LXVI

The Miyas' mother's name is Sakura. I mistakenly named Tamiko's daughter Sakura without realizing it. These two characters will never meet, so please bear with me. It should be fairly obvious which Sakura is in the scene. If it isn't, please let me know and I'll make any edits I can to clarify. 

WINTER 2021

HYOGO PREFECTURE

Wow. 

It had been a really, really long time.

Isuma had left Hyogo the week after she graduated from high school. After that, she avoided the entire area like the plague. The few times she'd returned were to visit Osamu- which she rarely did, as he was usually the one to visit Tokyo. 

The last time she'd visited was to visit her mother, whom she hadn't been able to speak to. Isuma had expected to make another trip to Hyogo, based on certain phrases Osamu dropped now and then.

Their mother was dying. 

It wasn't sudden. Isuma had known how ill their mother was for years, yet it still came as a slight shock. Osamu had carefully asked Isuma to come by before it was too late, and she agreed. Atsumu, who had been in South Korea for several months, returned to  join them. 

Osamu lived thirty minutes away from Miya Sakura, who lived with a nurse from her hospital. Isuma and Atsumu arrived late on a Sunday evening. They had originally planned to come later in the week, but Osamu warned them that she was getting weaker and could be gone at any hour now. So they switched up their plans and taken a train to Hyogo as soon as possible. 

Isuma's first and last visit to her mother had been over a year ago- possibly almost two years ago. Her home had not changed in the slightest since her previous visit. Atsumu, who tried to come by every few months, walked through without an issue to their mother's room. 

Yuri, the same nurse from two years ago, was still in charge of Sakura. She was much friendlier this time and welcomed her and Atsumu in warmly. "She's been expecting you. Your other brother is here too."

"We know." Isuma nodded. Yuri continued, "Miya-san has been wanting to meet you for ages. She knows she doesn't have much time left."

"How much time, exactly?" Atsumu asked. Yuri's face fell. "It's hard to tell. It could be tomorrow, or a year from now."

She opened the bedroom's door and left to give them some privacy. Isuma waited until Yuri had shut the door to turn around and look at Sakura and Osamu.

Their mother was sitting in bed, a book laying on her lap. Her hair was streaked with white and gray and she looked slightly defiant as her other two children approached. Multiple IVs and wires ran from her to various machines in the room. She looked frailer and weaker, as if she'd aged twenty years in the past two. Sakura said, "So you finally came, Isuma."

"Yes, Okaa-sama." Isuma sat down besides Osamu, who gave her a small smile before standing. "'Tsumu, let's wait outside."

"Yeah. For sure." Atsumu turned around immediately, leaving Sakura and Isuma alone. Sakura didn't even notice her sons leave; her eyes were glued to her daughter. "I read your letter. I doubt you remember it. It's been quite some time since then."

"No, I remember." Isuma said immediately, recalling the envelope she'd asked Osamu to give to Sakura last time. Sakura let out her breath, shaking her head. "So you do."

Neither of them spoke. Isuma wasn't quite sure what to say- or what to feel. She hadn't come here with the intention of belittling her mother- just to see her one last time. She clasped her hands and stared at her rings, shifting in her seat.

"You know, I didn't want to be a mother."

Isuma looked up. Sakura had a distant look in her eyes, as if she wasn't quite there. "Don't take it the wrong way. That's not my excuse for being a terrible parent. But it's the truth. I had you three when I was 21. Did you know that?"

"I didn't." Isuma shook her head, puzzled as to why Sakura was sharing it. Her mother nodded. "Your father and I were young. We were foolish young adults. My point stands. I wasn't prepared to be a mother. We didn't have the money- or even a proper home for several years. I was still so young- and I had to carry three children at that age. It was traumatizing. Those are years I'd prefer to forget.

"Again, this isn't an excuse. It's simply my truth." Her mother said, finally looking at Isuma. She had no remorse in her expression. "I do not think for a second my apology would mean anything. My failure to connect with you has been all I've thought about ever since your father died. I can't explain myself either. I don't expect you to forgive me just because my time is limited."

