71-Hurt

We never talked about what I'm supposed to do when you're gone, Stevie. We never discussed that.

I really, really could use a drink at this moment in time, but I really can't drink now can't I? This is the one moment I absolutely cannot fucking drink. Bucky and I got a cab back to the Brooklyn house I had bought for my husband. His house, the house he wanted. Rain was coming down hard on New York City, like the Heavens themselves were mourning the lost of Steven Grant Rogers.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I looked down at the sonogram in my hands, the light of the city illuminating it. Four months. I was four months pregnant and I didn't even know. Steve didn't know. He knows now. Hopefully. I thumb rubbed itself over the grainy black and white image of Steve and I's baby. At least it was a boy right? Lucky me. I put it in my pocket and looked out the window. The cab pulls up in front of the house and we get out, the street lights illuminating all the puddles. Bucky pays the cab as I walk up the steps. The rain soaks me, but I don't care enough to use my powers to dry myself off. I kick off my shoes as soon as I walk inside, twisting my rings around my finger. I open the door, walking inside toward the sound of Morgan and Benjamin playing. Watching the children is Happy, Sam, Rhodey, and Pepper. They all look worried.

Pepper is the first one that sees me standing there. She quickly gets up and wraps her arms around me, resting her head on my shoulder. I hold onto her as I start crying again. She carefully rubs my back, attempting to soothe me. She knows exactly how I'm feeling.

"I'm sorry, Pey. I'm so sorry." Pepper tells me softly as she pulls away, tears in her eyes. I nod because I'm afraid to speak. Rhodey is the next one that pulls me into a hug. My brother's best friend holds me tightly in his arms as my tears soak his black shirt.

"Whatever you need, I'm here for you." He murmurs to me as he pulls away, carefully wiping away my tears. Forehead of Security himself, Happy Hogan, hugs me next.

"You need anything? I got you, kid." The man tells me completely seriously and I smile thankfully at him. The smile fades when I look at my son and I realize I have to break his heart. He looks so happy as he and Morgan play with old Avengers action figures. He's holding a small Captain America in his hands. I wipe away my tears and I move towards my son. Both Morgan and Ben look up at me as I sit down next to them.

"Hi mommy! You wanna play with us? You can be you!" Ben says happily as he lifts up a small figure of myself. I give him a small smile as Pepper beckons Morgan away from Benny and I. I'm still soaking wet, but that doesn't stop me from tucking a strand of Ben's blond hair behind his ear.

"Not right now, baby. Benny, you know how we visited Daddy today and he said he was really sick?" I ask and Ben nods. I swallow hard before continuing, "Well he-he was really sick. The doctors couldn't fix him anymore so-so Daddy died."

The room was silent and my son looked at me. His little blonde eyebrows were furrowed in confusion. I'm so sorry, Benjamin. So fucking sorry.

"But-He can't die! He was okay!" Ben responds, gripping his small version of his father. I shake my head, pulling my son into my lap. The toy falls with the others, a pile of destroyed and used heroes.

"He loved you a lot, Ben. He wanted you to know that. Your daddy loved you so much." I tell him as I hold him. I think it finally hits him because my son starts crying. That, of course, makes me cry. So I hold my son tightly as both of us cry.

-

An hour later, I find myself standing in the doorway of my bedroom-our bedroom. I've been sleeping alone these last few months, but Steve was still out there-so it was okay in some sort of way. Now, that bed will be completely empty. It'll be a different type of alone. I look down at my wedding rings as I walk into the room. I sit on the edge of my bed on my side, carefully taking them off and setting on them on the bedside table. The room is filled with pictures of Steve and I or of our family. He's everywhere.

A soft knock on the door forces me to look up. Bucky is standing there, his grey eyes red and irritated. He steps inside of my room, picking up a framed picture of Steve and I at our wedding, during our first dance.

"On our way to Siberia, he told me how scared he was about losing you. He said you were one of the best things that have ever happened to him and he really didn't want to fuck it up. God, he loved you so much. You should've seen the way he looked at you when you were fightin'. I thought you looked like shit but he looked at you like you were a goddess." Bucky tells me suddenly, his eyes remaining on the picture. The lump in my throat swells, but I smile anyway. I looked down to my rings. Sam had brought me down some clothes after I had broke the news to Ben. It was one of Steve's shirt and God, it still smelled like him. I don't know if it was hurting or helping me.

"During the five years everyone was gone, he used to tell me about all of the stupid shit you two would do. Getting into unnecessary fights, trying to get Steve to date, just so many stories. He missed you so much, y'know. He wanted his best friend back. He-He would tell Benny all these stories about how amazing and heroic his Uncle Bucky was. He wanted you to be the best man at our wedding." I respond as Bucky sets the picture frame down. Bucky chuckles, a small smile appearing on his face.

