XXVII: Meat

"My heart might be bruised, but it will recover and become capable of seeing beauty of life once more. It's happened before, it will happen again, I'm sure. When someone leaves, it's because someone else is about to arrive-I'll find love again." ― Paulo Coelho, The Zahir

•••

"Detective." Bird greeted with a smile as the cold evening air blew strands of hair over her face while she stood leaned against her car outside of the precinct, "How does it feel to have your badge back?"

"Wouldn't know." Jim said coming to a stop in front of her as he tucked his hands in pockets to try and shield his skin from the cold.

"What?" Bird's smile fell and her expression animated in anger, "Barnes knows you were set up! He knows that-"

"It was my choice." Jim interrupted, "I told him I wasn't ready to come back -not yet."

Bird eyed him suspiciously.

All he'd talked about for weeks on end was how he needed to clear his name and get his job back.

Barnes and the strike-force had shown up in time to hear Nygma's full confession and they'd arrested him.

He was probably on the bus headed to Arkham right about now and Jim's name had been cleared.

The morning papers were sure to all be bearing the headline and story of how he'd been innocent the entire time.

"I don't understand." She finally sighed, shoulders slouching with the admission, "Getting your job back seemed so important to you."

"It is important to me." He was quick to assert, "But there's some things I need to take care of first."

"Mhm..." Bird hummed with her eyes squinted at him, clearly waiting for a better explanation, but for the moment that was all he was going to give her.

"At least you can go back to your own apartment now." She finally chimed in to break the silence between them.

"Yeah." Jim breathlessly laughed as he rubbed a hand over the back of his head, "Silver lining."

The sad part was that the safe house Falcone had set up for him was nicer than his place.

But it would be nice to be able to walk around the city without the fear of being recognized.

Living under the constant stress he'd been in since the night he'd escaped from Blackgate had become a way of life for him.

Out of habit and paranoia, he was sure he'd still be ducking his head down in crowds and checking around corners.

"Need a ride?" She offered, nodding to the car behind her where her driver had the car idling with the heat on for when she was ready to get out of the cold.

"Thanks, but I've got some things I need to finish up here first." He declined.

While he'd ran outside to tell her bye, Barnes was pulling the Wayne murder case files for him.

He wasn't ready to tell Bird about that yet, but that was the reason he'd turned down Barnes' offer of immediate reinstatement.

It had been nearly two years ago that he'd made a promise to Bruce and Bird that he'd find the man who killed their parents.

A promise he'd broken, albeit unintentionally, but he'd let them down and they'd found Matches Malone on their own -then Bird killed him.

But that wasn't enough, knowing who pulled the trigger was just the very beginning.

He needed to find out who'd hired Matches in the first place and that's exactly what he intended to do -without the limits carrying a badge held him to.

"Okay then..." She sighed.

She didn't care for his being secretive, especially after all she'd risked to help him in the last months, but she was a little too tired to push for more details right now.

She'd barely gotten any sleep that week and Elijah's funeral had drained her more than she'd ever expected. Then with everything else that had been going on, she felt like she'd barely paused long enough to breath, let alone get any rest.

•••

Bird audibly groaned to herself as she made her way down the stairs in her townhouse, tying her robe closed that matched the print of the nightie underneath it.

Her bare feet padded across the wood floor as she made her way to the front door and raised up to see through the peephole.

"Oh my god..." She complained, dropping her head forward until it collided with the door.

"I can hear you."

Announced the familiar voice from the other side.

Undoing the locks, Bird opened the door and in a tired raspy voice greeted, "Barbara?"

"Hey, B." She smiled, standing straight and tightly clutching the handle of her purse.

Seeming nervous and almost out of place in her own skin, "May I come in?"

It had been weeks since news broke that Barbara Kean had awoken from her coma, but Bird had never expected her to get out of Arkham that soon after.

"Look, I'm really exhausted... so if you're here to try and kill me or something, can we just bypass catty remarks and skip to the fight to the death part-"

"No!" Barbara quickly interrupted, seeming appalled by the idea, "You're my best friend. Why would I want to kill you?"

"We're not friends." Bird argued, turning in place to watch as Barbara walked right inside of her house without first securing the invite.

"I deserve that." The blonde nodded, her ashamed gaze falling to the floor. "I didn't come here expecting you to forgive and forget, but I do hope we might be able to move past this... one day."

Bird let out another sigh. She had no idea what the hell Strange was doing the to patients in Arkham, but Barbara looked about as harmless as Oswald had when he was released.

"I'm a different person now." Barbara began to say, but Bird cut her off, "All sane now? Let me guess, you've got a certificate to prove it?"

"How did you know?" Barbara's eyebrows lowered as she looked down to her handbag where she'd neatly folded up her certificate for safe keeping.

"When I woke up, I was horrified by the things I'd done." Barbara tried to jump back into the conversation, "I don't feel like that person anymore."

"Who do you think you're talking to?" Bird complained, "B, come on. We've all done things we're not proud of, but no one wakes up one day is just a different person."

