Chapter 23

I slid into a pair of dark jeans that I felt were tighter around the waist, a Blink shirt that I think belonged to Pete but I had been the owner of since the start of our friendship and my black ballerinas from my suitcase before nervously making my way downstairs. It didn’t matter that I was an adult, I still got that feeling that we’re all introduced to as teenagers, feeling awkward in a strange place when whoever’s you’ve slept over at is downstairs or outside already so you’re by yourself, unsure of what to do.

But once I peeked into the living room, Dale waved me over to the table. “Charlie, good morning, dear” she said with her bubbly voice and I was starting to like her more and more. “Would you like tea?” I nodded. “Tea would be great, thanks.” I noticed that she was at the table by herself but there were two plates already full of crumbs. “Where are they?” I asked, looking at her. She waved it off with a motion of her hand. “They went to drive over to Andrew’s, pick him up to come over. Pete wants to surprise him as well.” I nodded again slowly, following her into the kitchen. She poured some hot water in a mug and handed it to me, dropping the tea bag in too. “Thanks” I said and we went back into the living room, both sitting down. “Eat whatever you want. Anything look good? If not, I can make you something specific.” I laughed nervously, running my fingers through my hair. “You really don’t have to go through any trouble for me, I’m only two months in.” Her happy grin turned into just a warm smile. “It makes me so happy that you two are having a baby” she said. I smiled and looked down, unsure of what to say so I just shrugged. “I hope it all works out well. I’m kind of scared.” Dale shook her head and patted my hand on the table. “No need to be scared, Charlie, everything’s going to be just fine. I was really scared too, very scared and yet, I did it two times again.” I laughed. “I guess so.” “And I know that Pete will support you.” I nodded. “Yeah, I know that too. He’s great.” Dale smirked. “Thank you” she joked.

I ate a little bit of a crossaint that Dale offered me and drank my tea, craving a cigarette again but I tried to distract myself. “How did you prepare for being a mother?” I asked her and realised that those were the questions I should’ve been asking my own mother, this was the conversation I should’ve been having with her. But with Pete’s mother, it seemed so much easier. “I don’t think I did. I talked to my mother a little about it before and she told me all she knew but really, you’re just going to feel it. Once you give birth to your baby and you’ve been through all of it, all you will want to do is raise it to be the best it can possibly be and to protect it from anything bad. Which is why I think you’re going to be a good mother. You seem responsible and that’s all you need to be really, I think. The rest comes automatically. And Pete said you’re smart, so that’s always good.” I smiled. “Thank you. That’s actually a big help. I don’t think I could be asking my own mum all these questions.” She raised her eyebrows. “Oh, no, dear, why not?” “We don’t have that … kind of relationship.” “That’s too bad but you can always ask me if there’s something you need help with.” “It’s going to be your grandchild after all.” She smiled. “Yeah, I’m looking forward to it. It’s going to be so beautiful with you two for it’s parents.”

A key turned in the lock of the front door and I heard Pete’s voice talking. Dale got up and hurried into the hallway. “Andrew, everything good?” she asked and I followed her. I saw her hug her other son whose gaze caught mine. When he pulled away from his mother, his eyes went from me to Pete and Pete nodded quickly. “Charlie, that’s my brother, Andy, Andy, this is Charlie.” We shook hands. “Good to finally meet you.” “You too” I replied. Pete’s brother followed their parents into the living room.

“We’re driving to see Hillary later but I already called her so she’s expecting us. I hope it’s okay that we’re not leaving until tonight” Pete said. I nodded quickly. “Yeah, sure, don’t worry about it” I assured him. “Also, I didn’t mean to leave you to yourself with my mum, I hope that was alright.” I nodded with a smile. “She’s amazing.” He smiled too. “I’m glad you like her. By the way, about last night…” I quickly shook my head. “Don’t mention it” I cut him off because I could already tell how awkward it was making him feel to talk about it. He breathed out in relief. “Good, good” he mumbled before walking past me and into the living room too. I followed him and we both sat down at the table once more. Dale made some coffee for Andrew and Pete and his father ate some more. I felt like I was going to be sick so I just watched them, not eating any more myself.

