugh, tilting her head. "You're so annoying." She rolls her eyes. "Fine. But, I'm taking Molly for a dress, not you."

"What's wrong with me?" Jason questions, shaking his head as if to be in disbelief.

"Nothing." Sam shrugs. "But I don't get all dressed up and if you're making me go, you don't get to know what I'm wearing until we go. That's how it works."

"Yeah, alright fine." Jason chuckles.

"You still wanna rub my shoulder?" Sam gives him a cheeky smile. "Ya know, since I'm saving from you the oh-so-torturous gala."Sam mocks him with wide eyes.

Jason chuckles softly, nodding his head. "Yeah, come here." Jason sits all the way up, spreading his legs enough for Sam to sit in between them.

She turns on a movie for the two of them while Jason starts rubbing her shoulders. He's gentle at first, letting her get used to the feeling and then he gets a little rougher with it trying to loosen the tight muscle. Sam closes her eyes and lets herself get lost in it. He's good at it. And at this point, she's wondering if there's anything Jason is actually bad at. What she does know is that she wants these moments with him for the rest of her life.

Sam goes shopping the following day with Molly, thanks to Bruce who gave her one of the credit cards. The trip goes fine and Molly doesn't ask too many questions. Sam picked a dress she thought would work and Molly approved. Molly may have gushed a little about how she thinks Jason is going to lose his mind. And Sam is really good about brushing it off because they're friends. But that might have been her hope. She really does love when he gets flustered.

But, now it's the night of the Gala and Sam's just gotten ready.

Sam walks out into the living room, wearing her dress. It's a floor-length dress with tool not enough to make it a ball gown but enough to add some volume. The top is a corset style in her skin tone. There are red stones scattered through the entire dress for a pop of color. It has sheer tool sleeves but there they connect to her wrists, the tool bunches slightly adding volume to the sleeves and hiding her ligature scars. Her hair is down, covering her back.

She feels so exposed. No one can see her scars because she chose a dress that would hide them but she feels it anyway. Getting dressed up means drawing attention to her and she hates it. Jason told her once that he thinks she doesn't like attention and he was right. She does not. She only likes it from him and that's it, she would rather be in the background, in the shadows watching and waiting. This is a gala and it's Bruce's and she's staying with Bruce and going with Bruce and Bruce's son. It will draw attention and she can feel the panic in the back of her throat as she enters the living room.

Jason sees her walk in and his entire face softens at the sight of her. He has exactly one thought as his brain short circuits: woah. She looks beautiful and the black compliments the blue in her hair so well. The color doesn't wash out her skin and she just looks absolutely stunning. And the red gems don't go unnoticed, it's as if she always finds a way to incorporate red even though it's not one of her favorite colors. Jason swears she always looks beautiful, always, but he never thought he'd see her dressed up for anything and wow.

Jason gets to his feet, walking over to her and Sam sees him in a black-on-black tux with a red pocket square. Jason Todd is always very pretty and beautiful. But he cleans up so well. Jason dresses pretty well usually, Sam swears she only sees him in sweats in the morning, at night, and during training. But the black-on-black looks so good on him. He looks sleek and put together. No one would ever know the horrors that take place in his head or the scars that daunt his body from the violence he's encountered. He looks so beautiful.

"Wow, you clean up nice, Jay." Sam offers him a soft smile as he walks up to her.

"Yeah," Jason chuckles and he wants to have a quip but he can't do it. "You look beautiful." He says it so casually, with so much ease and he's never told her that before.

Sam's face softens. "Thank you." Sam's stomach swirls. "So, do you."

Jason chuckles and he swears his mouth has never been more dry. "Thanks," He shakes his head, feeling anxiety start to cloud his muscles. "Turn around, I have something for you."

"You...do...?" Sam raises a brow and Jason gestures for her to turn around.

When he found out they had to go to this thing, Jason went out of his way and bought her a necklace. He knew the gala was coming up and he had an idea. Jason is an acts of service person but he also likes gift-giving. They've been doing this friends with benefits thing awhile and he wanted to get her something, almost like a way to tell her that it's more without ever having to say that out loud. He's always a little afraid she'll end up thinking that's all this is for him and while he doesn't want to say the words out loud, he wants her to know anyway. He wants her to know not to give up on him yet. And he knows she'll get it because she always does. This gala was the perfect excuse. So, he puts the necklace around her neck and latches it, letting it fall to her chest.

Sam looks down, holding the small charm. It's a silver infinity sign with what she is certain are diamonds lining one side of it. Her heart nearly explodes. Why would he do that? And that symbol? She doesn't even care because it's small and beautiful and it's the kind of jewelry she would like and she doesn't even know how he knew that. Sam hasn't worn anything since she's known him. She doesn't know how he's ever able to do that. He just knows without her ever saying anything. She turns around and there's a blush spread across Jason's entire face as he sticks his hands in his pockets.

"It's beautiful, Jay. Thank you." Her voice is soft, almost etched in confusion.

"You and me." Jason nods his head and that's when Sam gets it. A smile splits her face and it's always supposed to be him and her.

"You and me." Sam repeats.

"Uh," Jason takes a hand out of his pocket to rub the back of his neck. "I know you told Bruce no to the tracker." Jason states.

Bruce asked Sam a few weeks ago about the tracker. She is his responsibility now and she's going on patrol with them. It's the natural progression of things, apparently. But all Sam could do was blink at him and tell him she was calling Dick. She told Jason who said it would be safe in case she got kidnapped again but Dick told her not to do it. She was already not letting Bruce Wayne put a tracking device in her. She's pretty sure Jason is insane for that one but she doesn't blame him. Either way, she was not about that tracker.