"I know what you must think of me..." The blonde's voice wavered, "How... how you must hate me, but-"

"I don't hate you." Bird stated, "But we'll never be friends again, B. Not like before."

"But, why?" Barbara pushed.

"Because when I think of you. When I look at you-" Bird spoke motioning towards her, "All I can think of is how I was there for when you had no one. After your breakup with Jim and when things went south with Renee, I was there. I listened to you cry for weeks on end. You were camped out on my couch for like a month!"

"I know." Barbara blinked rapidly to keep her tears at bay, "I remember."

"Yeah?" Bird scoffed, "Well, after I think of that -I think of how you turned on me. How you were working with Galavan. That children's hospital benefit? Remember that, B? When you endangered my brothers life. You told Jerome to kill Alfred."

"Bruce was never in any real danger that night!" She tried to defend, but she could tell her point was moot.

"I can forgive a lot." Bird spoke calmly, ignoring her outburst, "But not that. When it comes to my brother... when it comes to Alfred; my family. I can't and I won't forgive that-"

The end of Bird's sentence was cut shot when her attention was pulled over to the front door when it opened.

Both Bird and Barbara looked over to see Jim as he opened the door and rushed in before coming to a quick stop and looking between them.

"Well..." Barbara cleared her throat and clutched onto the handle of her purse even tighter, "Aren't you two adorable... him rushing over here in the middle of the night because he's worried."

Pinning her eyes shut, she thought of how he used to worry about her that way.

The look of concern and worry on his face when he first burst through the door was the very expression she'd seen on his face the numerous times she'd ended up danger.

With her face scrunched up, Bird held her arms out to the sides as she looked at Jim with an expectant expression.

Why was it everyone always wanted to show up when she was so exhausted she could hardly see straight?

"I tried to call you." He admitted, though the look on his face changed and his voice grew quieter as he added, "You didn't pick up."

After Barbara had come to see him a little earlier that night and she'd brought up Bird, he'd been worried about the situation and how it might play out.

He was well aware that Bird could take care of herself, but knowing that she was probably in bed asleep left him on edge now that Barbara was out of Arkham.

"Okay..." Bird sighed, pausing long enough to reach up and rub her eyes before she placed a hand on Barbara's back and said, "I'll walk you out."

"Good night, Jim." Barbara said, not taking her eyes off of him as Bird pushed her towards the still open door.

Bird pulled it closed behind her but not hard enough that the door latched.

Jim waited a few seconds before he walked over and peered through the crack, watching as Bird led Barbara down the steps to where her car was waiting on her.

"Take care of yourself, Barbara." Bird said through chattering teeth as she stood out in the freezing air barefoot and with only a thin nightgown and robe on.

"I don't blame you." Barbara called after her when Bird had only made it a few steps away, "It's not really your fault. He's hard not to fall in love with. It happened so fast for me. A few dates and I was swept away."

Turning back around to face her, Bird shook her head back and forth.

"It's not like that." Bird argued.

"Come on, B." Barbara smiled with tears in her eyes as she used their shared nickname for one another and mirrored something Bird had said to her earlier, "Who do you think you're talking to?"

"No, I mean it." Bird asserted, stepping closer. "I had that once before though. The whole whirl wind romance thing... with Harvey." She recalled, "I didn't really have a choice there. Never stood a chance. I fell in love with him so fast and so hard it was completely out of my control."

"I'd never felt anything like that before and honestly, I'm not sure I ever will again." She continued.

Jim's gaze dropped from where he was watching them down to the floor.

Caught a little off guard by how much it stung to hear her stay that.

He was just about to turn away and stop eavesdropping on them, but stopped when Barbara bitterly laughed, "After everything we've been through, you're going to stand there and lie to me about this?"

"I'm not lying." Bird defended, taking another step closer to the blonde, "With Harvey, I was head over heels before I ever even really knew him. But with Jim?"

Shaking her head, she continued, "I know exactly who he is. There was no blindly falling; I walked into this with both of my eyes open."

When Jim saw Bird turn back towards her house and leave a crushed Barbara standing next to her car, he quickly stepped away from where he'd been standing to watch them; with Bird's words, ones she'd probably never admit out loud to him, still playing in his head.

He'd just made it around the corner and out of sight when he heard the front door swing open and then nearly slam shut.

Moments later Bird found him in the short hallway off the entryway that led into the main sitting room.

Slowing to a stop, she stared at him with her arms wrapped around herself for warmth, still trembling from being so under-dressed to step foot outside in the winter.

"Are you okay?" He finally questioned, caving to the impromptu staring contest she'd initiated as he glanced down to the floor and then back to her face.

With a blank expression on her face, she blinked a few times before stating in a deadpan voice, "I'm a little cold, Jim."

Not waiting for a response of any kind from him, Bird moved past him into the living room where she snatched up the throw blanket from the back of the couch before climbing into her favorite chair and pulling the blanket up to her chin.

