alone

Warning: mature language and scenesfirst personword count: 5,1677:05 am | barry allen has been quite distant from you — and you're afraid of what he's hiding

I stroked Barry's cheek with my thumb, biting my lip as I examined his features. He was so easy on the eyes, and I wanted this moment to last forever. He groaned a little, the early morning sun waking him.

"(y/n)?" He mumbled. I leaned in, kissing him softly. When his eyes opened, you were biting your lip and still stroking his cheek. He smiled. "Mmm, good morning, beautiful."

I laughed a little, scooting closer to him and planting smaller, softer kisses on his bare chest. Barry sucked in his breath.

"Ohh, baby, not now," he whispered. I didn't stop, instead kissing him slower as I made my way up collarbone and to his neck and then his jaw. He breathed shakily. "Ohh, you spoil me."

I met his lips, kissing him again. Barry engulfed me in his arms, wrapping them around my exposed waist. One hand circled to my front, traveling slowly up my stomach.

"Barry," I giggled. He pulled away, holding me closer.

"Mmm, that's the best way to wake up," he breathed. I rolled over, settling myself on top of him and slowly kissing his neck, so soft that he could barely feel it. He sat up, holding me so I sat up with him. Our eyes met, and I never wanted this moment to end. "I could stay here forever."

I smiled, smoothing his hair away from his face. I had never felt more in love.

"How long are we gonna be like this?" I asked, my hands resting at the nape of his neck. He made a thoughtful expression.

"Like what?" He wondered.

"In love. So in love that I can't keep my hands away from you when I'm with you," I said softly, laying my forehead against his. Barry smiled, his hands settling at the base of my spine.

"Always. I am always going to be like this. You're the only girl I see when I walk into a room, the only person I think about when I'm not doing anything else. As long as you're my girl, I will never stop loving you like this."

I hugged him, melting at his words. He knew just what to say to me, always making me feel like a queen. I kissed his hair, the moment being just bliss.

"It's time for me to go to work," I whispered, and Barry groaned. When I pulled away from the hug, he put on a sad face for me. I got up from his lap, stretching my arms as I made my way to the closet.

"Barry, you have thirty minutes to get to work anyway. You need to get up, too," I scolded, slipping a pencil skirt on. I grabbed my favorite white blouse, tucking it into the skirt before zipping it tight to my waist. I grabbed my blazer, buttoning it on the front.

"Mmm, your butt looks so good," Barry laughed from the bed, watching me closely. I turned and threw a heel at him, and he caught it swiftly. I grabbed a pair of designer heels, the only ones I owned, and I felt confident as soon as I put them on. "Mmm, important day?"

I nodded. "As a matter of fact, it is. My projections are going to be shown today to the board, and I really need to go to make sure all the numbers are correct before they go up." I ran a brush through my hair before pinning it into a ballet bun. I decided to wear my glasses today; I always felt more formal that way in the office.

"You look like a sexy librarian," Barry chuckled, getting out of bed and cracking his knuckles. I rolled my eyes, grabbing a purse.

"Shut up, Barry," I replied, smiling a little. A few minutes and a few layers of mascara later, I was ready to go. "Don't forget I made reservations tonight, at eight, I will text you the address."

"I would never," Barry replied, kissing my head. I held his cheeks in my palms before giving him a longer kiss, lingering behind as I became familiar with how he tasted. I walked away, and Barry yelled out after me. "A kiss like that, and you're just gonna walk away?!"

"Eight o'clock, don't be late!" I laughed, before closing the door to our bedroom.

8:37 pm

I tapped my foot on the ground, my heel making a small noise every time it touched. My wine glass was empty. I stared at the empty seat in front of me, sighing to myself. In the middle of the nice restaurant I had tried so hard to get a reservation at, I was the epitome of embarrassing and sad.

I'm being stood up, I realized.

The waiter came back over to me, offering me more wine. I gladly accepted, and he filled it a third of the way. I motioned for him to fill it more.

"Long night?" He asked, glancing at the empty seat in front of me. I smiled sadly.

"It will be," I replied.

