Colette

        Dean returns back to the bunker later that night with a heavier heart than he thought he would have. He could end everything right then and now, having the threat of him on the earth completely eradicated. Cas and Sam can live their ordinary lives and continue on like he was never there. On the other hand, he could stay and have the constant worry of one day killing the two people that he loves the most in this world. He knew deep down what the right answer would be but the selfish part of him, the one that wanted to try to keep his humanity, didn't want to leave just yet. There was something brewing between him and Cas and he never felt as alive as he had at this moment. The Mark of Cain had a way of taking away every single emotion and replacing it with ones you would never think of having. It takes and takes until there is something even recognizable about you. You yearn to kill and you do it because it makes you feel like yourself again. He was practically dead when he swore off hunting monsters until Cas came back into his life and changed everything. He knew something was different when Cas would walk into the room and his world would stop like time stood still and took his breath with it. His angry feelings would just dissipate into thin air and the Mark would fade to a slight buzz in the background of his head.  Nobody he had ever associated himself with could ever come anywhere close to making him feel almost whole like him. That sort of thing should give him hope. Should make him feel that, perhaps, he can make it a little bit longer in this godforsaken universe. Yet why does a sense of dread form in the pit of his stomach, bubbling up so high he may just burst all over the floor? Even that he never seems to have the answers to.

        He turned the corner, walking to his room to try and recollect his thoughts. It may not be much of a thing to do, but at this point, it was really the only thing he could do.

"Dean? Is that you?" A timid voice sounded behind him and he shifts his body so he is facing the opposite side. A breath escapes Cas's mouth and he runs to tackle him with an unexpected hug that nearly tobbles him to the floor. Arms swallow him from either side and he was preatically squeezing the life out of him, nuzzling his face into his neck. Not even 3 seconds went by, though, before he was throwing him clear across the room until his back hit the concrete wall. He walks over and picks up Dean by the collar of his shirt, backing him up against the now dented wall.

"Where in the hell have you been Dean Winchester? Do you realize how long you have been out? You leave the bunker with not as much as a note or an explanation why you decided to haul ass from here. Sam, at this very moment, is driving around the whole entire state looking for your stupid, stubborn ass. Now tell me, what was so important that you didn't want to wait until morning for us to go with you?"

"I'm sorry about this misunderstanding, okay? I wanted to get some fresh air after what went on...earlier, so I went into the woods neighboring the bunker. I know I should've told someone but my head wasn't in the right mind and sometimes being cooped up in the bunker doesn't do me any good."

Cas chuckles a bit, shaking his head while putting his hands on his hips. He straightened his expressions in no less than a second and stared at Dean. 

"Bullshit. I know you Dean, and you aren't the type to take a quiet stroll to clear your head, as you say. How far gone are you? Because it so happens to appear like you have been holding back on us by the state of the Mark."

"Cas..I.."

"How long do you got Dean? I'm assuming that's what you did, right? Met with Crowley or Metatron or some other so-called expert on the Mark of Cain, telling you how much time you have before you completely snap." His voice cracked a bit and he could tell that he was trying hard to keep it together in front of him. To not entirely fall apart like the fragile angel Dean appears to see him as.

"I don't know what.."

"Dean! Please," He places his hand on his mouth, clearing away the breakage in his voice and he subconciously fixes his tie. As if fixing the tie would mend his shattered emotions until they were somewhat complete again. "I must know."

Dean fishes out a coin in his pocket, flipping it carefully between his fingers with ease. The action was more to appease his thoughts than anything else. To act as a sort of distraction to momentarily delay the inevitable conversation he knew that was coming sooner or later. Without any further hesitiation, he threw the coin at the wall and buried his hands into his pockets, not having anywhere else to put them.

"It's too late. I'm already gone."

"No. We can fix this. We can find a way. We always..."

"You have been saying that for almost a year, Cas. I think....I think that if there was a way to fix this damn problem, we would have already found it by now."

"What....what are you trying to say Dean?"

"I'm trying to say that I'm done. I'm done trying to look for something that was never there in the first place. I'm done trying to convince myself that everything is going to be okay because, in reality, it really isn't going to be. And Cas, I'm done telling myself that I'm someone that helps people and only does right in this world. It's time to face that facts that the me I used to be, isn't coming back. The Dean Winchester I am right now..well he's a monster. A cold-blooded killer. No matter how hard I try to avoid that possiblity, it just gets worse."

"You're...you're giving up? After all that we done for you? After all the time and energy we spent attempting to find a way to eject the Mark of Cain from you?"

"Don't you be putting the blame on me! I never asked you to do this for me. You and Sam could have left me for dead and I would have understood completely. You see, Cas, I'm a lost cause from the very beginning and I think you're just now realizing that. There is no hope for me. But there is for you two. Sam can go live is life with some ordinary girl, in an ordinary house, with an ordinary job and have the most ordinary kids he could possibly dream for. You can go back to heaven and become their new leader. Just try not to let all that power go to your head again."

