Chapter Twenty-Six: Beautiful

I pulled into the first empty parking lot I came  across and Steve got out of the car, laying on the hood of it and throwing an arm over his eyes. I sighed and got out too, sitting beside him despite the fact that I'd left my coat at the house and I was barely clothed as it was in October.

"Steve...she was drunk."

"You heard what she said, Riley." He said, moving his arm and staring up at the sky. "The part about us pretending? That was all true, we knew she actually thought that, so...why wouldn't that apply to us pretending to be in love?"I sighed, pulling my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. "Yeah...that's what I thought. And if that wasn't enough, I'm not stupid, you know? I see the way her and Jonathan act around each other, I know she likes him." I bit my lip.

"But she chose you Steve-"

"Yeah, because Jonathan disappeared once things went back to normal." He said, sitting up and turning to look at me. "If he hadn't...if they'd kept hanging out together as much as they had when they were hunting the Demogorgan, do you honestly think she'd have ever gotten back together with me?" I looked down at my feet. "Do you?!"

"I don't think I should answer that." I said, glancing at him. "Because what's gonna happen, is you two are going to talk tomorrow, and everything is going to be fine, and you're going to regret saying all of this stuff in the heat of the moment." He shook his head.

"It doesn't feel like everything is going to be fine, Riles. It feels like...it feels like my relationship just ended, and all I've been doing for the past year is just...delaying the inevitable."

"Steve-"

"I'm serious." He said, looking at me. "Because deep down, I think I knew, I...I think I always knew that she didn't love me as much as I loved her and if you're already thinking it and then someone says it out loud that really...hurts." I nodded.

"Yeah. It does." He looked at me, and I refused to look at him, not wanting to see the realization with his eyes.

"Oh my gosh, I'm an idiot."

"No, you're not-"

"I was just messing around." He said. "I was joking, like I always do, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings-"

"It really doesn't matter. It was stupid." I said. I stared at the empty, closed down building, and we sat in silence for a little while until Steve's blazer came down around my shoulders. I pulled it tighter around myself, still refusing to look at him.

"Can I ask...why did that make you so upset?" He questioned. "I mean, you and I say crap like that all the time to each other, you telling me I look like a cabbage patch kid and all that. Why did this time offend you?"

"I don't know...because...I guess because you compared me to Nancy?" I met his eyes as he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "I know its dumb, and after everything we've been through, this shouldn't even matter to me, but of the three of us, Nancy, Barb, and I...it was always obvious who the breadwinner was. Nancy was the pretty one, the smart one, the one that could get in with you and your friends without anyone ever questioning it whereas I'm just the freak who never says anything, the freak who disappeared."

"You're not a freak."

"I am though." I balled the fabric of his blazer up in my fist as I pulled it tighter around myself. "I am, and here I am preaching to Will Byers that its ok to be a freak, and it doesn't matter what other people think because we've been through and are capable of more than any normal person could ever dream of and yet, I still find myself being insecure about the fact I'm never going to have what Nancy has."

"What do you mean 'What Nancy has'?" I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose.

"You noticed her. Before she was ever 'popular', back when she was just smart, goody-two-shoes Nancy with her dresses and her headbands, you looked at her and thought she looked like someone you could like. You thought she was beautiful. But me, no one is ever gonna look at me and think I'm beautiful, especially not someone like you. All they're ever gonna see is the girl that went missing, the girl who went a full year without saying a word, unless they're Billy Hargrove, who I'm fairly certain is just flirting with me because he wants to annoy you and he's a jerk."  I looked away from him, tucking my hair behind my ear. "I don't even know why I'm having this conversation, you may or may not have just broken up with your girlfriend, and here I am making it about me. How are you doing-"

"You are beautiful." My eyes widened and my head snapped up to look at him again.

"W...what?" His eyes widened too as he realized what he'd just said, and he turned, laying back on the windshield and looking at the sky.

"Um...look, Riley, I'll be honest...I did used to look at you and only see the 'Missing girl', I'm not gonna lie." I nodded, laying back too and looking up at the stars.

"Yeah, Steve that's not exactly new information."

"But I didn't know you then." He turned his head to look at me, and I did the same.

"Do you know me now?" I asked. "We've been friends what, a year? And I think this is the first serious conversation we've ever had one on one, so...what do you know about me now that you didn't know a year ago?"

"I know that you're hilarious," He pointed out, looking up again, "Like seriously, you're so funny, this past year every time that I'm with you, I feel like I have laughed harder than I've laughed in a really long time. And you're just as smart as Nancy is, way smarter than me, but even more than that, you're strong. I feel like you can handle anything the world throws at you and you're not scared of anything, I mean before I showed up with that bat last year, I saw you. You were fully prepared to take that thing on with your bare hands if it meant saving your friends." I chuckled, shaking my head. "I'm comfortable around you, you know? I don't feel like I have to worry about being 'King Steve', or worry about being the kind of guy that Nancy deserves, with you I'm just...me. And I feel like that's ok." I turned my head to look at him, but he didn't look at me. "That's why this whole thing with Nancy hurts so gosh dang much because if she still doesn't love me, after I've tried so hard to change...if I'm not good enough no matter how hard I try, then how am I ever gonna be good enough for anybody?"