"Don't worry, mija. Va a venir, te lo prometo*," he said gently. I shook my head, swirling the wine.

(*He will come, I promise you.)

"We'll see, I guess," I laughed, taking a long sip of alcohol. It burned as it went down my throat, but I didn't mind. He made his way to another table, and I sighed as I grabbed a roll of bread. I slowly broke it apart, eating it in small bites. Looking out at the city this time of night, it was beautiful. I only wished I had someone to spend it with.

When the clock reached 9:26, I decided enough was enough. I didn't want to go; I would have to see him there sooner or later. I picked up my purse and left money on the table for the drinks. I had dressed up so nicely; I bought a new little black dress, one that hugged my curves in such a lovely way and had an open back. I even wore my only pair of designer heels again.

The waiter noticed me get up, and he gave me a sorry expression.

"No, por favor. No tienes que pagar*," he said to me. I shook my head.

(*No please. You don't have to pay.)

"Please, just take it. It's okay, I'll be okay," I insisted. He handed me the money, closing my fist around it. I thanked him softly before turning to leave. A hostess held the door open for me, and just as I was turning the corner to find a spot to wait in for a taxi, Barry bumped into me with a bouquet of red and white roses.

"Oh, Jesus, (y/n), I'm so sorry—" He started. I stopped for a moment, my eyes growing watery. Barry took a step back, admiring my dress and biting his lip.

"Oh, you look so beautiful," he breathed. I bumped past him, hitting his shoulder out of the way. He followed me. "Please, I'm so sorry, please come back inside—"

"Stop. Just stop, I'm going home," I said. I looked both ways before crossing the parking lot and standing on the sidewalk. I looked both ways before looking down the road for any taxis.

"Please, baby, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to, I'm really sorry—" I turned around, and he was met with angry eyes, sparkling with tears.

"I looked so pathetic in there, Barry! Calling a reservation for a table of two, and then everyone looking at me after a half hour, looking at me again after an hour . . . God I've never felt more embarrassed or alone in my life!" I cried. I turned again, seeing a taxi with a green light. I waved it over to me, and he pulled up to the side of the curb. Barry grabbed my arm, but I ripped it away from him.

"(y/n), let me make it up to you, we'll go inside," he pleaded with me.

"No," I said firmly. I got into the back of the taxi, ordering him just to drive. When I turned, Barry was running his hands through his hair, and he was looking at the roses sadly. I wiped my tears away, giving the driver my address before slumping back into my own sadness.

Barry has never done something like that before. He said he wouldn't forget. Maybe I was a bit dramatic, but I'm hurt. What do I do?

11:58 pm

I sat at the kitchen counter, falling asleep in my hands. I was in my pajamas, waiting for Barry to come out. I might've been very upset he stood me up at dinner, but I still wanted him to come home. I still worried about him.

It was almost midnight, and I was starting to get really worried and sleepy. I had work the next day, and I couldn't be up so late, but I wanted to wait until he came through that door, and I saw him safe and sound. My vision was blurry as I shut my eyes, falling asleep again in my hands. I refused to drink coffee; then I would never go to sleep.

I heard the lock click open, and my eyes shot open. I turned around in the stood, and Barry came through the door, still holding the red and white roses in his hands. They were a little weary and bent, but still beautiful. I sighed in relief. Barry shut the door, placing his keys and the flowers on the table beside him. I came right up to him, hugging him.

Barry seemed surprised, but he just hugged me back, holding me close.

"Where have you been?" I demanded, looking up at him. Barry bit his lip.

"Just went to get some drinks," he replied. I pulled away from him. I didn't smell any alcohol.

"I was so worried about you. You didn't even call, I've been waiting up for you," I replied seriously. I was upset that all of the sudden Barry had become insensitive of my time. I turned away from him before he could say anything, making my way into the bedroom and shutting the lights off. I left Barry's bedside lamp on. I climbed into my side, getting underneath the covers and shutting my eyes.

Barry entered the room quietly, undressing. He grabbed the pair of pajama pants off the end of the bed and went without a shirt. He climbed in beside me, but he never reached for me. I swallowed; Barry had always wanted to hold me, even if it was hot as ever. Even just holding my hand was good enough, but he always held me.

