xxxi

e p i l o g u e 

We find Kuiil's body on the way back. It's a somber moment for all of us. He was a great person, and an even better friend.

Din suggests we bury him. I don't object.

Even the child is silent, lying sadly in the crook of Din's elbow as we dig. I'd set Emil gently off to the side to help him. It takes about an hour to fully dig the hole, lower him into it, and cover him again.

Din gathers rocks to pile on top of the grave like a tombstone, and places the Ugnaught's hat on top of all of it. It takes everything in me not to cry. We brought him on this mission. He didn't deserve an end like this. He was happy and free on his moisture farm, and we took that away from him.

Din seems to sense my mood. As we stand in silence, he wraps his arm around my shoulders and pulls me close. I bury my head into his chest, unable to look at his grave any longer.

I've been around death my entire life. The very thing has haunted me, followed me like a shadow wherever I go. That doesn't make it any easier. 

"C'mon," Din murmurs after a while. I'm not sure how long it's been. He tugs me lightly towards the ship, placing the child in my hands for comfort and picking up Emil instead. At the top of the ramp, I turn back to his grave, emotions and memories hitting me like a truck.

He knew what I went through, and he was always so kind to me. So ready to help us despite his past. He gave us so much, and what did we give him in return? An end to a life he'd finally been content with.

The ramp shuts in my face, and I begin to feel warm tears cloud my vision. But then the child shifts in my arms, and his big, intelligent brown eyes meet with mine. Not only does his presence comfort me, but I think of something. I think of how Kuiil was ready to give his life for this child. He was alright with it, so long as it meant this child would be safe.

That selfless Ugnaught wouldn't want me to dwell on his death. The child is what matters here.

The memories come in a flood, but they don't overwhelm me. I'm doing my best not to let them, and for once, it's working. Soon they shift, and I'm seeing things I don't recognize. Scenes flash by in my head, so quickly that for a moment I think something is genuinely wrong. These aren't my memories.

Din's voice cuts through my rising panic. "Nova?" 

I force my breathing to even as I look at him. But before I can get a word out, the child coos in my arms. I glance down to see him smiling, and feel a presence brush up against my mind before disappearing. Was that... him?

I realize with a start that it had to have been him. "How did you do that?" I ask, my voice quiet with shock.

I feel his mind against mine again, and he pushes a memory of myself into my brain for me to see. It's when we first met. Maker, he still remembers that?

I feel everything he did in that moment. Fear, confusion. Relief as I put down the blaster. But then the memory disappears just as quick as it had appeared.

I blink, looking down at him in wonder. "Have you always been able to do that?" He tilts his head and coos. I'm not sure what exactly that means, so I opt for another question. "Do you think... you can communicate with me like that?"

He pushes an emotion into my head. I can't quite identify it, but I know it means yes. Of course, he doesn't quite know how to use words yet. But this is incredible! I laugh and bring him into a hug, unable to keep myself from telling him just how amazing he is.

Din clears his throat. I'd nearly forgotten he was there. "You mind filling me in?" 

I grin and try my best to explain what he'd just done with me. "So we have a basic level of communication now, I suppose." I turn to the child on my hip. "Do you think you could try it with him?" He looks confused, so I try to be encouraging. "Just anything, bubba. A memory, an emotion. Like you did with me."

He concentrates for a good couple of minutes. Nothing happens.

My brows furrow. "Huh. Am I the only person you can do this with?" The color red pulses in the front of my mind. That must mean no. "Is there a reason you can do it with me but not him?" Green. Yes. "What is it?" I try, not knowing how well he'll be able to tell me.

He struggles for a minute, showing me memories of floating things, of him using the Force on objects. Is it because our abilities are similar? But I don't have the Force. It doesn't make sense. He gives up for a moment, trying to probe deeper in my mind instead. That feels so odd. I have a feeling that maybe I should keep him away from the worst of my memories. He shouldn't see that.

