Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Harry's POV

My heart races so fast, it feels like it is going to jump out of my chest. My palms start to sweat and my eyes open wide in shock. I just stand here in the same place, staring at Sienna, trying to let what she has just said register in my head. It doesn't feel real, this can't actually be real. The room is filled by the sounds of Paige's screeching voice, but I can't make out a word she is screaming. I can't hear anything other than the sound of my heart beating furiously. I am in shock and I can't focus my mind on anything else other than this ground breaking news. I don't acknowledge Paige or Liam, I can't even think of speaking to them or trying to justify my actions. I know I have done wrong, but there is so much more going on right now. I am just trying to accept the bombshell Sienna has just dropped on me. She's told me she is having my baby, the baby she said was Liam's is actually mine. How can this even be happening? Sienna stares back at me, her blue eyes open wide in fear. She looks petrified and I watch as she bites down on her bottom lip to stop it from trembling. She is fighting back the tears and if I wasn't in this much shock, I would be crying now too. There are so many questions I have, so many things I need to know. How are we meant to discuss what she has just told me, now that Liam and Paige are here? I am suddenly brought back to reality as my face is knocked sideways. My cheek seers with pain and it instantly burns. I close my eyes quickly, breaking all eye contact with Sienna. I can still feel the imprint on my cheek from where Paige's small hand has just slapped me viciously. I finally turn my head to look at Paige, she still has her hand in mid-air and she looks like she is going to slap me again. I just watch her and suddenly she steps closer to me. She starts shouting in my face and her small hands start thrashing about furiously in between us. Her face is blood red and her cheeks are stained with tears she has cried, all because of me.

"ANSWER ME!" she screeches, demanding answers from me.

I haven't listened to a single word she has said, so I have no idea what I am meant to be answering. I don't know what to do, so I just stare at her not knowing what to say. I haven't got any idea how to even explain to her what I have done tonight or what I was even thinking. I suppose I wasn't thinking, I clearly couldn't have been thinking straight. I don't know why, but whenever Sienna is around I can't think straight and all common sense goes out of me. I know I should be apologising to Paige, probably even begging her for forgiveness or at least trying to calm her down. I can't do any of that though, I need to calm myself down first. Paige keeps screaming at me, she isn't make any sense. She is that angry, I can't make out a single word she is saying. She suddenly starts sobbing as she screams and she is overtaken by emotion. She keeps screaming and every word merges into the one before. I just stand here, taking all of the abuse that she is throwing at me. I deserve it, I know I do. She scrunches her hands up into small fists and suddenly she lunges at me. She uses them to slam them viciously against my chest. I allow her to hit me several times, knowing she needs to take her anger out on me. If she wants me to be her punching bag then I will be for now. She throws her fist upwards and she manages to connect it with my jaw, sending pain through me. I didn't think it was possible for someone so small to actually cause me pain. I grab her wrists and she struggles to pull away from me. I don't let go though, I'm not letting her get another shot in like that. She struggles for a few minutes and then she allows her small body to literally collapse into my chest. She sobs into me, wetting my bare chest with her tears. I do the only decent thing I can, I place my hand on the back of her head. I hold her close to me and I try my best to comfort her from the pain I have caused.I look up at Sienna and she is staring back at me in confusion. I can see the hurt fixed into her blue eyes, the pain I have seen so many times before. Surely, she has to understand that I'm not a monster and I never wanted to purposely hurt Paige or Liam. I can't just ignore the hurt girl in front of me, who I considered spending my life with before all of this. Liam suddenly moves into the room and he takes long demanding strides towards Sienna. He wraps his large hands around the top of her arm and he suddenly drags her towards the door. Sienna looks at me scared and for a moment I don't know what to do. Everything suddenly clicks in my head and I quickly move away from Paige.

"Get off her!" I demand, moving to the door and blocking him from leaving with Sienna.

He isn't taking her away from me, not now and not ever.

"Don't you tell me what to do with my girlfriend!" Liam snaps, pointing his finger in my face.

