vii

"Saw most of my action mopping up after Endor. Mostly Ex-Imperial Warlords. They wanted it fast and quiet. They'd send us in on the drop ships, no support, just us. Then when the Imps were gone, the politics started. We were peacekeepers, protecting delegates, suppressing riots. Not what I signed up for." the woman, Cara, explains as she takes a drink of her spotchka. The first thing I'd noticed about her was the tattoo underneath her eye of the resistance symbol. Then, the shock trooper tat on her arm. I wonder if, like me, she hates the permanent reminders of her past on her skin. Or maybe she's proud to wear them. If so, then I wish I could say the same.

"How'd you end up here?" Mando asks. I sit quietly, still save for the fidgeting of my hands. I'm lost in my mind, only partially paying attention to the conversation going on. I'm still quite rattled from what happened with that man. I was scared and weak, and if Mando hadn't stepped in, I would've been too afraid to do anything. The thought of being touched like that again is worse than any torture that could be inflicted on me. But I couldn't do anything to stop it, because I'm pathetic. 

 "Let's just call it an early retirement." she drinks. "Look, I knew you were Guild. I figured you had a fob on me; that's why I came at you so hard."

Mando nods. "Yeah, that's what I figured."

Cara smirks. "Well, this has been a real treat. But unless you wanna go another round," she rises from her stool. "one of us is gonna have to move on, and I was here first." She finishes her drink, setting the empty cup on the table and walking away. I look up, coming back to reality as the ex-shock trooper takes her leave.

 Mando glances at me and the child. "Well, looks like this planet's taken." He gets up from his stool, helping the child to the floor. I rise as well, my arms wrapped self-consciously around my exposed torso. I can feel eyes on us as we leave.

After a while of walking, Mando speaks up. "Do you want to talk about what happened?" he asks quietly, as if he were trying not to scare me.

"What do you mean?" I reply, knowing there's more than one thing he wants me to tell him about.

"With that... man," he explains, his voice bitter. "You weren't doing anything."

I shrug it off as best I can. "I didn't want to make a scene." 

"You looked scared," he says. It's not an accusation, nor is it meant to be rude. His tone is soft as he speaks. It was an observation. He wants to know why.

I sigh. This isn't going to be easy. Wait, why am I even considering telling this man about my past?

But I know why. Because he's the only one to ask. He's the only one that cares.

"Well, if you must know..." I pause. How do I even say this? "A while ago... actually, just after I killed Isaak, I was taken prisoner. There were troopers on board; Maker knows why. They did the same thing, except..." I clear my throat, trying to push away the tears. I've cried too much in front of this man; more tears have been shed in the past two weeks than in the last three years of my life. At least, while I'm conscious. I cry in my sleep all the time. "Except nobody was there to stop them. They took... everything. The memories were overwhelming with that man, I was scared and weak and I didn't know what to do." 

 I feel a hand on my shoulder and flinch at the touch. His hand pulls away quicker than I can apologize.

"I'm sorry. That..." he pauses, probably thinking of what to say so he doesn't blurt out some meaningless words of fake comfort that everyone always uses. Then, he decides to go a different route. "Do you know what happened to them? To the troopers?" I can sense a hint of anger in his tone.

"No. I'd have gone back, killed them if I could've, but..." I look at the child that trails us, blissfully oblivious to the conversation going on. "I had bigger things to worry about. And I didn't know which ones they were, anyways. Damn troopers all look the same." I sniff and laugh slightly, bitterly, trying my best to avoid crying.

"Well, you're not weak." he tries. The words of comfort shock me, and I lose control over my emotions, the tears beginning to flood out. I whisper a choked-up 'thank you', my head turned so he doesn't see the waterworks.

I feel a touch on the side of my calf and stop walking, looking down to see the child reaching an arm out to me. I offer him a watery smile, picking him up and burying my face in the little robe I've always loved so much.

>>>>><<<<<

(Later)

It's nighttime now. Mando had set up a lit workspace, and both of us are working on the Razor Crest. The child is playing in the grass.

A rustling noise in the forest alerts me and I look to see two silhouettes approaching on a hovering vehicle, a lantern hanging from a rod in the front. Mando hasn't seen them yet, but I see the light out of the corner of my eye and inform him. I then hurry over to the child, scooping him up into my arms. This could be anyone. Granted, a hunter would try to be a bit more stealthy. But that doesn't necessarily mean whoever this is, isn't dangerous.

"Excuse me?" one of the men says. He wears a tan shirt.

"Excuse me, sir?" the one in teal asks a little more timidly.