Barry didn't hold me that night.

8:05 am | the following morning

I poured myself a larger cup of coffee than usual. I hadn't slept much that night. Barry's sudden, unusual behavior was making me uneasy. I didn't even kiss him good morning. I just changed and left him, staring up at the ceiling.

"Good morning," Barry said softly, emerging in a collared shirt and sweater, one that looked soft and comfortable. I wanted to reach out and grab him, kiss him lovingly and forget what happened.

"Good morning," I replied. I sat down at the counter and sipped my coffee slowly, enjoying the kick I got out of it. I felt much more awake. Barry poured himself coffee into a to-go cup, squeezing the lid on tightly and grabbing his bag off the ground. He passed me, going for the door. My heart dropped; he wasn't even going to kiss me goodbye.

The door opened, but I never heard it close. Instead, I heard Barry come back. He spun me around on my seat, giving me a kiss on the forehead. His lips lingered there, but his expression was painful. I looked down at my feet, and before I knew it he was gone.

10:39 pm | the following weekend

It had been almost two weeks almost since the night Barry stood me up. And everyday, it got worse. The next few days after, we barely saw each other in the mornings and the evenings. I got a kiss on the head before he left, and never anything more.

Now, he didn't say good morning. He didn't come home until I was asleep. I didn't get a kiss, not even on my head anymore, because I was gone before Barry would leave. And now, I realized I hadn't even really talked to him in that amount of time either. I missed his kisses and his warmth. I missed the way he held me at night. Now, I would just cry myself to sleep. He would never know because he was never home to see it.

After a long day at work, I had shuffled into a popular bar. Plenty of people to make me feel comfortable, but not too many to make me feel sick. I was on my fifth drink, and I was already starting to feel dizzy. The bartender poured me another, giving me a sorry look. He wasn't dumb; he could tell when people were pity-drinking.

"Hey, are you okay?" A voice asked. I turned, blinking rapidly to make out their face. It was a young guy, with lovely blue eyes and hair like Barry's. He had a kind face and a nice smile. I was too drunk to make out anything else but his cute features.

"Mmmm, yes," I replied, taking another long sip of vodka. I grimaced as it went down my throat.

"Wow. Are you trying to get hammered?" He chuckled. He motioned to the bartender for a beer. I turned to him, giving him a silly smile.

"Uhm . . . yes," I replied matter-of-factly. He grabbed his beer and raised it to me.

"Alright. I'll drink to that," he said, smiling wider. I knocked my glass against his, drinking the rest of the vodka. I coughed a little, shaking my head. I motioned for another. He raised his eyebrows. "Damn, okay. Wanna do shots? My friends and I are over there. I'm Kyle, by the way."

I turned to look, and it was a group of guys similar to him. All young and lively, playing drinking games and laughing loudly. I smiled. "Well, I'm (y/n), and I would love to do shots," I giggled. Kyle winked at me, and I tried to get down from the stool. I stumbled a little, but Kyle caught me before I fell. I put a hand on his chest. "You are . . . so smooth," I cooed. He smiled before helping me to where his friends sat.

"Guys, this is (y/n). And she really wants to do shots," Kyle announced. His friends all raised their drinks and cheered. I slumped down in between two of them, giggling at them.

"You're all so cute," I said. They all chuckled, helping me sit up. Kyle came back with enough shots for all of us, twice. We all grabbed one, cheering together as we clinked our glasses. I took one, grimacing as it went down my throat. My mind was starting to feel like it was in the clouds, and I just wanted more.

I grabbed another one, and everyone followed my lead. We did another round, and I felt even more out of it by the time it hit me. Before I knew it, I was on my fourth shot, and I could barely see my hands in front of me. The guys were cheering me on.

"Damn, where'd you find this girl?"

"She's so hot, Kyle."

"She's crazy! Let's do more!"