"...I see." Isuma pushed back her hair awkwardly. She didn't think she was quite ready to forgive her mother either, but there was no point in stating it. Sakura continued, "Osamu has told me what you've done. What you are. I don't deserve to be proud of you, but I am. You were once my daughter. I still feel, Isuma."

Isuma clenched the sides of her chair, swallowing back a lump. "I'm still your daughter."

Sakura laughed, shaking her head. "I lost my title as mother years ago, Isuma. A mother is someone who loves you. Who takes care of you. Who listens to you. Who encourages you. I was never those things. Moreover, I chose not to be those things. If blood were what secured familial ties, then a lot of this world would be different."

"I'm sorry. For not speaking to you. For not trying to make amends." Isuma forced herself to look up. She kept her tone calm and her voice low, not betraying a hint of weakness. Sakura waved her off. "It is much too late for that now. I don't blame you. You deserve much more than I ever gave you, Isuma.

"I'm glad you came today, though you didn't have to. It's... relieving that I get to see you once more before I die." For the first time, Sakura smiled, her eyes brimmed with tears. Isuma certainly didn't feel like crying, but her emotions had shifted. Slightly. For the first time, she wanted to hear her Sakura's side.

So Isuma asked. And Sakura told her. She recounted her life before having children and after- things Isuma had never heard. At some point, Atsumu and Osamu re-entered, having never heard this either. They spent well over an hour with Sakura, who did not apologize once, knowing that would not be appreciated by any of them.

For the first time, the four of them talked pleasantly about small things and big things. As they wrapped up their conversation- with promises to check in again in the morning before Atsumu and Isuma left the next night- Isuma felt herself beginning to understand Sakura. She was far, far away from being able to forgive her, but she would get there. 

Eventually.

***

Isuma and Atsumu stayed at Osamu's house for the night, planning to leave the next morning. They woke up early; they'd reserved seats to Tokyo at 10 AM, and Atsumu was going to stay with Isuma for a few days before flying back to Seoul. They were eating breakfast when the phone call came.

Osamu frowned and stood up from his chair. "I'll be right back."

Atsumu and Isuma wasted no time eating- this was probably the last bit of Osamu's cooking they were going to have in a long time. Isuma's cooking paled in comparison (although Atsumu would never tell her that). And Atsumu couldn't cook. Period. 

Osamu returned while still on the phone call, his mood having changed drastically. His voice was rushed and he looked slightly panicked. "Yeah. Yeah, we'll be there."

Isuma set down her fork in concern. "What's up?"

"Okaa-sama. She- she passed away. Overnight." Osamu let his words hang in the air for several tense seconds. Neither of his siblings had dramatic responses, and he didn't expect them to: Isuma had spoken to Sakura after 6 years YESTERDAY, and Atsumu had never been too close with her, even after mending their relationship. The first thing Isuma said was, "Where did you say we'd be?"

"Her hospital. She's not there but we need to take care of her medical stuff. And her funeral and bills and... yeah." Noting their silence, Osamu quickly added, "I can do it myself. You two need to return-"

"We're not LEAVING you, 'Samu." Isuma shook her head incredulously. "Of course we're helping. I can stay for another week or two. I'm not heartless."

They both looked at Atsumu, expecting him to say something. He hastily said, "Yeah! Yeah, I'll stay too. Um, lemme just call my manager. But for sure."

"Thanks." Osamu let out his breath, reassured. Even with their help, it took five days to get everything in order as fast as possible. There were somethings Osamu would have to take care of on his own, but over the course of a week, they finished up almost everything. They arranged the funeral to be the morning Isuma and Atsumu were supposed to leave. 

Sakura's funeral was small and made up of relatives Isuma hadn't seen or spoken to and years. Her brothers were speaking to people inside the room while she stood at the door, greeting everyone. Many of them recognized her and caught up for a few minutes before finally moving on. She smiled and accepted their condolences without actually being affected. The only person whose presence bothered her was her aunt's.