Before I can say anything, his mind comes to a halt. I don't know how, but somehow I know that he's stopped in front of the spot that's felt wrong since we escaped the fire. The part of my mind that snapped.

Without warning he pushes forward, slamming into the injured area. I cry out, nearly dropping him as I stumble back into the wall. He pushes one last emotion into my mind, and then I feel his presence disappear with a frightening speed. It takes me a moment to identify the emotion he left, but soon I know what it is. Worry.

Is something really that wrong? 

I come back to my senses slowly. Din has taken the child from my arms, which now feel weak and fatigued. He helped me sit against the wall, and he's kneeling in front of me with a hand on my shoulder. My eyes focus on his helmet, and I muster a sorry excuse for a grin.

"You alright?" he questions, concerned.

I press a couple fingers to my temple. "I think so. Something happened during the fire, but I'm not exactly sure what. It feels wrong, but I'll live." I meet the child's fearful eyes. "I'm more worried about him. I didn't hurt you, did I?"

Red. No, I didn't. He's alright. I exhale, relieved, and offer him a genuine smile. "Good. Well, you don't have to worry about me. I'm okay. See?" I lift my arms in a wide gesture, showing him that physically, there's nothing wrong with me.

He smiles, waddling forward to hug me. I hold him tight, meeting Din's eyes from over his shoulder. He joins the hug, and for a moment the galaxy melts away and it's just us, and I've never felt more safe.

>>>>><<<<<

I slouch in my usual seat in the cockpit with a sigh. Din places the child in Kuiil's handmade pod to take his own seat. "Where to?"

I think for a moment. This is the first time we've been able to catch a break since... well, since he kidnapped me. And as far as I know, he's only ever lived out of his ship. It would be nice to go back to my house. 

"Would you want to try Dantooine? See if my house hasn't been robbed yet?" I say with a smirk.

He snorts. "Sure, but you didn't have much to be robbed of to start with."

"Hey!" I pause. "Did you check? Were you going to rob me?"

His laugh fills the cabin as he finishes punching in the coordinates and setting up autopilot. "You weren't supposed to come back. Of course I looked. You're saying you don't?"

I open my mouth to argue, but shut it just as quickly. Admittedly, I have robbed more than a few targets. But it's like he said: they're not going to be needing it.

I hear a little noise from the child's pod, and turn my attention to him to make sure he's not choking on anything he found. But instead I see him nibbling on the necklace from the building, the one that Din entrusted to Cara when he thought he was going to die.

"Whatcha got there, bub?"

At my words, Din turns to see the child chewing on his pendant. He leans forward, brushing his fingers along the charm. The child lets him examine it.

He's silent for a moment, so much so that it nearly worries me before he speaks. "...I didn't think I'd see this again," he says softly. "Why don't you hang onto that?"

He gently pushes it back into the child's hands, and he resumes his biting efforts. I put a hand on Din's arm. "You okay?" 

"Yeah. I'm good." and although he's quiet, he sounds sincere. Before long, we're drifting silently through space, a comfortable atmosphere surrounding us.

"I've been meaning to tell you. I took Emil to my quarters, did as much as I could with his wounds, but it's not very good treatment. He needs better if he's going to live, Nova. He's stable for now, but I don't know how long it's going to last."

I lower my gaze to my hands. "I know. I might have stuff at my house, but if not..." I sigh. "I may know a place."

"Republic?" I shake my head. "Empire?" Another silent no. "Then who? You don't sound happy about it."

"He won't tell me anything about his background. All I know is that he's a doctor, and he owes me a life debt. But he's the last option, alright? I don't trust him."

He nods. "Well, the kid's asleep. You wanna go get cleaned up?"

"Sure." He pulls me up from my spot and leads me down into the belly of the ship. As I step off the last rung of the ladder, I turn to see Din- helmetless. I recoil and quickly shut my eyes, unsure if seeing him is allowed or if that was just a one time thing.

