Chapter 16

“Have you got everything?” Mandy asked, eyeing the luggage in the trunk of Pete’s car sceptically. I nodded. “Yes, mum” I moaned and rolled my eyes. Pete laughed and shut the trunk, rolling his eyes at Mandy as well. “You never know what might happen. What if there’s something’s wrong with the baby all of the sudden?” She genuinely seemed worried which got me a little more scared as well. Pete shook his head and gave me that look which only he can pull off to make me calm down. “Nothing’s gonna happen to the baby, I’ll be sure that we take a lot of breaks and that you get enough food and everything, don’t worry, as you two may recall, I have done this before.” Mandy and I grinned.

“Have a good trip, guys” Gabe said and hugged me before pulling the door to Pete’s house shut and throwing the key at him. Pete dropped it into the top pocket of his leather jacket and gave Gabe a sort of bro-hug, then sat in the car, starting it already. I quickly hugged Mandy and assured her that everything would be fine, obviously also assuring myself. She opened the door for me and I rolled my eyes at her again before sitting down next to Pete, buckling up and leaning back in my seat, taking a deep breath. I could do this without any awkwardness, without any crushing and without any panic attacks because of the baby. I was stronger than my hormones.

Pete drove out of the street and into the busier streets of L.A., blasting Blink-182, as he usually did in the car. “Thanks for agreeing to drive with me again, by the way” I said because I figured it would be a lot more effort for him since he usually just booked a flight and instead, we would drive for ages now when we could’ve had it so much simpler. “It would be no good for anybody if you had a problem or a panic attack on a plane, Charlie, so don’t worry” he said softly, patting my thigh for a second. I smiled. “Yeah but you could’ve just said you’re flying and let me figure out how to get to New York myself.” He shook his head while I was still speaking. “You know I wouldn’t do that. But I hope you understand that it’s important we do all the stuff there. We can put the first magazine together there and publish it, I’ll advertise it and then when the second issue comes out, everything will be clear with the people at the headquarters and we can send it from L.A. so you girls can work from there.”

I watched his profile from the side as he was driving and speaking. I loved listening to him no matter what he was saying when he was just speaking calmly, now especially because he was making it all work out for me and I was so endlessly thankful. Me and the girls had agreed that we’d take him out for dinner for doing all of this for us. “It really is so amazing of you that you’re doing this.” “Hey, let’s not have that again” he said, blushing slightly so I dropped it because I didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable.

We sat in silence for a while and I looked out the window at the cities the scenery and the other cars rushing by on the freeway. “Pete?” I asked after a while, looking at him again. Not taking his eyes off the road, he replied. “Yeah?” “I’ve never been to New York.” His eyes widened slightly and his lips curled into a smile. “What?” I asked, laughing nervously at his smug expression. “You have to allow me to show you around” he said, almost begging now. I smiled. “That’s what I was just going to ask, if we’ve got time to see the city, I mean, I’ve never had the opportunity.” He smiled and squeezed my hand that was on the side of my seat. “Of course, there’s always time for that. Don’t worry about anything, we can have all the time in the world.” “Oh, so you can make everything work? Just like that?” He laughed. “Hell, yeah. You know me, Miller.” I smiled to myself, happy that we were falling back into our old rhythm from when we had just been friends and friends only.

“Do you think Gabe and Sofia are going to work out?” Pete asked after a few minutes. I bit my lip. “I don’t know, I hope so.” He nodded and took a deep breath. “Me too. They’re quite the weird couple though.” I laughed. “They are. But I mean, what did people think about us?” I asked, already regretting it once I had closed my mouth again. But I didn’t let it show, I just stayed silent until he replied. “I don’t know, nobody ever said anything to me.” I sighed. “Maybe we were doomed from the start” I half-joked but I was also serious. Then again, if it had been so weird, wouldn’t any of my friends have warned me? “It was a good time though, right?” he said, concluding. I nodded and looked at him from the side, smiling. “It was. That’s why I want to go back to the way we were before we became a thing.” He smiled too but his fists on the wheel clenched and I could see his veins becoming more visible. I didn’t ask and just looked out the window.

