XXXIV

April 16th, 2021

Currently stressing out about ACT Aspire. Someone help.

<<Flashback, 8 years ago>>

"Hey, Isuma-chan!!" Atsumu called as he ran up to her, Osamu half a step behind. Isuma was spread out on the grass, reading a book. She looked up just as he and Osamu dropped down on either side of her. "What're you doing here?"

"How'd you find me?" She asked. Osamu shrugged. "You weren't at home. I thought you'd come here."

She sat up. Over the years, whenever something happened at home, Isuma had always come here. Their parents had no reason to go to the park; it was the one place they couldn't bother her. "Sorry for not telling you... she came up to me the second I got home."

"You're fine." Atsumu exchanged glances with his brother- Isuma never mentioned their aunt's name if she could help it. "Anyways, guess what?"

Isuma closed her book. "Did something happen at school...?"

"There's this new guy; Aran- something... he's this huge foreign fifth grader!" Osamu got to his feet and stood on his toes, reaching up as high as he could. "Like this!"

He stumbled and fell down; Atsumu laughed. "He's really tall! His name sounds so cool, right?"

"Um, I guess?" Isuma's answer sounded more like a question. "It sounds so mysterious... we came up with foreign nicknames for us too!"

"I'm 'Samu, and he's 'Tsumu!" Osamu enthusiastically said. Atsumu asked, "You like 'em?"

"They're... nice," Isuma vaguely replied. "We should give you a nickname too!"

"Oh, no, that's okay-"

Osamu nodded. "We should! Hm, let's see..."

"How about Isu?" Atsumu exclaimed. Osamu lightly punched his shoulder. "That's terrible!"

"I really don't need a nickname..." she trailed off when she realized neither of them were listening. "I got it!" Osamu snapped his fingers. "You can be 'Suma! You like it?"

"Um... yes?" Isuma shrugged. "Okay, but I'll hit you if you let anyone else call you by your nickname. Um, not you, Isuma," Atsumu hastily added. Osamu complained, "So it's okay to hit me but not her?"

Before they could get into to an argument, Isuma placed her hands on their shoulders. "Don't argue! Please."

They slowly sat back down. Atsumu asked his sister, "What happened at home?"

"...nothing," Isuma replied. Osamu leaned back. "You can just say you wish she'd go back."

"I know I do," Atsumu mumbled. "It's a pain having them around."

"Oh, also, why didn't you go to the girl's practice today? Their coach asked us about you."

"...I'm not that good at volleyball." Isuma lowered her voice. "You're really good, though!" Osamu was surprised- she'd actually been a little excited about it earlier that day. "Did you not go at all?"

"...I did," she answered. "But... I left. I didn't feel like it anymore."

Atsumu sighed. "What really happened?"

Isuma wrapped a blade of grass around her finger tightly, not wanting to respond. "Listen... it's no big deal. I just didn't want to. Besides, I like helping you two more than playing myself."

Isuma flashed a small smile; Osamu decided to let it go. "Fine. Let's get home."

Atsumu dusted himself off and stood up; he held out his hands to help up his siblings. "Thanks."

Isuma looked at her book as they walked back home. 'In stories... when there's someone in trouble- someone lost, someone who's lost all hope- there's always a person who saves them. Always someone who shows them the light.

'My brothers... I know how much both of them care for me, but I can't tell them what goes on at home when they're not around. They can't save me. No one can save me from this dark world. The only people I have are my brothers... and even they'll be gone one day. I want someone- anyone- to save me. Please... someone... let me out. Let me be free from them.'

<<End of Flashback>>

"-Isuma-chan?"

She looked up, as if surprised to hear Kita's voice. "Sorry, Senpai. What were you saying?"

She, Kita, and their coach were talking over their matches that day, eating their lunches at the same time. Kita glanced at Kurosu Sensei, who had stepped aside to talk to a passing teacher. "I asked you what you were thinking about. Three times."

"-oh. I just... remembered something." Isuma answered. Kita paused, setting down his chopsticks- her tone was slightly bitter and regretful. "What?"

"It's nothing." Isuma replied, glancing over at their coach, wishing he'd come back. As if he'd heard her, he walked back to their table. "Sorry about that. Where were we?"

"Oh, um..." Kita looked away from Isuma. "Kaiso's first-years probably aren't as experienced with serves as the others..."

His voice slowly faded as Isuma zoned out again. Kita noticed but didn't say anything and continued talking.

Ten minutes before lunch was supposed to end, Kurosu Sensei finally said, "Alright, you two should go now. Make sure the others are on time."

"Yes, Coach." Kita and Isuma both bowed before leaving. Isuma didn't speak at all as they walked down the stairs- she almost crashed into a tall third-year at one point. Kita caught her arm and pulled her back; she stumbled as he steadied her. "Isuma!"

"Sorry, sorry-"

"What's wrong?" Kita asked her, letting go of her arm. "You can tell me."

