Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Sienna's POV

My eyes slowly open, just minutes of sleep have engulfed me. I can't sleep, not properly at least. My head hurts and my eyes sting from my lack of sleep, but as I focus on the person sleeping beside me none of that seems to matter.My eyes graze over him, starting with his face, his perfect face. His soft pink lips are slightly parted, allowing him to breathe softly. I can feel his low breaths hitting the top of my head, reminding me this is happening, it is actually happening. My gaze continues upwards drifting past his perfect nose and his closed eyes, lavished with dark long eyelashes. I reach his head and his brown hair messily hangs down his face and lays across his pillow, beneath him. I never appreciated him, not in moments like this and now I am going to make sure I do. His shirt is hung over the back of a chair, leaving his torso bare. My eyes move down to his arm, tattoos covering it and it hangs over my waist. He hasn't moved his arm since we got into bed together, his grip is firm, but not in a dominant way. It's like he is holding onto me, making sure I will still be beside him when he wakes up.I close my eyes, yet I still can't sleep. I have drifted in and out of sleep for the last few hours, but each time I have woken up in an almost panic. I woke up with my heart racing, terrified that he had left me again. I can't help thinking in my head that if I fall asleep, when I wake up he will be gone. I am terrified that this is all too good to be true, him being here. My stomach lunges with nerves and my chest feels tight with anxiety. I couldn't cope losing him again, I wouldn't be able to go through it again.My heart keeps racing with every slight movement or noise he makes. I feel like I am obsessed with him, like my entire existence revolves around him. I know I am being far-fetched and I am bound to feel like this, we're just finding the balance of being back together. The more time I lay here though and he stays beside me, the more I start to feel complete again. The broken pieces of my heart have been recovered and he is in the processing of gluing them back together. He connects each broken piece every time he smiles at me, every time he touches me and every time he says he loves me. This time around he is holding the pieces in place, making sure the glue is set before he takes his secure touch away. He is making sure this time it doesn't break.I just keep touching him, my fingers moving softly over his skin, reminding myself that he is real. I have dreamt of this moment so many times and I didn't believe it would ever happen again. It's like my head doesn't believe this is real, but my heart knows it is. My head is the rationale one, almost refusing to believe that he is here and that he loves me. He does though, he still loves me and I love him. I didn't know it was possible to love him or anyone more than I already did, but I've proven that I can. The love I have for him is indescribable, I can't even begin to tell you. I just know that I can feel it in every part of my body and it is the happiest, most sensual, fulfilling feeling I have ever had.I genuinely didn't think this could happen again. I didn't think I could allow myself to show that I love him, not after all of the pain and hurt he caused me. I never thought he would be able to show me he still loves me either. I don't like the things we have done along the way, the many wrong paths we have taken. I never wanted to hurt anyone, but how can I regret them now when they have all led me back to him. I have somehow got him back and I know now after all the bullshit and lies, this is all I ever wanted. He was all I ever needed, things would have been easier if I had realised that when I first laid eyes on him in the airport, all that time ago. I have never made things easy for myself though, not until now. I know what I want now and what I need, it's all him. It's always been him. I continue to move my fingers gently over his skin, drawing over the outline of his many tattoos. My fingers run softly over the words on his arm, the words he got for me. Those words remind me of a time when we were completely infatuated with each other. It was a simpler time, a time when we both knew we loved each other and that was all that mattered. I always knew as long as these words were still etched into his skin there was still something there, there was still love between us. We may have replaced the names of one another on our skin, but these words were the one that really meant something. These words gave me hope, something to hold onto, even when I thought he hated me.