He is furious and I know he has every right to be. I know if our roles were reversed this entire situation would be completely different. I would have given him a good beating and he would be laying on the floor broken now. Sienna pulls her arm out of Liam's grip and he turns away from me to look at her. He looks at her hurt and then he looks back at me, before looking back at Sienna again. I think he is realising now that there is something more between us, there will always be something more between me and her. I wish he had never been dragged into this mess, but that's what Sienna and I do. We keep dragging people into this messed up disastrous relationship we have created. We have done it since day one and we will keep doing it until we are forever done. We have made a mess of our lives and everyone else's around us.

"I swear I will fuck you up bitch! I don't care if you are pregnant!" Paige snaps, pushing her hurt aside and her anger reappearing.

She suddenly moves closer to Sienna and I quickly grab her arm, dragging her back roughly towards my side. She almost yelps in pain, but I don't care if I am hurting her, I will do whatever I need to do to protect Sienna. If that really is my baby in there then I will make sure no harm comes to either of them.

"We need to talk" I finally say, knowing I can't avoid facing this any longer.

There is so much I need to say and there is so much to talk about.

"Yes, we do!" Paige snaps, turning to face me giving me her full attention.

I grimace slightly knowing this isn't going to go well.

"I meant me and Sienna" I tell her awkwardly.

"What?!" she asks outraged.

I know how bad it sounds, I can't explain to Paige what is going on though, not until I have spoken to Sienna. I need to know what is going on with us and the baby first.

"I need to talk to her" I try and say rationally.

Paige is anything other than rational right now. She has every right to be furious.

"No!" Paige snaps "I forbid you! I forbid you to ever talk to that tramp again. Do you hear me?!" she demands.

Sienna blushes and I'm surprised she doesn't say anything back to Paige. The feisty Sienna I once knew would have destroyed Paige in an argument, but she isn't that same person anymore. I think over the years everything that has happened with us has taken that Sienna away and replaced her with a timid woman. I focus back on Paige and it's almost laughable that she is trying to forbid me from doing something. We don't have this kind of relationship, we never have. I wish she realised how hard this all is for me too. I mean if only things were that simple, if only it was so easy to erase someone. She doesn't understand that I can't just erase Sienna from my life, especially not now. "I can't do that" I say gently, trying to stop my words from hurting her.

"If you don't Harry you will lose me, I mean it" she states.

What the hell am I meant to do? I can't win, I can never win.

"I'm having Harry's baby" Sienna suddenly blurts out.

I curse her for just coming out with this like that. The room is suddenly silent, it's that quiet you could hear a pin drop. I just stand here staring at the floor, not having a clue what to do or say. This wasn't the way that I wanted everyone to find out about this. I wanted to tell Paige alone and to give her time for it to register. Instead she has dropped this huge bombshell and now we have to watch the damage it causes. I know I should be more concerned about Paige and Liam, but I'm not. I can only think about myself and how this is all going to affect my life. I know I am selfish, I have always been selfish though. How can I possibly be the father of her baby after a thirty second fumble? I think back to that night, I regretted it from the moment it ended and the guilt I felt was overwhelming. She can't possibly be a hundred percent sure I am the father.

"What?" Paige asks on the brink of an emotional breakdown.

She isn't screaming anymore, she is too shocked and hurt to shout. I finally look up and the only person I can look at is Liam, he's staring at the floor. He will be trying to register what Sienna has just said. I bet he hates me, I've betrayed him and the woman he loves has betrayed him too. He has been through so much with this, he's cried tears over a baby that Sienna is now claiming isn't his. How can we ever recover from this?

"How?" Liam asks quietly, finally looking up at me and then Sienna.

I'm surprised he is no longer angry or that he isn't now shouting, I know I would be if I was him. He's calm, too calm and it makes me wonder if a part of him is relieved by her revelation. Is he hoping now he can turn his back on her and the mess she keeps creating? This might be what he wanted all along, the chance to not be involved in this baby's life. The chance to meet somebody else and actually be happy. Or maybe he is really hurt and he is just trying to come to terms with what she has said in an adult way. I don't speak, hoping Sienna will take the lead and explain what happened or how it happened. I don't know if I even want to hear the sordid details of what we did out loud and in front of two people we are both meant to love.

"HOW?!" Paige shouts, startling all three of us.

She needs to stop shouting because she's starting to piss me off and she is giving me a headache. I look at Sienna and she looks away from me, it looks like I will have to explain what happened, even though I don't want to.

"It just kind of happened" I start, which is a lie.

It didn't just happen, I made it happen. I went out of my way to make it all happen.