"But, you sometimes get kidnapped." Jason smirks at her as Sam glares at him. "So, there's a tracker in it. It's not a Bruce thing, I swear. He doesn't know." Jason clears his throat. "The first day you were here, you said you were afraid to use your powers in case someone kidnaps you so, uh, ya know," Jason chuckles softly and he's so damn nervous. He doesn't think he's ever been this nervous in his life. "Now, you don't have to worry about it."

Sam's brows furrow and he put a tracker in a necklace for her. He's definitely insane but he's so thoughtful. And she's enthralled with him.

"Ya know, you're like important and shit." Jason sucks in a breath, shoving his hands in his pockets again as he stretches his back. "So, if you don't want it still, I can take it out but...." Jason swallows and he's so nervous for this. He's wondering if Sam can actually hear his heartbeat. "If it happens again, just want to be able to find you." Jason shrugs, trying to brush this off as best as he can.

Sam is melting. He always wants to be able to find her. She does tend to get kidnapped and held captive. That is something that happens. But, this is actually really thoughtful and the fact it's from him. Not Bruce having him do it. It's Jason specifically looking out for her, no matter what. And what Sam doesn't realize is Jason also put a lot of thought into what he would get.

He weighed a bracelet but decided that might not be good because it'll draw attention to the ligature scars on her wrists and she doesn't like when people look. And that might get in the way during a fight if she doesn't have the suit on. So he thought of a ring, but that seemed too much like a promise ring and he figured that might be bad in a fight too. She could melt it when she uses her powers. So he thought about earrings but thought about her getting hit in the head and the back going through her head. So, he chose a necklace because at least it's on a thin chain that she could break or melt it if she needed to and she can put it under her clothes when she fights. It's not too long or too short to be bothersome.

"You...you remember that?" Her brows are knitted together and Jason pays attention to everything.

"I remember everything." Jason says softly, he's almost completely inaudible.

Sam isn't sure when it happened but right now, she is so fucking certain that she is so in love with him. This is the moment she'll remember forever. Because this is the moment where she realizes that every single thing that's happened between them has lead them here. It's lead her here. Every piece of banter, every traumatic event, every joke and kiss and hand touch and stolen glance, everything has added up to her being in love with him. She swears she is not sure when exactly it happened, but she knows right now, that maybe she's always been in love with him.

And Sam knows Jason well enough to know he would not be giving her this, of all things, if they were just friends.

"That's..." Sam starts, still almost in a state of disbelief.

"Lame, right?" Jason chuckles, his cheeks turning a bright red and he can feel the heat across his face. He's starting to regret it because it seems a little cringey now. Maybe a little invasive to not have asked first. But she means the world to him.

"No." Sam shakes her head. "Really fucking nice of you, Jay. I don't mind you coming to find me." Sam's brows are still knitted together and Jason's never seen this expression before. He can't even make out the emotion she's showing. But it's soft and she looks like she might cry, like she adores him.

The corner of Jason's mouth twitches up. "You sure?" That burning feeling is back in his chest and his knees are little weak but he feels so happy and accepted. He's starting to know what that feeling is right about now.

"You can always come find me." Sam walks up to him and wraps her arms around his neck and Jason's hands immediately come to her hips as if they were almost meant to rest there. He gives her a light squeeze. "I'll do the same for you."

Jason feels the relief fill his bones as he grins at her before closing the distance between them, lifting her chin to kiss her. He knows what the feeling is. He knows and for once, he's choosing to accept it because he thinks, maybe that's the expression on her face.

He hopes, that's the expression on her face.

"Come on, then. Let's get going." Jason extends his hand for her and Sam takes it with ease.

It's the afternoon the following day and Jason is having lunch with Molly. Sam had a plan with Gar for them to catch up on one of their shows through FaceTime and Jason was invited but he hasn't hung out with just Molly in a while.

Molly is sitting across from Jason as his phone vibrates on the table. There's a cheeky smile that comes to his lips when he picks it up and Molly can't help but find it amusing. Jason is someone she's known to be very good at hiding what he's feeling. He's very good at being coy, he's stoic. And he has resting bitch face which likely helps that whole thing a bit. But, she can always tell when Sam texts him because he drops that entire act and lets a smile tug at his lips.

"How're things?" Molly asks as Jason puts the phone down.

"Fine." Jason offers and easy shrug. "You?" Jason takes a sip of his water.

"Yeah, I'm good." Molly laughs softly as his phone vibrates again. There's that smile again and Molly has never seen him look so at ease. "It's Sam, right?"

"What?" Jason looks over his phone, pausing mid-text.

"Who you're texting." Molly teases.

"How the fuck did you know that?" Jason narrows his eyes at her.

"You get a look." Molly chuckles, taking a bite of her food.

"The fuck I do."

"You do," Molly rolls her eyes as Jason finishes the text.

She swears she loves her friends but they're both so stupid sometimes. They're both emotionally composited to the point it's almost painful to watch. They both think everyone around them is completely oblivious. Molly notices how they look at each other and how they hold hands. She's spotted Jason's hand on her thigh when they're hanging out and the way they both look so relaxed around each other. She's seen Sam almost kiss him. They're so stupid.

"What's going on with you guys?" Molly asks knowing full well she's going to get some bullshit answer because it's Jason.

