Chapter 55: Way Back Home

(Author's note: The last chapter. Huhu. >_<)

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Chapter 55: Way Back Home

Now, I’m here again at Simply KPOP to sing my final song and say goodbye to this show. It’s my last performance here.

“Are you really sure with this Rhianne?” JB asked me.

“Trust me. Things will be better if I leave.” I said.

“Will you come back?” he asked.

“I will. I promise.” I said.

“Rhianne, JB, you’ll now be on stage.” the staff said.

I smiled at the staff and smiled at JB too. “Let’s go.”

JB and I went on stage and I can see fans’ reactions. They were expecting that Mark will be the one singing with me today but it isn’t him. It’s JB.

*flashback*

“I want to take a 5-month leave.” I told JYP.

JYP looked at me so surprised.

“Why? Why all of a sudden? Is there something wrong on how I handle your schedules?” JYP said.

I shook my head.

“Then why?” he asked.

“I’m going to search for something that was lost.” I said.

Then tears started to form in my eyes.

“Did something happen between you and Mark?” he asked.

I smiled at him, “I need time to be with myself and with my family.”

“Rhianne, you’re not answering my question. What happened with you and Mark? Maybe we can talk about it first before deciding.” he said.

JYP immediately stood up and hugged me. He was comforting me now.

“Tell me Rhianne, what happened?” he asked. “You’re not yet even having your one year after your debut and you’re going to take a leave?”

“I’ll come back on my one year debut, with a new me, with a whole me.” I said.

Then JYP sat down again. I can see in his face that he is very much irritated. JYP was about to say something but I immediately talked.

“I’m sick and I don’t know until when I’ll be living on this earth.” I said.

“What?” he said.

“It’s true JYP-ssi.” Kahi unnie suddenly entered the office. “Rhianne is sick. She has HCM.”

JYP looked at me. “HCM? You mean the heart disease? When? How? Why?”

“It runs in the family.” Kahi unnie said. “And too bad she was the one who have it.”

“How did you know about this Kahi? Why didn’t you tell me?” JYP said.

“Because it will only be painful for her.” Kahi unnie said. “Give her a break JYP-ssi.”

“Sigh.” JYP said. “Do you have a doctor there that will surely make you feel better?”

“I have a doctor there.” I said.

“We’ll talk about it.” JYP said.

*end of flashback*

Before singing, I decided to say something first.

“To all my fans, thank you for supporting me, 15&, SIMPLY KPOP, and as well as JYP. I’m sorry that I have to leave this show, Simply KPOP, for now. I’ll come back here I promise. I’ll just be busy with some other things and I’ll promise you that you’ll like it. Again, I hope you’ll listen to this last song.”

Then the music started.

(Play Gotta Go My Own Way)

I gotta say what's on my mind

Something about us

Doesn't seem right these days

 

Mark entered my mind. The lyrics of this song are what I really wanted to say.

 

Life keeps getting in the way

Whenever we try, somehow the plan

Is always rearranged

 

It's so hard to say

But I've gotta do what's best for me

You'll be okay

 

I've got to move on and be who I am

I just don't belong here, I hope you understand

We might find our place in this world someday

But at least for now, I gotta go my own way

 

Don't wanna leave it all behind

 

My friends, Jinyoung, Jimin, Yerin, Onii-chan, GOT7…JB, I don’t want to leave all of you. My fans, I don’t want to leave. I want to stay. But it will be so hard for me to stay, not with this situation, not with this condition.

 

But I get my hopes up

And I watch them fall every time

 

Another color turns to grey

And it's just too hard to watch it all

Slowly fade away

 

I'm leaving today

'Cause I gotta do what's best for me

You'll be okay

 

I've got to move on and be who I am

I just don't belong here, I hope you understand

We might find our place in this world someday

But at least for now, I gotta go my way

 

JB: What about us?

What about everything we've been through?

Me: What about trust?

JB:You know I never wanted to hurt you

 

Me:And what about me?

JB: What am I supposed to do?

Me: I gotta leave but I'll miss you

 

The moment JB sang, I hugged him and I started crying. But I still have to sing.

So, I've got to move on and be who I am

(Why do you have to go?)

I just don't belong here, I hope you understand

(I'm trying to understand)

 

We might find a place in this world someday

But at least for now

(I want you to stay)

I wanna go my own way

 

I've got to move on and be who I am

(What about us?)

I just don't belong here, I hope you understand

(I'm trying to understand)

 

We might find our place in this world someday

But at least for now, I gotta go my own way

I gotta go my own way

I gotta go my own way

 

What about us Mark? What about everything we’ve been through? I gotta leave because I have to go my own way.

