Chapter One-Hundred: Let Me

Holy crap dudes...100 Chapters and 300,000 reads? I am beyond psyched abound the love and support this story has gotten. Love you all! :) 

~~~

Much to my Suprise and relief, the water lines had remained intact, so I took a hot shower and changed into my pajamas. You could still hear sirens outside, as well as the chaos of everyone trying recover from the giant earthquake, as well as the giant crack that split Hawkins in four. 

I sat in a chair beside our bedroom window, my knees pulled up to my chest as I watched the fire department try and extinguish the building across the street. I only looked up when I heard the bathroom door open, Steve coming back into the room with a towel around his neck.I smiled halfheartedly before gazing out the window again.

"How is it?" He asked, walking around the bed and sitting on the side closest to me. I shrugged, chewing absently on my nails.

"Chaos, as to be expected." I told him. He nodded, grabbing my wrist and pulling my hand away from my mouth. 

"You know, I really think we've bought ourselves some time," He said quietly, "You can relax a little bit."

"Yeah?" I asked skeptically. "Maybe if I had relaxed a little less, we'd be in a much better position right now."

"Barbie, I..." He sighed, raking a hand through his wet hair. "You can't keep beating yourself up over something that already happened. Its not like you can go back and change it. What happened, happened, and all we can do now is move forward."

He leaned over to the bedside table, grabbing a folded up slip of yellow paper. I chuckled, nodding.

"Nancy stopped by while you were in the shower. She said Lucas wanted you to have this back." He held it up for me to see before unfolding it and looking down at it.

"Sara Hopper-Harrington," He read off, "Barbra Hopper-Harrington,"

"Barb or...Barbie, for short." I threw in. He chuckled, nodding.

"Right, of course," He said, "Emma...I really like that one."

"Really?" I asked. He nodded.

"Obviously, Sara and Barbra are great, for obvious reasons," He said, "But I don't know, Emma just sticks out to me for some reason. And for the boys, James, or Jim, after your Dad, Robert/Bob...for Bob I assume."

"Yeah." I agreed.

"Sam Hopper-Harrington." He finished, folding the paper again. "They're all good options."

"I had some time on my hands," I told him, looking back towards the window, "Figured I'd get a head start."

"Is any part of you excited about this?" He asked. My eyes shot back to him.

"Of course I am," I put my knees down, turning to face him and grabbing his hands in mine, "I mean, we're having a baby. Our baby, I...of course I'm excited, its just..."

"Complicated." He finished for me. I nodded in agreement as he lifted my hands to his mouth, kissing my knuckles. "Yeah...It'd probably be bad if you weren't worried to be honest."

"Yeah, probably." 

He pulled on my arms, pulling me out of the chair and into his lap, wrapping his arms around me. I laid my head on his shoulder, wrapping my arms around his waist. 

"You know...being in the Upside Down, and seeing what that must've been like...I feel like I know you better now," He stated, "Like...there was always this secret part of you that I would never be able to reach, and now I've seen it." 

"Are you scared of it?" I whispered. He shook his head.

"No...Of you? Never." I smiled. "It just makes me feel closer to you. Like, there's nothing between us now."

"Yeah..." I sat up, pulling away so that I could look at him, "I do feel kind of...open, I guess? Like you've seen everything, there's nothing to hide anymore."

"I hope not," He replied, "I don't want you to hide from me."

I smiled at him, but my smile faltered as tears welled up in my eyes.

"Hey..."

"Um...can I ask you a question?" I whispered. "And like, have you answer me honestly?"

"Yeah, of course." I nodded, standing up and moving to sit beside him on the bed, folding my leg in front of me as I turned to face him. 

"So...I want you to tell me this honestly, ok?" I repeated. "I mean, absolute, complete hypothetical here...if there was a way to go back in time and stop all of this from happening...and I mean everything, our relationship, us getting to know the kids, the Upside Down, all of it...if there was a way to just erase everything we've been through, and never have to go through all of this pain and terror that Vecna caused us...would you want it?"

"No." 

"No, seriously, I want you to seriously think about it-"

'No." He said again. i shot him a look. "I'm serious Riley, I...no. No, I wouldn't go back in time, I wouldn't change anything, if it meant getting rid of the life I have now, no way."

"Really?" I asked, tearfully, reaching up and wiping tears away. 

"Yes," He said, running a hand up my leg, "No matter what we've gone through, no matter how terrible some of it has been, now that I'm here, knowing what I know now, I'm choosing you. I'm choosing you every single time, do you hear me?"

"And what if you regret that choice?" I asked. "I mean what-what if you die? What if it only gets worse from here-"

"Then I'll get to go out knowing that I had some of the best years a person could ever ask for," He replied, "I mean it, I...I would die the most painful, gruesome death imaginable just for one second with you, because without you...I wouldn't be me. We're a package deal here, you and me, and if you're not a part of that deal, then I don't want it."

I blew out a shaky breath, hanging my head.

"No, stop it," He said, "Stop, just stop..."

He grabbed my face, pulling my head up and pressing his lips against mine. I kissed him back, in spite of the tears rolling down my face, and the way that it felt as though my heart was shattering into a million pieces. He touched me like I was the most important thing in the world, and for the first time in a long time, I was incapable of believing him. I pushed him back, pressing my balled-up hands against his shoulders.

"Steve..." I cried.

"No, stop." He whispered, kissing me again. He trailed one of his hands down so that it rested on my waist, slowly pushing me down onto the bed so that he was laying on top of me. He trailed his lips away from mine, kissing across my jaw and down to the space just below my ear. I squeezed my eyes closed, feeling more and more guilty by the second. Love was just radiating off of him, but I felt completely unworthy to accept it. Max is laying in the hospital right now because of me. Eddie is potentially bleeding out right now on our couch, all because of me, and here is Steve Harrington, kissing me as if his life depends on it.

I put a hand over my mouth, beginning to sob and he moved back, hovering over me and looking down at my face. 

"I love you," he said, pulling my hand away from his mouth and pressing his lips to the back of it, tears welling up in his eyes too, "I love you, and all of our friends love you, and that is never, ever going to change so please just...let us. Let me."

"How?" I cried. "How can you still say that you love me after everything that's happened? Everything I've caused-"

"Because if you had a choice, none of this would have ever happened," He said, "If you had a choice, you would have died before letting any of this happen, but you didn't. You didn't, and yet you have given everything to try and stop this from hurting anyone else. Voluntary actions mean so much more than involuntary harm and you...you are so beautiful, and strong, and kind, and for once I wish you'd just let someone else take care of you."

"I don't deserve that-" I started.

"But you do," He whispered, resting his arm beside my head on the pillow and brushing my tears away with his fingers. "You do, you deserve that and so, so much more. Please...just let me show you."

I stared up into his eyes, and I saw the love, and pain, and sadness that resided there...and I knew then that I couldn't push him away now. Whether I felt that I didn't deserve his love or not, he deserved to be able to give it. I knew my pain was hurting him, and all he wanted to do was try and make it go away.

So I pushed his damp hair out of his eyes, sliding my fingers down the side of his face until my hand came to rest on his cheek, and I wrapped my arm around his shoulders and pulled him down so his lips could come in contact with mine. He kissed me with a passion and a desperation that I had never felt before, his hand coming rest at the base of my neck, so that he could bring my face impossibly closer.

"I love you," He whispered, kissing down the side of my neck once again, "Please believe me."

"I do," I replied, wrapping my arm completely around him and tangling my other hand in the hair at the back of his head, "I believe you."