"I want to know what happened!" Paige snaps.

I sigh knowing she isn't going to let this go easily. If she wants to know the details then I will give her some.

"We'd had an argument and you'd gone to stay at your mum's" I turn to Paige to tell her "I don't know why I did it, I found out from Niall where Sienna was staying. It was just after she had left and I found out she was staying in LA. I got a flight out there quickly. I told the guys we were going away together and I told you I was going with the guys to do promotional work".

She stares back at me and every word I say hurts her more and more. She remembers the time, she remembers exactly when this happened. I still can't tell you why I did it or what made me purposely seek out Sienna. It was just so easy to lie to everyone, nobody thought twice about questioning me. They all believed me, they didn't think twice of not believing the new honest sober Harry. Why would anyone doubt me anymore? It didn't feel like I was even doing anything wrong at the time, I didn't let myself think I was going there for any reason other than to see an old friend. I needed someone to make me feel better about myself and I knew Sienna could do that. I suppose as well I was just wanting to offer her some support and to take some familiarity from her for myself too. I know I can't be completely honest about this, I can't exactly tell them I went to LA and pursued her for days. That I went to where she was staying and she refused to see me. I can't admit that I gave her hope that I wanted to be with her again and that as soon as I fucked her I left. I was so desperate for her and to feel her that it barely lasted a minute. I left not long after, the guilt was overwhelming and I came home like nothing had happened. Sienna didn't even mention it when she got back and she did nothing to stop me from leaving at the time. We both acted like nothing happened when I saw her again. In all honesty it was like it never happened, it was all too surreal.

"And?" Paige pushes angrily, wanting to know more.

"We had sex" I say simply "Then I came home and I came back to you" I say, not telling her all the details.

Neither she nor Liam need to know everything that happened. Paige covers her mouth like she is shocked and she starts to sob. She would never have imagined that her 'perfect' boyfriend would cheat. I never thought that I would cheat either, I thought I was better than that. I am only ever better when Sienna isn't controlling my mind. I can't help it that sometimes I just can't get her off my mind and that's why I end up going back to her.

"So you came back and acted like nothing had happened?" Liam asks slight aggression in his voice "You knew I was looking for her! You knew that I didn't know where she was and you said nothing".

I stare back at him getting annoyed with what he is saying to me. I didn't stop him from finding her, he stopped himself.

"If you had really wanted to know where she was you could have found out, like I did" I say.

He doesn't say anything else, because deep down he knows I'm right.

"We're going" Paige tells me firmly.

I look at her surprised, I'm surprised she still wants me near her after what I have just admitted. I look back over at Sienna, I am hesitant to leave her. We have so much to talk through and so much to sort out, but I have so much to sort out with Paige too. I know Sienna can wait, we've already waited long enough.

"Ok" I say deflated.

I start to get dressed and I feel Sienna's eyes on me, watching my every move. If she was bothered then she would stop me, the fact that she doesn't stop me, shows me she understands. A part of me wishes she would stop me, but she never fights for me, not like I always do for her.

"How did you get here?" I ask quietly, fastening up my shirt.

"Liam drove" she says coldly.

I look at Liam, knowing I am the last person he will ever want to listen too. I am still surprised he hasn't punched me or screamed in my face, I deserve both.

"Are you going to take Sienna back home?" I ask.

I can't expect her to stay here at my mum's and I don't think my mum would want her here either. I need to go home and sort things out with Paige. It was stupid coming up here in the first place. It doesn't even make sense now why I even did come here.

"Yes" Liam answers emotionless.

It worries me how all of this will affect our friendship and the group. I don't think we can get past this obstacle, not after everything I have already done in the past. I don't think he will be as forgiving this time around.I pull on my shoes and once I am fully dressed, I turn my attention to Sienna. I don't know what to say to her, I just need some time for myself to digest everything. I need to get my life in order first and sort out everything with Paige.

"We'll talk soon" I tell her.

She doesn't respond and I awkwardly put my hands in my jean pockets. I give her a second to speak, but she doesn't so I take it as my cue to leave. I walk out of the room, Paige following behind me. I leave Sienna and Liam in my bedroom, this will give them time to talk too. I reach the bottom of the stairs and my mum is waiting for me. She gives me an apologetic look, I know she would never have intentionally let Paige and Liam into the house. I bet Paige forced her way in and my mum didn't have chance to stop her. I know I shouldn't have put my mum in this position in the first place.