"What do you mean?" He shrugs the question off but if he wanted to tell her, he wouldn't know how or how to even answer. He doesn't know. Friends doesn't seem right anymore and it hasn't for a long time.

"I mean, like...there's something going on, isn't there?"

Jason shakes his head anyway because they agreed to keep it between them. "Nope."

Molly's eyes narrow. "Really? So, you don't like her and she doesn't like you?"

"Nope." Jason states again. "Nothing there." The lie is rancid on his lips.

"Liar." Molly calls his bluff.

"I'm not lying, we're friends, Molly. She doesn't like me that way and neither do I. You're imagining shit."

Molly rolls her eyes and Jason is full of shit half the time but she swears that's the biggest lie he's ever told her. "You know it's you, right?" Molly asks and if they're gonna be stupid, she's gonna spell it out.

It's painful to watch them. It is very obvious they like each other and there is something there. Sam told Molly some of the stuff that happened in San Francisco and how Jason and Gar were the people that were there for her. Sam explained she liked Gar but they were better as friends but in her story, Molly never got the impression she liked Gar at any point, it always came back to Jason. It has always been him. Even if they're both oblivious to it.

And Molly knows they deserve someone who makes them happy. The two of them make each other happy. Sam has never been open to happiness but she lets herself be happy around Jason. And Jason loves to push when people care about him but he doesn't with her. They're both messes and reckless but Molly thinks they would be good together and happy. They make each other better. It'd be a shame to watch them throw it away because they suck at communicating.

"What?" Jason shakes his head with the raise of his brows.

"Sam, like you know it's you, right? She's my best friend and she told me about Gar. But she also told me about you. Like...it's you. And it's always been you. You thinking otherwise makes you an idiot." Molly states with the raise of her brows.

"Hey, fuck you." Jason scoffs because there's so much more to them than just them liking each other. That isn't the problem. "It's not like that, Molly." Jason states.

"Yeah, it is. You're both just stupid, emotionally stunted, and stubborn as hell. Seriously, it's you and she's it for you, too. You should do something about it, Jason."

Jason might be a little hopeful Sam may have mentioned it to her. Maybe if he had confirmation that Sam actually said it, he'd be okay to move forward. Maybe.

"Did she fucking say that?" Jason quips back.

Molly shrugs and she said she wouldn't tell. "You know if she did, I wouldn't be able to tell you. But I know her and I know you. So, you should do something about it."

Jason's heart deflates a little with the response even though he knows if Molly knew something for certain, she wouldn't tell him. "You really trying to be a matchmaker all of sudden or some shit?"

"No." Molly chortles. "But you would be good together." Molly shrugs. "You're the one that wouldn't shut up about how much you missed her." Molly's eyes widen as she teases him.

"Shut the fuck up." Jason groans. "It's not like that, alright?" Jason shakes his head and he almost worries she'll figure it out if he doesn't change the subject "What about Shelia? How are things there?" Jason switches it around.

"Sure it's not. But now you know." Molly drops it because at least it's in his head now. "Messy." She laughs.

"But you're giving relationship advice?" Jason chortles. "What's going on?"

When Jason gets back to the manor, Sam is in a training session with Bruce covering more things about the tech and the strategic side of things so he heads to his room. He falls back onto his bed and he lies with what Molly had to say about Sam.

There is a very big part of him that knows. He knows there's more between them, that's part of why he picked the symbol he did for her necklace. He knows. And that scares him. It still scares him and at this point, he thinks he'll always be afraid of everything because who, in their right mind, is afraid of someone liking them romantically? He can't help the way the feeling of being damaged carves holes right into his bones. As much as he loves to push everyone away, he's afraid that one day, with being with him, she'll finally have enough.

Being friends with benefits is one thing because it's as if there aren't as many expectations he has to meet. He can adore her from a distance without this whole commitment thing he fears so much. But, if he were to tell her how he feels about her, maybe her expectations will change. Maybe she'll expect him to be more open and honest with her about the cruelty haunting and taunting him from the shadows of his mind. Maybe she'll expect him to get better immediately because he's supposed to be happy in a relationship. Maybe she'll expect him to be happy. Maybe she'll expect him to put her first, above being Robin. All of these things, he wonders if they'll change and he knows for a fact he can't change any of them. Even if he wanted to.

So maybe she'll get tired and then she'll leave.

And he wonders then if he won't be good for her. Jason believes, wholeheartedly, Sam deserves every good thing this world has to offer her. She deserves to be loved and cared for. She deserves someone who can be that for her and give her everything she deserves. Jason wants to be that for her so badly it hurts. Jason has already carved out a spot in his rib cage just for her. Her name is stitched across his heart in neon lights. But, what if he can't be good enough for her anyway?

What if he can't take care of her the way she deserves because he can't be open? What if he can't take care of her because he's too damaged and too broken? What if he isn't capable of love? What if he isn't capable of that one feeling everyone else seems to have? How is he supposed to know? And that just doesn't seem fair to him.

He thinks about Sam and he gets this smile across his lips. His heart skips a beat and when she smiles at him, he thinks he's just been struck by lightning. He'll be permanently scarred with markings made by only her and he'll cherish them in every way. Kissing her is one his favorite things and when she kisses him back, that is something Jason can't even describe because the joy he feels nearly seeps through his pores and explodes through the atmosphere around him. She makes him feel alive and undamaged and unbroken but what if that's not love? How is he supposed to know when the only thing he has ever known is heartbreak and agony and suffering? Love with conditions? How is he supposed to know if he loves her unconditionally when he's never been loved that way?

