57-You'll Be In My Heart

"Are you sure that this is going to work?" Banner asks as I hook the pagers up to a larger power source. Natasha and Rhodey were also in the room. I had no idea where Steve was. I haven't seen my husband for days and it was starting to worry me. I already had way too much on my plate and this certainly wasn't helping in the slightest.

"Well we will find out, won't we?" I ask as the energy source around the pager glows. I set it in its little holder, walking out of the room and shutting the little window, "I bypassed the whole battery system. There must've been a reason Fury had this on him and that he had sent a message before he turned to dust."

"You sure you don't know who he was trying to contact?" Bruce asks, his arms crossed over his white T-shirt. I shake my head. Why these people think I knew everything about Fury, I have no clue. It's probably because he made you acting director of the Avengers, idiot. Okay first of all, rude. Second of all, it's probably because I asked them if they knew what happened to Fury's cute little cat Goose.

"I wish I did. I'm glad you found it, Natasha. Any leads on Barton?" I ask, turning my attention fully on the people in front of me. Natasha shifts on her feet.

"He's covering his tracks pretty well, no word on his family." She responds as I move around the room, pulling my hair into a ponytail. My hair was getting longer, Bruce said it was because of the prenatal vitamins my doctor had me taking. Of course I wasn't going to tell Natasha about Clint visiting. It'll keep her busy.

"Parker never came back, I found that about that one myself when his aunt emailed me so we probably should get into contact with her. The Pyms are gone, I found that one out via security footage. No clue where Lang is." I fire back, my voice sounding very authoritative, my eyes landing back on Natasha since I did her other job for her. Her lips press into a thin line. I could practically hear the anger simmering inside of her. Bruce and Rhodey looked vaguely worried about the two of us fighting.

"I'm not going to take any offense to your tone." Natasha retorts, walking over to me as I look at the mounting missing people number. I snort.

"Does anyone know where my husband is? I wanted to see if he wanted to come to my doctor's appointment with me." I question the three people in the room. My eyes focus on each of them, trying to guilt them into telling me as I rest my hand on my stomach, "Or should I add him to the missing list?"

"Do you need someone to go with you, Peyton?" Rhodey asks, leaning against the wall. He ignored my comment like the rest of them did. I exhale loudly through my nose, showing my obvious annoyance. I sit down at one of the lab tables, putting on my glasses. I pull my new suit close, feeling the white material. New issues call for new suits.

"I'm a big girl, I can go by myself. Just thought my husband should be there to see his son." I respond almost simply, like I wasn't pissed off by the fact Steve isn't here. In reality, I was very pissed off. That man has no right to be butt hurt over the fact that I didn't tell him I missed my brother for three years. I looked up at Natasha and Rhodey. I'm sure the unhappiness is written all over my face by the way they are looking at me.

"You two can go, unless either of you are suddenly great at making suits." I tell them. They both leave and as they do, I hear the pager restart it's beeping. I smile ever so slightly. It's the only thing bringing me joy at this moment. Well, the pager and my son inside of me.

"FRIDAY, bring up the designs for Project ENDGAME, will you?" I ask the AI, starting to stitch again as the new white designs appear before me.

"Anything else, Mrs Stark-Rogers?" She asks me in return. I grin, stopping for a moment.

"Play some "Bitch Don't Kill My Vibe" for me, yeah?" I respond. I'm almost reenergized as the music starts, my thoughts of Steve fading slightly.

"I am a sinner, who's probably gonna sin againLord forgive me, Lord forgive meThings I don't understandSometimes I need to be aloneBitch don't kill my vibe, bitch don't kill my vibe"

-

The blood was too familiar. I woke up as the scent of copper filled the air. My white sheets were drenched in it.

They'll be forever drenched in it.

A pained whimper slips out of my mouth, my hands touching my stomach. Tears roll down my cheeks as I realize, like I always do, what's happening. I look around the room, wanting someone to help me. No one was going to come, Tony wasn't going to burst through the door this time.

I scream, I always start to scream. Touching my stomach, not touching the blood-

I sit up with a gasp, immediately looking down, touching myself. I feel for blood since I can't smell anything. My heart is pounding, but it slows down when I see there isn't any blood. I hold my stomach, leaning against my headboard. My other hand wiped at my face as I took a deep breath. Steve's scent filled my nose and relaxed me somewhat. Oh God I missed him. Thought you were pissed at him? Oh fuck off.

"FRIDAY, what time is it?" My hoarse voice asks. The lights in the room grow lighter ever so slightly.

"It's three in the morning, Mrs Stark-Rogers." The AI responds simply. I sigh and then groan as the baby decides that he wants to be awake now. The child must've inherited my asshole-ness or he's really made at me because his father and I are somewhat fighting. Thanks for taking Steve's side, even though I am the one carrying you.