In silence, Jim sat down on the couch and looked over at her, waiting until she looked at him before pointing out, "You knew before me. About Barbara and Nygma... you knew Jerome was guilty when I thought he was just some kid who'd lost his mom."

Sinking further into the cushions, he looked back over at her and pointed out, "You never even seem surprised by it."

"This is Gotham." Bird lazily shrugged, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

"Sure." He conceded, "But this is more than that."

"You told me yourself that you thought we were all born with light and darkness inside of us." Bird reminded him, a genuine look of curiosity on her face when she asked, "So why does it always seem to surprise you so much when someone caves to the dark?"

"You're saying that where I look for the good in people; you see the bad?" Jim gathered.

With a nod she agreed, "I usually expect the worst."

"That's a very cynical way to live." He countered.

With a loud laugh that almost ended in a snort, Bird looked at him from under her sleep weighted eyelids and exclaimed, "I guess so, but it beats trusting the wrong person and getting shot by someone you considered a friend."

Seeing the lack of amusement on his face as she poked fun at what had only happened to him mere days before, Bird was still smiling as she asked, "Too soon?"

"A little." Jim sighed.

He still couldn't fully wrap his mind around what had happened with Nygma. How he could have been so wrong about his co-worker?

"I can't understand it." He finally admitted, earning a small groan from Bird who wanted nothing more than to catch up on the sleep she'd been deprived of.

Rubbing his own tired eyes, Jim muttered under his breath, "He's insane."

"Of course he is." She agreed, before adding, "But aren't we all a little unstable in our own right? That's what life does to us."

"Not like him-"

"Seriously?" Bird complained, sitting up further in her chair and leaning forward some, letting the blanket fall now that she'd had a chance to warm up, "No one just wakes up one day and decides to kill people. It's like..."

Pulling in a breath, she shook her head, "It's like when you watch the news after something bad has happened and everyone is talking about how the person who did the bad thing just snapped. As if out of nowhere they just did a full one-eighty and no one can believe it."

"But the truth is, it's like building a bomb, you know? Piece by piece... until everything needed to create an explosion is there and the wick is lit." Bird said.

Her mind drifted back to the first time she'd ever met Edward Nygma, how they'd quite literally ran into each other one day at the police station and the arm full of folders he'd been carrying rained down and scattered around them.

He'd been so surprised when she helped him pick everything back up and even more shocked when she not only wasn't annoyed when he told her a riddle; she actually laughed and played along, trying to guess the answer to the next one.

Shaking the thoughts from her head, Bird pulled her blanket back up and settled back into her chair as she announced, "I'm going to sleep now. If it's going to make you feel better, you can stay, but I doubt Barbara's going to come after me and if she does -I'll handle it."

With a raised brow, Jim glanced over at her and watched in silence while she already appeared to be asleep.

"Goodnight, Bird."

"Goodnight, Jim Gordon." Bird breathed, not even cracking an eye open to look at him again.

He watched her for a little while longer before he rested his head back against the couch and closed his eyes with thoughts of what she'd said still on his mind.

She claimed she saw the bad in people around her and from what he'd seen, it rang true enough.

But now he couldn't help but wonder what she saw when she looked at him.

He'd barely been a few days into his career as a detective with the GCPD when Bullock warned him that this wasn't a city for nice guys.

That day felt like ages ago now. He'd been so headstrong in the beginning, already believing himself to know how the world works.

But he was wrong.

Nothing had been nearly as clear cut as he'd thought.

Gotham was a city painted in varying shades of gray.

A city where criminals had saved his life more than once; while the supposed good guys were the ones ready to pull the trigger.

He wasn't the same person as he was back then. Not after doing things he'd never thought he would, all in the name of a greater good.

Too much had changed for him to remain the same, but he better understood how Gotham worked now.

His entire life had changed when he caught the Wayne murder case and he didn't see a way of moving forward while it remained unsolved.

He owed that to Bruce and to Bird as well.

Finally letting himself feel how exhausted he was, it was a slight struggle to get his eyes open when he looked over to where Bird was sleeping as he thought of what he'd overheard her stay to Barbara -and knew for himself that he couldn't deny just how much she meant to him.

••• days later •••

By the time Bird found her way into the kitchen at the Van Dahl house, she could already taste blood from where she'd bit down on the side of her tongue to keep from putting Grace in her place.

When Oswald's stepmother had answered the door, she'd made it quite clear that Elijah's open invitation for her to be there had expired along with him.

Finally, she'd let Bird in the house and told her that Oswald was preparing dinner and she'd do good to not distract him and make the meal run late.

"Oswald?" Bird called out as she walked into the kitchen, but didn't see her friend anywhere.

He'd left her a message earlier that day and said he'd discovered some information about Grace, but didn't go into much detail.

Usually, she was good at deciphering what was going on from the tone in his voice, but ever since Strange had messed with his head, she didn't know what to expect.

Drumming her nails on the counter, she glanced around until her eyes landed on a martini glass with a bright green liquid in it.