He chuckles at my reaction, causing my face to turn an unwanted shade of bright red. "Nova, it's fine. You've already seen my face."

"But... the Creed? And you were dying, and-" I feel his hands rest lightly on my upper arms, and his lips press to my forehead a moment later.

"K'uur, mesh'la. I've been thinking about this for a while now. It may have happened in a different way than I expected, but I do want you to see me."

"Are you sure?" I ask, uncertain. What if he regrets this?

"Of course. I know what the Creed says, but... I've never felt this way about someone. And I've never broken the Creed before. I think I'm allowed just one exception."

I'm unable to keep the smile off my face at that. And when I open my eyes, he's smiling, too. He looks nervous, but also incredibly happy. I press a light kiss to his lips. "Thank you," I whisper.

We clean each other's wounds and help each other wash off all of the dirt and grime from today's mission. He sheepishly asks me to wash his hair, and I don't object. I think the both of us found it quite calming. I remember to be mindful of his head wound, but it's unnecessary. IG's bacta spray is working wonderfully, and the gash is nearly gone.

After that's done, we take off his armor and I help him polish it as we sit cross-legged on the floor, feeling the hum of the ship underneath us. I can't help but sneak countless glances at his face as we work. This feels like such a huge step for us, and it's a dizzying feeling.

He catches me staring, and the warmest smile crosses his face. Is this what I've been missing out on? Secret shared glances and hidden expressions, everything I could've been seeing if not for the helmet?

"You're staring again, mesh'la."

I snap out of my dazed state, cheeks flushed an embarrassing red. "Am I? I don't think-"

I cut myself off as he chuckles, if only to hear the sound. "You are."

Before I can make a snarky comment, I think of something else. "Are you ever gonna tell me what that means?"

He hesitates, gaze lowering to his hands. I go to shrug it off, not too upset about it, when he speaks. "It means beautiful," he says with the smallest smirk. He takes care not to look at me though, fearing my reaction.

My jaw drops. "It does?" I ask dumbly.

He glances up at me, a nervous smile growing on his lips.

All this time... he's been calling me beautiful?

I sit for a minute in stunned silence. How long has he used that nickname? How long has he been complimenting me without me having any clue?

Damn, my nickname for him is horrible in comparison.

His face falls slightly, bringing me back to reality. "You don't like it, do you?"

I furrow my brows. "Why wouldn't I?" He opens his mouth to respond, and I realize my mistake. He's gonna start listing reasons. "Wait, no, don't answer that. I'm just surprised, is all. But I like it, possibly a little too much," I reassure him with a playful grin.

He huffs out a relieved laugh. "Kriff, don't scare me like that."

I feel my smile grow mischievous. "I dunno, it's kind of fun."

He rolls his eyes good-naturedly, which causes me to stop short. I've never seen him do that. And though I'd never admit it to him... I like it.

Maker. That shouldn't be attractive to me.

But it is.

"Maybe I should've taken my helmet off sooner. You've really got to stop staring."

I drop the piece of armor I was polishing with a clatter, throwing my cloth at him. "Shut up. Like you wouldn't do the same."

"Mm. I probably would, but that doesn't change the fact that I've gotten twice the amount done that you have. Am I honestly that distracting?" his voice is so smooth that I almost don't process what he's saying. When I do, I bury my face in my hands to hide yet another blush.

"Y'know what, I'm not gonna say yes and give you the satisfaction. So no."

The clatter of his armor against the floor fills the room, and footsteps soon follow. Before I know it, I feel his hands around my wrists.

"I think," he murmurs lowly as he pulls my hands away from my face, "instead of denying it," his breath fans my face, and his eyes flick down to my lips before meeting mine again, "maybe you should show me how you really feel."

My eyes widen before I regain my composure and smirk, pressing my hands to his chest. "When did you get so confident?" He opens his mouth to form a reply, but I quickly cut him off. "Shut up and kiss me."