Kyle grinned at me from across the table, and I waved my fingers at him. He got up from his spot, motioning for the guy next to me to scoot over. He draped an arm around my shoulders, taking a sip of his beer. He looked me up and down, whistling to himself. I smiled, poking his nose and giggling. He must've thought of me as the dumb girl he was gonna pick up at the bar, but I didn't even notice. I just sat there looking into his eyes and cooing in his ear, too drunk to realize what I was really doing. It was flirting, and it was wrong, but I must've just forgotten.

After a good fifteen minutes of talking, everyone started to get up to leave. They all poked Kyle and shoved him playfully, shaking their heads and smiling at me. I waved at them, and then it was only Kyle and I. He helped me to my feet, putting money down on the table before helping me to my feet. I slung my purse over my shoulder, leaning my head into Kyle's shoulder as he led me outside.

"Mmm, are we going home?" I asked, stumbling. Kyle winked at me.

"Yeah, baby, we're going home," he said softly. I noticed he was taking me to his car. He unlocked it and tried to help me inside.

"No, I don't want to . . . " I said. I may have been drunk, but I didn't really want to get into someone's car like that.

"(y/n), let's go. C'mon, baby, I'll take you home," he taunted. He licked his lips, pulling me close to him. I shook my head but didn't have the strength to pull away.

"Nooo . . ." I cooed, holding onto him. Kyle rolled his eyes.

"Really? C'mon. It's just me. We can have some fun. Don't you wanna have fun, baby?" He asked. I was stupidly and drunk innocent, and I just shrugged like a little girl.

"I . . . I just want to go home, Kyle. Can you just take me home?" I mumbled, leaning against the car for support. Kyle backed me up against it even more, his hands on either side of my head.

"Aww . . . c'mon, baby. Come home with me. I'll make it worth your while, I promise."

I shook my head, smiling a little. "No, no . . ." I sighed. "Just take me home."

Kyle grabbed my arm a little roughly, and I pouted. "Kyle, that hurts . . ."

Kyle held me a little tighter, opening the passenger door a little wider. "C'mon. C'mon, baby—"

"You heard the lady. She said no," a voice said. I looked over Kyle's shoulder and grinned.

"Oooohhh! Flash! Wow . . ." I hiccuped. "I can't believe you're here. Hi, Flash . . ."

I giggled. Kyle let go of me, swallowing. Flash stepped closer to us, and Kyle backed away from me. He walked backwards to his car door. He disappeared behind the door, stepping on the accelerator and pulling away. I frowned. "He was drinking . . . I hope he's okay," I said softly, before my knees gave out and I was falling.

Hands caught me from behind, and I giggled again as I looked up.

"Hi, Flash. Are youuu gonna take me home?" I asked. Flash nodded at me, picking me up form underneath my knees.

"Yes, I'm going to take you home," he said softly.

"You're so cute . . . how did you know I needed to go home? Have you been watching me?" I hiccuped. I smiled and grabbed his cheeks, pulling at them as he walked slowly. Flash bit his lip, refusing to answer my question.

"Why would you be going home with him?" He muttered, angry. I pouted.

"I thought . . . he was taking me home."

Flash held me tighter against him. "No, pretty girl. He wasn't."

I frowned. "Then . . . then where were we going?"

Flash looked down at me, and he let out a shaky breath.

"You could've been hurt . . ." He whispered, his eyes squeezing shut for a minute. He shifted me in his arms, still holding me tight. I held onto him, feeling sad because he was sad.

"Don't you have someone to go home to?" He asked nervously. I shook my head.

"Nuh-uh . . ." I hiccuped again, touching his nose. "Nuh-uh . . . 'cause Barry comes home late . . . and Barry doesn't pay attention to me . . . and Barry doesn't kiss me . . . and Barry doesn't hold me . . . and Barry doesn't love me . . ."

I began to cry, cupping Flash's cheeks in my hands. He sighed sadly, his expression seeming painful. "But you pay attention to me. And you saved me," I whispered. I leaned up and kissed his cheek a few times. "Mmm . . . thank you."

Before I knew it, I was fast asleep against his chest, snuggling into him as it was the first I'd been held in awhile.