 

“I’m sorry for ruining the song everyone. It’s just that, I’m so in to the song.” I said then I bowed down and went backstage. JB immediately followed me.

“Are you sure you’re going to be fine?” JB asked.

“I’m going to be fine.” I said as I wipe my tears and packed my things. I’ll be going straight to the airport.

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Airport

I immediately covered my eyes with sunglasses, plus I’m wearing something that people won’t be able to recognize me. I don’t want them to see me go. I don’t want to create an issue. I’m tired of it.

“You’ll come back Rhianne.” JYP said.

“Of course I will. I just need some time and space.” I said. “I’ll be healthy the moment I come back.”

“JYPE will always be open for you Rhianne.” JYP said.

“I know.” I said.

“Oh and JB, please give this to Mark. Make sure he listens to it.” I said as I handed him a recorder.

Mark, it’s going to be my last gift to you since I won’t be able to give it to you on your birthday.

“But where is Mark?” JYP asked.

“He didn’t know.” I said.

“I will give this to Mark.” JB said. “But what will I say to Jimin, Yerin, and Jinyoung?”

“I left a message to Jinyoung. Jimin and Yerin know. We talked about it.” I said.

“Are you really sure you’re going to be fine?” JB asked.

“I answered that question a lot of times already. I’m going to be fine JB. Thanks for your concern.” I said.

“I’ll be going.” I said.

Then I waved at them.

Then JB hugged me. “I’ll miss you.”

“Me too.” I said then I smiled at him and continue walking inside the airport. I’ll just wait for my flight.

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At GOT7 dorm,

Mark’s POV

Jinyoung was acting very weird today. He seems like he’s very mad or something.

“What’s wrong Jinyoung?” I asked him.

He smiled at me, “How can I answer what’s wrong when nothing is right?” Then he stood up and went outside the room.

He’s mad.

“What’s wrong with Jinyoung?” I asked Jackson.

Jackson stared at me, “There’s nothing wrong with him. There’s something wrong with you Mark.”

Then he went out too.

“Why is everybody mad at me?” I shouted.

“I’m not mad at you hyung.” Bambam said as he was mixing something on his cup.

“Me too.” Yugyeom said. “Why? What’s happening?”

Is it because I broke up with Rhianne that’s why they’re mad at me? Is it my fault? Rhianne was the one who slap Wendy first without knowing the reason then it is still my fault. Wendy is my best friend and I can’t just take it if someone hurts her.

Wendy was the only one who’s been with me through the down period of my life. I can’t accept anyone who’ll hurt her. She saved me from being bullied when we were a child. It wasn’t Wendy’s fault why I was not able to go there to my surprise for her. It was my choice. So Rhianne doesn’t have the right to slap Wendy.

What is wrong with everyone?

Suddenly, JB entered the room and handed me a recorder.

“Go inside your room and listen to it.” he said.

“And why should I listen to it?” I said.

“Because it’s something that’ll make you regret.” JB said.

“Hyung, what is happening?” Bambam asked.

But JB just ignored him.

I looked at the recorder. What is in here that will make me regret. I entered my room and tried to listen to what is inside this recorder. I put the headset on my ears and I played it.

Hi MARK!

 

 A girl is talking. She’s not just a normal girl. She’s Rhianne.

How are you doing? Is everything fine? Are you happy?

 

Then suddenly, Rhianne’s voice became sad.

Because me, I’m not doing well. I’m not fine. I’m not happy.

 

She paused for a while.

 

Why did we end up like this Mark? Am I too selfish? Or am I too weird? Nah, I’ll just edit this part.

 

I’m sorry for being such a selfish girlfriend. I’m sorry for demanding you so much. I’m sorry for slapping Wendy in front of you. I’m sorry for being with JB all the time because that’s all I know to get your attention. I’m sorry for being such an attention seeker. I’m sorry for not being perfect.

 

I can hear Rhianne crying right now. It’s breaking my heart. Stop talking please.

But still, I want to thank you for the 6 months, 3 weeks, 4 days, 21 hours and 34 minutes of being my boyfriend. Yes I calculated it because every minute counts. Every minutes spent with you is every minute of happiness in my life. But after that time, everything changed.

 

Thank you, Mark for being such a great boyfriend for me. Thank you for giving me the chance to feel how to love again and how to be loved for the first time, if you really loved me. I hope it didn’t ended but we can’t change what happened. I guess, I’m not really Peter Pan’s Wendy. I’m just Tinkerbell who’s always with you, who always makes you happy and sometimes makes you mad too. Sigh. Okay. So this is it.