"There something I can help you with?" Mando asks distractedly. I relax slightly at the sight of the men who obviously aren't fighters. Mando regards them dismissively, meaning we'll probably be alright. Slowly, still keeping my guard up, I take a seat up against the ship, close to where Mando works. The child sits happily in my lap, playing with my fingers and cooing. I create a small ball of light, idly bouncing it between my hands to keep the child entertained and in my lap. Maker only knows how much he likes to go wandering.

 "Uh, yeah." Tan shirt comes forward. "Raiders."

"We have money." Teal blurts. I resist the urge to laugh. He has his priorities straight, at least.

"So, you think I'm some kind of mercenary?" Mando inquires, almost sounding offended.

Teal and Tan look at each other. "You are a Mandalorian, right?" Tan asks.

"Or at least wearing Mandalorian armor." he becomes fearful as Mando turns around, and quickly says, "That is Mandalorian armor, right?" 

I lean back, now assured that these men are no threat. I think I'll let Mando handle this one.

Mando merely walks past them. "It is," he confirms shortly.

"See? I told him." Tan speaks, still quickly and full of fear. "Sir, I've read a lot about your people... er, tribe. If half of what I've read is true..."

"We have money." Teal interrupts.

Mando considers. "How much?"

"Everything we have, sir. Our whole harvest was stolen." he offers up a tiny bag of credits, and I wince. There's no way Mando will accept that.

"Krill. We're krill farmers." stammers Tan.

"We brew spotchka. Our whole village chipped in." Teal pleads.

Mando turns to them, seeing the tiny bag. "It's not enough." 

"Are you sure? You don't even know what the job is." They're desperate for help, even I can tell. They follow Mando as he walks over to a panel.

"I know it's not enough. Good luck."

"This is everything we have. We'll give you more after the next harvest." Tan begs.

Mando opens the ramp, startling them as it hisses. They jump out of the way.

Tan turns to me. "Can you please tell him to help us?" I can see the desperation in his eyes but if Mando is set on not going, there's nothing I can do. I've learned how stubborn he can be. Slowly, with an apology in my eyes, I shake my head. Mando steps forward as they approach me, shoulders squared in an intimidating way. They back off, and I raise a brow at Mando. Not entirely sure what that was.

"Come on, let's head back." Teal nudges his partner, hanging his head in discouragement.

"Took us the whole day to get here. Now we have to ride back with no protection to the middle of nowhere." Tan complains loudly, sounding afraid but also clearly hoping to guilt trip us. Mando ignores it, but my gaze snaps to them.

"Where do you live?" I call after them. Mando turns to me, as well as the men.

"On a farm. Weren't you listening? We're farmers." Tan snaps, but it's quiet and sounds more discouraged than anything. 

"In the middle of nowhere?" I ask, making sure I've heard them right. Mando seems to catch on to what I'm saying, now intently listening.

"Yes," Teal responds, confused as to why I'm asking.

"You have lodging?" Mando questions, and Tan and Teal's faces brighten immediately.

"Y-Yeah, absolutely."

"Good. Come up and help." I smile, glad to be doing good for once. And maybe helping this village, if we succeed, will bring me closure about my failure all those years ago. They were peaceful farmers, too, and among them, a mother selfless enough to take on a little green child she'd found in the forest. She'd already had two children, but she'd made room, even crafted his robe and now-destroyed pod. And then, when I'd arrived, she hadn't thrown me out because I was supposed to kill her adopted child. She'd offered me her home, and I'd led the Guild straight to her village. They all died because of me. Maybe, if this time goes differently, I can make my peace.

We gather our things from the ship, myself taking only my bag. After all, it's the only thing I have. The child rests on my hip and my bag on the other as I make my way to their vehicle to wait. Mando, Teal, and Tan exit the ship with boxes, making me wonder how much stuff Mando has and how I didn't notice all of it earlier.

"I'm gonna need one more thing. Give me those credits," he demands.

I nudge him with a glare. "'Please'. They're just poor farmers, there's no need to be rude."

I can tell he's rolling his eyes under his helmet. He sighs, adding the 'please' on before taking the bag. "I'm going to go find Cara. Stay here, will you? Watch them and the kid."

"Sure, babysitting's my favorite," I say sarcastically.

"Relax, I'll be right back." he lingers a moment longer before turning and walking into the dark forest. I watch after him until I can see him no longer. 

>>>>><<<<<

After about twenty minutes, I see movement and hear rustling in the dark forest, although I'm not entirely sure it's Mando and Cara because I can't see very well. Thankfully, it isn't a newfound foe or a feral animal, but our companions. Well, our companion and Cara.

I greet Cara from my seat on the vehicle with a simple nod. She nods back, climbing in. Mando takes a spot next to me, and Cara sits on the end.

"So, we're basically running off a band of Raiders for lunch money?" she asks skeptically.