9:45 am | the following morning

I swallowed before opening my eyes. The only thing I could remember from last night was drinking with Kyle and his friends, and I was afraid to open my eyes. I was afraid of where I would be. When I opened them, I was tucked underneath the covers, in my bed, in my pajamas. Barry's side of the bed was empty, but I was home.

I let out a sigh of relief, but when I sat up my head started pounding. I grabbed my stomach, feeling sick. I stumbled out of bed and hurried to the bathroom, my head bent over the seat as I emptied whatever I had last night into the toilet. I cleaned myself up quick, brushing my teeth hard and using mouthwash. My makeup was even off from last night; I knew because I had no mascara running down my cheeks. My hair was tied back, too, and it made it easier to brush.

Who took care of me like this?

I almost felt sick again when I started to remember: Kyle, trying to get me to go home with him, more like forcing me, and then Flash, picking me up and carrying me. And then I remember kissing his cheek, and I swallowed.

Oh, Barry . . . Barry, I'm sorry . . .

I knew kissing someone's cheek wasn't a big deal, but I knew it wasn't right. But almost getting picked up at a bar? Definitely wasn't right.

I came out of the bathroom and rubbed my eyes, going to the kitchen to look for aspirin. When I emerged from the bedroom, Barry was sitting there, drinking coffee. He looked up at me, and I bit my lip.

"Good morning," he said softly. It was so good to see his face. It was so good to hear his voice. I wanted to kiss him, I wanted to hug him. Every fiber in my body was begging me to touch him, to feel his hair and his skin against mine. But I just stood there.

"Morning," I replied. I winced at the pounding in my head. It was like someone was playing the drums against me. I held onto the counter, fishing through the cabinets before I grabbed a bottle of aspirin.

"Long night?" Barry asked. I squeezed my eyes shut in shame. I turned around, letting out a slow breath. I decided just to be honest.

"Yeah, kind of," I laughed nervously, tucking my loose hair behind my ear. Even looking at Barry was difficult.

Does he even love me anymore?

"Barry," I said softly. He looked up at me.

Oh, are those tears?

"Barry . . . Barry, we need to talk," I uttered. Barry put down his coffee. He folded his hands in front of him, biting his lip.

"Okay," he mumbled. He gripped the coffee again.

"I . . . It's been weird the past few weeks. I mean . . . Barry, you can't even touch me anymore. You don't come home. I worry about you all the time," I started. "You never come home, Barry. Where do you go?"

I held my tears back, refusing to crack. "You don't come home, Barry . . . I always miss you."

I wiped my eyes, but I knew I was close to cracking. Barry looked down.

"Where do you go, Barry? I don't sleep when you're not here . . . I . . . I cry myself to sleep. And then I wake up so miserable . . ." I sniffled, a single tear making its way down my cheek. "Are you cheating on me or something?"

I wiped my eyes again. My head was pounding, and I felt so sick, but I needed to hear his answer. Barry had his head in his hands, and I thought the worst.

"Oh, God . . . Oh, God . . ." I let out a sob, slowly walking back towards the bedroom. "Barry . . . Barry is cheating on me . . ."

I wiped my tears, sitting down on the bed. Barry came through the door, coming towards me and kneeling in front of me.

"No, no, (y/n), don't cry," Barry pleaded. "Don't cry. My love, I'm not cheating on you."

I hiccuped, looking up at him. "You're not cheating on me?" I echoed. Barry shook his head, putting his hands on my knees.

"No, I'm not cheating on you . . . I'm not, you're my girl, I would never cheat on you," he assured me. I wiped my tears, my eyes stinging.

"My girl." I love that.

"Then . . . why have you been so distant? How come you're never here? How come you never come home? I miss you. Everyday I miss you. I can't sleep," I whispered. Barry sat beside me on the bed, pulling me close to him. I breathed out shakily; it felt so good to be held by him. He kissed my forehead.

"Oh, God, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've been distant," he said softly. I let him hold me. "(y/n) . . . I'm . . . I'm the . . ."

"You're what? What is it?"

"It would be better if I just showed you . . ."