"I'm sorry mum" I tell her, feeling bad for the trouble I have brought to her home.

She moves closer to me, wrapping her arms around my back and she pulls me to her lovingly. I hug her back and she kisses my cheek.

"Listen to me" she says quietly into my ear "Don't make any more mistakes, you can't keep going back and making the same mistake again and again. Remember who you was when you first met Paige and the person she has helped you grow into now. Don't let that go for the thrill of the past" she says, pulling away from me.

I give her a small smile and I nod, taking in her words. She doesn't know the full story of me and Sienna, she just knows the heartbreak I felt. It makes me wonder if she did know everything would she still say the same thing to me. I leave her house, I leave my home town in my car with Paige. I have a million and one things going through my head. The most apparent question I'm thinking though is what the fuck I am going to do now.

Sienna's POV

I close my eyes, shutting them tightly and I try to stop my tears from falling down my face. It is near impossible to stop them though. It takes every bit of strength I have not to cry, when I hear the front door shut behind Harry. He's gone, Harry has left me again. Why do I keep putting myself through this? He thinks that a quick 'We'll talk soon' is acceptable after what I have just told him. I have no clue what he wants or what he is thinking. It all just proves that once again Harry Styles has a hell of a lot of growing up to do. I know more importantly though I have a lot of explaining to do. I open my eyes, turning fearfully to Liam. I can tell he is upset and he is trying his best not to show it. I bet he knew somehow I would mess this up, like I always do. He didn't deserve this though, he didn't deserve my deceit. I wanted to be honest with him and tell him the truth, but I didn't have the guts. I know I should have told him the moment I realised this baby was Harry's when I had the scan. There was so much going on though, there was too much to take in and by the time I had realised the truth, it was too late. Liam was already crying and comforting me. He was standing by my side for a baby that wasn't even his. I planned to tell him, I swore to myself that I would, but if I am honest I don't know when I would have done it. I only admitted it now in the heat of the moment because I thought it might make Harry stay with me. I would do anything to make Harry stay with me. He never does though, he never stays.I do feel terrible for what I have done, I never wanted things to turn out like this. I didn't even want to believe that my baby was Harry's at first. I blocked out everything that had happened, I tried to forget he ever came to see me in LA. He did his usual shit, he gave me a bit of hope and as soon as I started to believe it could work, he took it all away. He left me alone, he did the thing he is best at and that he always does. He let me down and I just learnt to accept it. I stayed in LA and I moved on from Harry again. I blocked it all out and I let him go. I never believed for a second when I found out I was pregnant that the baby might be his. I didn't believe for a moment that our pathetic attempt at sex could create a life. I hate thinking that the moment that helped create my baby made me feel worthless and used. That I cried myself to sleep for days after he left and even though I wanted to hate him, I couldn't. I wish I could hate him even now. I felt sick the moment the doctor confirmed the exact timescales of my pregnancy, I knew the dates and at the time I was thankful Liam didn't know. I knew in that moment the baby most likely wasn't Liam's, but I couldn't admit it to myself.

"I'm so sorry" I finally say to Liam.

There is so much more that I should be saying to him, but I wouldn't even know where to start. He nods, acknowledging my words and I feel uncomfortable that he is so calm. There's a part of me that wishes he would get angry, but this is Liam's way and it will never change. I tried to change him, but it didn't work. He won't ever fight for me, he won't show any passion and that makes me think now that he probably doesn't care. Maybe he never really cared, after our history I couldn't blame him if he didn't.

"We should go" he tells me "I don't think Harry's mum will want us here and she's probably waiting to go to bed" he says calmly.

I nod, picking up my dress and slipping my feet into my heeled shoes. I haven't got it in me to change back into my dress, I just want to get out of here. I can only hope that nobody sees me dressed like this or that Liam doesn't get angry with me and kick me out of his car. Liam leaves the room first and I follow him out sheepishly. I can only hope I don't have to face Harry's mum when I get downstairs. I imagine she doesn't want to see me either. I follow Liam down the stairs and as we near the bottom I see Anne emerge from the living room. I feel dread overtake me, realising I have to face her.