And because Jason just can't get his mind to leave him alone, he wonders if he's wrong. If Molly's wrong. Maybe Sam is just his friend and they're just having fun until someone worth loving comes along. Maybe that's all this to her and Jason knows the only way he could ever find out, is to just ask but he can't. So, he closes his eyes and hopes against the universe, she'd pick, too and it won't be so damn miserable and hard.

After Sam finishes training with Bruce, Sam is in her room. She peeked into Jason's room afterward and saw him asleep on his bed. She smiled softly and walked in to put a blanket over him before heading to her own room. Honestly, she's just glad he's getting at least some sleep. It's been rough for him and she wishes she knew how to help him better. But she's glad he's getting at least a little bit of sleep.

Sam sits on her bed, watching a movie while she reads up on some of Bruce's bad guys using the files he has. It's something they were going over today, examples of how he's taken down people like Mr. Freeze, Two-Face, and Mad Hatter. She's done plenty of her own research growing up, but now she has access to the actual files on them and that is interesting. Bruce said it might help later on, whenever the next one like them pops up and it's important they stay prepared. Gotham is unpredictable like a tornado in Tornado Alley in the middle of the spring. Inevitable but unpredictable.

But, her research comes to a screeching halt as Jason storms into her room, slamming the door behind him. Sam peaks over, watching him storm to the front of her bed and start pacing.

"Um...are you okay?" Sam asks hesitantly knowing damn well he's not.

"Fucking Bruce!" Jason seethes, his eyes turning a bright shade of red as his voice cracks. He hates that it cracks when he's mad.

"What did he do?" Sam locks the tablet, resting it on her nightstand as she moves to sit cross-legged and hear what happened.

"He fucking took Robin away!" Jason stops pacing, flinging his arm out as he faces Sam.

Sam shakes her head in disbelief. "He what?"

"Yeah! Said I have to go see a fucking shrink and get the all-clear? Like I'm some fucking mental case!"

Sam is not gonna say it. But, maybe Bruce has a point this time. Jason isn't okay and it's obvious as much as Jason tries to hide it from everyone. And Bruce is anything but oblivious. She's kind of surprised it's taken Bruce this long to pull the plug but she also finds it interesting because she knows Jason won't see it the way she does. But she's sitting here thinking maybe Bruce tried his best to wait it out and let him be Robin as long as possible, not giving up on him just yet. Jason thinks everyone gives up on him and Sam knows this is where the conversation is going to go but the way she sees it, Bruce seems to be doing everything he can not to give up on him.

"Well, I mean, Jay, you're not a mental case but maybe talking to someone will help." Sam offers with the scrunch of her nose, knowing he's gonna blow.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Jason scoffs and he can't believe of all people, Sam is taking Bruce's side. "He's giving up on me just like everyone else! He doesn't think I'm fucking good enough!"

Sam scoots to the end of her bed to get closer to him because even if she agrees he needs to talk to someone, he's hurt right now and he just needs someone to listen and try to help. Maybe.

"Bruce loves you like you know that, right? That's why he wants you to take a break. Asking you to take a break to take care of you is not giving up on you, Jay."

"Oh, you're taking his side now!?" His face is red as his eyes grow glossy.

The pain in his chest is almost unbearable. Robin means the world to him and he's fine. He swears he is fine. How can the people he's supposed to trust the most not see he'll be fine? That taking this away is only making everything worse?

"No, Jay." Sam rolls her eyes as Jason paces in front of her. "I'm just saying that he loves you. Why don't you believe that?" Her voice is soft and tender, etched in hints of sadness.

"How the fuck would you know?!"

"He....like adopted you? On purpose. He is trying to protect you from getting yourself fucking killed. Which, I know you're gonna get all pissy with me for saying this, but I don't lie to you so...I kind...of...." Sam trails off a little gauging Jason's reaction and she can tell by the narrowing of his eyes and flaring of his nostrils he is about to blow but she continues anyway. "I...I kind of admire him for it because I mean...I couldn't convince you not to be Robin. It means too much to you and it would hurt me to take it away from you, which, it does hurt Bruce, for the record. But...."

"Yeah, keep fucking going!" Jason barks. His broken heart is shattering further into oblivion and it's not fair. "I can't fucking believe--"

"Shut up." Sam cuts him off. "I admire him for doing it because I know I couldn't and...like...I'm scared you're gonna get yourself killed out there. I'd lose my fucking mind if you died, Jay." Sam lets out a breath and Jason is hearing her but he doesn't want to believe it. "So, he's just doing it because he cares about you and loves you. He doesn't want you going out there and getting killed."

He's too angry to see it, to hear what she's saying. To really hear it. Bruce loves him like a son and is taking Robin away because of that. Bruce can't let him get killed out there. And Sam is agreeing with him. He's too mad to see through the red covering his eyes.

"By taking away the one thing that means everything to me! He never did that with Dick!"

He's got a thick skull. Sam gets it. He's been through a lot but she isn't going to let him dig himself into a hole so deep he ends up suffocating himself. That's all he's doing right now. She tries to reason with him, to calm him down by trying to explain Bruce's side of it but that doesn't work. The one thing that has consistently worked though, is yelling back. And at this point, seeing him like this, hurts her.

"Because Dick didn't get dropped from a skyscraper, Jason!" Sam yells back as if raising her voice will get through to him. "Because Dick didn't almost get fucking killed out there! You did!"

