C19

Joss mother lay inside the coffin in a beautiful white dress. She looks in peace and happy but the atmosphere was heavy for everyone around her. Some are grieving loudly, some sobbing quietly while others just stares blankly. Joss stands beside her still wiping away his tears. Gawin stands by his side holding his hand. Gawin's parents also came and express their grieve.

Gawin's mother pull in Joss for a hug patting and rubbing on his back. "I'll take care of ur son for u from now  on so don't worry too much." Gawin's mother says looking at Joss's mother.

During that moment, Joss's sister Jessie come running in the hall crying. "Mom...!" She stops just a few inches away from where her mother's coffin is and slowly drag her feet towards her. She couldn't believe what she is witnessing in front of her. She stands in front of her mother. Her mother looks like she's sleeping peacefully, that's what she tells herself but deep inside she knows that's not the truth.

"Mom..." She takes a deep breath and brings her hand  loser to her mother's face. She gently touch her cold face. 'Mom...u must be so tired that u are sleeping like this....' She weeps but calms herself down. 'I'll try hard not to cry ok. U hate to see me cry isn't it? I'll try to smile more and more from now on ok mom so u too can let go of all the worries and burden. Please go to a nice place and be happy. There love urself more don't always sacrifice for others like u always do for us. If I have another chance then I wish to be ur daughter once again. I love u mom.' She sob silently.

Everyone in black gathered around the cemetery where Joss's mother was being burried. Joss cried out loud shouting calling for his mom. His sister run past him and lays flat on her mother's tomb, she cries out for her mother.

'Mom...!!! No......mom! Please...Come back!!! Mom...!!! Dad! Please bring mom back! Dad!' She pulls her father standing silently with a blank expression. 'Dad!!! Please bring her back...!!! Mom....' She fell down on her knees.

One by one all of the people starts leaving. Joss is brought back in by Gawin inside and Gawin's mother held Jessie and brings her back also. At the end, it is only Mr.Wayar standing alone in front of his wife's tomb all alone staring blankly to nowhere. How hard it must be to part with the person u wished to stay with forever. To let go of ur love without any choice but to let go.

The woman he met when he was at his lowest and who gave him his everything, thinking that he couldn't even do anything to save her just fills his heart with guilt and regret. The broad shoulder where she used to lean on is of no use now. The rough hands she used to hold will be empty from now on. The tall figure stands there still as if he's protecting her from the world.

'It should have been better if I was the one lying there instead.'

Inside Joss's house :

Gawin's mother bring Jessie inside her room and console her until she falls asleep while Gawin's father along with Gawin stays in Joss's room consoling him. Joss sits on the bed with Gawin by his side while Gawin's father sits on a chair in front of them.

"Son, don't think too much. Someday u me everyone else will leave this world but until then we must let the time heal and learn to move on in life." He pats on Joss's shoulder. Gawin's mother also comes inside his room and gives him a hug before heading out with her husband leaving Gawin with Joss. In this kind of things, Gawin's parents are very understanding. Gawin sees them off and comes back inside the room. He sits besides Joss silently.

Joss pulls him into a hug. Gawin hugs him back gently patting on his back. "It will be all ok. U have me." Joss tightens the hug. Gawin consoles him throughout the day. Joss falls asleep on Gawin's lap. At night time, Joss wakes up to find Gawin asleep against the bed headboard. He lifts his hands and rubs gently on Gawin's face. He feels kinda relief that he's by his side. He's like a shelter during a harsh storm.

He gets up, make Gawin lay flat on the bed and also lie down beside him staring at him. He was staring at him until he knows when he falls asleep. Morning came, Joss opens his eyes to find that the other side of the bed is empty. He sprung up from bed and starts searching around the room. Gawin comes out from the bathroom rubbing his eyes. Joss rush towards him and pulls him into a hug letting out a sigh of relief.

"What happened?" Gawin's ask clueless.

"Nothing."

"Are u alright?" Gawin hugs him back. Joss nods in response. He hugs Gawin with eyes close.

Downstairs :

They come downstairs to find that the rooms were empty. No one was there. Joss's father has asks everyone except the guards not to come for a week. Joss pulls Gawin towards the kitchen.

"Do u know how to make breakfast?" Joss ask him.

"I don't know maybe." Gawin answers him awkwardly.

"U must be hungry. Let's go out for breakfast."

"What about ur dad and sister?"

"They are still asleep so let's bring their's on the way back."

Gawin nods in agreement.

Both of them comes out the house and hits the road in Joss's car. Joss drove the car very calmly. It was a beautiful morning. The sky is clear and the sun shines warmly as if everything is fine. Sometimes nature can be so cruel. Gawin looks at Joss who is not showing a hint of sadness on his face. He understands why he is being like that.

Joss is someone who hides his pain and sadness well so that the people around him doesn't worry about him. He has a protective instinct for the people he's close with so how can a person who's suppose to protect shows  sign of pain or sadness. He must be the one to protect others from it not go through it himself. This is his thought process and Gawin understands it better than anyone.

The son whose world used to revolve around his mother now is learning to grow up and let go of things, not letting sadness engulfed his young heart and learning to accept things and move on. Seeing this from heaven how proud his mother must have felt. She must be saying 'Now u are all grown up my son' and smiling happily.

How heavy his heart is but he choose to burry it inside. Letting others see his weak side was already a weakness for someone who must carry on his family's legacy. For someone who in the future must carry everyone on his broad shoulder, someone who must feed everyone who works for him with his rough hands, crying in front of everyone once is more than enough and he knew this more than anyone else.

He's emotional yet realistic in his approach letting his head decides what his heart wants. Hiding all the scars he got, all the pain he suffered, all the tears he wept he moves ahead in life as he should with eyes full of confidence and a firm posture with a strong heart. During this hard days, he  considers himself lucky to have someone hold his empty hands.

<see u on next chp>