~~~

I was drawn from sleep early the next morning by the sound of more chaos from outside. Sunlight streamed in through the windows, shining in my eyes and forcing me to squint in order to see. I sat up, rubbing my hands drowsily over my face before glancing over at Steve.

He was out cold, both of us exhausted from the events of Yesterday's battle. The sun was shining across his face, and I smiled, reaching down and lightly pushing his hair aside so that I could see him.

It was only know that I noticed the clattering, slurping sounds echoing across the room from my doorway. I looked up, finding that not only was our bedroom door open, which it had not been the night before. but Eddie was leaning against the door frame with a dopy grin on his face and a bowl of cereal in his hand. 

"You two are just adorable." He said teasingly, slurping milk out of his spoon. "Hope you don't mind, I raided your kitchen. Believe it or not, almost dying really works up your appetite."

"Is there a reason you're standing there watching us sleep?" I questioned. He nodded.

"Got up to use the bathroom," He nodded towards the door, which was located in our room, "But then I saw the two of you all cozied up and I just couldn't resist the opportunity to creep you out."

I chuckled, shaking my head at him.

"How do you feel about real breakfast?" I asked. He furrowed his eyebrows, cocking his head to the side.

"This is real breakfast." I smiled, shoving my blankets off of me and standing up to reveal my blue plaid pajama shorts and t-shirt that had a sheep embroidered on it. Eddie chuckled.

"Cute PJs, kid. Your mommy buy you those?"

"No, my mommy disowned me when my little  sister died." I said dryly, causing his smile to fall. I smiled at his reaction, walking past him into the kitchen. 

