20

Chapter twenty: Difficult conversations

After dressing myself into some appropriate attire I walked down the stairs gingerly; I was nervous about what Julie wanted to say to me which created a whole bunch of emotions to bubble up inside of me. Of course Evan wouldn't be getting this 'talk' and it would just be me. Always the girls who need the lecture about sex.

"Ah, nice for you to join us" Julie said coyly as she dried her hands with a tea towel. "Dinner will be getting cold so I would hurry up and get eating!"

Swallowing thickly I gave a small smile "it looks.. delicious. Thank you"

Dylan was sat down nicely for once as he finished off his whole plate; never seen the boy enjoy food as much as he has before living here. I'll give Julie that- she was an amazing cook.

I sat down next to Evan who was eagerly digging into his salmon, a tedious smirk flashing upon his lips now and again which only made me fuel with nerves. Asshole.

"Can I leave the table? I'm all done" Dylan said whilst wiping his mouth "I have decided I don't just like chips and nuggets"

Giggling to myself I shot him a smile "you're a funny kid Dylan"

Julie smiled too "I'm glad you enjoyed it- I'll come help you run a bath shortly"

Dylan nodded enthusiastically and got off his chair, strolling away happily which left myself, Evan and Julie in a heavy, awkward silence.

"So, Maeve I wanted to have a talk" she said shortly. Darting a look between us both before settling to her plate of food.

"I'm not silly, I know you both are dating"

Blinking my eyes I felt nausea overwhelm me- please don't say it.

"I also know that it's unlike a girl to be in a boys room with no... clothes on" Julie stated awkwardly as she scratched the back of her neck. "I'm not moaning at you nor am I telling you both off but you can imagine my shock"

Evan frowned "mom please don't. I'm eighteen and Maeve is eighteen in two weeks. Can we leave it?"

Julie put her finger in the air to shush Evan which in any normal circumstance I would of found rather comical. "So we need to discuss some rules in this house. Is that understood ?"

I nodded and so did Evan, our complexion paling in colour. We were both visibly uncomfortable in which I had lost my entire appetite.

"First of all. Doors open. All the time" Julie warned. "Secondly Maeve you're going on birth control. I am not becoming a nanny anytime soon"

Evan burst out laughing in which he had to clasp a hand round his mouth; this made Julie glare at him and I felt even more ill stricken than before. Twat

"Why do you think this is funny?"

Evan shrugged "I mean- you're acting like we are having sex mom"

"Am I wrong?" She quizzed with the same stoic expression she has worn this entire conversation. This was worse than a lecture.

"I mean yeah, you're wrong" Evan stated smugly "you would of been right if you didn't so rudely interrupt-

Widening my eyes I slammed my hand down on the table which made them both stare at me like I had just killed someone. "That is enough will you?" I begged Evan who didn't seem to consider my feelings.

Julie smiled shortly "like I said. I'm not here to scold, I am simply trying to protect you both. I know how this goes. I don't want you having a baby when you're both not ready for that responsibility. Besides, Evan is going to be starting his acting career soon-

Evan shook his head immediately with a nervous look towards his mother "mom we talked about this"

I lowered in my seat "you're.. leaving aren't you?" I breathed with sadness "you didn't think of telling me ?"

"I'm sorry- I was meaning to!" Evan reassured thickly "truly. I just didn't know the right time"

I smiled weakly "it's fine. I'm happy for you" though my words were blunt and forced. I didn't want Evan to leave me- it felt like this whole relationship didn't mean anything.

I nodded "I'm going to my room. May I be excused ?"

Julie nodded "that's fine dear. I'll see you in the morning"

Rushing up the stairs I huddled myself on my bed in a fit of sobs; I never wanted to stop Evan pursing his career in acting but it felt like my heart was breaking into a million pieces. The loneliness felt like it was right there; ready to suffocate me again.

**

My eyes were sticky and almost glued shut from all the crying I had done so when I opened them it felt almost painful. Evan decided on not seeing if I was okay; that hurt.

I picked up my phone and the time was six in the morning. There was no point going back to sleep right now as I had school in a few hours so I got out of bed; still in my clothes from yesterday.

My dark locks were a tangled mess to to the point I couldn't even run a hand through it; groaning to myself I grabbed a towel and went to the bathroom to get myself freshened up for the day.

Was I being selfish ? Maybe

But did I love Evan? Yes

And was I scared of him leaving me? Most certainly

I grabbed the coconut scented body wash and rubbed it into my skin; the scent overwhelming my nostrils. My hair was now drenched from the beating water droplets that I instinctively rested my head back and let myself fade off into it. I wanted to scrub my mind clean from all the anxious thoughts rampaging my fragile mind.

I hoped Evan would be happy, even if it meant it wasn't with me. Maybe we are better off friends after all so I don't get hurt.

I refuse to be hurt anymore.