And he does. He leans down, pressing his lips to my own with a trace of hunger and fiery want. His hands guide mine up to his shoulders and I wrap my arms around the back of his neck, my fingers twisting in the soft hair that rests there. He finds my waist and pulls me flush against him, thoroughly and shamelessly enjoying this.

Somehow we end up on the floor, and then we're parting for air and he's looking up at me with all the joy in the galaxy in those beautiful eyes. Because this is our moment. We don't have to worry about being attacked or interrupted. It's just us.

I can't help but let out a giggle.

"What?" he demands with a laugh of his own.

"Nothing, nothing. I just-" I accidentally cut through my own sentence with another burst of laughter. "You don't normally talk like that, is all."

He scoffs, rolling his eyes in the way that I already love. "Well, I guess I'm just comfortable around you, then."

"Aww." I press a light kiss to his lips, snickering when I pull away to see his pout. "You know what?"

"What?"

"I know we said it earlier when you were dying and all, but I really do love you, Din."

He stutters for a moment, and I see a blush dust his cheeks. I'm tempted to tease him about it, but in all honesty it's cute, so I decide against it.

I'm guessing it's easier for him to say things like that in a life-or-death situation. I smile softly as he becomes frustrated with himself and his flustered state.

"You alright there, loverboy?"

"Yeah. I, uh, I love you, too." He doesn't meet my eyes, profoundly embarrassed by the amount of time it took for him to say it. But I'm not upset. He said it back, and that makes me more happy than he probably knows.

"How long's it been since someone said that to you?"

He meets my eyes, and I notice his lips part. He wasn't expecting me to ask him that.

"Honestly? I think it was the day my parents died."

"Well, then I've got a lot to make up for. I'll just have to say it that much more." I settle my head on his chest.

"Nova, you don't have to-"

The look I give him does more to shut him up than any words would've. "You're not stopping me. Unless it makes you uncomfortable, in which case-"

"No!" he denies frantically, his cheeks flushing a deep red once he realizes how quick he was to say something. "I mean, it doesn't, I just mean that you don't have to go out of your way for my sake. I'm okay, really, but I do like hearing you say it. I just don't want you to if it's too much for you, or-"

I gently touch my fingertips to his cheek. "You're rambling," I point out softly.

He sighs, leaning into my touch. "I'm sorry, I'm just not used to this kind of... affection."

"That's alright. I'm not either. It just means we'll have to figure it out together, yeah?"

He smiles, and it's a wonderful sight. "Yeah," he says. "Yeah, that sounds nice."

His hand drifts to my hair as we lay there and he twirls a few strands through his fingers absentmindedly. For a moment everything is calm and still, the vibrations of the ship surrounding us in a peaceful purr. It's a much-needed break from everything.

Before we can start a small conversation to pass the time, we hear a beeping from the cockpit signaling that we've arrived. I roll off of him and offer a hand to pull him up. He smiles and doesn't hesitate to put his hand in mine.

We make quick work of putting on his half-polished armor before rushing up the ladder. Soon, my feet are touching solid ground, the yellowed landscape stretching out around me, dry grass of Dantooine's plain's curling around my calves. We made it.

I practically run to my house, child on my hip. Everything is the same as I left it that fateful day, just as I'd hoped. Nothing was stolen; the few neighbors that I have are well aware of my status, and wouldn't risk stealing my things even if there was a chance I'd be dead. And they were right not to. I've squeezed myself out of tighter situations in my life than a kidnapping.

Din sheds the armor as soon as he's inside and, after a thorough look around, is quick to remove the helmet. I have to admit, I'm loving this new, open side of him.

The hut may be small, but it's big enough to hold the four of us comfortably until we set off again. I set the child down to wander and make my way into the single bedroom.

"I know I've been here before, but last time I wasn't exactly focused on the house." Din turns to me, practically beaming. "It's... cozy. Feels like a home."

"Good, because it is your home."