"I'm fucking fine! Bruce has almost been fucking killed but he still gets to be Batman! You were dropped from a skyscraper and he's letting you go out there! What's so fucking bad about me that he's taking it from me!?" Jason's voice cracks as he lets out this breath that stiffens the entire room. His jaw clenches and he wants to take it out on anyone that wants to argue. "It's bullshit you're fucking siding with him!"

"I'm not siding with him!" Sam yells back. "I'm always on your fucking side! I have been since day one, Jason! You're just pissed off and ignoring that little piece of information!" Sam lets out a breath as she shakes her head. "And there isn't anything bad about you." Her voice comes back down as she watches Jason tear himself up from the inside out.

"Yeah, you fucking are! You think I'm a mental case, too!"

Sam shakes her head as she looks to her lap, and she decides she has to call him on his shit because this is going nowhere. He needs help. "You know what your fucking problem is?" There's a bite in her voice Jason hasn't heard before.

She looks back up to him because he's doing what he always does. Picking a fight and pushing back because he thinks he's the worst person to walk the face of the earth. And he's not. He could never be.

"Fucking say it." Jason scoffs and a part of him is almost getting a thrill from being right. She's about to give up on him, too. Everyone always does and this was just her last straw because she can't let him be fine on his own. And the other part of him, wants to completely crumble because the very idea of her throwing in the towel, is almost too much.

"You think you're hard to love. You think loving you is the worst possible thing you could ever put onto another person." Sam states with the quick raise of her brows.

Jason stops pacing, eying her carefully and his voice is caught in his throat. Sam sees through him like cellophane and this is not where he saw this going.

"Yeah, and what if that's true, huh? Bruce put me on Dick and Dick put me on Bruce. Rose lied to me the whole fucking time. Clearly, it's me right?" His voice breaks and Sam's eyes soften at him. "What's so fucking bad about me?" Jason forces the lump in his throat down as tears sting the back of his eyes.

Why does everyone pretend to love him? Why can't he just be loved for who he is? Why is there always a condition?

"Nothing." Sam answers softly. "Nothing, Jay. There's nothing bad about you." Her brows are furrowed as she chews the inside of her cheek.

Sam is going to hunt down every single person that ever made him feel this way. They made him view himself as unloveable and broken and damaged and bruised and unworthy. They made him see himself as a walking nightmare to be around and she swears, she's going to find them and become their worst nightmare.

"Then why do I ruin everything?" Jason asks, his voice cracking. "I push everyone away or I fuck it all up or they see through it. Like Bruce."

"You don't." Sam states, the candor evident in her voice. "Jay, you don't ruin everything and you don't fuck it—"

"Yeah, I do!" His teeth grit as he tries to keep the cracking to a minimum. "I fucked up at the tower and destroyed everything!"

"Jay—"

"I'm destroying everything here!"

"Jason—"

"You're gonna see through it, too! You're gonna be like everyone else because why wouldn't you?!" Jason yells at her and she knows he doesn't mean it. "You already think I should see a fucking shrink! You saw how fucked up it was with Deathstroke! You're gonna fucking leave--"

"Jason!" Sam yells over him and she will not ever let him run these circles around himself and try to convince himself that he is this unlovable person. "Loving you is not the worst thing you could ask of someone and it's not the hardest thing for anyone to do. Loving you is the easiest thing I have ever done!" Sam yells and her voice hot, nearly boiling in the air around them. It's rushed and pained and strained and she freezes.

Jason freezes where he stands, eyes like a deer in headlights. He heard her. He definitely heard her right but he doesn't believe it. A part of Jason always knew because it's how they interact. It was that night with Jerry and how they almost kissed, the way she looked at him when she said they were friends like it broke a part of her to say it. It was how she was the night after with him, almost distant but unwilling to bring it up. The way she looked out for him with Deathstroke and after. When she did kiss him. It was as if she had wanted to do that her entire life. It is in everything she said to him about him being good enough to her and on the roof. But, he can't believe that because she's just upset with him right now, right?

"What?" He asks, brows knitted together and jaw clenched, a mix of somewhere between him wanting to cry or scream. And Sam can see this disbelief written in the worry lines of his face.

Sam's eyes are just as wide because she never meant to tell him. Not now. Things have been fun and easy. Bringing this up would complicate things and he's kind of a mess right about now. But, it just came out. It's always been true and she thinks it's true for him, too but a part of her kind of thought they'd end up in this limbo forever. Always dodging and backing out of the conversation. But, she just rang the bell and she can't take it back. Taking it back right now would derail him further and it would make him think it wasn't true. It is. Even if this is not how she wanted to tell him. So, she commits to it on purpose this time.

"Loving you..." Sam sucks in a shaky breath. "Is not the worst thing you could ask of someone and it's not the hardest thing for anyone to do. Loving you...." Sam's breath is ragged as Jason watches her with that she swears is terror. The look on his face, screaming that he is undeserving breaks this piece of her heart and she's willing to take that piece and give it to him. He can use it as plaster, spread it thin to spread over every hole too people many people have left him with. He can use a piece of her heart to fix himself because Jason Todd is loved and always should have been "Loving you....is the easiest thing I have ever done."

