22

My fist hits the boxing bag, moving the whole thing forwards while making the chains that hold it sound loud. I only stop after I hear Melanie cheer me up on my back.

After overthinking all these days being closed inside my house and only leaving it to go grocery shopping or to work, I decided to join them in one of their kickboxing classes. And I'll say they were right, I needed to do this.

—I don't wanna be the person that made you so mad —Soo jokes.

If only she knew it was her brother.

It's been a week since we argued. No calls, no messages, nothing. He totally disappeared after everything that happened the last time we saw each other, which leads to me not knowing anything about him.

Even if I don't really blame him for keeping some distance, I'm still annoyed over the fact that Jungkook didn't try to reach out to me. And if he's waiting for me to take the first step and call him first, he'll die waiting.

—Yeah, you've looked off these few days —unlike our two other friends, Tammy keeps her serious expression—. Is everything alright?

Obviously I can't tell them I'm pissed because of Jungkook. Not only because we both agreed that no one should know about our thing, but because I don't want to deal with the amount of questions that would come right after me opening my mouth.

—It's nothing —I answer, my breath shaking because of the exercise I pushed my body to—. Just a lot of stress lately.

—If you need to talk about it, do it —Soo gives one final punch to the boxing bag—. I love a good rant.

Both Melanie and Tammy encourage me to speak. And while they're at it, I try to think of a way to tell them what's going on without giving out any details about Jungkook or our deal.

—I met someone, weeks ago —I start—. Thing is, I like spending time with him, and I thought he also did. But the other day we argued because of something he said, and it's been a week since I last heard of him.

—Oh, that boy ain't showing up ever again —Tammy gets scolded by Melanie right after saying that.

—Most probably he doesn't know how to address the situation —Soo mentions—. Men are like kids, so it's a matter of time until he decides to reach out to you —she shrugs—. If he likes you, he'll come back. And if he doesn't come back, fuck him.

—If it was his fault, he'll eventually talk to you and will try to make things up —Melanie continues—. Either way, don't text him first. Like Soo said, if he cares and wants to solve things, he'll try to talk to you.

—And if he doesn't, he isn't worth it —Tammy stands next to Melanie—. If you ever just happen to see him, ignore him. He doesn't deserve your attention if he isn't able to own his mistakes.

It isn't hard for me to understand they're right. I've been thinking the exact same way since he decided to leave my house last time we were together, and that's exactly why I haven't texted him yet and why we haven't seen each other for a week.

I must be missing him a lot though, because not only I can't stop thinking about him, I also see him everywhere. But I know it must be something other than just my brain, because he's looking way too beautiful to be an illusion. And Soo confirms that when she smiles and waves at him.

The moment Jungkook's eyes lie on me, I feel the need to hide under a rock. It's the first time in seven days that we see each other, and it has to be at my worst, when I'm sweating, out of air, and probably my face is red because of the exercise I'm not used to. Meanwhile, he's looking all hot and fresh with that black tank top and a pair of gym shorts that fall neatly over his knees. For one fast second I think he must've cut his hair, but he turns his head to the trainer when a loud "Jaykay" comes out of his mouth. He has his -still purple- hair collected with a hair tie.

Life's so unfair.

—Guys, get in pairs —our trainer screams, interrupting his chat with Jungkook.

Melanie and Soo get together, and move to one of the boxing bags somewhere in the room; Tammy has totally disappeared as I turn, and it doesn't take me long until I find her giggling with her gym crush -she wasn't lying when she said she'd dump me for a cute boy.

I'm trying to find any other girl that could be free, but all of them have come with friends and are already in pairs. Turning on my feet, I see a not mind-blowing handsome but cute guy walking to me, although he suddenly stops and walks in the opposite direction again. At first, I think it could've been my resting bitchy face doing the bad work, but I realize he was looking over my shoulder.

Even if I'm not looking at him, I feel his presence on my back as he moves and throws his boxing gloves on the floor before he walks to me again. And suddenly, my hair free falls on my back. But it doesn't take much for him to hold it all up and style it on a messy bun.