Unexpectedly, he tugs me into a grateful hug, his head buried in the crook of my neck. "I've never really had this. Any of it. You, this place. Never thought I could. So... thank you, Nova. Really."

I pull back just enough to meet his eyes. "Of course, Din. It's us against the galaxy, remember?"

He presses the softest kiss to my lips. "Always."

>>>>><<<<<

After we got settled, we sat down on the floor of my small living room. Emil rests on the couch, the child worrying at his feet.

We've been talking about our next steps. Even though we took a small break, there's still so much to do.

"Right, run me through that one more time," I request. I've been trying my hardest to pay attention, but my head is throbbing and just feels so light. I could just pass out from exhaustion. And honestly, a rest would be nice.

He pauses to raise a brow at me. "Mesh'la, that's four times I've had to explain this. Are you okay?"

I nod and try to sit up a little higher, which sends a wave of vertigo coursing through my head. Black spots dot my vision and my hand flies up to my temple in an attempt to steady it. I squeeze my eyes shut to let the spinning sensation pass. 

"Nova?" Din's alarmed cry reaches my ears and I open my eyes, only to realize I'm on my back on the floor.

"The hell?" I mumble, exhaling and taking the hand Din offers. He pulls me back up as slow as he can, afraid to make me any more dizzy.

Once I'm sitting up, Din's worried eyes meet my own. "What's going on with you, Nova?"

I break the eye contact, unable to stand his gaze any longer. It's not that I don't appreciate him. In fact, it's the opposite. I love that he cares, but I haven't been telling him the entire truth. I brushed this off, not used to having to rely on other people for help. I have to tell him.

I exhale slowly. "To be honest, I'm not really sure. I just know something's wrong. Very wrong. Back in the fire, I wasn't thinking straight. I wanted to protect everyone, and yours and Emil's condition, it... well, it rattled me. I overexerted my abilities, something I didn't know was possible." I force myself to meet his eyes. "I felt something break. I don't know how bad, and I don't know if I can fix it."

The concern in his eyes is almost overwhelming, but I won't look away. He considers my words for a moment, trying to make sense of them. Of course, he's out of his depth here. But I watch quietly as he tries his best anyway.

"Do you know if you can still use them? Your abilities?" He asks softly.

"I can try." He nods, sitting back to watch. I close my eyes and focus on conjuring a ball of light. I figure it's best to start small. What used to be easy and took no more than a simple thought is now a daunting task I'm not even sure I'm capable of. But I'd be damned if I don't attempt it.

As soon as I begin to call on that part of my mind that was always so reliable, a wave of lightheadedness and nausea washes over me, quickly followed by pain. I wince, but continue to push on until the pain becomes searing. As I crack an eye open, I see that I've succeeded in creating no more than a few wisps of weak light that are already fading. I purse my lips in disappointment.

Din's hand finds mine and offers a consoling squeeze. "It's a start."

"I suppose. Maybe it's just exhaustion. I mean, that was probably the most I've ever used them." I spare a glance out of the tiny window. "It's going to be dark soon. I'll sleep it off, and we can start the trip for the doctor's in the morning, yeah?"

He clears his throat before I can get up. "It's possible this is more than just exhaustion, right?" I nod. "Treat it like a physical injury. Don't hurt yourself more, alright? I want you to be careful."

"Din, I'm not helpless-"

He grins. "I know. Believe me, I know. But I also know your fighting style relies heavily on your powers. We're going to be doing some dangerous things. Just promise me you'll be careful. I refuse to lose you." His free hand comes up to tuck a strand of loose hair behind my ear before cupping my cheek.

I turn my head slightly to kiss his palm. "Fine, I promise. But only if you swear you won't sideline me just because I'm not at my full strength. You need me, you know."

"Of course I do. And I've learned my lesson about that, don't worry."

"Good." I pull him forward and place a soft kiss on his lips. "I'm sorry if I worried you."