"I'm sorry for disturbing you Anne" Liam says apologetically when we reach the hallway.

"Don't worry sweetheart" she says kindly.

He walks to her and she pulls him into a hug. I stand awkwardly behind Liam, whilst Anne holds him tightly and she tells him to be strong. I can't even begin to imagine what she must think of me now. Liam pulls out of her embrace and he heads towards the front door. I give her a sheepish smile and she practically glares back at me. If looks could kill, I would be laying on the floor now taking my last breath. I don't bother speaking to her, she has clearly made her mind up on me, so there isn't any point trying to change it. I get why she doesn't like me, I don't like myself very much right now either. I wonder if she would treat me differently if she knew the baby I am carrying is her sons. I bet she would hate me even more if she knew.I step out of her house, without a single word and as soon as I do, she shuts the door on me. I feel alone and sad as I walk towards Liam's car which is abandoned in the middle of the drive. I know Liam and I can never recover from tonight and in all honesty I don't want us to. I think Liam will agree with me that deep down we were never right for each other and this was never going to work. I have always needed someone who keeps me on my toes and doesn't let me walk all over them, like Harry. Liam has always been too kind, which is good for some women, but not me. I need someone who can challenge me and put me in my place when I am wrong. We had a friendship, a good friendship though, but you can't base forever love on friendship. We both get into the car, fastening our seatbelts and he sets off back to London. The gates automatically open when we reach them and it makes me wonder if Anne let them into the grounds of her house earlier. I don't imagine Paige or Liam would remember the pin number for the gates. I shiver turning up the heating in the car, its cold now we are in winter. Liam notices and he pulls over briefly to remove his coat and he passes it to me. I don't deserve his kindness and he knows it. I thank him though quietly as I cover my legs with his coat. We don't speak, we drive in silence and I try to think of a hundred different conversation starters, but none of them seem appropriate.

"You could have been honest with me" he finally speaks up.

We have been driving for a while now and I am thankful the silence is now broken. I stare over at him in the driver's seat and he keeps his eyes fixed on the road. If only honesty came as easily for me as it always has done for him, then maybe things could have been different for us. I never wanted this though, I never wanted to come back here and for everything just to slip back it to place. It just happened though and I felt like he made it happen. I know it only did though because I told lies, I told him definitively that this was his baby, even though I had doubts.

"I'm so sorry" I say meaning it.

"I know" he says, biting down on his bottom lip. I know I need to try and tell him why I did it, I need him to know why I lied.

"I was too scared to tell you the truth. It was so hard to see you crying over a baby that wasn't yours, I didn't even know where to begin" I tell him emotionally.

"I wasn't just crying about the baby" he admits "I was crying for me too. I wasn't ready for it, I wasn't ready for a baby, especially one with special needs" he says honestly.

I am glad he is finally being honest with me, I appreciate knowing this wasn't everything he wanted. I'm not ready either, the difference now is I haven't got a choice in this.

"I would have made myself ready though" he says "I would have been ready by the time he was born" he tells me.

I nod not doubting for a moment he would have been ready.

"Just remember Sienna" he says caringly "Harry is still a kid himself, he's still got a lot going on up here" he tells me, tapping the side of his head with his finger.

I nod, I do forget sometimes that Harry is younger than me, but in other ways it's very clear. I feel relieved that Liam isn't angry with me and the reason he isn't angry is this isn't the life he wanted. He didn't want this baby and my revelation today has given him a get out of jail free card. He got exactly what he wanted. If I could make a decision now of who the father of my baby was I would still pick Liam. We might not have a passionate relationship, but he is a good person. He would have stuck by me and he would have been the best father he could possibly have been. I'm sad realising this time there isn't any going back for us and we won't get back together. It's over this time. He gave me some good times and he has helped me more than he will ever realise. We have had a complicated relationship from the start. Although, he might change being with me, I would never change being with him and experiencing what we had. I wouldn't change us for anything.

Harry's POV

I pull out of my mums drive and as soon as we are on the road that's when Paige snaps. She screams at me furiously, leaning over and slapping my arm repeatedly with the palm of her hand. She is fuming and I get why, which is why I don't stop her from hurting me.

"You humiliated me" she cries out, still slapping me.

I lift my arm up to stop her, whilst I still try to concentrate on driving.

"Stop!" I say firmly "Paige stop before I crash".