"I didn't know Steve 'The Hair' Harrington had it in himself to be insecure." I stated.

"Come on, Riley. I'm being serious right now."

"I know, so am I." I said, earning a look from him. "Even when we were freshman, you always seem so confident all the time, like...its like nothing phases you. Like, when you walk for example-"

"Wait, wait, wait...when I walk?" He asked. I nodded.

"Yeah. Shut up, I'm trying to compliment you." He chuckled. "When you walk, you always look like you know exactly where you're going. You never seem unsure, and you never...you never look back to see if anyone is following you, its like you just know that they are. And like, I know Nancy said that you were pretending that everything is ok, but I really don't think you are. I think you just have this insane ability to move forward no matter what, you always just bounce back and move onto the next thing, and I don't think there's a lot of people that can do that. Nancy, for example, she can't just move on and look towards the future when the past is still so painful. I mean, I went an entire year without talking for that reason and you...not even a month after everything that happened, you were back to being same old Steve Harrington, despite everything that we'd seen and...I envy that quality."

"Well...hopefully not exactly the same old Steve Harrington. I used to be...kind of a jerk."

"No...really?" He rolled his eyes and I chuckled. "I guess you're right though...you're not exactly the same old Steve Harrington. The quality of your character has changed, but the good parts are all still there, they're just...more prominent now. And I know Nancy sees that, she's not stupid."

"No, she's not, but at the end of the day, I don't know if that matters. I can be the best guy on the planet, but if she doesn't love me, there's nothing I can do to make her...right?" I blew out a breath.

"No...no there isn't. I've never been in love or anything like that, but I don't think its the type of thing you can choose. I think it just happens, whether you want it to or not, and then the next thing you know, you're looking at this person that you've known forever and something is just...different now. Even if you don't want it to be."

"Sounds like you're speaking from experience." He said, turning his head to look at me. I turned my head too, struggling to ignore how close we were.

"No...I just watch a lot of movies." He laughed at this and I did too, neither of us looking away from each other. The laughter died down, and then we just laid there, staring at each other for a long time. Steve's eyes seemed to travel in slow motion, taking in every aspect of my face, and just that action alone made blood rush into my cheeks, and I was desperately hoping that he would assume its just because its freezing outside.

"You are beautiful though," He said, his eyes flicking down to my lips before meeting my eyes again, "And I may not have noticed that before but...I can see it now."I swallowed nervously, sitting up again, and pulling his jacket tighter around me. Steve sat up, putting a hand on my back. "Hey...you ok?"

I stood up, getting off of the car and turning to face him just to get out from under his hand.

"You shouldn't be saying things like that to me," I said, looking at the ground, "Because you and Nancy are gonna talk tomorrow, and its all gonna be fine, because she does love you. I'm sure she does." He furrowed his eyebrows, sliding off of the car and coming to stand directly in front of me. I refused to look at him, scared of what would happen if we made eye contact at such a close proximity.

"What if she doesn't?" He asked, his voice barely above a whisper. "What do we do then?"

"I don't know. That's a question for tomorrow." I said, taking a step back before looking at him. "But what we do right now, is we go back to Nancy's house, so that I can get my truck and we can go home, and then tomorrow...everything will go back to the way it was. I promise."

"But what if-" He took a step towards me and I took his jacket off of my shoulders, tossing it at him  before he could finish that sentence.I couldn't think about what ifs at that moment, I really couldn't. Because I knew that if I did, and then we went back to school tomorrow and Steve and Nancy got back together, as I assumed that they probably would...

I think it would destroy me.

Steve sighed but nodded, walking around to the Driver's side of the car. I shivered, hurrying to get in and putting my hand on the handle, only to have to entire seen around me change, and transform into the Upside Down once again. I gasped, backing away from the car and looking up into the sky as a giant shadow appeared in the sky, almost looking like a Spider, looming over the city of Hawkins. I could feel its emotions, an extreme sense of anger that I didn't even think was possible...

And a desire to come after me.

Its huge head turned, and it was as if I could feel its eyes on me and the next thing I knew one big, black leg was rushing towards me like a black cloud of smoke. I ran back to Steve's car, getting inside and locking the door behind me, wrapping my arms around my face and burying my head in my knees, tears streaming down my face now as my heart began to thumb in my chest. I began to hyperventilate, looking up just as the cloud collided with the window, only to have the scene disappear with a hand on my shoulder. I turned around with wide eyes, pressing myself against the door, only to see Steve sitting beside me with a concerned look on his face.

"Riley, what's wrong?! What the heck just happened?!" He exclaimed. I turned, looking out the window again, but seeing no giant, shadowy spider creature. It was gone, but it was almost as if I could still feel it. It wanted me, but...not just me.

It wanted Will too.

"Can you just take me back to Nancy's, please?" I asked, wiping tears away with my hand.

"Riles-"

"Just take me to Nancy's!" I exclaimed, looking out the window.

"O-ok...yeah, sure thing...no problem." He started the car, pulling out of the parking lot and I hid my face in my sweatshirt sleeves trying to calm myself down.