He gets to his feet, moving to pull me up gently and steadying me. "I'm just glad you told me. We'll figure it out, alright?"

And with that, we make our way slowly to the bedroom. The child is already asleep on Emil's chest; evidently, he's just as worried about him as I am.

I toe off my boots and practically fall onto the small bed, regretting it when the pressure in my head suddenly worsens and draws a groan from my lips. After taking a moment to let the throbbing subside, I scoot myself over to make room for Din. He's still taking his armor off, and for a moment I feel bad for not helping. But as I try to push myself up, the vertigo comes back full force. It's useless.

Luckily, it doesn't take him much time. I soon feel the bed dip and his arms pull me into a warm embrace. Thanks to the strenuous events of the day, it doesn't take long for me to fall asleep with Din by my side.

>>>>><<<<<

I'm not in my bed. That's the first thing I realize when I open my eyes. The second is that my surroundings are bright and unfamiliar, and all of my senses seem muffled. My heart races, but I can't open my mouth. In fact, I can't move at all.

Someone is standing above me. No, they're holding me. They're much bigger than me.

They look down, and I realize with a start that they look oddly familiar. I recognize this woman. But how? As far as I know, I've never seen her before.

My vision tunnels until I can no longer see the bright foliage behind her. She looks away from me to yell at someone in a language I can't identify. It almost sounds like one of the native languages of an Outer Rim planet. I can't be sure; I don't know it. So how can I understand it?

I disregard that fact. She looks and sounds distressed. Maybe we're in danger. That would make sense. But I can't hear any signs of conflict.

I realize my ears are ringing. Is that why everything seems muted?

She turns to me and begins talking. I can barely make out what she's saying. "He's coming." Despite her voice being incredibly muffled, I can sense her panic clear as day. "I have to leave you. I'm so sorry, but we will meet again, I promise. I love you."

I love you? Who is she?

She turns back to the others. Just as our surroundings are beginning to show themselves again, the woman's face starts to fade. I scramble to hold onto the pieces of whatever is happening here, needing to know who this woman is with such a sudden ferocity that it surprises even myself. But I still can't move, and try as hard as I might, I can't speak nor scream. The last I see or hear of her is a single command: Find me. When you are ready, find me.

>>>>><<<<<

Din is shaking me. My eyes shoot open to see him above me, practically pinning me down with his own body. I fight to keep a blush off my cheeks and grab his wrist to let him know he can stop shaking me. Maker knows it's not doing wonders for my headache from earlier.

"What's happening?" I ask, confused and a bit worried.

He seems to notice the position we're in and rolls off of me, embarrassed. "Sorry. You were screaming and thrashing, and I couldn't wake you. It was a little scary. You okay?"

My eyes soften and I sit up slowly, resting a hand on his shoulder. "I'm fine. What about you?"

He looks at my hand, and then me. "I'm good now." He scoots a bit closer to me. "Tell me about it."

I think it over again. In the moment, I hadn't even realized it was a dream. But then, what was it? A memory? A vision? Or perhaps it was nothing more than a fantasy conjured from my imagination. But that wouldn't explain how real it felt.

"Well, it was pretty short, but it was odd. Everything was... distorted, almost. My senses were weak and I couldn't move or speak. And there was this woman that I recognized, and she sounded really scared of something, and..." I trail off as I recall the woman's face. Now that I think about it, I could see myself in that woman. She almost looked like she could be related to me. But that would be insane. I haven't seen my parents since I was a toddler, and as far as I know, I have no other family. It couldn't be her.

So then why did she look and sound so familiar? Why did I feel like the dream was more of a memory? Why, every time I think of that woman, do I get such a dizzying feeling of deja vu?

All the pieces seem to fall into place simultaneously. I do know that woman.

"Din," I manage, my voice little more than a choked whisper.

"What is it, mesh'la?" He answers, his voice laced with concern and curiosity alike.

"I think... I think I saw my mother."

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