Isuma knew Himari was coming and was prepared, but actually seeing her was worse. She caught sight of her out of the corner of her eye and quickly ushered a young couple through the doors to return to her post. Himari was with another older woman; she walked through the glass doors, and her eyes swept the room distastefully before finally landing on Isuma. 

Her niece looked so incredibly different Himari almost walked right past her. Not physically- she had the same characteristics. Her hair still fell a little past her shoulders and she wasn't that taller. Her features were more refined and she looked older. But now, she stood confidently and had a strong gaze. Himari carefully said, "Miya Isuma. I didn't expect for you to be here."

"I'm here." Isuma said as pleasantly as she could. Preferring to avoid confrontation, she pointed at the next set of doors. "Please go through there then take the second right."

"Where have you been for so long? You disappeared so fast, one would think you ran away from home. Do you know how our relatives and friends gossiped?" Himari asked. The woman next to her whispered, "Himari-san, not right now-"

"My brother and I moved to Tokyo." Isuma said, forced to reply. The woman subtly edged away from her aunt, as if disassociating herself from the incident. Himari shook her head. "You haven't changed. Why bother showing up to Sakura's funeral at all? You'll only bring back the awful rumors-"

"Himari-san." Isuma cut her off. "This is my mother's funeral. I would prefer for today to be dedicated to her, not your grudges from almost seven years ago. Go visit her shrine or leave. Don't you wish to avoid rumors? Look at the crowd around you. I can only imagine what they're saying about the ruthless aunt accosting the deceased's daughter."

Himari glanced around carefully; around a dozen people were watching their exchange. Several were hiding whispers behind their hands. After a deathly glare in Isuma's direction, she marched into the building. Her friend bowed to Isuma apologetically before following.

She didn't have another encounter with her aunt, although Himari certainly tried. Twice, she attempted approaching Isuma at the shrine, but she was quickly pulled away by other relatives seeking her. Isuma was past all that. She had no resentment- if anything, she pitied Himari for caring so much. 

After the funeral, Isuma returned to Osamu's house one last time to change out of her black dress and say goodbye to her brothers. She was leaving tonight and had several things to take care of before than. Atsumu was rushing to stuff the last of his belongings into his duffel bag. "The train leaves in two hours! 'Suma-chan, are you packed?"

"Oh, I'm not going. I'm taking the night train." Isuma told him. Osamu looked up from his phone and questioned, "Why? Could you not get a ticket? I thought you already booked your seat."

"No, it's not that. I cancelled my seat." She explained. "There's one last place I need to visit before leaving."

***

Inarizaki High hadn't changed at all.

Isuma arrived right around dismissal. Hundreds of students were streaming out of campus, and it quickly emptied. They were wearing the same uniforms she herself had worn seven years ago- although it felt longer. She had a strange attachment to the school. Isuma found herself looking at everything, soaking in the familiarity. This was where she'd grown and changed the most. Where she'd met some of her best friends.

Where she'd met Kita. 

She waited until the crowd grew less dense to check in at the guard's booth. Luckily, someone was stationed there even after school hours and dutifully wrote down her name. When he asked Isuma why she was there, she blanked and briefly hesitated before saying, "...to visit the volleyball team."

He let her go in. Isuma headed straight for the athletics' wing and found the boys' volleyball gym. She hadn't kept in touch with their old coach, Kurosu Sensei, after graduation and was curious to see if he still worked there. She told herself there was no point in going the gym- after all, it would be full of a bunch of teenage boys who wouldn't recognize her. But she wanted to see it, one last time. 

 As she approached the gym, she could hear people yelling and the squeak of shoes on the floor. Isuma entered cautiously.

The gym hadn't changed either. There was a new net and the walls had been repainted black, but otherwise it was exactly the same. She could imagine herself back in high school, watching Atsumu and Osamu and Suna practice. 

Two men were positioned by the doors; they instinctively looked up when she entered.

To her surprise, she knew both of them. 

