15. Memories

Marshall's P.O.V.

2010

"Yo, Rih, you in there?" I ask, knocking on the door of Robyn's dressing room, but pushing it open when she don't immediately answer.

I need to run something by her right quick before the show starts, and I had figured she would be in her dressing room, but apparently I was wrong, cause she ain't in there.

Instead this other girl is.

I believe she's the stunt double chick, whatever the fuck her name is.

I've caught glances of her before, but she always scurries off whenever she sees me for some reason. I figure she must be intimidated or some shit. Cause of who I am.

"Shit, my bad, I was looking for Rihanna, you know where she at?" I now ask the girl who just stands there in the middle of the dressing room, staring at me with those huge hazel green eyes of hers, her curly hair all over her face, the small nose ring shining in the middle of her cartilage; I'm guessing she has to have that thing removed whenever she pretends to be Robyn cause Robyn don't wear no nose ring.

"Um, no, and she isn't here right now," the girl then replies to me, her voice coming out meek and scared like a caged animal. She looks frantically about her and like she would rather be anywhere but in lose proximity to me right now.

Well damn.

I intimidate her THAT much?

Shit is both amusing and annoying to me at the same time, yo.

But I should be used to it. Females often overreact to me, and it's always they either throw themselves at me or act like they are scared to so much as breathe when they in the same room as me, there's no middle ground. So, her reaction to me really ain't that out of the ordinary at all.

At the same time, something is weird as fuck to me.

I squint my eyes at the girl, stepping closer to her.

"Yo, do I know you from somewhere?" I then blurt out, without even expecting to say the words, but it suddenly dawns on me that she DO look somewhat familiar, I just can't place from where.

And it don't escape me how she's instantly tensing up at my words, legit her whole body goes rigid.

Yo, what the fuck...

She opens her mouth then, parting her lips just slightly, but she don't say shit, she just continues to stare at me, and now I'm fucking convinced that I have in fact met this chick somewhere before, and I think hard to when it could've possibly been.

It had to have been before my overdose, for sure. My brain was so fried after that shit happened, that I forgot most of the events from those years when I was addicted to pills, let alone most of the people I've met around that time.

Still though, this chick being a nobody (no offense to her, just being honest), I ain't see how she could ever possibly cross my path. So maybe my mind is just playing tricks on me, but she feels... weirdly familiar to me, and I can't shake the weird ass feeling.

Something is gnawing at the back of my mind hard.

"Um..." the girl then finally lets out, her voice coming out quiet, almost in a whisper, but there's something in her eyes I'm just now picking up on. See, I had thought she was acting all meek and shit cause she's intimidated by me, but it ain't that at all. Cause as she's stepping away from me, all I see in her eyes is hostility.

Just then, Rihanna suddenly bursts through the dressing room door.

"Hey girl," she speaks to the stunt double chick, then spots me standing there, hands shoved into the pockets of my pants.

"Oh shit, Marshall," Robyn then rushes towards me and gives me a quick hug. "I was looking for you all over the place, nigga. Where were you hiding at, huh? Come, we need to discuss something before we both go up on stage."

And just like that, she drags me out of the dressing room, my brain quickly switching back into work mode, and the thought of the stunt double chick ain't crossed my mind again.

Not until I'm up on stage near the end of our set, Rihanna and myself finishing the 5th show of the tour doing Love The Way You Lie together. We then gonna return back up on stage and do an encoure with Monstet, truly ending the show with that song, but as of right now, it's Love The Way You Lie.

The crowd going real hype underneath us, singing the words and shit as Robyn begins walking closer to me from across the stage. An emotional look on her face, she's always felt a certain way singing this song with me, her mind no doubt flashing back to her past relationship with that abusive fucker, Chris Brown.

And her experience with that piece of shit, I think that's part of why I had decided to collaborate with her on this in the first place, ain't it?

I needed a female perspective on a song where I purge my own demons and admit to my past wrong doings with Kim. I mean, both me and my ex was equally shitty to each other, but the guilt for how certain things had gone down between me and that woman still weighs heavily on me sometimes.

When Rihanna starts singing the hook on stage though, I for whatever weird ass reason flash back to back when me ans her did a different version of that song during the Grammys.

And fuck, it was almost like I could hear some other female say literally those exact words to me before.