"Most of the stupid shit was because of your husband, for your information. And I would've loved to be the best man." The super soldier tells me as he sits beside me on the bed. I chuckle and nod.

"Sounds like him. He did a lot of stupid shit." I say and Bucky laughs. Tears brimmed my eyes. My hand moves to rest on my stomach. Bucky sees this and his smile turns bittersweet.

"In Wakanda, before I got turned into dust, he told me how terrified he was to be a dad. He didn't want to fuck up. He really wanted to be a good dad, but we didn't really grow up around any good father figures. He wanted to be better, didn't want to disappoint you." The Winter Soldier murmurs and I bite the inside of my cheek in order to keep myself from crying. I stay silent for a moment, hand still on my stomach.

"He didn't disappoint me. Never could disappoint me. He didn't fuck up. He wanted another child and he almost got that maybe a year after we had our big wedding. Then I lost the baby and I couldn't do it again, couldn't handle another loss like that. He was hurting, I was hurting. We had just started to rekindle what he had lost while trying to fix what Thanos did and he-he got what he wanted. It just kills me that he won't be here for Benjamin or this one. I'd give anything to go back, to go back and to stop him from doing what he did." I sob, tears running down my cheeks as I turn my head to look at Bucky. He nods and wraps his metal arm around my shoulders.

-

Early the next morning, I sneak out of the house. No note, no anything. I just leave. I needed to do something and I hated that I was turning to this, but I needed it. I just had to do it. So I took my car and drove to where Bruce Banner was living. It was still very very early and I really only realized that when I saw how disheveled Bruce looks when he opens the door. I want to tease him over his Hulk themed pajamas, but something else was on my mind.

"Peyton, it's four in the morning. What's going on?" The Hulk asks, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. There's still tears in my eyes as I look at my friend. I'm utterly defeated and I know he can see that.

"I need to see him. Please, I need to go back." I tell him in a weak voice. His brows furrow as he studies me. I was soaked to the bone from the rain, but I didn't care. His eyes glance down to the black duffle bag I was holding in my right hand. Bruce beckons me inside and I step inside.

"What's going on?" Bruce asks and I shut my eyes for a moment, trying to control my emotions. Bruce doesn't know that Steve's dead. None of them do. Only Pepper, Happy, Rhodey, Sam, Bucky, Morgan, Ben, and I knew. I was supposed to release something today. Eventually, I will.

"Please, Bruce." I beg and he sighs. When I open my eyes once more, he was looking at me worriedly. I don't think Bruce has really ever seen me this weak and I hate he has to, but I need to go back. Bruce was left with the machine.

Maybe an hour or two later, I was all suited up as Bruce finished setting up the quantum time machine in some random warehouse. I need to see him, I really do. I just need to see him.

"Alright, just don't do what he did. When it's time to come back, you come back." Bruce tells me as he fiddles with switches. I nod as climb onto the platform. The mask slides over my face. I close my eyes as Bruce sends me back to the seventies.

I land on shaky feet, my mask disappearing. The suit transforms into a white lace dress, a pair of chunky heels covering my feet. I'm standing in front of a little house, right on the side walk. It's so normal, so American. This is what he left me for, what he left his life for. It's what he always wanted and it's perfect for him. I just wish I would've been enough. Don't say that, you know he loved you.

A man, an all too familiar looking man steps out of the house. He's wearing a colorful button up shirt and a pair of jeans. It's all very 70s and God, I want to make fun of him. He looks ridiculous, but I don't have time for that. Steve spots me immediately, his eyes widening. He quickly walks over, immediately picking me up and hugging me. Steve swings me around, happy to see me. I went back a year after he had came back so he hadn't seen me in a year. I throw my arms around his neck, sobbing as he holds me close. He buries his face in my neck.

"I missed you so much." I cry out as he puts me down. Steve holds my face in his hands, his thumbs wiping away my tears. There's tears in those beautiful ocean blue eyes of his and I study his face, not wanting to forget it. Although, I don't think I could ever forget Steven Grant Rogers.  He was so etched into my mind that his memory will never leave me. I hope it never does.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry for leaving you-" He spills and I nod. I kiss the palm of his hand, just like I did to my Steve before he died.

"It's okay, it's okay. I-I just needed to tell you something that won't change how things ended with us, but it can change things on your end." I tell him quickly, looking at my husband. Steve looks confused.

"What? What are you talking about?" He asks, still holding my face in his hands. I swallow hard, tears rolling down my face. He's worried, he's scared. I can still read him like a book.

"Steve, I'm pregnant and I didn't get to tell you, get to tell my Steve. It was that night, on the couch. I'm pregnant." I tell him, holding onto one of his hands against his face. I can feel the coldness of his wedding band against my warm cheek. Steve's shocked, his eyes widening a little more. He looks down, to my stomach. A tear rolls down his cheek. One of his hand moves from my face, hand shaking ever so slightly before he gently presses it to my stomach.