"Absinthe?" She wondered out loud to herself as she reached for the stem of a glass and a took a drink to wash down the coppery tinge the blood had left in her mouth.

"You should mindful of what you drink in this house." Oswald commented as he walked into the room.

"Hey-" Bird started to greet when she spun around, but stopped when she saw how his hair was no longer combed over to one side like he'd been wearing it.

He looked much more like his old self, back before he was admitted into Arkham.

"You look..." Her voice trailed off and her eyes squinted some, "Oswald?"

"Yes, Bird?" He asked with a smile spreading over his lips.

"What happened?"

The smile disappeared and the corners of his mouth angled down as he stepped up to her and said, "You were right. Grace isn't the woman I believed her to be." Through gritted teeth, he furthered, "Sasha and Charles are just younger versions of that... that monster."

"I couldn't see it before." He pinned his eyes shut and hit his hand against the side of his head rather roughly, "Professor Strange messed with my head. He tortured me until I turned into something else."

"But you're back to your old self now?" She carefully questioned.

"I am." He nodded.

Pausing for a moment before his head cocked to the side and he questioned, "Isn't this what you wanted?"

Bird shrugged, not knowing what to say.

She'd never wanted him to be anything other than who he was, but most of all she wanted him to be happy.

"She killed my father." Oswald went on to explain, "Grace. She poisoned him. I found the bottle he'd gotten a drink from right before he collapsed and died in my arms. She never loved him. She only wanted him for his money."

"But you knew that already, didn't you?" He asked.

"I had my suspicions. I'm sorry." Bird frowned, "I was worried about you and I tried to tell you-"

"I know." He held a hand up to silence her, "You have nothing to apologize for."

She'd remained his friend, even though he'd essentially turned into a different person. Despite his not wanting to hear it at the time, she'd done her best to caution him about the people he was living with and calling his family.

The days that had passed since his father's funeral had been miserable to say the very least.

Grace claiming she needed help with the house, turned into Oswald waiting on them all hand and foot. He'd done all of the cooking -only to hear them complain and watch as they spit their food back out and even pelted him with dinner rolls.

All of the cleaning had been left up to him and Grace was always barking at him to make her another drink and would nearly blow her top if they were out of cherries for garnish.

He'd taken it all in stride, trying to tell himself that they were all in mourning and things would eventually get better.

That was until he found proof that they'd killed Elijah.

Ever since that moment... there had been a rage boiling inside.

A fever that would be impossible to sweat out.

A sickness that only had one cure -to make all three of them pay for what they'd done.

To pay with their lives.

"Oswald!" Grace's voice rang throughout the large house, "Where's dinner?"

"Almost done, Grace." He yelled back.

Looking over at Bird he broke out into a fit of unstable laughter, so intense that he seemed to be having trouble standing.

Glancing around them, Bird asked, "What's going on?"

"I've been cooking for them." He explained as he pulled on the apron he'd left draped over the counter, "Making my mother's favorite recipes, Grace has done nothing but complain... so I though tonight I'd whip something special up for her."

With another laugh, he grabbed the oven mitts and opened the oven to reveal he'd cooked not just one, but two roasts.

As he removed them from the oven, Bird sniffed the air and tried to determine what he'd cooked.

At first she thought it smelled a bit like pork, but looking at it, it appeared to look more like beef.

Once the second roast was out and the oven door closed, Bird stepped closer to where he'd set the pans on the counter and questioned, "Oswald... what is this?"

Turning back around with a carving fork and large knife in his hands he smiled as he pointed, "That's Charles... and the one over there is Sasha."

"Oh my god..." She breathed, taking a step back away from the roasts she'd been inspecting.

"You're going to feed her own kids to her?" Bird whisper-yelled at him.

"She deserves nothing less." He was quick to defend.

Laying the utensils down on the counter, he reminded her, "My father died in my arms. She's responsible."

Seeing the repulsed expression she was wearing, Oswald complained, "Don't pick now to get squeamish, Bird."

"I'm not." She argued, "I just..."

Her voice trailed off, she was unsure of how to finish her sentence.

It wasn't that she didn't think Grace deserved this, it was more so a feeling like she didn't truly have her Oswald back.

He would have killed Grace and her grown children, sure. But this was a new level of sadistic and even though Elijah was gone, the fact that this was happening in his house left her feeling a little ill.

It even crossed her mind to point that out, that Elijah wouldn't have wanted his death to result in Oswald going down this route, but she stopped herself.

Not only didn't she have any room to judge him, but it wouldn't do any good anyways.

She knew her best friend well enough to know that he was currently seeing a world painted in red rage and the only thing that would begin to clear it would be to dish out punishment as he saw fit.

"Well..." Bird sighed, "I know they say revenge is a dish best served cold, but I think we should serve this out while it's still hot, don't you?"

The smile returned to Oswald's face, this was his Bird, the one person he knew would be by his side until the end.

"Indeed, I do." He agreed, before getting to work on transferring his step-siblings from the roasting pans onto the serving platters.