I blinked, and suddenly Barry was gone. When I turned around, Flash was there, his suit on and mask covering half his face. I blinked rapidly, my breath hitched.

"Wh-What? Barry . . . Barry, oh my, God!" I cried, my hands over my mouth. Before I could even speak again, he was beside me. I put my palms on his cheeks, rubbing my thumbs over his skin. "Oh, is this real?"

Barry smiled at me, nodding his head. He slipped the mask off, and his chocolate hair and gorgeous smile were all I could even really see.

"Oh, Barry, why didn't you tell me?" I asked. Barry kissed me before he answered. I moaned in satisfaction, throwing my arms around his neck and pushing him down on the bed. Barry chuckled, his hands on my waist. He leaned into the kiss slowly, and I felt every part of my body ignite again. Barry breathed, pulling away and looking up at me. I rested my head on his chest, hearing his heart beat fast. I fingered the material of the suit, breathing out.

"I didn't tell you because I thought maybe it was better if you didn't know. I work with . . . the Arrow sometimes. The guy in Star City. And . . . the night that I missed our date, one of his friends . . . passed away. I had to go. I had to go see him, I'm really sorry. I was supposed to call you but it all happened so fast. And I knew her. I liked her, she was kind. And the next few days, I just. I don't know, I didn't feel like myself," Barry explained gently. He pulled me tighter against him, and I lifted my head from his chest.

I kissed Barry again, making a fist around the collar of his suit. It felt so good to kiss him, to touch him again. I pulled him up to sit, and he held me closer as I settled in his lap. Barry held the side of my face, his breath lingering on my bottom lip as he pulled away.

"Mmm, that's good," he breathed, smiling against my skin. I pulled the mask over his head, examining his features.

"My hero," I said softly, biting my lip. I tilted my head as I studied him. Barry frowned in thought.

"What are you doing?" He wondered.

"I just wanna remember what you look like in the mask," I replied, tracing his lips with my thumb. Barry lifted my hand and kissed my knuckles. "What a gentleman."

Barry looked down. "I'm sorry I haven't been much of a gentleman lately . . . especially after missing out on our special date. I know you had been planning that for awhile," he said shamefully. "Oh, and how damn good you looked in that dress," Barry bit his lip and closed his eyes as he remembered me in that little black dress, "God, you were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen."

Barry opened his eyes, pulling me as close as he could, his hands on my thighs. "Knowing how . . . intelligent you are, how determined you are," Barry began. He sucked in his breath as he looked me up and down. "It made you that much sexier in it."

My cheeks were red. I loved the words coming from his mouth.

Barry closed his eyes again. "Mmm . . . just thinking about you in that dress has me going crazy."

I kissed him slowly, sitting up on my knees. Barry's hands were so low on my back, and I shivered at how much the intimacy was growing between us. I had never felt like this with Barry before. I had never felt so alive.

"Oh, (y/n), I will never let you out of my sight again," he said softly as he pulled away. I bit the inside of my cheek.

"You never really did let me out of your sight, did you?" I asked. Barry tilted his head.

"What do you mean?"

"You were watching me when I went out for drinks last night, weren't you?" I wondered. Barry's hands went underneath my shirt, rubbing circles along my bare back.

"Yeah, I was. Every night, I watched you walk home. I made sure you got home safe, everyday. You were never alone," he admitted. He licked his lips. "And when I saw you out last night, with all those guys, god dammit, you made me so jealous and angry. I wanted to give him a piece of my mind so badly, but I had to get you home."

I smiled to myself, fingering Barry's hair. Knowing he was there every night, watching you walk home, made you feel safer already. Barry took my cheeks into his palms, kissing me softly and meeting my gaze.

"(y/n), I will never make you feel like that again, you hear me?" He told you gently. I nodded, relaxing into his hands. Barry kissed me again. "I mean it. I will never make you feel like that, ever again. You're my number one, okay?"

I smiled, kissing the palms of his hands. "Okay, Barry."

"You'll never be alone again. I promise."

"Dammit, Barry, I get it, just kiss me."

Not sure about this one. I really like doing villain/hero, so maybe I'll do more of those. They're fun to write.

Love, B