"Come on, kid. We have to go to bed." I try to reason, but the asshole has made his mind up. I groan even louder, my hands pushing up Steve's shirt that I was wearing. Since I wasn't going to get any sleep, might as well talk to the small human inside of me right?

"Y'know, you would've had two half siblings. One of them was a boy, just like you. I didn't really get a chance to know him. Your other sibling, I don't know if it was a boy or girl. I like to think it was a girl sometimes. It wouldn't have worked out though, if she was a girl. God, I hope you are more like your dad than me. I don't you to have my powers." I explain to the baby, my hands holding my stomach, "I love them a lot and I didn't even know them for as long as I've known you. Sometimes, I wish I can have all three of you with me."

"The first baby, her daddy didn't want her. He didn't even love her, not like I did. The second baby, his daddy was too involved in other things. I don't think he would've been a bad dad, but I don't think he was ready. He was too focused on himself. Not your dad though. Your dad...God may he be an idiot sometimes, but he's going to be a great dad. You're going to love him." I laugh, a tear rolling down my cheek, "I don't think he would've minded your siblings. He would've loved them just as much as he loves you. Your daddy can't wait for you to get here."

"I wish that your siblings could be here too. I don't want you to be alone, but I don't think daddy and I are going to have anymore kids after you. It's too dangerous. It's almost too dangerous for you, baby, but I'm gonna protect you okay? I'm not losing you. You're going to have to wait to meet your siblings." More tears slip out, "I was so scared when I found out about you. I thought I was going to lose you. I can't lose you. Your daddy knows that I didn't want you at first. I'm so sorry that I didn't want you, but I was just so scared. Your father didn't know if he wanted kids, but he did. I just think that he didn't want to have me know that, because then I'd be sad."

"You-You have to meet your Uncle Tony. He's the only family I got, other than your daddy. You'll love him. He-He helped take care of me. He's an asshole sometime, but so am I. Tony's so smart, such a good man...You can't meet your Great Auntie Peggy, but you'd love her. God, I wish she could meet you. I wish my parents could meet you-I didn't even get a chance to be them for longer than a year. I'm gonna be around you for a lot longer, I'll make sure of it. I want to make sure you have your parents. I-I just need you, Tony, Pepper, and your daddy. I can't lose any of you. I-I think I'd rather you just be with your daddy if something goes wrong. Your daddy and your Uncle Tony, they can take care of you, baby. I don't think I could do this without your daddy. I need him."

Tears flow as I think about Steve dying. I shake my head, trying to get the thoughts out. I wipe at my cheeks like they would wipe the thoughts from my mind.

"In a happy world, I could have all of you with me, huh? I could have mom and dad, Peggy, Tony, Pepper, your daddy, you, and your siblings. I wouldn't ever complain again. I'd be so happy. But-But we have to wait to meet your siblings. You better wait along time, okay? I think they and your grandparents and Auntie Peggy will be okay if you wait a while to meet them. They want you to wait. Your other grandma, Sarah, she's been waiting a long time, but I think she will be okay with waiting a little longer. Your daddy says that she wanted grandchildren, apparently she loved children. I'm going to have to learn how to love you too, but I think you'll understand, okay?" I can't stop talking, the words flood out of my mouth. The tears don't stop as I realize as how much I truly miss my two lost babies, my parents, and Peggy. I miss Tony, miss my Stevie. I cover my mouth and sob, my other hand still holding my stomach. My emotions are too much, too much. Just like when I was in the Raft, the objects around me start to float.

I didn't even notice someone coming in and wrapping their arms around me. I know who it is by both their smell and just how their body feels against mine. I can't breathe-can't breathe. Breathe, you idiot! My cheeks are wet with tears.

"Breathe, doll. Breathe." Steve murmurs softly, kissing my forehead. I lean into him, letting my husband hold me. I calm down slightly, doing that weird breathing thing that people do when they cry. His front is to my back until he carefully moved me around to hold me to his chest. Steve wipes away my tears, making me look at him. Out of the corner of eyes, I can see the floating objects falling back into their respective spots.

"You okay, sweetheart?" He asks, the soft lighting in the room showing me how concerned his blue eyes are. I don't really answer, instead I just wrap my arms around his neck. Steve rubs my back, softly talking, "You can talk to me. What happened?"

"I don't want to lose this baby. I don't want to lose you. I don't want to lose Tony either." I tell Steve, his thumbs wiping away more tears as they flow down. He's looking at me like he's super worried, which probably makes sense. My feelings are so confused over how I should feel about him, especially with my ramblings.

"You won't, okay? I'm here and we're going to get Tony back. I'm not going to let anything happen to you or this baby." He says, kissing my forehead. I sniffle and nod, finally really looking at my husband. There's dark circles under his eyes. Steve looks exhausted. My husband looks older, but he looks handsome nonetheless. Having him this close, I truly realize his much I've missed Steve.