I hate how the hair on my nape and forearms lift just with his touch. I can't stand the way my body reacts whenever he's close to me.

—What are you doing? —I turn to him, once he's done— Your sister is there.

—They all are busy with their things —he walks back to his gloves.

Anyway, I turn to them, just to find Melanie's and Soo's backs facing me while they're practicing. And, on the other side of the room, Tammy is too busy trying to win that guy over.

I turn again to face him. Big mistake. That full sleeve tattooed arm, combined with the red and black boxing gloves covering his hands is making my mind go places.

—I'm not doing this with you —I assure him, as soon as I see him walking to me.

—Too bad I'm the only one free.

—Then I'll change partners with someone —I look around.

Jungkook's soft voice draws my gaze back to him. It's the way he calls my name with such peace and how his eyes are desperately looking for some type of cooperation on my side that almost makes me forget what happened. Almost.

I move to the boxing bag when he steps closer to me. Am I avoiding him? Yes. And I don't care if he's aware.

—We need to talk about what happened —he throws the first punch, making my body move with it.

—Do we? —I cut him off— Because I don't think we have anything to talk about when you disappeared for a week.

I'm annoyed enough to let my tongue run with whatever it wants. After giving his second punch, he rolls his tongue through his cheek, and tilts his head before he tries to speak again. But he decides to keep his mouth shut, and go back to doing the exercises we were supposed to be doing.

Although we are silent, the tension is obvious. I keep my eyes on him all the time, waiting for his words although I said myself I didn't want to hear him; and Jungkook keeps looking at me through his eyelashes, groaning with every hit of his fist until we change places.

—I wanted to call you —he assures me.

That only makes me scoff, while waiting for the excuse he's going to come up with right after.

—What was it? You lost your phone? Broke it? —I change my position, so I can kick the boxing bag.

—I was embarrassed.

That statement makes me stop for a second, just to look at him and find him fixing his gaze on me, with a genuine expression showing off he was, in fact, embarrassed. He seems ashamed right now just to be remembering it, by the way he keeps biting the inside of his lip.

—I'm sure you're used to being an asshole like that —I go back to my punching and kicking exercises.

—Not with you though. And I didn't know how to reach out to you after I behaved like that —he sighs—. You had every right to be pissed off that night. I was a douche, that comment was...

—Disgusting? —I gasp— It was. And don't try to say you didn't feel every single word. You said it because you were annoyed, I get it, but that doesn't change the fact that somewhere, in the back of your head, you don't think those words aren't true.

—I never said I didn't believe those weren't true —I bite my lip, trying to understand what kind of fucked up apologize this is—. The wording was fucked up because it came up as an attack to you, but would you be really looking in my direction if you had more choices?

Is he kidding? You'd have to be blind to avoid looking in his direction even if there were millions of choices. But I understand what he means, I guess. This deal brought us together. If it hadn't been for this, we probably wouldn't be talking except for the fact that we are in the same circle of friends. And I could ask him the same question, but he does have different choices. And still gave up on them.

Where is he even trying to go with this conversation?

—It doesn't change the fact that you were offensive for no reason —I face him.

—I didn't mean it that way. I... —when I look at him again, he's struggling to find the right words— I'm sorry about what I said.

I don't answer him, instead I go back to giving several punches on the boxing bag, until one of those punches goes straight to his stomach. Jungkook's surprised by the sudden attack, yet it seems like I've hit a wall by how he shows no pain.

—This conversation isn't over —I assure him—. Don't think everything is set and done only because you apologized.

He smirks at my comment, nodding before we switch positions again. It's unbelievable how a few words have made all the tension disappear and turn it into playful smiles and sneaky glances.

I take longer than the girls to get in the shower. Actually, I wait until everyone in the locker room has either left or is inside the individual showers. I feel weirded out and unsure of getting naked in front of so many people, even if they're of the same sex, and that's exactly why I've been messing with my phone, fully clothed, until the room was empty and silent.

Not for long though.

Asshole: Can I come to your place?