After a few hours, Pete wanted to make a stop for some food and to walk around a little and I also felt my legs slowly getting more stiff so I was glad when he parked by a pull-in. As soon as he stopped, I opened the door and practically jumped out, my legs drowning in that tingling sensation of the relief of standing and being able to properly move them. When I looked up, I realised Pete was watching me as I moved my legs weirdly so they wouldn’t feel so heavy anymore. There was an amused smirk on his face. “Oh, shut up” I mumbled. He laughed. “But I didn’t say anything” he replied, holding his hands up in the defense, then locking the car and starting to walk towards the little shop. I followed him across the street and from the corner of my eye, I could see him looking at me once I caught up. “Are you feeling okay?” he asked. I nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine.” “I just hope it’s not too stressful for you, you know, us together.” “Don’t flatter yourself.” He laughed. “That’s not what I mean, maybe you find it stressful or upsetting to be trapped in a car with me for so long.” I rolled my eyes. “Really, Pete, it’s fine, I’m fine.” He sighed. “If you say so. You know, when Ash was pregnant, she always said that and the last time she did, she was having contractions and we drove to the hospital.” I inhaled deeply. “First of all, I’m not Ashlee. And second of all, when I’m having contractions, I’ll tell you and I’ll go straight to the hospital. But I doubt that that’s going to happen anytime soon.” He smiled and pushed open the door to the shop.

“I really want a Monster” I said when we were already at the register. Pete got out of the line and went back to the shelf with the cold drinks. “What are you doing?” I called after him. He tried to see over the heads of the people behind me but I was too short, like always.

“You said you wanted a Monster” Pete said when he returned a few seconds later with a black can in his hand. I rolled my eyes. “I didn’t mean you would have to get one for me, I was just expressing a craving. If Bronx says he wants to go to New York, do you go?” He sighed. “Is Bronx pregnant?” “I didn’t mean it like that! You don’t have to do anything I want just because I’m pregnant.” He held up the Monster and shook his head. “This was really no trouble.” “Yeah but you know what I mean.” He laughed when it was our turn and took out his wallet from the pocket of his jacket. “No, Miller, sometimes I really don’t.”

Back in the car, I was enjoying my energy drink but I didn’t know what to say. Things like these that Pete did and that I wanted to change but knew I couldn’t probably should’ve been my proof for why we weren’t together anymore, when he didn’t really understand me or when he simply didn’t see the problem. And it was like that quite often but then again, he also got me sometimes when nobody else did. That’s why we used to be such a good team and that’s why I wanted things to go back to the way they were. I just watched him drive for a while and sang along quietly to the music, mouthing along more than singing until Pete started singing along with his voice that I couldn’t quite decide for if he could sing or not, I never did. He had such a pleasant voice and he was decent at doing unclean vocals but I was never sure if I would say that he could actually sing. Nevertheless, he started singing along to Blink, quietly at first but then getting louder and louder.

“Work sucks, I know! She left me roses by the stairs, surprises let me know she cares!” I laughed when he was singing along at the top of his lungs and then joined in, half-singing, half-laughing so we were screaming together. “Say it ain’t so! I will not go! Turn the lights off! Carry me home, nanananana…” When the song was over, we were laughing at our silly dancing and our horrible singing and the people driving past us must’ve thought we were crazy, especially the cars in front of us and driving behind Pete’s. “I missed that” he said as we were slowly calming down. “What?” I asked, unsure what he meant. “Driving with you, having fun together, you know … I just hope things won’t be weird between us anymore.” I took a deep breath. “Maybe the baby is just the right thing for us” I said, finally expressing that I did not view getting pregnant as an obstacle, something we would have to overcome but something I accepted and didn’t mind or find hard to cope with. He looked at me and his expression looked somewhat like relief. “Really?” I smiled and nodded. “Really.”