"They're quartering us in the middle of nowhere. Last I checked, that's a pretty square deal for somebody in your position. Worst case scenario, you tune up your blaster. Best case, we're a deterrent. I can't imagine there's anything living in these trees that an ex- shock trooper couldn't handle." I look at Mando as he leans back, his arms out to the side. The smallness of the vehicle means that in order for him to do so, he's basically putting an arm around me. Although he isn't touching me, I feel my cheeks heat up and thank the stars that it's dark. Wait, what?

The child, who had been watching Mando, leans back against my side and looks up at the stars and treetops, copying him. I smile at the little creature. He's really taken a liking to Mando. Then, I suppose, so have I.

I lean back slowly, putting pressure on Mando's arm. I make sure to avoid his gaze, feeling nerves bunch up in my stomach for reasons I can't fathom. His head snaps to me in questioning as I lean back on his arm, but slowly he looks away. He doesn't pull his arm from under me, a silent signal that he's not completely against it. I feel the tension in my body begin to fade as I settle, scooting the tiniest bit closer. I look up at the stars in awe, temporarily forgetting that I'm practically cuddling with a Mandalorian and in a vehicle with two farmers and an ex-shock trooper. Maker, we're a band of misfits, aren't we? But none of that lingers in my mind for long as I gaze at all of the new constellations from this planet. It's wonderful. I'll have to chart them sometime.

Strangely, that's the last thing I think of before drifting off into sleep.

>>>>><<<<<

(Morning, Mando's POV)

The vehicle bumps to a stop, startling Cara and I awake. Nova still sleeps, panting and whimpering ever so slightly in her nightmare. The child looks like he's been awake for some time but he's still lying in Nova's embrace.

The two others who are awake sit up slowly, myself gazing for a moment at the woman curled up into my side before scooting away slightly. I'm afraid she'd be revolted when she woke up to find herself cuddled into my side, of all people. Last night, she'd been tired. She hadn't known what she was doing. It's the only explanation. Then, I shake her slightly. It doesn't take much to wake her, that's for sure.

She wakes with a startled jump, gasping and looking around at her unfamiliar surroundings. I go to place my hands on her arms gently, then think better of it. She probably doesn't want me to touch her.

She calms after a bit, placing the now-awake child in her lap. Oh yes, the child. Why didn't I think of that? Stupid, stupid. She's always happy around him. Something about him calms her, I think.

We look around at the murmuring villagers who have come to see us. Their protectors. The children laugh and shout joyfully, running throughout the peaceful little village. They make their way to us with smiles on their faces. I notice Nova looking down, a sorrowful look on her face. I nudge her, and her head shoots up, a fake smile plastered on her face.

I want to tell her not to do that. Quite frankly, I hate her fake smile. It's a mask, so nobody can see how much she's hurting deep down. I know she's hurting, perhaps worse than me. I can see it in her eyes, in her false laughs and smiles, in the nightmares and restless nights. I had thought, since the child seems to make her so happy, that the children of the village would too. I couldn't have been more wrong, I think as she looks dejectedly at the incoming kids.

"Well, looks like they're happy to see us," I note, trying to brighten her mood a little. She only nods. I assume she's lost in her thoughts again. She almost always is.

"Looks like." Cara agrees.

They gravitate towards the child, who had made his way over to the front of the vehicle to look at the tiny village. The children giggle and comment on how cute he is, beginning to play with him.

We load our stuff off of the vehicle, and Cara is directed to an empty house. Myself and Nova are to stay in the barn, so we've been told. However, I don't know how to get there.

"Which one is the barn? I can't even tell." I murmur to Nova, squinting in the sunlight as I scan the buildings.

"That one." she points to a large building confidently, marching towards it. Once we reach it, we see a woman getting the inside ready still. She looks over at us as we stand in the doorway.

"Please, come in." She finishes tying a knot and turns fully to us. "I hope this is comfortable for you. Sorry that all we have is the barn."

"This'll do fine," I reassure the woman. 

"I stacked some blankets over here," she tells us.

"Thank you," I say, setting my rifle down.

"That's very kind," Nova adds.

I hear soft footsteps, as if someone is sneaking. Still on edge, I whirl, pointing my blaster at a small girl. Oh. She gasps, backing up to hide behind the wall. The woman from earlier goes to the girl immediately.

Nova reacts before I can think, stepping in front of the gun and placing her hand on my own. She pushes the blaster down by its barrel. "This village is safe. Calm down," she says quietly, her voice soothing. I feel terrible. The girl can't be much older than nine.

The woman brings the girl out from behind the wall. She clings to the woman, fear in her eyes that makes my stomach turn. Maker, I'm horrible. Pointing a gun at a child. What is wrong with me?

"This my daughter Winta. We don't get a lot of visitors around here. She's not used to strangers." she looks down at her daughter. "These nice people are going to help protect us from the bad men," she explains, stroking her hair.