I think it through, and I know it's a bad idea. For some reason, he feels way too comfortable in my house, and that's exactly why I suggest we meet at his place instead. He responds with a silly thumbs up GIF before he disconnects.

✸ ✸ ✸

I know meeting up at his place is a bad idea as soon as I see myself waiting downstairs, moving back and forth unsure of whether I should leave or go up to his place. I'm falling for my own trap right now, yet I need answers from him. He wanted communication, and it's what we are going to do right now.

Jungkook looks nervous when he opens the door for me. I've been here before, yet it seems like it's the first time I'm around. And in a way, it's like that. I'm not here for the deal, I'm here because we need to talk, we need to let each other know what's going on through our heads to be able to continue everything where it was. It's been a long week.

—Do you want something to drink? —he asks, pointing to his back, towards the kitchen counter.

As I shake my head, he drops his hand to his side and lets his body fall to the black leather sofa. Aware that I'm still standing, he pats the free place next to him. And I take the invitation, walking to that spot under his attentive gaze.

I play with my fingers on my lap, moving one thumb over the other as I try to think of a way to start the conversation. It'd be a good thing if I knew where to start exactly.

—I crossed the line the other day —I nod, confirming what he's saying—. And hiding for a week didn't make it any better.

—No. Because it seemed like you didn't care —I look at him, but he avoids my eyes—. It felt like I was the one who had to go after you to make things up.

—I didn't know how to do it —he scratches the back of his head—. I didn't know how to properly reach out to you after that night. I wasn't sure if texting you out of nowhere or going to your place would be invasive.

—But coming to the training wasn't? —I lift my eyebrow.

—Was it that obvious I went because of you?

Pressing my lips together, I nod. I'm sure he's pretty well into boxing to the point that he wouldn't join a random training, that allows people like me -that hasn't done boxing once in their life.

—I rather train by myself —he sighs—. But Soo told me you were going, too. I saw the chance, and I took it.

—So your plan was to come to the training, and?

—Apologize —he finishes.

—Right —I move my gaze, losing it somewhere on my lap—. You know, I wasn't annoyed because of the jealous act. That pissed me off, but not because you were jealous, but because you feel like you're free to meet up with someone, yet that same rule doesn't apply to me. I don't like the double standards. And then you said that crap, acting like I'm only doing this because you're the only one I can do it with...

—How did you feel when I said that?

I dare to look at him when he asks that. Big mistake. His big brown eyes pierce on mine, but not the way they usually do. He's waiting for my answer, and he's getting ready to examine every corner on my face to tell whether I'm keeping things to myself or not.

How did I feel? I felt like all these weeks were a waste of time, like nothing has moved forward between us two because there's only one reason why we're still in contact. And it made me scared of the day this all ends, because I'm not ready to lose whatever it is we have.

—Pathetic —I let out a sigh—. I felt pathetic. It made me feel like you were doing me a favor and just saw me as that.

He waits. Jungkook presses his lips together, and I see him thinking again. I can almost see through his eyes the words forming in his head.

—I promise I didn't mean it that way —he assures—. It pissed me off how you said you regretted the deal. I said the first thing that crossed my mind. How you talked about it... it made me feel like you're only talking to me because of that. Like all of these moments are only because you need my help —he's about to lay a hand on my knee, but I see his palm going back to his lap—. You're not pathetic. I'm an asshole for making you think that way.

I try to hide my shock by his words. It really makes me wonder if I'm hearing properly, or I'm just projecting my own thoughts onto him.

—You're an asshole —I second what he said, trying to go on with the conversation as fluently as possible—. But get pizza for dinner and I'll consider forgiving you.

He gives me a tiny smile, patting my head before he leans over the table to reach his phone. He then turns to me again.

—Ham and cheese?

Of course, he already knows that. We've ordered pizza way too many times when we met up, and he knows I like it simple. He scrunches his nose with a smile when I nod, eyes squinting and small wrinkles forming on their corners as he sees the confirmation to his question.

Forty minutes later, we're both lying on his couch, eating the pizza he ordered while watching the most gore film that's ever been made. At some point, when the killer tears one of his victim's body apart with a chainsaw, Jungkook asks:

—Does this make us psychopaths?