From the open door to the backyard, Hemingway came trotting in and Pete clapped on his thighs so the dog jumped onto his lap. He looked down to him lovingly and started stroking the dog. “You’re a good boy” he said and gave him some ham from the table. “Pete!” Dale said and he just grinned like a little boy. “Sorry, mum. Hemingway, do you wanna go for a walk?” he asked, moving down to the dog’s face. He barked and jumped off Pete’s lap, waving with his tail. “Charlie, you wanna come along?” he asked, probably because he still felt bad about leaving me alone earlier. I didn’t want to get into awkwardness with three people I didn’t know at the same time so I nodded and got up, sliding into my jacket and shoes that were in the hallway, then walked out the front door behind Pete. He put Hemingway on the leash and handed it to me so he could zip up his jacket. The dog started pulling already and dragged me along and I had trouble keeping up. Pete jogged after me and I could hear him laughing behind us.

Hemmingway calmed down when we entered a little park. “Growing up here must’ve been nice” I said after a while. Pete nodded slowly, putting his hands into his pockets while I was still being pulled by Hemingway a little. “Probably different from growing up as a Cali girl.” I laughed, running my fingers through my hair. “I guess. Small towns have something about them too though.” He smiled. “They do. I’m glad this is my hometown. My parents always loved it.” “I love it too.” “Well, I’m glad that you’re enjoying our stop too.” “Are you kidding me? Your mum helped me so much this morning with just a few words about becoming a mother.” He looked at me. “I’m glad. I guess she’s happy that she gets along with you because her and Ashlee never really did.” He shrugged and sighed deeply. “But she’s not going to be your mother in law so it’s a bit late.” “I can still be friends with her, can’t I?” I asked, slightly caught off guard because it sounded like an accusation. I tried not to make it too obvious. “Yeah, of course.” “She’ll be my kid’s grandma after all.” Pete nodded again. “Yeah, of course” he repeated. I gulped and pressed my lips together, staring down at Hemingway and walking a bit faster so Pete wouldn’t see my face and I didn’t want to see his either. First he kissed me and now this? I mean, I didn’t want to get married obviously but he had admitted himself that he had gotten a bit obsessive with the whole wedding thing so why was he bringing it up in such a way now? I had to admit I was getting a little mad but I didn’t want to start a fight so I just tried to stay calm and not talk to him too much, hoping he wouldn’t start another conversation either but we had after all set it as a goal to not be awkward around eachother anymore and we were still at a point where not speaking and having something between us meant being awkward, we weren’t quite back at that stage of a friendship yet where you could just be silent with eachother and feel normal. And that’s why this was the time to still bring up things that would only destroy our relationship once it was back to normal. I took a deep breath and gathered together all my confidence.

“Why’d you kiss me last night, Pete?” I asked, looking up at him and his eyes met mine. It took him less than a second to look away and avoid my gaze. He cleared his throat, then pressed his lips together but I wanted him to say something, now that we could still talk about it without ruining anything. “Tell me” I urged. He looked back into my eyes. “I just wanted to” he said and shrugged, looking like a nervous teenager. I shook my head in disbelief. “Really? That’s all you have to say?” I was starting to think that I had probably dreamt about the other night. “Yes, that’s all I have to say. Why do people ever kiss? Because they want to” he scoffed, he was offended for some reason because I was putting it on him and he sounded like a kid that couldn’t defend itself. I sighed. “I thought that maybe there was a reason, that’s all” I said. He gritted his teeth and I could see his jaw clenching, raising my eyebrows in confusion. He tensed up.