My hands move to my stomach. It's so weird that Steve and I are able to meld back together so quickly. I don't want to lose him again, so I just grab his hand. Mom and Peggy both would want me to the bigger person, so that's what I do by grabbing his hand. Steve's ring is on his finger and my heart swells slightly to see it. I've told him that he probably shouldn't sleep with his ring on, but it's an old habit and he doesn't want to lose that wedding band. Sam used to tease him about how funny his ring tan was. My heart is confused, I'm confused, so I just my heart do the talking.

"Stay with me, tonight. It's hard sleeping alone." I tell him, looking at my husband. Steve caves in just as easily as I did. He nods, almost eagerly. Steve moves around me, taking his usual side of the bed. I lay down, letting him pull me close. It felt so nice to have him this close to me. It made me feel so relaxed. The bed is softer with him here.

"I've missed you so much." Steve told me as we looked at each other. I smile at him, nodding.  It feels so normal, looking at him like this, laying in bed like this. I can't wait until all of this mess is over.

"I've missed you too. So much." I tell him and he smiles back at me, "You missed it. He started moving."

"He did? I'm sorry doll." Steve responds, regret washing over his face. I shake my head. You idiot don't make him feel worse.

"Hey it's okay, okay? We are both dumb sometimes." I try to keep his sadness at bay. My legs slide in between his. Steve's hand slides up my body, moving to my stomach. For once, the little jerk inside of me stops moving.

"I'm still sorry, to both of you. I love you so much, darling." His words are serious and heartfelt. I'll never get tired of hearing Steve say those words. It makes me warm all over, just by hearing those three little words. I don't know why he loves me. I've give him so many different reasons to not love me, but it never stops him. I loved him. I loved him so damn much. I leaned forward and kissed him softly, pouring the love that I haven't been able to give him the past few weeks into said kiss. Steve cups my cheek and kisses me back. My heart beats fast, like the love he's giving me is restarting it. This mushy bullshit is disgusting.

"I love you so much. We both do. Never leave us again." I tell him softly, my thoughts from before returning as I pull my lips away from his. He nods, holding me close. My husband kisses my forehead again.

"I won't, doll. I won't." Steve murmurs to me softly. In that moment, the little baby boy decides that he must kick his tiny feet. I grunt, but I realize that Steve hasn't felt him kick yet. I grab his hand, moving more onto my back as I move his hand on my stomach. I press his hand against my stomach as the baby kicks and kicks. Steve turns his head to me, his eyes wide.

"That's our little baby boy. He can't stop moving." I tell him, moving his hand so he can feel the movements. Steve smiles, his white teeth showing.

"That's-Thats amazing. That's so amazing. You're so amazing." Steve stumbled over his words, not truly knowing what to say. I laugh and smile a big, huge ridiculous smile. Instead of putting my newfound happiness into words, I just kissed my husband. When I pulled away from his lips, he was still smiling. It was weird to be this far along in the pregnancy. Obviously, this is the longest I've been pregnant so this was all new territory. It was even newer territory for Steve. He kept his hand on my stomach as I moved around, trying to get comfortable.

"It's amazing for you, it's not amazing for me. Especially when your son decides to kick my bladder." I complain, which makes him laugh. I finally settle down on my side, somewhat curling up against him. Steve moves his hand away, moving it to rest on my hip as I fiddle with the pregnancy pillow Natasha got me.

"I'm sorry, doll." Steve responds, trying to contain his ever growing smile, "Hey, we kind of need to think of a name for him. I don't think we can refer him as "our son" or "asshole" once he's born." Steve adds and I sigh dramatically. His smile isn't leaving his face.

"One, language and two, I'm all ears for ideas, Rogers." I respond and he rolls his eyes. God, I love this man.

"What about Benjamin?" Steve offers, his blue eyes studying my face for my reaction. I sort of soften at the name, especially it isn't a name that has been ruined some man in my life. By how quickly he responded with Thomas, I'm guessing he had already had this name saved in his mind for a long time.

"I like that, like a lot. And we can call him Ben or Benny or Benji." I respond and he nods, "Benjamin Stark-Rogers. I love it."

"Stark-Rogers?" Steve asks, an eyebrow raising. I give him a look. If this man thinks that somehow the Stark ego didn't get passed to me even though I'm not a Stark by blood, he's dead wrong. I don't want the Stark name to die with me and Tony (unless Tony has some love children out there).

"What's wrong with Stark-Rogers?" I ask, my eyebrow still arched. Steve's face is practically screaming "Oh shit".

"Nothing's wrong with it, I just thought that the baby would have my last name." Steve trails off slightly, trying not to offend me.