“Can we take a longer break, like … do you mind?” Pete asked after I had been sensing that he was getting more and more tired because he kept rubbing his eyes and forcing them open when they were about to fall shut. “I can drive for a bit if you want” I offered but he shook his head. “No, no, you don’t need any exhaustion.” I shook my head. “Oh, it’s not like I’m six months pregnant, I feel absolutely normal and I can drive for an hour or two so you can sleep for a bit.” He shook his head again, running his fingers through his hair. “Charlie, I agreed to drive.” “No, you agreed to drive with me, not for me. Please, I don’t mind at all.” He took a deep breath. “No, I just wanna take a longer break.” “But I can drive! If you don’t accept that, don’t tell me again how you understand that I wanna do things myself and not always depend on you. Sometimes I just feel like you don’t see me as an equal and how can you support our paper then?”

He looked at me from the side, slowing down the car. “Really?” he asked. “Charlie, is that what all your doubt with the magazine is about?” I gulped. “Partly” I admitted. He took the turn to a car park that only had a toilet booth but he stayed in the car when he turned to me completely. “Are you kidding? Sometimes I think you have the wrong image of me.” “Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz, I know exactly who you are and I know everything about you so don’t even get me started. I know that you’re not sexist or anything but I just don’t want to play the part of your damsel in distress all the time and if you want us to work out as friends, you should accept me as an equal.” He sighed, rubbing his eyes, more due to stress and not to exhaustion this time. “Charlie, I do see you as an equal, please don’t tell me you thought otherwise for all of our relationship.” I shook my head, turning to him completely too now. “Of course not but when we were together, that was different because I fancied you and of course, I enjoy my boyfriend doing stuff for me and taking care of me but we’re not in a relationship anymore. This is different, we’re friends which means you don’t always have to save me and you can let me do stuff myself because let me tell you, I am equally as good as you at a lot of things. I could’ve managed this drive by myself, I would’ve taken longer but I would’ve made it somehow. You on the other hand could’ve just taken a flight. Seriously, sometimes I think you believe you’re superior.” “You have all the wrong ideas of me right now, Charlie. Of course I accept you as an equal.” He was starting to sound desperate now. He shook his head and opened the door. He walked around the car and open my door. I looked up at him and he made a gesture for me to get up. I did so and looked at him expectantly. “What now?” I asked sceptically, putting my hands on my hips. He gestured towards the driver’s side. “Drive.” “I’m not taking commands from you, Wentz.” He groaned in frustration. “Oh my god, Charlie, please tell me you’re just fucking with me right now.” I laughed. “Of course, thank you.”

I set the car for my height and figure and drove off and onto the highway again. Now on the seat beside me, Pete seemed nervous. “You’ve never driven with me, have you?” I stated after a while. “You’re such a hypocrite, you’re nervous, you think that I’m not in control of my driving. Because I’m pregnant or because I’m a woman?” He sighed. “You’re pregnant.” “Am I any different?” He sighed but then shook his head. “See. Now that we’re talking real…” “We’re always talking real.” “Oh, no” I cut him off too. “You were always sugarcoating me when we were together, never once did you complain until we were going towards the end. That’s probably one of the reasons we didn’t work, sweetheart. Because we couldn’t discuss problems.” “We had no problems.” “Exactly.” “No, that’s not…” He sighed, cutting himself off because he was getting frustrated with me. I wanted him to see himself and what he had done in our relationship so maybe he would reflect on himself and his own mistakes.

He was silent for a while, just staring straight at the road ahead. I wasn’t getting tired as fast as I thought I would and that made me happy. Just when I had thought that we had talked enough about our relationship even though I hadn’t even wanted to do that, he started again. “I wanted to tell you something, you really need to know one thing.”