"You were just kidding...that was a joke, right?" He asked, sitting down at the kitchen table as I pulled pans and ingredients out of the cabinets. 

"Wish it was, Ed, but unfortunately, no that's true. I just wanted to say something super serious and depressing to get revenge for the 'creeping me out' thing." He shrugged.

"You don't owe me an explanation," He stated, "Trust me, I know I think or two about the absentee parent life." I nodded. 

"At least we have a choice, right?" I asked, looking over my shoulder at him. "We have a chance to be...better than the example that was set for us? I mean, you nearly died trying to save the world last night."

"Yeah...and I would have too if a certain superpowered lady hadn't jumped in to save my skin." I furrowed my eyebrows at him. "I was dead Riley. I know that, like, for a fact, and then I come back to life only for you to show up several minutes later. I know you had something to do with bringing me back."

"I don't even know if that's what happened, so how would you?" I asked, cracking an egg into a bowl.

"Because its just like you?" He asked. "You save lives like I...create D&D campaigns. It comes as naturally as breathing to us."

"You really believe that?" I asked sincerely. 

"Uh, yeah," He said matter-of-factly, "You don't?" I shrugged, turning back to my cooking as a shuffling sound came from our bedroom door.

"Morning, Big Boy." Eddie greeted as stumbled tiredly into the kitchen. "Your old lady cook for you every morning?"

"Old lady?" I asked, turning around to look at him.

"I know, she gets up early and cooks like every day. Its unnatural." Steve said, putting a hand on the back of one of the chairs, leaning against it and putting the other hand on his hip. I cocked an eyebrow at him. "In like the best, most appreciative, luckiest-husband-in-the-world kind a way."

"Saved it." Eddie said sarcastically, holding up a fist for him to bump. I just smiled, shaking my head and turning back to the food. Steve appeared beside me.

"How do you feel?" He asked, leaning his elbow on the counter. I nodded, glancing at him.

"Better," I admitted, "Surprisingly. You're weirdly good at cheering me up when I'm in the midst of my annual mental break down."

"Consider that my superpower." He said, leaning in and kissing me briefly. 

"You two are disgusting." Eddie said through a smile. 

"You said we were adorable not even five minutes ago." I pointed out. 

"Those two things are synonymous." I raised my eyebrows.

"Big words for a multi-senior."

"Low blow, Hopper Harrington. Low blow." He put a hand over his heart and I smiled.

I scooped a bacon and cheese omelet out of the frying plan and onto a plate, sliding it across the kitchen table to Eddie. He looked down at it before looking up and glancing between us.

"Harrington...if you're not careful, I'm gonna steal your woman." He said, scooping a bite of omelet onto his fork and shoving it in his mouth, "Oh good lord...this makes me want to believe in God."

"Everything is super high stakes with you, isn't it?" I asked, plating the next one and holding it out to Steve he shook his head.

"You take that one, I'll make my own." He said, kissing the side of my head and taking the spatula from my hand. I nodded, grabbing a fork and sitting down beside Eddie.

"So, how are the bites feeling?" I asked, taking a bite of my own omelet. He nodded, leaning back in his chair.

"Like I should be dead right now to be honest," I mumbled through a mouthful of food, "But I think I'll live." I nodded.

"You gonna be fine crashing here?" Steve asked. "Chances are, even with everything going on, you're still a wanted man."

"Which is so ridiculous," He said, "I mean, I nearly died trying to save these people and I'm still gonna go down for it."

"Its the curse of being the community outcast, my friend," I said, slapping a hand down on his shoulder, "You get used to it."

~~~

After breakfast, I redressed Eddie's wounds and then Steve and I headed to the hospital to check in on Max.

When we got there, Lucas, Erica, Robin, and Nancy were all there, and it appeared that Max was unconscious.

"What's the situation?" I asked, sitting on the edge of her bed and looking her over.

"Well," Nancy said, drawing my gaze, "The Doctor's say she's in a coma."

"What?" I asked, standing up. "For how long? Do they know when she's going to come out of it?"

"They don't know if she's gonna come out of it," Lucas corrected, his arms crossed over his chest, "And to be honest, with the flood of injuries that they have coming in, its a miracle the Doctors had time to tell us anything at all."

I looked at Steve, my overwhelming guilt swelling up inside of me again.

"Riley..." He said softly, shaking his head.

"What's wrong?" Robin asked. I sighed, swallowing hard before turning to face them all.

"The short version," I said hesitantly, "Is basically all of this is kind of my fault."