'If you'll be my star, I'll be your sky'

I trace my fingers over the words, the feeling of my touch, makes him jolt slightly in his sleep. He doesn't wake up though, he just lets out a deeper breath, sounding more content that I thought was possible.I don't know how we are going to make our relationship work, not with all the vultures waiting around, ready to pounce. Everyone will want to see us fail, the media and fans love to laugh about us and our relationship, which most of them still believe was just a publicity stunt. If only they all knew the real insight into everything we have been through, they'd know this never had the making for something like that. They'd realise all the farfetched crazy stories are all true and not things leaked to sell records. They all happened, they were all parts of what our relationship was and that's why it was toxic for so long. We made it toxic, with jealousy and desire. A desire that was so strong, neither of us knew how to control it. I can't focus on all the negativity us being back together will bring, because for once something else matters more. He matters more and this time around it is all about us. There will be so many people wanting to destroy us, trying to get inside us and corrupting our thoughts. I won't let that happen this time. I'm not going to let anyone ruin something I have fought so long and hard for. This isn't just about each other, it's about his baby that is growing inside me. The baby that is the key to us and everything we are.He breathes out heavily beside me and as he does he pulls himself closer to me. I lay my head down on his chest, feeling it rise up and down. The feeling of him beneath me starts to make my tense body relax further. The troubles hanging over my shoulders drift away and I lay listening to his beating heart. My own heart jumps slightly having this connection with him. He is here, really here and I'm not messing up again. I close my eyes, convinced this time it is for keeps.My eyes slowly open at what feels like a few minutes later, but when I lift my head slightly and peer over Harry's chest, I see it is seven in the morning. I have somehow miraculously managed a couple of hours sleep. Harry's chest continues to rise up and down beneath me, making me feel content that he is still here. He hasn't left, not yet. His fingers slowly start to trace small circles into my back, where my top has rode up and exposed my bare skin. The connection sends tingles through my body and when I look up, he is staring back at me. His green eyes look tired, yet they still have a sparkle and shine in them. A small smile is placed on his lips, making me melt. The mixture of the love in his eyes and the touch of him on my skin, makes goose bumps form on my skin.

"Morning" he croaks.

The sound of his voice in the morning is so raspy and it's quite possibly the sexiest thing I have ever heard in my life. I have missed waking up with him and little moments like this. I took things like this for granted before, I took everything we had for granted and I promise myself this time I won't.

"Morning" I respond softly.

"I can't believe I am waking up to you" he half smiles and half laughs, his dimples showing.

I smile back at him, knowing myself that this all seems pretty surreal, it feels like a dream that I never want to wake up from.

"I know, me neither" I admit, never taking our eyes off one another.

I wish I had paid attention properly before, there were so many times when he poured his heart out to me and all I did was ignore it. I ignored the way he looked at me, the way he looked at me like nothing else mattered. The way he looks at me now makes me feel things I have never felt before. I never want to let these feelings go.His tongue runs over his lips, wetting them as he stares down at my own lips. He slowly rolls me onto my back, which I allow easily and he hovers his body above me. He stares down at me and he gently tucks my straying hair behind my ears, so he can see all of my face. My heart races and the butterflies in my stomach seem to go crazy, fluttering wildly. I have no idea how he can still make me feel like this, after all of this time. Each touch of his skin on mine, sends sparks through me and they remind me exactly why it never felt right with anyone else. This was what I was missing when I was with Liam, he never made me feel like this.

"You are so beautiful" he practically whispers, his eyes roaming over my entire face.

I do feel beautiful, even with no makeup on and minimal sleep, he makes me feel beautiful. It isn't by the words he speaks, it's just by the way he looks at me. It's by the way he touches me, like I am precious and that I will break if he touches me too firmly. My heart beats wildly with anticipation, my lips longing for the feeling of his against mine. I don't know how much longer I can wait to feel his warm soft lips upon mine.

"Kiss me" I practically pant, not being able to resist him any longer.

I have wanted to experience him, all of him again for so long. His perfect lips curl into a smile at the corners and he moves his mouth down to mine, preparing to grant me my wish. He stops just short of my lips, smiling at me and teasing me for just a bit longer. I don't forcefully lean up and kiss him, I wait. I wait for him to kiss me at the perfect moment.He finally lowers his lips, allowing them to touch mine. He kisses me softly, just slowly moving our lips together, igniting my body. I move my arms around him, placing them on his toned smooth back. His skin feels soft beneath my tips and I hold onto him firmly, claiming him as mine. I love the feeling of his body on mine and I can tell he has been working out more, since the last time I was able to touch him this intimately. I part my mouth, allowing his tongue to enter my mouth and he takes control, softly massaging my tongue with his own. I run my hands up and down his back, wanting to feel all of him that I can. He takes a sharp intake of breath against my mouth, when my fingers run down to the waist band of his boxers. He removes his lips from mine and he starts leaving wet kisses along my jaw and then down my neck, gently nipping my skin with his teeth. I close my eyes, allowing a soft moan to leave my mouth, getting completely lost in his touch. A sensation starts to build all over my body, a feeling that only Harry can make me feel this easily. These feelings aren't anything like I have experienced for a long time, this is passion at its height. It makes me realise once again that everything with Liam was different to Harry, Liam didn't compare.