Kurosu Sensei greeted her first, shocked. "Miya-san! What are you doing here?"

"I just came to visit. It's been a really long time!" Isuma answered. Her eyes went to Karu, who she was floored to see. He waved to her. "How are you, Isuma-san?"

"I'm good. Are you- do you work here?" Isuma asked in disbelief. He laughed. "Nah, I volunteer part-time. Hey, we saw you on TV. You and Atsumu-kun."

"The boys loved it." Kurosu Sensei waved at the dozens of teenage boys milling around. "They didn't believe me when I told you I coached your brothers and you were our manager. As if I'd lie about it! HEY, YOU TWO!!"

He stormed off to scold two boys who were spraying each other with their water bottles. Karu questioned, "What are you doing now? Will you work with the next National team?"

"Ah, no." Isuma shook her head. "I actually started med school this fall."

"Med school?!" Karu exclaimed. "Wow, I did NOT see that coming."

"Yeah, it was kind of an unusual decision. Especially after planning to go into sports science and athletics for so long." She answered. "What about you? I had no idea you returned to Hyogo; I think you still lived in Tokyo, Karu-san!"

"Oh, I moved back a couple months ago. I finished up my undergrad there and made a decent bit of money- enough to get a good job back home." Karu explained. "That was really the goal all along. Big cities aren't my thing, you know?"

"I get that. Tokyo has too much life sometimes." Isuma agreed. Karu glanced back; Kurosu was still telling off the two boys. A dozen of the others had split and were waiting to start a practice match. Karu sighed. "I better go help them. Do you wanna meet up tomorrow? When are you heading back?"

"Tonight, actually." Isuma frowned. "It's okay. I'll be sure to let you know next time I visit Hyogo. I'll say goodbye to Kurosu Sensei and then leave."

"Sounds good. Bye, Isuma-san! Have a safe trip!" He shook her hand cheerfully before retreating to the gym floor. Isuma watched him go up to the boys and position them on the court. Another group at the opposite end of the court was practicing serves. She paused at the door to observe them. Two third-years were helping the first-years learn a regular spike. One of them bravely volunteered to go first and missed the volleyball when the third-year set it. He tried again. And again.

Isuma's phone pinged with a notification confirming her train ticket. She was startled to see the time and decided to leave without saying goodbye to the Sensei. She glanced at him one last time; he was still talking to the two boys. Another first-year was up and performed even worse than the first. His first spike hit a poor second-year in the head. Isuma began to leave before she got hit.

She almost made it.

She was at the door when someone behind her shouted, "Watch out!!" She whipped around, startled, just in time to see a volleyball whizzing towards her. Instinctively, and raised her arms to block it.

It never hit her.

Isuma stayed in her defensive position until she felt someone's warm body beside her. Their arm circled her back and their hand lightly rested on her opposite arm. She cautiously lowered her arms and opened her eyes-

And froze. 

The person wasn't looking at her. His hand was still out in front of them from blocking the volleyball. He was staring into the gym and reprimanding the boy who'd spiked the ball. Isuma heard the first-year apologize, although her eyes were still focused on the man in front of her. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't think. In all the scenarios she'd imagined meeting him again, she'd always said something- but she couldn't utter a single sound. All of her emotions and pain and longing and heartbreak over the past years came to her in an instant- so powerful together she felt overwhelmed.

Finally, he met her gaze, his eyes filled with concern. And shock. And pain. And hurt. And saddness. And heartbreak. And guilt. And every other emotion Isuma had imagined him to have. He took a step away, his arms falling to his side. He seemed to be waiting for her to speak, to be the one to initiate a conversation- if she intended to at all. 

Isuma could barely put together a sentence in her head, let alone a conversation starter. Her eyes were prickling wanting to unsee him. After several tense seconds of her attempting her to form words, she finally managed, "Kita-san?"

***

hello my loves!!

this is the last chapter :)

again, there will be an epilogue so fear not! isuma and kita aren't gone yet

i love you all so much <33