Jason pauses for just a beat. He can't believe it, can't understand it, her loving him. It is unfathomable. But, his chest is thundering and aching and warm. He feels so warm even if he thinks he doesn't deserve her love or her honesty. Even if this is terrifying. He's so warm and he swears his heart has beat for her since that very first day in the training room. She smirked at him and it was like lightning struck his heart. She taunted him, played his game and no one ever wants to play his games. But, she walked in like she'd always belonged there. She walked into his heart, his heart that is normally locked with 6 deadbolts, 3 passkeys, and facial recognition. She walked in with ease and settled right in, right in the center as if she had lived there her entire life and she never even knew.

Sam stands up and her hands are hesitant as they come to cup his face. She's committing to it now. She told him with Deathstroke that one day, she'd commit to his little game and she would win because he wouldn't know what to do. This is not a game, it was never a game. But, the thought is confirmed because he's almost completely frozen in place, watching her carefully but he doesn't back away from her. The second her hands touch him, Sam sees this flash of ease cross over his eyes.

"Jay," Sam's voice cracks and there's a fear in her eyes, too so Jason brings his hands to her hips, allowing his brows to furrow and waiting for her finish. "You mean everything to me." It's like Jason's been kicked in the chest, his brain short-circuits and he can't breathe. He's so in love with her. "I love--" Jason cuts her off, yanking her closer to him, digging his fingertips in her hips and colliding his lips to hers.

The kiss sucks the air of out her lungs and it's like vertigo all over again. She spins and spins, feeling like gravity has finally seized to exist. The thunder in her chest roars louder than it ever has before and her world comes to a complete stop just as it did all those months ago when she kissed him the first time. He's like magic and all she wants to do is stand here like this forever, her mouth moving with his while his hands fingertips dig so hard into her hips, she knows she'll have bruises tomorrow.

And Jason finally feels like he can breathe. She kisses him all the time but this time, it's because she loves him. And he can feel her smile against him and the world just stops. Everything is silent while the burning in his chest amplifies and his knees grow weak and he's realizing, maybe he does know what that feeling has been all along. He is never alone with her and she loves him. It is equally terrifying as it is comforting. He's terrified of her in the most thrilling way. It's like his heart was meant to be beating for her this whole time. But then she pulls away.

Her brows are knitted together as her hand comes up to his face, resting on his cheek. His cheeks are flushed, the pink trailing down to his neck. His pupils are blown and he looks fragile but steady. Her thumb rubs over his skin, it's warm and soft under her touch. Jason's eyes dart all of her face, constantly coming back to her lips. He wants to dive right back in and never get up for air.

"Jay?" Sam calls and her voice sounds desperate, scared. "I have to know." Sam swallows thickly, the words bitter on her tongue. She doesn't want to ask. She wants to avoid it. But, if she does, it'll hurt all the same if he runs again. "We doing this for real this time?"

His grip loosens just slightly and he feels like he's being thrown into the ground. The wind is knocked out of him and he isn't sure how he's supposed to respond. He wants her. Every second of every day, it's her and it's always been her. It always should have been her. He wants to do this and she loves him and he loves her. It's hard though and the words stick to his tongue like tar, sealing his mouth shut while his jaw squares. And Sam can see that internal struggle across his face.

"I love you." Sam states and Jason nearly lets out a whine, his eyes glassing over. Her voice is tender and the very corner of her mouth tugs up into the sweetest smile Jason has ever witnessed.

Jason Todd thinks he's so hard to love and Sam wakes up every single day, completely and solely in love with him. It's so easy it feels like breathing. Falling in love with him was accidental and she doesn't even know when it happened. A part of her believes maybe it happened that first day because he was charming and cute, he had danger about him and he commanded the room's attention in a way she's never seen before. She thinks maybe it was the day they shared their trauma because he was more than a charming boy with pretty green eyes. He was a person, with a past and baggage who never judged her for hers. And she thinks maybe it was the day he went with her when she beat up Jerry because it was the nicest thing someone has ever done for her. Or maybe it was Deathstroke. She doesn't t know when she fell in love with him but it doesn't really matter because the whole point is that it's him. And she avoided it for too long.

It was easier to avoid it but since arriving in Gotham, she has made the active decision to be in love with him, no matter what. Loving him is easy but it's bigger than that because Sam is so good at running, she could run. She could run and live with herself. But she doesn't. Every day she wakes up and she chooses to love him. She chooses to stay, she chooses the game of chicken, she chooses to care for him and to take care of him and she chooses friends with benefits. Every day she loves him on purpose. She chooses him. As it always should have been.

"You and me?" Jason manages to get out and the three other words are still stuck, poking his mind and taunting him. They just won't come out.

He hates that the words stick like tar in his throat. He hates that they're suffocating because he wants to say it back but it's so hard. It's so hard despite the fact that Sam makes it easy to love her. It's hard for him because of his own personal war against himself. Jason Todd is his own worst enemy and he hates that part of himself. He wants to tell her that he's been in love with her this whole time so bad it feels like the words are clawing their way up the back of his throat and scratching it raw.

Jason, like Sam, isn't entirely sure when he fell in love with her. But, he thinks maybe it was that day they shared their trauma in the training room. It wasn't because she shared the same baggage. It wasn't because she played his game. It's because she plopped right now and spilled her trauma to him with a causality that felt so comfortable. He was the first person she told and he felt important in that moment. And she was the only person to ever understand his trauma and not have a single judgmental word to say about it. Sam sat down on that floor that day and chose to be Jason's favorite person. Sam sat on that floor that day and gave him the one thing he'd always wanted. To be heard, seen, understood, for who he is and not his mistakes. She gave him the care he always wanted right there that day.

