Standard Revenge Plots

Roy couldn't get ahold of Moss all weekend, so he didn't see him until Moss walked into work the following Monday.

"Hello, Moss!" Roy said sarcastically. "Thank God you're alive!"

"Barely," his mate scoffed, shaking his head. "My mum had me out shopping for clothes on Saturday and Sunday. I wish I could have called you, Roy, but my mobile died while I was trapped..." His expression turned sour. "At...Fenwick."

Jen swiveled over in her office so she could peek at them out of the doorframe. "You were at Fenwick this weekend?"

"Yes," he said nervously.

"I was at Fenwick. Did you hear about the guy who got trapped in the toilet?" She gave her signature high-pitched, howling laugh. "Hilarious."

Moss glanced back at Roy and whispered, "I was trapped in the toilet at Fenwick."

"Oh, no," Roy said quietly. "For how long?"

"Three hours."

"What? How could you be trapped in the toilet for three hours?"

"I don't know, but I think it had something to do with the toilet guy! He was very suspicious-looking. An angry, embittered old man. And he looked exactly like the one from when we went to the theatre."

Roy gasped. "Maybe it was the same one! Seeking to ruin every toilet experience he possibly can."

"It sure looked like him." Moss took off his coat and hung it up on the hook by the door, then removed his backpack and sat down in his desk. "Same moustache, knotted-up face, balding scalp. Everything. I was barely able to go at all."

"The travesty. Pretty soon, no man will ever be able to go to the public toilet." Roy frowned. "Were you trapped in a stall, or...?"

"In a stall, yes," Moss confirmed. "I had to go number two. I tried to get out and the door wouldn't open."

"Aw. Bloody hell."

"Yes, that."

"Perhaps you should plot revenge," said a melancholy voice out of the blue.

Both turned to see none other than Richmond Avenal standing in the doorway, wearing his usual all-black attire, although this time he had a shorter black fringe haircut, a t-shirt, and skinny jeans.

"Richmond's back from Vladivostok!" Moss exclaimed, pointing to him. "And he's gone back to goth!"

"Quite the opposite," Richmond said gloomily. "I'm emo now. I would assume this is evident from my attire being a throwback to 2005. But never mind all that, let me tell you my story."

He moved to the center of the room and looked off into the distance, moving his hands in that mysterious gesture. Moss tried to look in the same direction as him, but Roy just rolled his eyes and didn't bother.

Jen marched into the office. "What is going—AAAAAGGHHH! Oh, Richmond, it's just you. How was your holiday?"

"Don't even ask," Roy mumbled.

"Shut up, I want to hear this!" Moss scolded.

"These past few years," Richmond recounted. "Living in the outside world again, I began to realize how much everything has changed. The world is cruel to goths these days, more so than they were before. People hear the word 'goth' and think, 'oh, that is so 1980s. Now let me take a picture for my Instagram.' I thought I could solve the problem by leaving my goth persona behind, but that just didn't work out for me. I missed my all-black wardrobe and my dyed black hair. And then I listened to this great new band called My Chemical Romance—"

"Okay," Roy said. "That's enough of that. Why don't you just go right along now and get back behind the red door."

"Roy!" Jen said angrily. "I thought we were past that!"

"I think I am," Richmond sighed, coming out of his trance. "I've moved on now. I work at a great store called Cool Subject. I'm the manager. Everyone who works there is really nice. The only issue is that all the shirts and things are more expensive than a funeral. This entire outfit was three hundred quid."

"Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!" Moss exclaimed. "That is totally unfair!"

"But anyway, I just stopped by to say hi and see how the flashing lights are doing. I've grown to miss them, in a small way. Flash. Flash. Double flash. They're the most reliable friends I've ever had. That and my white cup."

"I had a white cup once," Moss said sadly.

"I thought we were done hearing about that," Roy almost yelled. "You know what—Did everyone go mad this weekend, or is it just me? Because Moss got stuck in a toilet, Richmond went emu—"

"Wait," Jen exclaimed, her eyes widening. "Moss, that was YOU?"

"Please don't tell anyone!" he cried.

"It was because of the bloody toilet guy!" Roy yelled. "He's been going around invading every toilet in sight. First he was at the theatre, now he's at Fenwick—"

"He's been at Cool Subject, too," Richmond chimed in. "Balding man, constantly angry face? I know him. We hired him last month and immediately experienced a two hundred percent drop in our customer service ratings. We had to let him go, poor fellow."

"I told you!" Roy said to Moss. "Even Cool Subject has felt the Wrath of the Nasty Toilet Guy."

"Like I said," Richmond repeated. "You two should plot revenge or something. If he's already leveled up to Fenwick, who knows where he'll be next? Selfridge's?"

"You've all gone mad," Jen decided. "I mean, normally you're mad, but today...you're crazy. I'm seriously considering just taking the day off."

"You do that," Roy suggested nonchalantly. "You look like you could use a breather."

"Oh," Jen chuckled. "Well, maybe you're not mad after all."

"Hi, guys!" Imogene said happily, taking her coat off as she entered the room. "How was all of your weekends? Oh, Moss, I finished the first Harry Potter again. It was even better than I remembered it!"

She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw his tormented expression. "What's the matter? You all look pretty...shook."

Moss and Roy exchanged worried glances.

"Oh, nothing," Jen said cheerily. "They're just up to their usual shenanigans again." Her face fell and she shoved the folder she was carrying into Imogene's hands. "Here, organize this...file."

"But it's already in a folder."

"It's a very messy folder. I'm going to the toilet."

She was off. The entire room was quiet. Imogene cleared her throat and went to her desk, then suddenly glanced up at Richmond.