"Oh my God." Steve gasps ever so slightly, looking from my stomach to my face, "God, I am so sorry. I-I-I'm so sorry."

"Peyton, come in. You have thirty seconds left." Bruce says over the comms and I know Steve can hear it. I smile at him, hugging him tightly. My cheeks are wet with my tears. This is it, this will be the last time. I won't see him again until I die. In that moment, I realize that Steve would always be the one for me. He will forever own my heart. In the past, I might've loved Clint and Matt, but I realize I was so stupidly wrong. I was hopelessly in love with Steve Rogers. He was my true love, my soul mate if you believe in that shit. I wish I would've realized that sooner, I wish I would've savored every single moment with my husband. My teammate, my best friend (other than Natasha). I know there won't be anyone else that I'll love in the way that I love him. I was raised on stories of Captain America and my children will hear those stories and so much more. More tears roll down my cheeks as I try to hold onto him as tightly as possible.

"I love you, Steven Grant Rogers. I'll always love you no matter what you do to me. All three of us, we will always love you. " I tell him as I pull away, trying to remember his face. He suddenly kisses me, holding me close to him. I kiss him back and God, its amazing. It's everything I remember. I try to latch onto the feeling. I want to stay here in this moment forever. I wish I could. I cup his cheek gently and he leans into my hand, his own reaching up to hold my hand against his face.

"I love you too, Pey-." I can hear Steve say before I'm transported back onto the platform in front of Bruce. I fall to my knees, sobbing hard. Thunder booms in the distance as I slam my hand down on the platform, denting it ever so slightly. My left hand resting against my stomach, already missing Steve's touch.

"Peyton, what's wrong?" Bruce asks, carefully rushing over. I wipe at my tears and I look up at the jolly green giant, feeling numb.

"Steve's dead."

-

All it took was one simple post to Peyton Annemarie Stark-Rogers's Instagram. A simple black and white picture of Captain Steven Grant Rogers that Peyton had taken of him in their wedding day. He was holding Benjamin as they danced, a smile on Captain America's face. His blue eyes were purely were on his son.  The caption was what shattered what most people thought was a nice image of the family. It read:

It breaks my heart to have to write this, but my husband, Steven Grant Rogers, passed away last night. Please give my family and I space during this tough time. -Peyton

Laura Barton was getting her children ready for the day when she saw it on the news. Her heart ached for Peyton Stark-Rogers as picture after picture of her and Steve appeared on screen. She brought it to Clint's attention and he was hit instantly with a wave of grief. Another teammate, another hero, another Avenger gone forever. Laura wrapped her arms around her husband's waist, telling him that they needed to send flowers or something.

Peter Parker saw the news alert pop up on the cracked screen of his phone while he was on his way to Midtown High. He was shocked and immediately texted Happy to make sure that this wasn't fake. Happy told him that it was completely real. Peter had to blink away tears at the thought of another one of his childhood heroes being gone. Midtown High that day was full of misty eyed students and teachers.

T'Challa and Shuri were told by Okoye that Steve Rogers had died. Both royals were shocked because it didn't seem real. All three of them thought of the wife and child Steve left behind, how they were already going through so much lost. It made a lump form in each of their throats.

Thor and the Guardians found out the same time when Rhodey called them over the hologram call link. Thor was shocked to hear about the lost of his friend Steve. Rocket and Nebula, who had gotten to know Steve, were also very hurt by his lost. All three of them forced the others to turn around and set course for Earth.

Wanda saw Peyton's post seconds after she had posted it. Steve was like a mixture of a father figure and a brother figure to the young enhanced individual. He have her and Pietro a second chance after the whole Ultron scandal,  something that not all of the Avengers were for. Steve was always there for her, whenever she needed it. Both Peyton and Steve were always there for her, ready to protect her whenever things got rough, like parents she never really had. And now, she's lost another father.

Hank Pym and Hope Pym were shocked when they heard of the death of Steve Rogers. Hope had grew up around Peyton Stark. Hell, the two children had sat next to each other at the funerals of Maria and Howard Stark. They were already pretty shocked to know that party girl Peyton was married and had a kid. Scott was incredibly hurt to find out that his hero was dead. He didn't believe the news at all, he thought it was some sort of cruel joke. But then Hope showed him Peyton's post and he realized that it was completely and utterly real.

Bucky and Sam watched as people made a makeshift memorial in front of the house. They laid flowers and Captain America toys on the steps on the house and against the fence. There was cards thanking Steve Rogers for everything he had done in his life. Cards addressed to Peyton and Benny, saying condolences and sending best wishes. The people of Brooklyn came out and laid gifts and pictures for the hero that came from their borough. Peyton eventually joined Sam and Bucky, missing her husband. Eventually, Benjamin came over to where they were sitting. Peyton pulled him into her lap and started to softly sing to him the song Steve Rogers loved to hear her sing.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away."