"You and me, always." Sam offers him a tender smile. "You don't have to say it. I already know." The smile is so soft and loving and Jason nearly explodes. His entire body is on fire with adoration. He doesn't deserve to be so lucky but for this exact moment, he decides to let himself be lucky.

"Fuck," He groans and he pulls her into him again, his right hand coming up to the back of her head as he kisses her. Sam's nails dig into his back and Jason pushes them forward, the back of Sam's legs hitting the bedframe while they topple over. "I love you." Jason finally gets the words out. They're groveled and broken, but taste sweet. Sam's heart bursts and Jason feels her smile against him so wide that the kiss almost breaks.

Sam slides her hands under his shirt, feeling his warm and toned skin under her fingertips. Electricity shoots through Jason's spine and he groans with her touch. She is everything he has ever wanted and swore he would never deserve. But right now, she is in love with him and she is his. After everything they have ever been through together, she is his and he is so in love with her.

The unfiltered and uncontrolled fire that burned his marrow to ash becomes controllable above her. The fire rages on but it's something that doesn't hurt or burn, but makes him feel alive again. It burns away the hurt and the feeling of betrayal from Bruce. Because even though he knows he's going to be hurt and angry about it for a long time, at least he finally has Sam. The one person who sides with and never gives up on him, no matter what. Even when he knows she should. She is the only person who ever understood him and shows him love without conditions. She shows him what it's like to be loved on purpose.

She kisses him with a smile and she can feel him smiling back, teeth clacking together. She moves away from his mouth and takes one hand, tilting his head to the side as she kisses his cheek. Jason's stomach twists and slips right upside down. His head spins and he aches in a way that has never felt more comfortable. She kisses his cheek so softly, he barely even feels it. If it were for the goosebumps she left in her wake, he thinks he'd have missed it. She places gentle kiss after gentle kiss until she reaches his neck. She can feel his pulse against her lips and the idea of his heartbeat makes her smile. He is alive and hers. He is finally hers and he is everything she has ever wanted in this life. And the next. And the one after.

From that first day, it has always come ba to it being her and him. The late training that got busted, it was her and him because Gar never should have been involved and it wasn't because it was them who were in trouble with Dick. And that night with Jerry, it just him and her and a book. Deathstroke. The roof. The manor. It all comes back to it being him and her and Sam loves him with everything in her. And she swears, every day for as long as she lives, she'll always make sure he knows she loves him. Even on good days but especially on the bad days. He will never get to second guess if he is loved again. Not if she is still breathing oxygen into her lungs.

He makes her feel alive and whole. She never has ever felt damaged with him. Jason only ever shows her care and kindness underneath his sarcasm and witty quips. He makes her feel safe and wanted. And important. And above everything else, she has never felt happier than when he's around. He understands her and she loves him and she knows he loves her, too. It was always going to be the two of them at the end of it all. Even when it's hard because at the end of it, they choose each other. By accident and then on purpose.

Sam kisses the spot on his neck before biting down softly and Jason dips his head against her hand, a low and soft moan escaping from the very back of his throat.

Jason hears her snicker softly and he can feel her breath against his skin. It is on fire. He feels like he's being thrown right into the sun. He's never felt so alive. And she bites down again, this time a little harder and Jason thrusts his hips forward, a reflex.

He's never wanted someone more than he wants her right now. His arms are growing weak as she kisses another spot, this time right beside his shoulder. He wonders how she does it. How she gets the world to just shut off for a minute. It's like she can flip a switch and the world goes quiet. Every horrible bad thought Jason has ever had with himself, runs away. It's like his own thoughts are afraid of Sam, like she has the power to rid them forever, extinguish them with a burning flame. He lands on the same reasoning every time: because she loves him.

Sam kisses her way back up to his lips and she's wearing a grin, wreaking of confidence and love. Jason's eyes flicker between her lips and her eyes, he wants to devour her. Never let her go. She drives him completely insane.

Sam's hands come up to his face and the smirk flips into something tender and Jason's stare matches it. He's torn between wanting to absolutely lose it, let the feral side of him run off and the other wants to try and care for her the way she does for him. Slow, steady and cautious, ever hesitant to make sure she doesn't run off. He'd chase after her if she ever did and Jason doesn't chase people.

Jason slides his hand from her waist to the side of her face. Sam turns her head, kissing the palm of his hand and it's rough. She wishes he didn't have to use his fists so much. Robin means everything to him but he deserves a break, and deserves to rest from it. He deserves for his hands to have a break, to be able to just hold a book all day. They never should have been made for violence. She looks back at him and Jason rubs his thumb over her cheek.

Jason dips his head down, opposite side where his hand is. He places gentle kisses down Sam's cheek and she's never had anyone treat her with such care, not like this. And she wants to cry because he's everything to her and he treats her how she never thought she would be treated. He treats her how she swore she never deserved to be treated and it seems so effortless for Jason.

Jason bites down, right where her neck meets her shoulder and Sam's eyes close, her head pushing back against the mattress. He leaves a maroon mark and a toothy grin pulls at his lips because it's the physical symbol that she is his and he is hers. He looks over her, her necklace shining against the low light of her bedroom and he's so in love it her.

In a quick motion, Jason wraps his arm around her and spins them around, Sam on top of him. Sam lets out a this laugh as her hands land on his hard chest. Jason wants to record her laugh so he can listen to it whenever he feels sad.

"Smooth." Sam chortles.