It was a short time later that the dinner spread was on the dining table and Grace took her new seat at the head of the table.

She eyed Bird when the younger woman sat down with a glass of wine in hand, but didn't say anything out loud.

Once she was gone, she'd tell Oswald he wasn't to invite her over again.

Bird slowly drank from her glass as she watched Oswald cut a slice of meat off of one of the roasts and serve it to Grace with a smile. Standing back up, he stood beside the table watching as she cut the section into smaller pieces and took a bite.

"How is it?" He asked, "Not too gamey?"

"Overcooked." She complained, even though she had no problems taking another bite.

"Oh, then try the other joint. It is much more tender." Oswald insisted, cutting a slab of meat off of the other and serving it up; while Bird found herself unable to remember which one was which.

With a disappointed noise, Grace finished chewing up the bite of the second roast and said, "It's the same."

"Hmm." Oswald feigned disappointment, "Still, beats my slut mother's goulash, no?"

Bird's eyes narrowed, realizing that must have been something she'd said after Oswald cooked his mother's recipe for them.

"Where are the children?" Grace asked, side-eyeing him, "Ring the bell again."

"I doubt they'll hear it." Oswald smiled..

"You look different." Grace noticed, as she picked up another bite of meat on her fork and ate it.

"Hmm..." Oswald laughed with a hum, "You noticed! Yes, I'm doing my hair a different way."

"I, for one, love it." Bird called out, raising her glass up in the air towards him before taking another drink.

"Charles! Sasha!" Grace yelled, starting to feel unnerved with just the two of them in the room with her, "Where are they?" She questioned looking back to Oswald.

"I found the sherry decanter, Grace." He admitted, "The one with poison in it that you used to kill my father."

Bird watched as the older woman's breathing changed, her breaths grew shallow and rapid.

"What on earth are you talking about?" Grace asked, her fork fell from her hand and landed with a clink against the table.

"You should have thrown it away!" He yelled, biting back a laugh as he got down to eye level with her and could see the terror staring to take shape within, "Guess you're a little too mean to waste good poison, huh?"

With a gasp, Grace tried to jump up, but when Oswald was quick to grab the large knife, she helplessly fell back into her seat as a wild look took over his eyes and he said, "Don't go!"

"Charles! Sasha! Help!" She screamed out in broken sentences, for the first time feeling a real sense fear from her stepson.

She'd never liked him and although it was alarming to come across the news in old papers of what he and Bird had done, she hadn't truly considered them to be a threat. Especially not Oswald, who took hers and her kids cruelty and abuse with a smile.

"They're not coming." Bird spoke up, barely glancing at the woman while she reached for the opened bottle of wine to top off her own glass.

"Where are they?" She cried, her voice airy and throat tight.

"You thought they tasted the same!" Oswald pointed at her with the end of the carving knife, taking enjoyment in the moment she realized she'd been eating her own children.

"But, Sasha-" Oswald stuck his finger into one of the roasts and then licked the juices off, "Definitely more tender... in my opinion."

"No, no, no." Grace sobbed, shaking her head back and forth, "No..."

She looked over to Bird, hoping that she might come to her aide. As if they way she'd acted towards her would have earned any kindness.

When she whipped her head back to look at Oswald, she caught sigh of the gleam of candlelight reflect off the blade when he raised it up into the air.

"NO!" She shrieked seconds before he brought the knife down and lodged it deep into her shoulder.

Bird watched with an emotionless expression as Oswald pulled the knife free and swung it down, again and again as Grace tried to get out of the chair and her screams turned to broken sobs and gasps until finally all was quiet - aside from the sounds of blood still dripping down onto the wood floor.

Breathing heavily, Oswald dropped the knife and picked up Grace's glass of wine that was now spattered with blood from the table and staggered over to an empty chair.

Bird gave him a few minutes to catch his breath before she asked, "Should I call someone for cleanup or are we doing this ourselves?"

"Not tonight, Bird." Oswald declined, his eyesight fixed on Grace's dead body, "Not tonight."

Her eyes were still wide open, frozen in time with the horror of her last few moments on earth.

"I think that's a mistake." Bird argued, "What if someone comes to the house?"

"Let them." He breathed before finishing off the wine in his glass.

Bird's stomach turned.

Not from the smell or sight of freshly cooked human flesh on the table, or even the blood soaked corpse just a few chairs over.

No, what left her stomach in knots was feeling like she might never really have her friend back to who he was before.

"How long are you going to keep their bodies here?" Bird finally asked, but Oswald didn't seem to hear her as still held onto the empty glass and stared at Grace's body.

••• a few nights later •••

"Look who it is." Lily commented as the door to the room she'd been held in for weeks opened and Bird walked in.

"I've been wondering who gave orders to hold me prisoner." The older woman sighed looking to her biological daughter while she remained seated in the chair she'd been sitting in to watch the small screen T.V.

Bird let out a sigh and and crossed the room, leaning against the wall as she looked at the woman who she'd waited her whole life to meet -only to be let down.