Tears started falling down Cass' cheeks and he could tell he was trying his hardest not to let it all out in front of him. The water dripped silently to his trenchcoat which had more stains on it than it normally did. Yet another reminder Dean has from all the extra pain he didn't have to endure because of him.

 "What about you?"

He looks down at the coin that had rolled back, moments before, to his feet and moved it to and fro with the tip of his shoes.

"Don't worry about it. I'll figure something out. By myself."

He shakes his head defiantly and walks into Deans bedroom, sitting himself on the edge of his bed. Slowly he eases off his coat and tosses it with frustration across the room so it lay in a bundled heap on the floor. He does the same thing to his tie, placing his hands on his face in a manner to hide his pain. He knows because he does the same exact thing but in a more private setting so nobody could hear his tears. The ones that seem to come more often than usual.

"Whatever you are thinking about doing, Dean, you aren't going to go into this alone. If you think for even one second that we would abandon you and leave you with that wretched thing on your arm, then you don't know us at all. You don't know me at all. You didn't lose hope in me when I swallowed up all of Purgatory, turned your brother into something he is still recovering from, or when I was convinced I was a God. If you want to get rid of me, Dean Winchester, you are going to have to try harder than that."

"This is nothing like we have experienced before Cas! I could kill you or Sam and I would do it without any hesitation or remorse. You should be afraid of me, not wanting to hold my hand and walk into the sunset together."

"Everything we face these days, we go into it with no clear what we are doing. This is no different. It may take a little bit longer than it usually does, but we will save you Dean. That much you deserve."

"But what if it kills me, huh? What if you have to kill me in order to save me from myself?"

"It will never come down to that."

"What if it does? What if, a couple months down the line, I can't control myself nearly as wel as I do now, and I end up killing an innocent person? You can't just say to my face that you'll let me live to see another day."

"I'll deal with it when the time comes, Dean."

"Yeah, well I think my time is running out faster than your mind is processing. That day I killed all those people when we were rescuing Claire, I did it without a seconds thought. I didn't care about the consequences or what others may think of me. I wasn't even close to finishing either. I could have kept on killing people if you guys hadn't stepped into the room. You made me a promise that if I ever put an end to someone who didn't deserve it, you would knife me. Yet here I stand, alive and breathing."

"Those people deserved it. They were bad people."

Dean screamed in frustration and threw the lamp on the nighttable against the wall so that it shattered across the room, cutting his arms and his cheeks. He didn't care though. The rage was already to the point where he would burst at any second and it did him no good that the angel didn't have the heart to put his flame out. He would just consume the whole entire room in flames and Cas would sit there, waiting until the fire dimmed down and all was still. And in that moment, Dean understood Cains story. He already told Dean that he would end up killing Cas and Sam when the time comes but he was always made it seem that they would fight back. Try to make sure that he wouldn't and couldn't kill anyone else. But seeing how Cas is acting towards him he just knew. Knew that Cas wouldn't fight back. Wouldn't defend himself in any way possible. He would just let him do it. Let him watcht he brilliant blue light leave him eyes forever. Watch him breath his last breathe until he was left alone. In silence.

He retrieved a knife he always kept in his back pocket and walks over to where Cas was residing. Then he grabs his hand and places the weapon firmly in his grasp, scanning his bright blue eyes. He made sure the knife was facing him and he edges slightly forward so that the blade pierces him.

"I am a bad person Cas. Its better to end my life now when you have a pleasant memory of me than have it be the complete opposite. I want you to be happy and this is the only way. Now show me you have what it takes to end my suffering."

His firm grip on the knife started to shake as Cas looks into his eyes, an expression of complete anguish splayed across his features. He kept the blade in the same position, refusing to move it any further than it already was.

"Do it Cas!"

"No." He whispers, scanning the blood welling up at the tip of the blade.

He places his hands on tops of his and edges the blade a bit forward, grimacing at the slight pain coursing throughout his chest.

"Fine if you can't do it, then we will both do it. Together."

A determined look briefly crosses his face and Cas grips the blade with such force that it didn't budge from his hands. Deans hands started to shake on top of his own and he looks up at him, the once expressionless face masked with that of sorrow and fear. Cas drops the blade to the floor and puts his hands on top of his to stop the shaking. Deans fingers were still formed to the shape of the blade, his vision staring off into the distance as if caught up in a memory. He sits him precautiously on the bed and wraps his arms around him in the tightest hug he had ever given him. He didn't want to let go for fear he may eradicate himself at any minute. If anything, Dean was good at hiding his state of mind to a point where it almost frightens him.