Jason sits up, and there's this smile Sam doesn't think she's ever seen on him before. It's there but it's subtle and it's so soft and welcoming. Sam swears if he ever gives her that smile again, the first thing she'll do it take a picture because she wants to always see it on him. It is one of intent and love and happiness. It is a smile of ease.

Jason's hand comes to her cheek and he can count on one hand how many lucky decisions he's made. This is one of them. He's lucky she choose him to trust and he chose her to trust. It was a lucky decision. That one lucky decision lead him here. With her.

"Just wanted to do this." Jason chuckles, taking the hem of her shirt in his fingers and pulling it up and over her head.

Sam collides her mouth against his, Jason groaning as she grinds down on him. And the kiss grows sloppy and desperate as their hands travel and grip over each other's bodies.

Maybe this is how it always should have been with them. Brutally honest. Neither of them are big fan of the talking shit out and being brutally honest but maybe that's how it should have been. They've always been so good about talking about their trauma with each other and telling each other what the other needs. It comes like second nature, reading the other one. But, maybe they always should have been saying those thoughts pooling at the very back of their heads because right now, they're spinning and tangled in the love the other has. Because neither of them have felt so loved and cared for and at ease with being exposed.

They show each other every scar and terrible thing they've ever been through. They show each other the worst parts of themselves and they pick each other anyway. The other loves them and is there when no one else is. They get each other to talk and break and eat and calm down. They get each other as if the universe created them for each other. It's messy and hard and complicated. It's painful sometimes and scary but it's also cathartic and healing and amazing. It's everything they both deserved. It's also easy when it's hard because it was also going to be him and her.

Sam is laying on Jason's chest, running her fingers along his side gently while he's rubbing circles on her shoulder. Jason presses a kiss to the top of her head as Sam listens to the steady beating of his heartbeat.

"You're gonna go, right?" She asks gently, keeping her head against his chest.

"Yeah." Jason answers through a sigh. He still doesn't want to go but, it's either go or hang up Robin forever and he's not ready for that. And, if Sam is telling him he should go, maybe he should listen.

"Good." A smile tugs at Sam's lips. He needs to go.

"Bruce said she knows about us, what we do." Jason explains, looking down at her.

"Which means Bruce has probably had to see her, ya know? It's gonna be good for you."

"Didn't help before." Jason scoffs.

Sam looks up at him with furrowed brows. "You went before?"

"When I was in Forster care." Jason shakes his head and it didn't help then.

All they ever did was throw diagnoses at him and pills. Even if the diagnoses were right, he never saw the mediation to help. His foster parents always took them before he could. The way he sees it, he hasn't needed anyone professionally or those pills, he doesn't need them now. But Jason doesn't just give up.

"That's probably because you got therapists who were overworked and shit. This one you know is good. Maybe she'll actually help." Sam rests her chin on his chest and Jason wonders when she became such the optimist.

"I don't know." Jason shakes his head, still rubbing circles along her back.

"I do. It'll help, Jay. At the end of the day, the only thing any of us want is for you to be okay. You'll see the shrink and she'll give you the all-clear and you'll get some damn sleep. And then you'll get Robin back." Sam offers him a confident smile.

Jason chuckles from under her. "Since when are you an optimist?"

"When it comes to you." Sam answers as if it's the easiest answer she's ever had.

"Thanks, Sammy." A tender smile tugs at his lips.

"You're welcome." Sam presses a kiss to his chest. "Like I said, I love you."

Jason's lips curl into a smile and his heart explodes into colors of confetti. "I love you, too." Jason shifts from under her and Sam moves so he can get up.

Sam watches him as he gets his clothes on, a lazy smile on her lips. Jason faces her and he gives a devious grin. She quirks a brow at him, knowing the grin always means trouble.

"I'm taking you on a date tomorrow." Jason declares, his words a little breathless as if waiting for Sam to take it back,

"Oh, you are?" Sam lets out a laugh and she knew that grin was gonna mean trouble.

"That a problem?" Jason quips.

Sam shakes her head. "No." Her smile grows wider. "Where we going?"

"Can't tell you." There's a confidence radiating off him.

"How will I know what to wear if you won't tell me?" Sam raises, moving to rest her head on her hand.

Jason's eyes narrow slightly, realizing she has a point. "Fine, your usual clothes are fine." Jason states and he barely knows what he wants to do but he knows for a fact, it's nothing fancy.

"Casual." Sam states with a nod, a teasing grin on her lips. "Bet I can figure it out."

"Nope." Jason shakes his head. "You can't."

They can read each other better than anyone. He's radiating with confidence but Sam heard the breathlessness in his voice and the way his eyes moved up when she asked what to wear, she knows him like the back of her hand.

"Is it because you also don't know exactly what we're doing?" Sam offers him a cheeky laugh.

"Fuck off." Jason lets a laugh that fills the room. "I know what we're doing!" He defends with a smile so bright Sam thinks it could light up the entire solar system. She's never seen him like this.

He can read her, too. She thinks she can figure it out but he knows he is always one step ahead of her. Regardless of what she figures out, he knows she'll never figure the whole date out.

"Mhm, okay, Jay." Her cheeks are aching.

Jason closes the distance between them, pressing a quick kiss to her lips before he starts walking towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Sam questions, turning to watch him leave.

"To plan our date." Jason offers the wiggle of his brows.

She loves him and he loves her.

"Right." Sam lets out a laugh and neither of them can actually believe this is really it. But, there is not a single ounce of doubt in their blood for once.