Our world is adding something smaller (Xavier)

Stella has officially turned a month old, also meaning it's been a whole month since we came home from the hospital, and since our lives changed for the better. She was 6 pounds, 5 ounces—almost a complete copy of Xavier with his white hair and silver eyes. Xavier was too scared to hold her when the nurses would bring her back from the mandatory tests, hesitating to even touch her sensitive skin while I fed her. I tried to change his mind to hold her in the hospital, but every time he tried, he would burst into tears before she would even be in his arms. I didn't want to pressure him, but I was also too worried he might not hold her at all. 

I spent most of my time resting my body, letting it heal after the birth of Stella, and Xavier has been a great help the whole time. He would keep Stella company while she slept in her crib or bassinet, allowing me to shower and care for myself. When I woke up in the morning, I walked into the living room to see Xavier rocking Stella in her bassinet and focused on reading a parenting book. I made sure I wouldn't be seen, only watching to see what he planned on doing. 

"So that's how I can hold her without feeling anxious..?" He murmured to himself. Xavier closed the book, setting it down on the couch next to him. Slowly and surely, he cupped Stella's head and her bottom to carefully hold her, keeping a good rocking rhythm to keep her asleep. My face flushed with pure happiness, watching my husband finally work up the courage to hold his newborn daughter for the first time. I quickly took out my phone, taking pictures without him knowing I was watching from our bedroom. Xavier didn't stop looking at Stella with his loving eyes, admiring the sight of our baby sleeping soundly and not knowing what a great milestone her father had taken. 

"It's hard to believe you're mine, Stella." Xavier's voice was soft and gentle, making sure he wouldn't wake her. "So much has happened before you arrived, I'm over the moon to have you as my finish line." Xavier leaned in, kissing his daughter's forehead and laying her gently on his chest while he lay on his back. Stella moved in her sleep, possibly dreaming, when Xavier laid her tiny body on his chest, his breath being held so nothing would wake her. After she finished moving, Xavier slowly went back to normal. Quietly, I walked over to the living room, finishing taking a picture of Stella on his chest, and putting my phone in my pocket. Xavier was too focused on looking at his child sleeping peacefully on his torso, not noticing that I walked in. 

"You were reading on how to hold her?" I quietly asked, sitting on the foot cushion in front of the couch. "How come you were afraid to hold her?" 

Xavier looked at me, smiling softly to welcome me in, and instantly went back to admiring his daughter. "I was worried that if I held her, she wouldn't want to be near me." His voice was still quiet, calm, so he wouldn't startle Stella. "I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if she hated me.." 

"Sweetie.." I gently rubbed his cheek with my finger, my heart full of love for him. "She's your daughter, she'll love you forever." Xavier leaned in slightly so his hand would rest against my hand. Xavier wasn't able to continue the conversation, as Stella woke up crying. Xavier carefully sat up, rocking her and patting her bottom to soothe her. "She's probably hungry. I can feed her while you start on breakfast?" I offered. 

"If you don't mind, can I feed her instead?" Xavier was quick to ask. I smiled softly, nodding in agreement, and quickly waddled towards the kitchen, grabbing a prepared milk bottle from the fridge. Xavier followed behind me, slightly bouncing his body to keep Stella soothed, but the more she had to wait, the more she cried. "I know, little star, we're warming it up for you to enjoy." Xavier hummed the nursery rhyme, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, while trying to distract Stella from her rumbling tummy. The bottle finished warming up, completely warm enough for her to enjoy, and Xavier was quick to feed her right as it was done. 

"There you go, baby girl," Xavier chuckled slightly, sitting in the dining room while he fed her. I slightly rolled my eyes, almost a little jealous that our daughter took Xavier's attention, but I also couldn't help to feel more proud and excited to have our family grow.