She rubbed her arm, exactly where his hand had just been. "I'm sorry, I just... I'm thinking about about a lot of things at the same time."

"Good things or...?"

Isuma hesitated. "Not good things."

"You can't keep it inside forever. Is everything... okay?" Kita didn't want to force her to tell him. But he didn't want her to hide it either. "You went to visit Kamino's setter last night, right? Did something happen?"

"...sort of." Isuma was pulling at the sleeve of her blazer a little too forcefully. "It's not that, really... Tamiko just reminded me of something."

Kita couldn't help but notice that she'd referred to him by his first name. It was the same feeling he'd gotten when he'd seen her wearing Suna's jacket... what was wrong with him? He shook his head to get those thoughts out of his mind. "I won't ask. But, well... you shouldn't push it away. Face it. And also..."

He trailed off, unsure if he should mention it, but he went on anyway. "It's just... Isuma-chan, you have every right to be distant around people. I don't know everything, but I do know what you've endured in the past. It's fine if you don't feel comfortable around people right now. But you know that your brothers won't always be there for you. One day, even if it's only for a few hours, you're going to be alone."

"I know! I know..." Isuma didn't need him to say it. She already thought about it every day. "Um, also... at the hospital. One of the doctors talked to me."

Kita didn't say anything. "He said I should... consider a career as a doctor."

He raised his eyebrows. "Really? That's great. Do you want to?"

"...not really, no." Isuma answered. "Why's that?"

She hadn't told her brothers any of this last night. They would've asked questions she didn't want to answer... but with Kita, it was different. He understood her perfectly- he knew his limits.

"I like what I'm doing now. Just helping my brothers- I haven't forgotten what you told me," she hastily added, seeing his expression. "I know I don't need to! It's just... I like helping you all. It's what I'm good at."

Neither of them said anything for a few moments. At last, Kita said, "Listen... I've been thinking about this for a while now but... why don't you play volleyball, Isuma?"

Isuma looked up, almost surprised that he'd known what she'd been thinking about- but she shouldn't have been. She'd seen him pick up smaller details about random people over the past year. "I didn't have the... best relationship with our aunt and uncle and parents growing up- I still don't." She hesitating, wondering how much to tell him. "They never believed I'd do anything in the world, especially my aunt. When we were nine, I almost signed up for volleyball along with my brothers."

Her tone made it clear that it hadn't gone so well. "...what happened?"

"Our aunt and uncle happened to be visiting at the time. My brothers went to the boys' gym to sign up, so I went alone to the girls' On my way... I met my aunt."

Her voice was suddenly bitter. "Looking back... I don't remember what she told me. I tried so hard to forget I actually forgot. Whatever she said, I changed my mind and didn't sign up. I regret it. But after that... I was always too scared to try out."

She hadn't given many details, but everything instantly fell in place in Kita's mind. What she'd told him yesterday suddenly made perfect sense. "Oh," he softly said. "So that's why... I see."

"What?"

"That's why you're afraid of being wrong, right? And why you didn't want to resign- you want to prove your aunt wrong."

"...yeah. It's just... I don't want to give her a reason to say she was right ever again."

Her eyes had the same kind of fire he'd seen the previous day at the store. "You won't. You're already proving her wrong."

"...thank you." Isuma flashed a beautiful smile; Kita could feel his cheeks burning, and he suddenly recalled Akagi's words. He couldn't look away- her eyes were so captivating, and her smile- her genuine smile, not the forced one he hated to see, nor was it anxious- it was so rare to see her this way, Kita had almost forgotten how much more beautiful she looked smiling.

"-no problem. We should get back; see you later, Isuma."

She barely had a chance to reply before Kita walked down the stairs, vanishing from sight. Isuma followed after a few seconds.

Akagi's words echoed in Kita's mind over and over again.

'Shinsuke... do you like Isuma-chan?'

Kita stopped walking so abruptly that two girls passing by glanced at him, startled. 'I don't. I can't. I can't like her. Never. I want her to be successful... and happy.

'Her happiness doesn't necessarily rely on me. I might not even be an important person in her life in a year.

'...who knows? Maybe in a few years, she'll find someone... someone that isn't me. Someone who'll help her and make her happier than I ever could.

'I won't hold her back- ever. Even if she doesn't see it yet, Isuma has a clear goal in life. I might restrain her from achieving it. If there's a person who's better for her... no. Isuma's gone through too much. She deserves the best of what life has to offer. I... may not be able to give her that.'

Kita really out there breaking our hearts, huh? I guess that's my fault.

Also my friend brought this up... and it's kind of unrealistic that Inarizaki lost to Karasuno, who's such a new team. They have almost zero experience with Nationals, and Inarizaki, the SECOND-BEST team in Japan, lost to them. And I was like, 'Welp okay that's why fanfiction exists.'

I promise I won't make Inarizaki win. But they'll have a decent reason for losing. You'll probably wish they won instead of what's gonna happen :>

Also I will be updating on Saturdays from now on.

Oh, and tyty for 65K