“Charlie, you have absolutely…” he breathed out, struggling for words and starting to sound frustrated. “What?” I pushed. “You have absolutely no … no fucking idea…” he got out through gritted teeth. Now I wanted to know, now he was talking and now I wanted him to speak. “About what?” I asked. He clenched his fists before putting his hands back into the pockets of his jeans. “You … you don’t know what you do.” I placed my hand on my hip, looking at him. “What do I do that’s so bad?” I asked, getting agitated because he was just going to accuse me of things again. “Not bad … just … distracting!” he stuttered but then it all rushed out of his mouth. “You are just so distracting! I mean, I’m getting over you, convinced that you’re not going to come back and that I’m not going to see you again, no matter how much sense it would’ve made to go back to being friends like before we got together and then out of nowhere, you turn up on my doorstep and tell me you’re pregnant?” “Out of nowhere?!” I interrupted him, we both stopped walking now. “Well, you know what I mean! Anyway, let me just finish, alright? Don’t interrupt me! You turn up and I mean, I was happy, I was so happy to see you and I’m excited, I’m excited for the baby and you know that. But when I saw you, I wasn’t done yet, I wasn’t over you, that takes time, I don’t know how long it took you but fuck … it’s hard, it was hard for me. I try to help you any way I can because I know what’s important to you and I want to make everything right for you so I agree to drive to New York with you which I also don’t mind at all and I don’t expect anything for it, really, Charlie, I don’t, I’m doing this happily and it’s not a problem and I love to spend time with you, I enjoy your company more than almost anybody else’s but shit, we sleep in one bed, have you got any idea what you look like when you’re about to go to bed? What you look like during the day?”

I stared at him. He couldn’t be serious, was he seriously saying all this? “Pregnant, Pete. I look fucking pregnant” I said, not ready to jump into this kind of conversation. His lips curled into a sarcastic smile but he shook his head slowly, closing his eyes for a second, then they met mine again. “No, Charlie, you look distracting. It’s very distracting.” He was taking the words out of my mouth, this was exactly how I felt when I saw him, I could relate so well and yet, it was making me mad that he was sexualizing me like this but I knew it was wrong because I was doing it to him as well, we were both wrong but we had been together for a while and we had had sex and he was hot so who could blame me? I just couldn’t believe that he felt the same way, I just wanted to kiss him again. The way he looked at me, passionate about something and his lips were looking so inviting and you could really see the shape of his body through the tight shirt.

He took a deep breath, obviously trying to calm down. “Charlie, sleep next to me in some fucking lace underwear one more time and I swear I will have to leave the room to m-…” I had just thought I could calm down as well but then I snapped again. “Oh, please, pull yourself together! How old are you? Twelve?” He shook his head in disbelief, tensing up again as well. “I’m sorry but…” “No, no, you listen to me now” I said and took a step back, still holding his gaze. “You can be distracting too” I said, gesturing up and down his body. “But I don’t go throwing myself at you, do I?” I asked. He gasped. “When did I ever throw myself at you?! I would never do anything you don’t want!” I was breathing heavily and for the sake of the baby I didn’t any more stress but I had no idea how to possibly end this conversation, I just wanted to be right. So I kept going. “I know that but you just said…” “Yeah, I didn’t say that I’d throw myself at you or try something, I said I would leave the room to…” “Don’t say that word!” I cut him off. He raised his eyebrows, that had caught him off guard. “What? You swear around but you don’t like the word ‘m-…” “No! It makes me cringe!” I shouted and handed him Hemingway’s leash, pressing my hands against my ears. Pete started laughing and I walked away from him with quick steps, unable to keep myself from smiling too now though. I knew I was ridiculous but it amused him because he hadn’t known that about me. He jogged after me and I could see his lips moving, shaking my head with laughter. “Don’t” I grinned. He raised his hands in front of his chest as a sign of giving up and I took my hands off my ears, letting him catch up with me.

We had both calmed down now as we left the park. I took a deep breath. Pete held out his hand for mine to shake. “This conversation never happened, deal?” he asked quickly. I nodded eagerly and shook his hand. “Deal” I confirmed. He leaned closer to me. “But Charlie, do you know what?” “What?” I asked before I realised and that it was too late to not hear him speak now and cringe. “Masturbating.”