"Oh Liam" a moan escapes my lips and my eyes snap open straight away, realising what I have just said.

I feel Harry's body stiffen above me and his lips stop moving, a frown instead pressing against my neck. I feel bile raise up from my stomach at what I have just said, I have to quickly swallow it back down. What the hell did I just say? I was just thinking about Liam, it wasn't like I was picturing Liam above me. I know Harry and he will never understand that, he will hate me. How could I have messed this up already?Harry pulls himself up, hovering above me and he supports himself up by his arms. His brows are knitted together tightly into a frown. I just stare up at him wide eyed, eyes filling with tears. I just lay here waiting for the fight to start and for him to leave me, like he always does.

"I'm so sorry" I stutter, tears leaving my eyes.

My heart has sunk, lower than it ever has before and I know words can't even begin to show how sorry I actually am.

"Hey" he says softly shaking his head at me.

He uses his hand to carefully wipe away the tears that have left my eyes. He laughs and shakes his head at me again.

"Don't cry" he says kindly "Only you could say someone else's name just as we are getting down to it".

He lifts himself up and he sits up beside me in the bed. I sit up too, not quite sure what to say or do. I don't even know if he is mad at me. I mean he doesn't seem to be and that makes me feel even more on edge. I start to roll my bracelet between my fingers, trying to distract myself, so I don't burst into pathetic pitiful tears again.

"Well you sure do know how to kill the mood" he smirks, turning towards me and nudging me gently with his elbow.

I finally meet his eyes, surprised at his words and he just smiles back at me. He doesn't seem mad and I just can't understand why he isn't.

"You're not mad?" I ask unsure "I don't know what that was, I clearly wasn't thinking. I mean it just came out I was thinking about Liam and how much happier I am with you" I ramble on the tears ready to fall again.

"Don't worry" he soothes, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me closer to him "I'm not mad".

How can he not be mad? The Harry I know would be furious and rightly so. He would have called me every name under the sun, left and then he would have ignored me.

"You're not?" I ask vulnerably again.

"No" he says kissing the top of my head and somehow that makes everything feel better "I get it, your head is all over the place and mine is too. We're both tired and I know if you wanted Liam then you wouldn't be here now. If you loved him you'd be with him".

I honestly think this is the most civilised we have ever been. We have never dealt with something in this much of an adult way before. We have actually got through something without shouting. I think we have spent that much time apart that we don't want to let anything stupid to get between us again. I'm not going to lose him again. I close my eyes, holding onto him tighter and this time the only thing I think about is him.

***

We emerge from our hotel suite, just after eight in the morning. We walk into the lobby, holding hands, showing the world we are officially back together. We've both had a shower, Harry has had to put his clothes back on from last night. I've just put on a pair of black jeans and a pink blouse, which exposes my baby bump more than I would like. I tried on several tops, but none of them could hide my bump.Harry lets go of my hand and instead he wraps his arm around me, pulling me protectively into him. We are not under any illusion that there will be loads of paparazzi and fans waiting for us outside. They will all be wanting to know what is going on and they'll want as many pictures as they can get of us. The news will have broken on twitter that Harry came here last night, the fans would then have easily tracked us down.We need to go to Harry's house, so that he can get changed before we go to the recording studio. I know it isn't appropriate for me to turn up at the studio when Liam will be there, but Harry insists Liam needs to get used to it. He said he doesn't want us to be apart and if I am honest I don't want to be apart from him either. I'm scared that if we are apart we will unravel and everything will break down, I won't let that happen. I know it isn't healthy spending all of our time together, but we will both relax the longer we are back together. He pulls me closer to him and I can smell my shower gel on his skin. I wrap my arms around his waist, thankful to have him by my side.He takes a deep breath, we walk to the exit and he opens the door, leading us outside. We are immediately hit with screams and camera flashes, just like we had expected. I hold onto Harry tighter and all of this attention makes me realise how far One Direction have come. They have skyrocketed into fame, blowing up all over the world and they are dealing with a small proportion of the fame that I once did. I still have to deal with it, the fame doesn't just disappear, when you decide you want it to stop. Everyone's need and want for you doesn't just stop, they will always still want more. We make our way through the crowd, Harry shielding my gaze with the back of his hand, protecting me from the harsh cameras flashes.