 

Remember the time you asked me why I’m not writing a song about you? Honestly, I’ve been starting it I just don’t want you to listen yet because I’m not fulfilled with it. I planned to give this to you on your birthday but it seems like I won’t be able to reach there anymore. So now, I’m giving this to you. I hope you’ll listen.

 

Then I heard a strum of the guitar.

(Author’s note: I think I’m going to upload this song on my soundcloud. I composed this song actually.)

Peter Pan <3

 

I was crying in one place the moment you saw me

You asked me why but I just smiled

 

Suddenly, I remembered the first time I saw her cry. It was also on her birthday. She cried at me.

You asked me to come with you in neverland

And I say "Yes, I'll come with you in neverland" and you said

 

Pre-chorus:

Second star to the right and straight on til morning

Think of happy thoughts and we'll fly

 

Chorus:

And I'll sing

You're my Peter Pan and I'm your Wendy

We'll fly to neverland and be happy

We'll never think of breaking up

We'll never think of losing hope

We'll never think of growing up anymore

My Peter Pan

 

Rhianne’s voice is cracking. She’s crying. I made her cry this bad. It’s my entire fault. Why did I ever say that? Why did I ever get mad at her? Why Mark? Why? Why didn’t I choose you Rhianne?

 

We were so happy there in neverland

All our fears, all our shames were gone... all gone

And on that moment I felt your love, sweet love

You taught me then how to fly so we'll be together and you said

 

 

Bridge:

Then one night you asked me if I were to stay

I want to grow up and say goodbye

You said, "Never say goodbye, cause goodbye means going away

And going away means forgetting"

 

Chorus 2:

And I'll stay

To be with Peter Pan and be your Wendy

Together we will be forever happy

We'll never think of breaking up

 

And I'll stay

To be with Peter Pan and be your Wendy

Together we will be forever happy

We'll never think of breaking up

We'll never think of losing hope

 

We'll never think of messing up

We'll never think of letting go

 

We'll never think of growing up

 

Anymore

 

Then I heard her cry even more. She’s crying more and more. Rhianne, stop crying, please. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

I’m sorry I ruined the song. Damn tears, they’re flowing right now. Haha. I’m sorry I cursed. But I guess this song won’t be suitable for the two of us right now because eventually we need to break up, we need to be messed up, we need to let go and lastly, we need to grow up. I know it’s hard to say farewell, but it’s going to come, whether we like it or not.

 

I’ll grow up right now and try to be a more mature Rhianne. I’ll stop being the childish one. I’ll grow up.

 

I guess superstitions really happen. Remember the moment you asked me to hold your hand on New Year’s Eve? You said we’ll hold hands because we need to be together for the whole year but after a big explosion, we weren’t holding hands anymore. And I realized, with just one explosion of my anger, we broke up. I guess I was the one who let go. It’s not you, it’s me. And for the first time, my birthday wish came true. I wished that on my birthday, it will be something memorable. Yeah, it was memorable, memorable enough to hurt my heart.

 

This is the last time I’m going to be a child, Mark. That night made me realize how stubborn I have been the past days. I can’t make you fight for me. I’m slowly realizing, I need to love myself. I need to fight for myself. And yeah, that’s what I did right now. See you again after five months or maybe…

 

She paused for a bit and I can hear her breathing heavily.

…or maybe not.

 

What does she mean by it? Maybe not? She left and will not return? I removed the headset from my ears and immediately went out of my room.

“Hyung where are you going?” Bambam asked.

“I’m going to Rhianne. I’ll get her back.” I said.

Then I opened the door and saw Jinyoung.

“It’s too late Mark. She’s gone.” Jinyoung said.

“What do you mean she’s gone?” I said.

“Where did Noona go?” Yugyeom asked.

“She left us.” Jinyoung said. “She left her dream, her one and only precious dream and thanks to you Mark.”

“What do you mean she left?” I shouted.

“She’s on her way, home.” JB said.

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Rhianne’s POV

Flight 3W8LSIY Philippines to Korea

 

The announcer said. I’m going to enter the airport already. It’s been a great year here in Korea. I guess I need to leave you for a while. Besides, I need to talk to my parents about my situation. Why did they hide it from me?

Anyway, I entered the airplane, sat down and looked at the window. Mark, no matter how we end in the future, at least we’ve been together before. We don’t have to end our promises, and we most definitely don’t need those words of promise. Eventually, those promises are just meant to be broken.

I took a deep breathe while seeing the airplane move away from the land.

“I’m on my way back home.”