"Oh, hi! I'm Imogene. What's your name? Nice MCR t-shirt! Are you emo? I was emo once!"

"DON'T—let him answer," Roy said quickly.

"I better say hello to the flashing lights," Richmond said sadly. "I've missed them quite a bit. Especially that old bloke, Double Flash."

He snuck behind the red door and disappeared. Imogene's uplifted expression was now downcast as she sat down in her swivel chair.

"Is everyone in a bad mood?" she asked.

Moss and Roy exchanged more nervous expressions and didn't respond.

"Okay..." Imogene sighed, and opened up the folder to shift through the papers.

Moss looked to Roy in fear, and Roy whispered, "Don't tell her!"

"Why not?" he whispered back.

"Because!"

"Why not?!"

"She won't understand this sort of thing!"

"I can hear you two whispering, you know," she said shakily.

More worried looks. Then Moss blurted, "ROY AND I ARE SEEKING REVENGE ON A TOILET GUY!"

She looked up with big eyes. "What?"

"Moss!" Roy scolded.

"It's true," Moss said quickly. "We met an angry toilet guy at the theatre when we went to see Gay: A Gay Musical and he was a very nasty person and neither one of us could wee and Roy had to use the disabled and I had to use the staff and everyone thought Roy was disabled and I was staff and Roy ended up in Manchester and it's ALL HIS FAULT!"

Imogene stared at them. "Uh...what?"

"It's a long, embarrassing story," Roy explained. "Very embarrassing. But um...We may or may not have uncovered a secret scandal involving an evil toilet guy."

"He's been going to different stores and invading their toilets!" Moss shrieked.

"Yes, that."

"I want revenge, Roy!" Moss said angrily. "That man robbed me of a good wee!"

"Okay..." Imogene said with disgust. "That was not something I needed to hear."

"Phew," Richmond said, reentering the office from the red door. "Boy, did I miss that lot." He paused and looked around at everyone. "What's going on? Have we figured out a plan to get rid of Kyle Lewis?"

"Is that his name?" Roy asked.

"I believe so," Richmond nodded. "Either that or Dave Wellington. One of those."

"I'm going to find him on Friendface! Moss, you look for Dave Wellington."

"Is this an actual plan? Should I put on my slightly larger glasses?"

"I think he has twelve percent of a plan," Imogene said, with a hint of a smile on her lips.

Moss looked at her. "Did you just reference Guardians of the Galaxy?"

"Of course I did."

"Brilliant."

Moss put on his slightly larger glasses and he and Roy began typing furiously at their computers. Imogene and Richmond exchanged looks.

"I might as well leave you all to it," said Richmond. "Nice to see everyone. And nice to meet you—whatever your name is."

"Imogene," she said.

"Oh, what a lovely name. I'm Richmond."

"Just go!" Roy snapped.

"Don't be mean to him," she whined. "He didn't do anything!"

"I can't help but think that Richmond might be of some use to us, Roy," said Moss, folding his hands over his desk. "Considering he likely knows about the current whereabouts of Kyle Lewis."

"I found him on Friendface!" Roy yelled. "He's set his current mood to sensual."

"Oh, no!" Moss winced. "Really?"

"It says he works at Fenwick as a restroom attendant during the day, and at some French restaurant at night."

"I bet he's at Fenwick now," Richmond pointed out.

Roy and Moss looked at each other again.

"Are you busy?" Roy asked.

"I arrived here ten minutes ago," Moss said slowly. "And I'm already bored out of my flipping mind."

"Well, I'm not busy."

They stared at each other again.

Imogene frowned. "I'm busy."

"How exactly are we going to go about this?" Moss asked Roy.

"Well, uh..." Roy thought for a moment. "I think I have about fifty percent of a plan now."

"Smashing! Alright, now hit me up."

"Okay, so, uh...we go into the Fenwick bathroom, and we get a bunch of chocolate—"

"And we put it in his lunchbox!"

"No, Moss. That would be a very nice surprise. We want revenge here. So, what we do is we get some chocolate, like a bunch of chocolate, and it could be chocolate sauce like from Hershey's, and we smear it all over the floor."

Moss frowned. "Wouldn't that also be a nice surprise?"

Roy stared at him. "How would that be a nice surprise? In what way is that nice? It's meant to be feces."

"Wouldn't it smell like chocolate?" Imogene thought out loud.

"Actually," Richmond said, spinning around to be in the center of the room with a wicked smile on his face. "It is important to note that Kyle Lewis suffers from hyposmia—decreased ability to smell."

"That is literally the most convenient thing I've ever heard!" Roy exclaimed.

"Chairman Wow!" Moss laughed. "Psychic powers! Whoa!"

"You know what? Let's do it. We can pick up some chocolate sauce at the store and then go to Fenwick and get back at Kyle Lewis for what he did to us."

"For sending you to Manchester!"

"The wound is still fresh. Okay, let's go. Right now."

They all stood up and began gathering their coats.

"I'd like to see this," said Richmond.

"Nah," said Roy. "This is more of a personal thing. Besides, you don't know the whole story."

"Can I come, too?" Imogene asked.

"Yes," said Moss.

"You can't even go into the men's toilets," Roy sighed. "It's best if you just stay behind."

"I can be the lookout!" she said happily.

"She can come," Moss said again. "But Richmond has to stay."

"Yay! Oh, sorry Richmond. I didn't mean it like that."

Moss, Roy, and Imogene filed out of the room, with Richmond stalking close behind. The office went silent. Then Jen came back into the room to grab some more coffee.

"What are you all—" She stopped dead in her tracks when she noticed the emptiness. "Boys? Boys? Moss? Roy? Imogene?"

She looked around for a moment, then sat on Moss's desk.

"Those bloody bastards."