Winta's gaze softens. "Thank you," she says quietly. Nova, now back at my side, nods.

"I'm sorry. We're not very used to strangers, either." she kneels in front of the girl. "He didn't mean any harm."

The girl smiles at her, loosening her arms so they're not so tight around her mother anymore. She relaxes, not so scared anymore. What would I do without Nova?

The mother smiles as Nova stands again. "Come on, Winta. Let's give our guests some room." she grabs her daughter's hand and leads her out of the barn. I watch as they go, still feeling horrible.

Nova notices, and whether from my body language or lack of movement, I'm not sure. She comes over to me, standing right in front of me. "It's not your fault," she murmurs. Her voice is somehow incredibly soothing to me. I can do nothing but nod. It was my fault. I'm a horrible person. This lifestyle has ruined me.

>>>>><<<<<

(A few hours later, Nova's POV)

"Knock, knock." comes the woman's voice from the doorway.

"Come in." Mando allows.

She has a tray of food in her hands, and her daughter in tow. The child coos happily as soon as he sees Winta.

She stays in her mother's embrace, shy and timid. She looks up at her mother for reassurance before speaking up. "Can I feed him?"

Mando looks at me, and I nod. "Sure." he accepts. She walks slowly over to the makeshift crib they've made him and kneels before it, giving him tiny pieces of food.

"Are you hungry?" she asks, laughing when he eats the food straight from her hand. Everyone in the room watches, smiling, although mine is somewhat bittersweet as I remember when children in the other village had done the same. "Can I play with him?" Winta asks excitedly, no longer shy.

Mando looks at me once more. I move forward. "Sure," I say with a smile, bending down and lifting him out of the crib. 

 Winta giggles. "Come on," she says in a sweet voice. He begins to follow her out of the barn, and my heart nearly stops. The village may be safe, but I don't want him leaving without one of us to watch him.

"I don't think-" I stand, ready to follow them out.

"They'll be fine." the woman assures me, a hand up. Mando brushes past me, about to follow them as well when she stops him in his tracks. I'm not sure why, but their closeness irks me.

"I don't-" he repeats me in protest.

"They'll be fine." she insists. Mando and I back away. I go to the window, trying to see if I can find the child out there. They carry on the conversation behind me.

"I brought you some food. I noticed you didn't eat out there. I'll leave it here for when I go." she says.

"That's very thoughtful of you," Mando replies, and there's a hint of... softness in his voice? I can't pinpoint the emotion, exactly.

"Do you mind if I ask you something?" the woman speaks up. I tense, about to ask if I should leave the room. I decide against that, wanting to hear what they're saying while I pretend to be oblivious.

"Go ahead."

"How long has it been since you've taken that off?" she asks, and although I can't see, I assume she means his helmet.

He thinks. "Yesterday."

"I mean, in front of someone else." she corrects.

Mando comes to stand beside me at the window. He probably knows I'm listening. "I wasn't much older than they are." he points at the children, playing in an open area of the village.

"You haven't shown your face to anyone since you were a kid?" she asks, incredulous. She really knows nothing about their culture, does she? It's obvious, from the way she says it like it's some horrible thing.

"No. I was happy that they took me in. My parents were killed and the Mandalorians took care of me." he explains.

"I'm sorry," she says. I stay still, resting my forearms on the windowsill as I try to focus on the children. I feel almost as if I'm intruding on the conversation now, even though this is information I already know.

"This is the Way," Mando replies firmly with a nod.

"Let us know if there's anything you need." the woman says.

"Thank you." she takes that as her cue to go.

Turning to face Mando, I see him with his tray of food in hand. "Do you want me to leave?" I ask.

He pauses, though I don't know why. He's about to take his helmet off, of course I have to leave. It was a stupid question. But what he says surprises me. "If you want to."

"Well, I don't want to... intrude, so... I'll be back." I say awkwardly, hurrying out of the barn. I'd better go check on the child, too. 

As I reach the group of children, the child sees me and rushes over to me, his arms up. I lift him into my arms and swing him around. I don't think his little laugh will ever get old.

Soon, the children are asking me to play soccer with them, and I can't say no. It's clear the adults are too busy working most of the time to play with any of the children, especially with Raiders stealing their krill. I laugh with the children during the game, falling more than once into the dirt but not really minding since this is the happiest I've been in a long, long time.

By chance, I glance over to the barn window and see a helmet resting on the ledge. Mando's gloves are off as he eats, and I feel his eyes on me. I smile and wave, not too worried about breaking his code since his face is shrouded in the shadows cast by the barn's roof. He waves back at me, before I'm tackled by small children. They climb over me, giggles filling the air. I laugh, tickling some of them and grinning as they laugh hysterically.

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