Chpt. 21 - So Big/So Small

"I'd like to talk to you about the day your dad left." Heidi began her sentence with Evan sitting silently beside her on the living room couch. His big, brown, doe eyes stared up into his mother's with a child-like gleam. Heidi never really talked much about Evan's father and the day he had walked out of their lives forever or even why he did it, but she was prepared to do it right then and there. "You remember, right? It was in February... Your dad came by in a U-Haul truck and I remember telling you to go wait inside, but it was too late, because you saw the truck. You used to love trucks, especially if they were big and could fill up a lot of space." Heidi took one of Evan's hands into hers, cupping it with a certain motherly gentleness. "I remember letting you sit behind the wheel... Your smile was so wide and I think that was the last time I saw you so happy..." She let out a choked sob.

All of the emotions of that day began to flood her body, filling her head with sadness and empathy for her fatherless son.

Of course, Evan had a father, but... He never really got to know his dad.

"The house felt so big and I just felt so small... Without your father, I felt like we were dwindling. I remember tucking you into bed that night, and- Evan... You said, 'Is there another truck coming to our driveway? A truck that will take mommy away?'" That was when she began to shutter and shake with continuous sobs... Heidi put her hands to her face and wiped the wet tears from her eyes. She tried to contain her feelings, because she felt as if right now all that mattered was Evan and how he was feeling.

"And, I know I've missed so much, Evan... I've barely had enough time to see my little guy grow up! I've come up short a billion different ways, but there's one thing I need you to know, honey..." She huddled closer to Evan, his hand still in hers. "Just like that February day... I'm gonna squeeze your hand as tight as I can and say... There's not a truck in the driveway that's going to take me away... Your mom isn't going anywhere! I'm staying right here, no matter what."

Evan pulled his hand out of his mother's and threw himself into her arms, soothing her as she let out the tears she had been holding back.

"I-I know, mom. I love you." He hugged her tightly, assuring her that it was okay. He knew in his heart that he hadn't exactly been the best son or friend or boyfriend, but he was willing to try, for his mom, his friends, and Connor. Evan buried his face into his mom's shoulder... And, for the first time in a while, he didn't feel the need to cry, only comfort those he had hurt.

"I love you, mom... But, I- I've gotta- I need to call Jared and apologize to him. Alana, too!"

"Funny you should say that, because they're upstairs in your room. Even Connor." Heidi pulled away from her son and began to lead him upstairs. Evan could make out a distinct group of voices, Connor's was the one that filled him with more confidence for what he was about to do. He pushed the door open and was instantly greeted by Connor, but Jared and Alana stood by the window, glaring at Evan speculatively. Heidi closed the door, and made her way back downstairs, allowing the four of them to have some privacy.

"Alana said I wasn't allowed to punch you, but that won't stop me from giving you a piece of my mind." Jared spat out, earning a contemptuous glare from Connor. "What you said was uncalled for, I'm not even sure I can look at you right now." Alana put a hand on Jared's shoulder and began to guide him over to Evan.

Evan looked at Alana and Jared... Knowing that anything he could possibly say wouldn't be able to undo the damage he had caused, but it was a start to healing them and even himself.

"Jared. Alana. Connor. I am so sorry. There's nothing I can say that can take back what I've done... I said some things to you two, Jared and Alana, and I pushed all three of you away... Because, I was ashamed with myself. I couldn't believe I was capable of hurting people. I know there's nothing I can say, except sometimes... You see everything you wanted... Everything you wish you had and it was right there in front of me! I want the three of you in my life and I never want to hurt you guys like that again, because you don't deserve that... No one does. I just wanted to pretend that I wasn't as broken as I am, because if I can see just how broken I am, then that means everyone else can, too. So I pushed you all away... All I ever do is run, and I know now that I can't anymore... I want to step into the sun." The words were out in the open now. Everyone could tell that Evan felt immensely remorseful, there was no way they couldn't forgive him.

The three of them surrounded Evan, nothing to say, but their expressions contained multitudes of unsaid words.

Connor put an arm around Evan's waist and pulled him towards the three of them. Jared was the first to say something in return to Evan's monologue, "Well..." Evan turned his gaze upon Jared, waiting for him to say a sarcastic retort. "We accept your apology!" Alana cut in and jumped into the middle of the three boys.

Finally, Evan had fallen back into their good graces.

[Author's Note: Stay tuned. This fanfic isn't over yet. There's one more chapter after this one. I'll get it published in the next few days, it's gonna be a bit calmer than the past chapters. Not a lot of feels, but there will be an unexpected phone call by someone... Let's see if you can guess who...]