—Maybe —I nod, while chewing on my food.

He chuckles, and stops when he realizes there's only one slice of pizza left in its box. And we know what that means.

—You had the last one the last time —I whine.

—And you had the last one the last last time —he emphasizes his words pointing at the back with his thumb.

And that only leaves us with one solution: rock-paper-scissors. We both use the same ones a few times, until he finally uses scissors and I'm left with my flat hand in the air while he celebrates, jumping on his seat with a big smile on his face. But when I'm about to take my eyes off him, I see his hands starting to rip the slice apart, turning one slice into two.

—Here —he hands it to me.

—Thank you —I smile shyly.

I help him pick up all the stuff once the movie finishes, and I start thinking I should be heading home at this point while he's putting our two glasses in the sink. It's late and, unlike me, he has to wake up early to go to the studio. But Jungkook doesn't let me take one step away from him, he pulls me closer and presses his body against mine, wrapping one of his hands around my neck and the other one on my waist.

His lips feel soft on mine when they're moving slowly, tasting every single second. I had no idea how bad I missed kissing him until now. How was I able to go a full week without this?

He moves back, yet our noses are still touching, his lips are still rubbing mine and his warm breath is making me go crazy. My heart beats hard against my chest when I dare to open my eyes, just to find his looking into mine with attention.

—Stay the night —he whispers—. Nothing has to happen. Just stay.

I'm unable to say no. I don't want to say no. But I'm also unable to say a single word, so I just nod, captivated by his big dark eyes, hopeful for the answer I've just given him.

Jungkook leads the way, still holding my hands on his back as if I could get lost in his house, as if I hadn't been here before.

Dressed in one of his oversized t-shirts, I lie next to him. Eyes fixed on the ceiling, unable to sleep, because my head is spinning around some questions still.

—Let it out.

—What? —I look at him confused.

I was so absorbed in my own thoughts, I wasn't aware he was looking at me all this time.

—Whatever is running up here —he caresses my temple—, let it out.

—Do you think Soo knows?

—Doubt it. Why?

—You said she told you I was there today.

I must be in a different dimension, because I don't get what's so funny about what I've just said, while he's cackling next to me.

—All night you've been thinking about that? —he lifts his eyebrows surprised— She said Tam, Mel and you were there. She didn't single you out. It was a general statement to encourage me to join her. She knows I've had a hard time socializing with people.

—So she invites you to places to get you to open up? —he nods— That's sweet.

Jungkook having a hard time socializing with people? That alone totally breaks me out and leaves me confused for a few minutes. He doesn't seem the type who has a hard time meeting new people and molding into their groups.

—Fake it 'till you make it —he sighs.

—I have a hard time believing you struggle with that.

—I find it easy to meet people on a superficial level. I struggle when I have to open up and actually build friendships.

Well, that makes sense. And it's also sad. I can't help but wonder what might've happened to him for it to be this way. Actually... After what he told me about his ex-girlfriend, I could kind of understand where it's coming from.

We're back to being in silence. And under Jungkook's imposing look, I feel forced to look at the ceiling again, thinking that would help me to distract myself, but I still feel his eyes piercing on my neck.

—Let it out —he insists again.

—Why did you meet up with Leslie?

—I shouldn't have —this time, he's the one that looks away as soon as my eyes lie on him—. She showed up, and wanted to apologize properly for what happened between us. We had dated for too long, and I didn't want to hold the negativity any longer. You know, be cordial with her, move on from all that.

I'm pissed just thinking about her reaching out to him as if she hadn't done anything. But I understand what he means by moving on and closing a chapter, as it should be closed, when he was forced to tear that same chapter apart from the book.

—I didn't tell you through text because I didn't think I had to —he shrugs—. But I was going to tell you when I drove to the bar. You don't have to worry about her —his hand reaches mine under the covers—, seriously.

I'm overwhelmed by all the emotions that fill my body in those last five seconds, while I'm giving all my effort trying not to smile. I feel happy, yet at the same time I don't fully understand why I'm suddenly so relieved and happy.