'Where's Liam and Paige?''Are you guys back together?''Sienna, are you pregnant?'

The paparazzi keep shouting out questions to us, asking endless prying and inappropriate things. I try to block out what they are saying to us, but they are practically in our faces. My heart races, panicking me and I have to place my hand over my chest, feeling like my heart is going to jump out any second. My stomach lunges furiously and I get flashbacks of all the times I have been mobbed in the past. I don't want this anymore, I don't want this fear and the fear I feel for my baby. We keep heading towards his car and then the fans come bursting out, vicious and hurtful words leaving their mouths.

SLAG!FUCKING BITCH!WHORE!LIFE RUINER!

I try to block out their abuse, but it isn't easy. I'm not surprised by what they are saying, I have been called worst in the past. Harry's body tenses and his posture becomes broader. He rushes faster away from the hurtful scene, we have found ourselves in. I manage to get a glimpse of him, when I look up. His eyes burn with rage, his jaw is tensed and his lips are screwed up tightly. He refuses to sign autographs or have his picture taking with them, which isn't like him.We finally reach his car, which is parked on double yellow lines and there is a parking ticket placed beneath the window screen wipers. He unlocks the car, opening the door and he helps me climb inside the car. He shuts the door behind me, rushing around the front of his car and he grabs the ticket. He shoves it roughly into his pocket, before getting into the car at the driver's side. The fans and paparazzi follow us, still shouting and taking pictures. I turn away not looking at them, but Harry sticks his middle finger up at them and tells them pretty loudly to 'Fuck off'. The paparazzi lap his reaction up and it only surges them on to shout more things at us.I am too drained, emotionally and physically to do anything or even to tell him to stop. He starts up the car and he quickly drives away from the scene. We drive away and as we do, Harry slams his fists viciously into the steering wheel, trying to get his anger out. I shy away in my seat, hoping he will soon calm down.

"Fucking animals!" he snaps, slamming his fist into the steering wheel again.

"You're going to set the airbags off, if you keep doing that" I say quietly, afraid if I say too much he will take his exploding temper out on me.

He takes a deep breath, stopping his assault and he runs his hand through his hair. He bites down on his bottom lip, staring out of the window, like the weight of the world is on his shoulders.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that back there" he says, running his hand through his hair again.

"It's not your fault" I tell him.

It's my fault, it's because of all the bad discussions I have made, but I don't mention that. I don't want to get into a long discussion about it. He doesn't speak, he just stares ahead and I can see everything going around his head. He is trying to digest what is happening and he is just as confused about everything as me, neither one of us knows how to deal with this properly.