"You should have known I'd have people watching you." Bird shook her head, "Just couldn't stay away, could you? Galavan's dead. You fled Gotham. You should have stayed gone."

"Why should I?" Lily asked, standing up and flipping her long raven hair over her shoulder, "I've spent far too much of my life running."

Bird had gotten word a while ago that not only was Lily back in Gotham, but that her biological mother had hired a lawyer and was trying to become Bruce's legal guardian. Which would essentially give her control of both Wayne Enterprises and the family fortune.

Lily had felt robbed of her claim to what she felt was her birthright, and was now showing she was willing to do just about anything to take it back.

"I'm not going to let you destroy my brothers life." Bird stated.

"I'm not looking to ruin anyone's life. That's not why I'm here." She tried to argue, but Bird wasn't having it, "That is exactly what you intend to do."

"No." Lily rose to her feet, "I'm doing exactly what you should have done the moment Thomas was killed. A butler is raising Bruce, for gods sake. You're an adult, you should have fought for custody of him and control of the company."

"I don't want the company!" Bird yelled.

"Don't you?" Lily's lips curved up into a smile, "Because rumor has it you're about to get a big wig position at the end of the year."

Bird swallowed hard.

The truth was that she didn't really want to run the company, it was always supposed to go to Bruce and she was fine with that.

But it wasn't until recently, when the community outreach director position had been offered to her that she realized she did want to have a part in the work that meant so much to her parents.

"Wayne Enterprises doesn't belong to you." Bird pulled in a shallow breath, barely enough air to fuel her words, "I'd kill you to see to that."

Lily cocked her head to the side, her dark brown eyes peering out from under long lashes with a look of wonder that was clear to read.

She was trying to gauge if Bird really had it in her to kill the woman who'd given birth to her so many years ago.

"You were scared of Theo Galavan." Bird reasoned, "And you think since he's dead and Falcone has retired that you're free, but you're not. I'm still here. I've won all of those fights. I came back from the dead. Don't fool yourself into thinking that just because we share blood secures your safety. Blood doesn't make family, loyalty does and you have none."

"You really only have three options." Bird presented, "The first one is that you let go of your selfishness and greed. You stay and you get to know me, get to know your nephew. No trying to take the company or get your hands on the family fortune, but I'll make sure you're provided for-"

"Why would you do that?" Lily cut in, feeling like option one was a trap of some kind.

"When we met, I know you were trying to manipulate me, but I have to believe that somewhere -deep down, there was some truth in what you were saying when you said you wanted to make up for lost time. I'm willing to make that effort." Bird answered.

"Okay..." Lily breathed, "I'm guessing option two is certain death, so what's my third?"

"There's a car out front with a briefcase containing a lot of cash. It's all yours. On the condition that you never come back to Gotham and that you never try to contact me or Bruce ever again." Bird explained.

"I'll take three." Lily jumped at the chance.

Which made it all the more apparent to Bird that she'd never truly be gone. She'd come back wanting more money or trying to take over the company, blackmail or do anything she could to get what she wanted.

"If that's what you want..." Bird nodded, "But be warned that there will be consequences to face with that option. Maybe not tomorrow or even a year down the road, but you will pay for that greed. It will come back and bite you in the ass for everything you've done to me."

"Bird, look." Lily sighed, "I'm never going to be the mother you want. I think we both know that and it's going to be better for all of us if I just go my own way. Why would you even want me to stick around?"

"It's what you owe me." She answered, "The most selfish and greedy choice you could make would be to take that money and run. Blowing through my life like a storm the way you have and then just taking off while I'm still trying to clean up the debris..."

"I think you're afraid to stay." Bird added, "Afraid to really get to know me, because what if it works out, huh? I think it terrifies you, because you don't get to pick and choose what you feel. In order to feel the good, you'll have to let the bad in too and it might swallow you whole."

"Well, I think you're expecting far too much out of me." She was quick to dismiss.

Making it clear that she didn't want or need time to think think her options over.

"You're sure?" Bird asked, her tone somber.

"Yeah." Lily nodded, "I'll take door number three."

Bird instructed Lily to follow her and led her out of the building she'd been held in to a nearly empty street and pointed to the car she'd told her about.

"Once you get into that car and take that money, there is no turning back." Bird warned as her mother made it a few steps away from her.

When Lily turned out, she gave a helpless shrug, "Maybe in some other life things would have been different."

"Maybe." Bird repeated back as she watched her cross the street and open the driver's side door.

Lily got into the car and opened the briefcase in the passenger seat to reveal it was full of stacks of hundreds. There was enough there to live comfortably for quite sometime.

And when it ran out, she'd come up with a plan for more.

In her eyes, Bird had showed her hand. Showed that she didn't have it in her to kill her and confirmed that her love for Bruce was the chink in her armor.

For now she'd take the money and flee town, but she still had her eyes on the treasure chest, the family fortune and one day it would be hers.