I feel myself almost zone out on stage and quickly snap out of it, mentally punching myself square in the face hard as fuck.

Fuck is wrong with you, dawg...

"Ayooooo, Earth to Em, you alive, my nigga?!" Denaun punches me in the back of my head hard, leaning his heavy body over the barstool, sitting at the bar at tonight's concert's After Party which is being held at some local club at the venue.

And I normally don't attend these events, me being sober and all now, I ain't see no reason to come to one of these, but let's just say, Robyn had managed to convince me to come this time.

But I haven't been able to relax since I've stepped foot into this club.

And nah, it ain't cause I'm suddenly surrounded by temptation of drugs and alcohol once more, cause frankly, having that shit almost kill a motherfucker, as well as being found on the way to meeting his maker by one of his own daughters, and then having to spend the rest of his life with the knowledge that you have traumatized your kid for life, as well as plain not wanting to die.. let's just say, it helps to put shit into perspective, you know what I'm saying?

In other words, staying sober and drug free is actually the easiest thing for me now. It might sound corny as fuck, but having almost died was a wake up call for me. Plus, I could've sworn I've seen doody at what almost had turned out to be after life for me, and Proof had slapped some sense into me in that... whatever the fuck that was, a vision, a hallucination?

Either way, I'm on the right path now, but the reason I've been acting weird as a motherfucker ever since stepping foot in this club is cause I've been anxious all goddamn day, ever since laying eyes on that stupid chick in Robyn's dressing room, that damn Brianna girl, I can't shake the impossible thought in my head that I know her from somewhere.

And worse yet, I've been getting paranoid like hell, thinking she knows exactly the fuck I'm talking about, yo!

And yet, she won't let me off the hook.

Like she's toying with me or some shit, and I ain't like being toyed with.

And she's there at the party too.

Watching her move to the beat on the dance floor, clearly high out of there mind, cause trust, I know the signs of that, that gnawing feeling of familiarity dawns on me once again.

"Earth to Em," Denaun says, and I cut him off, unceremoniously pointing at her.

"Yo, you know that chick, Porter, Rinanna's stunt double or whatever?"

"Who, Bree," Denaun then smirks as he follows where I'm pointing." Don't you remember her, Em?"

"Nah. Should I?" I frown, squinting my eyes at the image of that girl dancing on some dude, not a care in the world, higher than a motherfucker for sure.

"Shit, ain't she that former child actress you went to rehab with back in the day?" Denaun starts to laugh at first, then he suddenly gets serious, eyes darting down as he lowers his voice. "You know, before Proof got shot, before you was actually serious about getting better, dawg."

"Say what?" I frown.

Denaun sighs, suddenly smirking again.

"Nigga, you used to pay off the stuff at that facility to pretend like they ain't see shit and like they ain't notice shit. But you was fucking that girl in there ten ways from Sunday. And the reason we all know this is cause you had used to fuck with her hard. You for real don't remember her, dawg?"

"Nah," I reply back, eyes locking at Bree, staring her down hard as fuck.

"Then what happened?" I then ask Denaun.

"What, with you and her? Tell you the truth, I don't really know, Em. Y'all was fucking with each other for a while after y'all both left the facility y'all was both pretending to get clean at, then, I don't know. You remarried with Kim out of the blue sky, one day. All of us was scratching our heads at that, cause I think even your crazy ass knew back then that you and Kim wasn't gonna work out, dawg."

I drag one of my hands down my face, staring at Porter.

"Yeah, I remember THAT part the marrying Kim again part, then us divorcing like a month or two after. I ain't remember none about messing with some other chick though. What the fuck," I then look back to where I had previously spotted Brianna on the dance floor, but she's gonna now.

Fuck man, where did she go?

And whatever the fuck happened with me and that girl, was I fucking with her heavy for real, like Porter just told me I was, how come I can't remember her at all, and why she ain't say something about the shit? Not to mention, why she looks pissed at me, and like she's scared of me at the same time, the fuck did I do to her ass?

And why would I even care about the shit?

---

Been writing and rewriting this chapter, and the one after it for the past couple of days, and no matter how I write them, I just don't like them, so I'll just post what I have because I'm tired atp lol.

I'll be honest with y'all, there was a time when this writing stuff was easy for me (well somewhat lol). Now idk anymore 😭😭😭