I push her away from me. She sits back against the seat and she cries into her hands.

"How could you leave me like that? How could you leave me alone with all of your friends to go off with her? We were meant to be celebrating our engagement" she asks through her sobbing.

I stay quiet, knowing she isn't wanting answers from me. She is just asking stuff to get it off her chest.

"I was humiliated! Everyone was looking at me like I was a fool! The media will probably find out and the whole world will think I am an idiot" she continues.

It bothers me how she is more interested in what everyone else thinks about her, then what is going on between us. She has never bothered about any of this before, so why should it matter now. Then again I have never humiliated her like this before.

"Does it matter what everyone else thinks?" I find myself asking.

She jolts her head towards me and her face is sketched in anger, making me realise I spoke too soon.

"What? Do you think what you did is ok?" she asks horrified.

I sigh "No".

I know what I have done is wrong and I am not trying to move away from that.

"You have got some serious grovelling to do!" she states.

I feel uncomfortable listening to her. Does she not realise that I am having a baby with someone else? I am having a baby with Sienna. Does she really think we are in a position where we can work us out?

"Paige, Sienna is having my baby" I tell her.

"And?" she asks, not caring about this huge life changing information.

"I'm going to be involved with it" I explain.

"What? Why?" she asks, almost outraged.

I run my hand through my hair, growing frustrated with her.

"There's something wrong with it isn't there?" she asks rudely.

I am slightly shocked by the way she speaks and how she speaks about an innocent baby. This isn't the Paige I have been with for all of this time. Is she behaving like this because she is pissed off at me? Or has she just been really good at hiding who she really is? For my own sanity I have to assume the first. Sienna has already told me things about Daisy that I would never have wanted to believe. I can't even begin to think about Paige being different to the sweet girl I have always known. I stay quiet, I know if I speak we will get into a huge fight and I am too tired to do this. I am too tired to argue after the night I have had.

"You won't be leaving my sight from now on" she says firmly.

I roll my eyes and thankfully she doesn't see me. I decide to just stay quiet for the rest of the journey.We drive into London and we have stayed quiet for the rest of the drive. She has said a few spiteful things to me, but I have found it best to not answer or acknowledge her.

"Do you want me to take you to your mum's?" I ask her once I get nearer to home.

She glares at me.

"Why would I want you to do that?" she snaps "I want to go home" she states.

She is making this much harder, it's like she is in denial.

"Paige, don't you get it?" I ask "I'm having a baby with someone else, someone I still love" I admit.

It feels good to admit out loud that I still love Sienna. How can I not love her after everything we have been through? I know I am being too honest with her, but she needs to realise this is over. I don't want her or this anymore. I want Sienna, even though she infuriates me and she makes being with her hard. I love her, I have always loved her and I can't stay away from her anymore. She stares at me hurt filling her beautiful features.

"But I love you" she whimpers.

I reach for her hand, taking it in mine. I stroke her hand gently with my thumb, hoping it soothes her.

"I love you too" I tell her.

I do love her, she has been good for me, but everyone knows deep down I have always loved Sienna.

"But I love Sienna too" I admit.

She doesn't slap me or scream at me like I thought she would. She just lets go of my hand and she moves her hands to cover her face, crying into them.

"Take me to my mums" she eventually whimpers.

I nod not knowing what else I can say to her. I take a new route, driving her to her mum's and it is nearly two in the morning by the time we get there. I pull up outside the terraced house and she looks broken as she opens the car door.

"I'm sorry Paige for everything" I tell her, hoping my words might mean something to her.

She doesn't say a word as she climbs out of the car and she slams the door shut behind her angrily. I watch as she rushes to the front door of the house and she knocks loudly on the door. I see a light go on upstairs and I hear her crying from inside my car. The door opens moments later, Paige's mum appearing at the door and I watch as Paige collapses sobbing into her mum's arms. I drive away then not being able to watch it anymore, it feels shit seeing her like that. I can't stand knowing I have broken someone else's heart, like mine has been broken in the past. I feel awful for everything I have done, but finally everything is starting to make sense. I'm done now, I want Sienna and this is finally our chance. It's time I went and finally got back the girl who has always been rightfully mine.

A/N - There were clues in previous chapters about Harry & Sienna being together :) Hope you like xx