Tears were streaming down both of their faces but they didn't seem to care. They were both lost in each others arms. Lost in the steady rhythm of their breathing. Dean nuzzling his head into the groove of his shoulder. Their bodies fit in all the right places like a puzzle piece would to make a full picture. The fact is, they were broken in every way possible. And sure there were a few pieces missing here and there but Cas was determined to put all the pieces back together. If, in the end, there was still a couple extra not there, then so be it. After all, nobody was truly whole.

Dean pulls himself away, quietly wiping away the tears that flooded his cheeks and stared back at Cas.

"Look man...I ain't going to lie. I'm scared as hell and everyday is just making less and less sense to me as I go on."

He grabs his hand and places it on his heart, receiving a puzzling glance from Dean.

"Do you feel that? That is you right now. You're alive and that's all that matters at this moment. You are looking at this in the wrong way, Dean. Don't be afraid of the future, for that is something that can always change. Take this day by day, step by step, breath by breath and I assure you everything will fall into place." He leans in and places a small peck on his lips and was about to get up to leave Dean alone but he pulls him on top of him and kisses him. Cas smiles through kisses, almost laughing and it causes him to also crack a small smile, making their teeth clack into each other. They lay down on the bed laughing. Laughing at some untold joke spoken between the two of them. Laughing at each other when one ends up snorting too loudly. Laughing so hard that they had to grip their stomachs until they stopped completely, trying to catch their breaths. Dean knew what Cas was doing and he was glad for all the right reasons to finally let himself go. To finally have his stomach bubbling not because he was afraid of killing the people he love but because of the constant reminder that he wasn't alone. Not really.

Dean doesn't know how it happens but the one minute they were kissing and the next minute all their clothes were off, getting lost in the rhythm of their love. Love. The word makes his heart beat faster just thinking that he doesn't now only apply it to his brother with whom he seemed to solely tell that to, but now he can apply it to someone else. Cas. That thought made his cheeks burn with color and his lips press even harder against the angels, growing fond of the way he moans out his name. He wrestles with Cas so he is now on top and presses kisses to his neck, reaching down and palming at his erection. A small gasp escapes his throat and Dean couldn't help but smile and stroke a bit faster, biting at his lower lip. He removes himself from his lips and works his way down so that he was to the bottom half of him. He grabs his cock again, without a seconds warning, causing Cas to grip the headboard behind him in immense pleasure, and he picks up a steady rhythm. Small moans leave his mouth and it makes Deans erection throb with longing. When a bit of pre-cum flows out of him and onto his fingers, he takes it, rubbing the liquid on his hole and slipping one finger in. He looks up at Cas, biting his lip and he nods his head in a silent agreement. Spitting into his hand, he strokes his neglected cock, groaning at the thought of doing him properly. Doing him the way they should have done before.

He spreads his legs and places them on either side of his shoulders, making it so that his ass was comfortable. Slowly he eases into Cas, watching him to make sure he wasn't in any pain. Yet his hands were gripping the headboard so tight, he could see the whites of his knuckles showing through against his pale skin. 

"I'm not fragile Dean. Just do me already."

He grins and backs away. "Now Cas," he says teasingly, "I don't think I like your tone that you are giving me. I.."

"DEAN JUST FUCK ME ALREADY."

He laughs and thrusts into him, shaking the bed a little with the force. He then forms a steady rhythm of thrusting, picking up a slightly faster pace as he went on. Leaning forward, he places small kisses on his neck, giving Cas the opportunity to change positions and grip Deans back instead, rubbing his cock against his stomach. A loud moan leaves Cas's mouth and his fingers scratch down his back as he thrusts harder into him. They were both reaching their breaking point. Cas throwing his head back in pleasure, moaning Deans name. Dean nuzzling his head into his neck gasping between shallow breaths, sweat perspiring down his cheeks.

"Dean...I..I feel," He digs his nails into his back moaning loudly as he cums all over his stomach, breathing heavily, "Dean!" His body shakes with his first orgasm and that was enough to send Dean over the edge, giving Cas a few fast thrusts and moaning his name. He collapses to the bed, both of them sweating and gasping for air.

"That.....was....amazing."

Cas nods and lays his head on his chest, closing his eyes to the steady rhythm of Deans heart. His breathing slowed down and he musses with his damp black hair. As Cas slowly drifted into unconsciousness, Dean let his mind drift with him.

His mind went into that of Cains story and for what seems like the millionth time, he thought of his words. Yet this time they appeared different to him. They used to seem like a warning of some sort and that, if he wasn't careful, he would end up exactly where Cain was. But now that he think of it, he realizes that he wasn't trying to warn him. No. Cain wasn't that merciful towards Dean. Cain story was a promise. As if he would arise from the dead and make sure that he would have Dean repeat his own history. The steady breathing of Cas beside him made him even more sure of his decision that he would make. Cas is his Colette, no doubt about it. 

But Dean would never let himself get to the point of fulfilling Cains whims.

He would be dead by then. 

That he promises.

"I love you Cas."

And just like his nightmares, he is met with silence.