"Hm." I respond and Steve, in an attempt to diffuse the situation, rubs my back and flashes a "I'm sorry" smile to me before I start talking again, "How about we talk in the morning and just sleep right now?" I say as push through a yawn.

"I'm okay with that." Steve responds, also yawning. I was very exhausted and with the dark circles under Steve's eyes, so was he. So I just curled up against my husband, letting him hold me close.

"Goodnight, Stevie. Love you." I say softly, shutting my eyes, really feeling tired. Steve kisses my forehead. His beard scratches at my skin, but I don't mind it. Not at all.

"I love you too, doll. Night." He murmurs back and that's the last thing I hear before I fall into a nightmare-less sleep.

-

Steve and I are the only ones in the kitchen the next morning, which makes sense because it's a Sunday and everyone else is asleep. He's making himself breakfast and I'm picking at the oatmeal I'm supposed to be eating. There's an uneasy silence between us, so I just decide to break it.

"Look Rogers, I shouldn't have kept my feelings all bundled up. I should've told told you how much I missed Tony over the past three years." As soon as I say it, the mood between us shifts even further. The entire fact that we might've settled on a baby name is forgotten, as is the fact that we were cuddling in the morning.

"You could've taken a plea deal like Clint and Scott. I would've been okay with that so you could be back with Tony and Pepper. They're your family." Steve responds and I sigh, shaking my head. He sets down the spoon he was using to make his eggs.

"I didn't want to do that. I would've been miserable being away from you. You're my family too, Steve. And if I would've taken the plea deal, we wouldn't have this baby. It was my choice to stay with you so you shouldn't feel guilty over the fact that I did." I set down my spoon as I talk to him, "I chose to be on the run with you."

"You could've been with Tony though. I could've written you letters, we would've been okay." His voice is rough with emotion and again, I shake my head. I pinch my nose, using my powers to lower the flame that he's cooking on. I don't want him to burn anything, alert the others, and cause any more issues.

"We wouldn't have and you know it. We wouldn't have the relationship we have and I definitely wouldn't have gotten pregnant. I'm with you 'til I die, Rogers. You're stuck with me." I give him a slight smile and he sighs. Steve shuts his eyes and my smile disappears.

"The first scariest moment of my life was when I saw Tony carrying you in Sokovia. Your guts were hanging out-we'd thought you were going to die and I was yelling at myself because I didn't tell you how much I loved you before that moment in time." Steve says, his eyes still shut. I swallow a huge lump in my throat as he continues, "The second scariest moment in my life was when Tony had me kick down your bathroom door and we saw your lifeless body in the tub. Once again, I yelled at myself for being an idiot, but I decided I needed to tell you. Do you want to know the third and fourth scariest moments of my life?" He asks, his eyes opening. I nod as his eyes fill with tears and so does mine.

"The third scariest moment was when you told me that you were going to fight even though you were extremely pregnant. I was so damn scared because I couldn't change your mind, not even in the slightest. Instead I just told myself that I rather die than to have you or that baby die fighting." Steve tells me, his voice raw with emotion which forces a sob out of me, "The fourth scariest moment was when Thanos had his hand wrapped around your neck and you were turning blue. I thought that he was going to kill you and the baby, right then and there. And then when he threw you into a tree, I thought that was it. I thought you were gone, both of you. I thought I failed as both your husband and the father of your child."

I cover my mouth with my hand, trying to quiet down my crying. Steve's eyes move to look to me and he walks over to me. He wraps his arms around me, both of us crying as we hold onto each other.

"You didn't fail us, you didn't okay? We shouldn't hold these things in. It's unhealthy. I'm so sorry for worrying you so much." I tell him in between sobs. He nods, kissing my forehead, "Ben and I are okay." I attempt to cheer him up, wiping away his tears. Steve smiles, but it barely reaches his eyes.

"So is it Benjamin then?" My husband asks and I laugh, shrugging. He wipes away my tears, kissing my forehead.

"Rogers, we have all the time in the world. At this moment, I like Benjamin. We can decide on his middle name later." I respond and he nods. I didn't want to say that if my brother was dead that wanted to pay some sort of homage to him. Steve probably was thinking the same, but with his best friend's name instead of my brother's. If neither of them die, I think it's only right to have the middle name be after the man who brought Steve and I together-Howard. Neither of us would be where we are today without him. Of course I'd love to pay homage to Auntie Peggy, but I don't think little baby Benjamin would appreciate it in his older years. 

"Alright." Steve simply responds, kissing my forehead again.

I like to think that from far away, Steve and I would just look like any normal expecting couple. Not two superheroes who couldn't stop the disappearance of so many people. Not the two people who had scars all over their body. From far away, we probably look very normal.

But almost everything looks normal from far away.