Closing the case, she laid it back and down and pulled the door shut before she turned the key and started the engine.

But when she went to shift the car into drive, the locks all clicked to close.

Confused, Lily looked around the inside of the car until her eyes landed on the smoke starting to flood in through the air vents.

Frantically, she started trying to open her door and get out, but the lock were stuck in place.

Bird stood in place and watched as Lily tried to shut the car off, but it was useless. The key wasn't going to come out of the ignition.

Just like she'd warned her, option three had consequences.

"I wasn't sure you'd go through with it." Victor Zsasz said as he stepped up next to Bird and watched as Lily beat on the windows with her fists, growing weaker by the second, "Killing your own mother."

"I didn't kill her." Bird argued, watching as all movement inside of the car finally ceased, "I gave her options, but sometimes... you have to just to sit back and watch people destroy themselves."

"She wasn't ever going to stop, Victor." She quickly added, "People like Lilith Wayne just take and take and it's never enough. This was the only way I could ensure my brother's safety-"

"Hey, you don't owe me an explanation." He cut her off, "I never liked her anyways."

With a slight sniffle in the cold air, Bird asked, "You remember the plan."

"Don't worry." Victor assured her, "No one will know you had anything to do with it. As far as Gotham is concerned, Lilith Wayne committed suicide."

"Thank you." Bird expressed with a curt nod and a glance at her old friend, before she turned and walked away towards the car she'd driven there.

"Anytime." Victor quietly said as he watched her go, thinking to himself that she had much more of her biological father in her than she'd ever care to admit.

Donning the Wayne name or not; there was no doubt that she was a Falcone.

Once Bird made it to her car, she got in and let out the breath she'd been holding.

She wasn't sure how one should feel after watching a biological parent suffocate to death in front of their eyes, but she felt a small sense of relief in knowing that the threat had been neutralized.

It had been a trying year for Bird to say the least. Enduring everything from being locked in Arkham and living under the threat that was Theo Galavan, to nearly dying.

She'd sat face-to-face and shared a conversation with the man who'd killed her parents -before she ended his life.

So much had felt like it happened in such a short time and she knew that it all had changed her, probably in ways she wasn't even aware of yet.

But it finally felt like she was able to close the chapter of her life that was holding her back.

It was a bittersweet feeling, allowing herself to let go of the blame and anger she'd been holding onto for the woman who'd given birth to and then abandoned her and finally feel like she could move past it now that she was gone.

•••

Jim looked up from where he was sitting at the island counter in Bird's kitchen to where she was standing with her back to him, still speaking to someone on the phone.

Taking another drink from his mug of coffee, he waited patiently for her to end the phone call so they could get back to talking.

He'd come there to tell her he'd been investigating her parent's murders on his own since he declined Barnes' offer to be reinstated on the police force.

Over the last week he'd rattled more than one cage trying to get to the bottom of who'd hired Matches Malone and with Bird's connections on the streets, he figured it would only be a matter of time before she found out.

To begin with he didn't want to bring it up until he had some concrete evidence or at the very least, a working theory to share -but since he hadn't gotten that far, he wanted to make sure she heard it from him first.

"Yes. I, uh... I understand. Thank you for calling me." Bird politely replied just before ending the call and laying her cellphone down on the counter.

"Everything okay?" Jim questioned, watching her closely when she turned back around to face him with an unreadable expression on her face.

"I don't know." Bird answered as her forehead lined, "Garret Bryne died."

Finally making eye contact she spoke in a stunned voice, "He had a heart-attack."

Noting that she seemed more shocked than saddened by the news, Jim held back his condolences and questioned, "Who's Garret Bryne?"

"The community outreach director with Wayne Enterprises." Bird answered, staring to feel a bit lightheaded when she added, "Or, I guess technically he was..."

Jim started to question if she'd known Garret, but then he remembered the conversation they'd had when he'd still been in Blackgate.

The current community outreach chair was retiring at years end and that when Bird would be taking over the position.

When the shock started to wear off and he could see she was starting to look more upset by the second, he stood up and walked closer as he asked, "I thought you really wanted that position within the company?"

"I do." She was almost a little too quick to answer, "But not until next year! I wanted more time to prepare for this."

With a growing worried expression, Bird let out an unhinged laugh and rubbed her forehead, "I just inherited all the fundraiser events for the rest of the year. I didn't want this job until those shelters were finished and now..."

Her voice trailed off and Jim offered an empathetic smile, "So, you get to start your new job a few months early? Bird, you're going to do fine."

She stared back at him with her mouth slightly open. He couldn't possibly know something like that.

Aside from her time working under Fish, she'd never actually had a real job before -and this one came with an office and responsibilities.

Before she had too much time to get caught up in her own head about what was happening, the sound of her doorbell rang through the house.

"Want me to get it?" Jim asked when Bird didn't make a single attempt to head for the door.

"No, I'll-" Her voice trailed off when she heard footsteps coming down the hallway and she and Jim exchanged looks just before Bullock walked into sight.