Harry's POV

I keep driving, silence filling the car and thankfully it isn't one of those awkward silences. I don't think we will ever have an awkward silence again, I just appreciate every moment that she is by my side. I should be happy and smiling now, not feeling this angry and stressed about what has happened. It pisses me off the shit we have to put up with when we are together. We can't have a normal, safe relationship, the press and fans will never allow it. I expect the press to give us a hard time, that's what they do. They want to sell newspapers, but the fans doing that is what has hurt me the most. I never thought they would so openly abuse her like that. I'm not stupid I know they aren't all going to like her, but Twitter abuse I can put up with, even though I don't like it. The abuse she has just had face to face when she is pregnant isn't acceptable. It makes me hate this job and this life, worse thing being there is nothing I can do about it. They aren't going to change their habits or opinions, just because I have asked them too. I honestly get the jealousy they will feel towards her, but that was just nasty. I hate that the person I love was made to feel worthless, by people who claim they love me more than anything. How can they love me when they would treat the person I love like that? It's moments like this, which makes me want to hang it all up and not carry on with this job.I was going to head home first to get changed, but I don't bother. I just want to get to the studio, lay my parts down and then hide away with Sienna. I want to confine ourselves somewhere safe and were nobody can upset us. I have no doubt today is going to be shit, there will be a million and one questions thrown at us. We will have the judgemental stares and whispers. We will even have to face Liam, which isn't something I am looking forward too. I know we are about to face the aftermath of what we have done to Paige and Liam.I should probably feel bad for what we have done, but I can't be. How can I feel bad when I have got Sienna? I am filled with happiness knowing she will be the one I will be with tonight. I reach my hand out beside me, reaching for her body and my hand quickly finds her thigh. I place my hand there, rubbing her gently and then I give her leg a quick squeeze. She places her hand on top of mine, rubbing her thumb gently over my hands. The small connection we share sends a bolt of electricity through me. There isn't anyone who can make me have this much desire, other than her. She makes me happier than I have been in a long time and I'm not letting anyone bring us down. This is just our beginning and this time there will be no ending.

***

We walk down the corridor together and I squeeze her hand gently. I stroke her hand with my thumb, trying to calm her nerves. My stomach is flipping over, knowing we are about to face everyone and I have no doubt she feels the same. She probably feels even worse than me, because she isn't the one who has to be here, I am. I will make sure that nobody else hurts or upsets her today. She may not admit it, but I know the fans vicious words earlier hurt her. We reach the door, laying behind it will be everyone who works with the band and I have no doubt Liam will have already shared his story with them. He will be playing the hurt victim and we will be the monsters. I'd accept that if I didn't do this for the right reason, I did this for me and Sienna. I take a deep breath and I give Sienna an encouraging smile and she returns it with a weak smile. I open the door, stepping inside first and she walks just behind me slightly out of view, our hands still connected.I am immediately met by the judging eyes of my band mates, my management and the team of people who work for us. It's like they all knew it was going to be us who walked through the door and none of them are shy in giving us a look that says 'You bastards'. My eyes are drawn to Liam first and I am surprised at how miserable he looks. I didn't expect him to be fine with this, but I didn't think he would be showing so easily how upset he is. His eyes are red and puffy and his face is pale. He has obviously taken this harder than I thought.He stares at me clearly upset and his face drops when Sienna steps beside me and she comes into his view. A few people shake their heads and look at me like I have just killed someone. A couple of people start to whisper and I can imagine they are slating us. Liam raises his eyebrows and then he looks away from us. His bottom lip stops to tremble and he bites down on it, to stop himself from crying. I know I shouldn't have brought her with me yet, but she is my life now. She is having my baby and people are going to have to accept that we are together. They are all going to have to get over her and Liam, because she is with me now.The room is so quiet, you could hear a pin drop and that makes things feel even more uncomfortable. If everyone just got on with things like normal, talking and doing their job, then this all wouldn't seem so bad. Nobody greets us and none of them bother to speak, which is fine by me. I lead Sienna further into the room, letting the door shut behind us. I walk to the sofa at the opposite side of the room and we sit down beside each other. She clasps her spare hand over the top of our already connected hands. She is shaking with nerves, staring at the floor and her legs shake uncontrollably. She has to cross them inwards towards me to stop them from shaking, almost clamping them together.

"Are you happy with yourselves?" I hear and when I look up Louis' eyes are narrowed and he glares back at us.

He practically throws daggers at us with his gaze. I am surprised he is getting involved, especially considering how close we have been lately. I suppose though I don't know what Liam has told him, he has only been able to listen to his side of the story. I'm sure Liam will have fabricated everything, trying to make himself look like the victim. I know he is the victim, but I feel like we should be cut some slack, considering mine and Sienna's history. It's not like we are just two people who have had an affair, it wasn't even like that. I loved her long before Liam did, if anything he had no right to take her from me. I should be the one who is really pissed off. I bet Louis is pissed off at Sienna too for the argument they had at the restaurant over Eleanor.

"Yes thanks" I speak through gritted teeth.

Sienna squeezes my hands, which calms me down slightly. The anger bubbling inside is calmed just by her presence. I have waited for this moment, the moment Sienna and I got back together for so long and there is no way I am letting anyone ruin this for us.

"You don't even care what you've done, do you?" he asks harshly, standing up.

Why the fuck is he even getting involved? He always has to stick his nose into other people's business, when it doesn't even involve him. If Liam is upset then he should speak up himself, instead of getting Louis to do it on his behalf. This is just typical Louis though, he can't help himself. He can't help getting involved in things that have nothing to do with him. I want to tell him to fuck off and to mind his own damn business, but I am doing all I can to remain calm. The only thing stopping me from blowing is Sienna's delicate touch.

"Care about what?" I ask harshly.

I count to ten in my head, trying to distract myself from the anger brewing inside me. I need to try and stay calm, I won't be able to control it if I blow.

"What you've done to Liam and Paige!" he snaps, pointing his finger roughly towards us.

I am thankful for the distance between us, because if he gets any closer my anger will spill out. It will spill over and I will burn everyone in my path, starting with him.

"We didn't want this to happen!" I snap.

I didn't, I never planned on hurting anyone and if I could take back hurting Paige and Liam I would. What was I meant to do though? The heart wants what it wants and mine has always wanted Sienna.

"Of course you didn't" he snaps sarcastically "You just magically hurt everyone in your way, like every other time before".

My anger comes bursting out, but before I can annihilate him, Sienna charges in first.

"That's bloody rich coming from you!" she snaps.

I should have known this wouldn't have taken long. I should have known her temper would escalate quicker than mine. She can accept people saying things about her, but as soon as someone starts on me that's when she snaps. I turn to her, her eyes are narrowed, her eyebrows lowered and a deep scowl on her face.

"Excuse me?" Louis asks, clearly outraged by her words.

Sienna is suddenly up on her feet and I stand up beside her, our hands still entwined.

"What about you?" she asks harshly, venom spitting from her mouth "You hurt Eleanor and you haven't given a single shit about her or shown any remorse for what you have done! So don't you fucking lecture us on something you have done yourself!"

Louis' hands scrunch into tight fists, both hanging down by his side and I can see he is visibly shaking with anger.

"You fucking dirty slag of a fucking junkie" the abuse rolls out of his mouth "You will always be scum, you'll always be the fucking tramp, who shagged your way through our band and you left your deceitful trail through them all. Why the fuck are you even here? There isn't anybody here who even likes you!"

He says those disgusting words to the woman I love and she doesn't even flinch, his words not bothering her, but they bother me. Niall is suddenly up on his feet and he pulls Louis back. He's tense and I can tell he doesn't like what is happening.

"Calm down!" he says to Louis, firm eyes on him.

I don't know whether is saying the words to stand up for Sienna or because he doesn't want this to escalate into a fight. I am seriously ready to fight him and I swear I will destroy him.

"And you'll always be the pathetic bitter one, the one who never did get the chance to sleep with me, even though you practically begged" she says patronisingly.

His face falls and so does the other people sat in the room with us. His eyes dart away from us and he looks anywhere he can except for at me. How could I not know about this? The sneaky snake! My body shakes with rage and Sienna holds onto my arm, stopping me from going after him. All I can think though is who can I actually trust in this band. They're all snakes, each one of them, including the one I considered to be my best friend.

"Paul!" Louis shouts "Get her out of here now or I swear I will walk" he shouts turning to face Paul.

The room is deadly silent and Paul looks from Louis to me, knowing he can't win either way.

"Save your breath!" I snap looking at Paul "I'm fucking done!"

I pull Sienna with me towards the door, ready to leave.

"Harry" Paul calls "Let's talk about this".

He is trying to be rationale, but all rationality has left me now.

"There's nothing to talk about, fuck this band. I don't want this anymore!" I snap.

I don't say another word, I walk out of the room and this time I vow to myself that I won't go back. I'm not going to pretend anymore, I'm not going to pretend this band and these people make me happy. I'm not happy, I haven't been happy in this band for a long time. The only person who makes me happy is beside me now, walking with me down the corridor. I'm not doing this anymore, I'm not living my life for other people.I'm done with One Direction and everybody involved in it.