Looking between them, he focused on Bird and pointed out, "Gotham isn't the sorta place you want to leave your door unlocked."

Shaking her head, Bird asked, "What are you doing here, Bullock?"

"I got some bad news." He admitted, looking over to Jim and wondering if he'd told her about how he was going off on his own to find out who'd hired Malone yet.

With a confused look gracing her features, Bird asked, "Is this about Garret Bryne? Because I literally just got off the phone and..."

Seeing that now he was the one looking lost, Bird added, "Okay, from the look on your face, I'm going to guess this isn't about Bryne. What's going on?"

Knowing that Bird was an upfront person and didn't sugarcoat things when it came to speaking to others, he decided to show her the same respect and not waste her time.

"We need you to come to the morgue and identify a body." Bullock said as he reached up and pulled his hat off, "A woman's body was found early this morning and we believe it's Lilith Wayne. As her next of kin..."

"Well..." He cleared his throat, "I'm sorry, but the responsibility falls to you."

"Bird?" Jim asked when she remained in place, perfectly composed and almost like she hadn't heard what was said to her.

She'd had this all planned out, rehearsed how she'd react to the news when she got it.

But the phone call she'd gotten earlier had thrown her off her game and she was still struggling to get past how much her life was changing in such a short time.

"I..." She breathed, "I thought Lily fled Gotham after everything that went down with Galavan."

"She must have come back." Bullock stated, giving her a sympathetic look, "If you'd rather do this tomorrow-"

"No." Bird shook her head.

"No?" Bullock repeated back, glancing at Jim, "No, you don't want to wait until tomorrow. Or, no, you're not up to this at all?"

"I don't need to wait." She clarified, "Let's just get this over with."

•••

Bird slowed to a stop as she reached her front steps and found Jim sitting there waiting on her.

"I thought you were going home." She quietly said.

Her voice sounded tired and weak.

"I did." He admitted, looking up to where she stood, "But then I came back."

When Bullock had showed up earlier, Jim had offered -more like insisted he go with her to the morgue, but she'd been very adamant that she wanted to do this by herself.

"It was her." Bird said, glancing up to the late evening sky, "They, uh, they said neighbors near the house she'd been renting under a fake name called the police when they heard a car running in the garage overnight. Apparently she came back to Gotham to kill herself."

With a shrug and the sound of air being forced from her chest, Bird's shoulders slouched forward, "It doesn't make any sense, but it is what it is I guess."

"I know. Bullock called me." Jim said, starting to stand up but stopped when instead she sat down next to him on the cement steps.

"I'm okay." She assured him, but when she blinked her eyes all she could see was the sight of her birth mother's pale face in such stark contrast to her dark raven hair, laid out on that metal table just as the sheet had been pulled back to reveal the deceased's face.

She'd stood there and watched Lily die just the prior day. Heard her screams for help and watched as she frantically beat her fists against the window as the car filled with smoke and she suffocated.

That wasn't what haunted her now though. No, instead it was the sight of the body on the metal table.

Lifeless and empty.

Jim nodded. He wasn't sure if she was handling this okay or not, but he knew she wouldn't admit it if she wasn't.

Bird reached up and tucked her hair behind her ears. Everyone who'd seen her and Lily together always commented how much alike they were in appearance.

Maybe that was part of what had her so shaken, that in many ways it felt like she was staring at her own future.

Feeling mortal was always unsettling.

Especially for someone touched by death so many times in their life.

And for some reason, she just kept thinking about the roasts that Oswald had served Grace.

How much meat from the human body resembled that of animals raised for slaughter and consumption.

At the end of the day maybe that's all humans were as well- just a pile of meat.

"What are you thinking about?" Jim asked when it became apparent that Bird was miles away from being in the moment with him.

"Matches Malone." She couldn't help but chuckle at her answer and how if he'd asked that same question a few minutes earlier her answer would have been vastly different.

Jim was caught off guard. He wasn't sure what answer he was expecting, but that certainly wasn't it.

"Before he died, he told Bruce and I about how this one man he'd killed haunted him above all others. About how he couldn't remember the guy's name or even how he killed him. And I was just thinking how that's the damnedest thing, you know?" Bird turned slightly to better face Jim, "It's always the things you never thought would bother you."

She didn't miss the look of concern in his blue eyes as he stared back at her.

He clearly had no idea that she'd been the one responsible for Lily's death, she doubted he'd be looking at her the same way if he did.

"I just keep seeing her body on that metal slab and I just..." Letting out a helpless laugh, Bird reached up and rubbed her face, "I didn't love her. It's not like I'm going to miss her."

With another shrug, she asked aloud, "So why can't I get her out of my head."

"I don't know." Jim softly said.

Bird gave another shrug and leaned sideways to rest her head against the metal railing to the stairs.

She wouldn't call it regret.

She was sure she didn't regret what happened.

After all, it had ultimately been Lily's choice and in the end her own selfishness was what killed her.

Bird couldn't put her finger on exactly what it was that left her feeling restless and sad and for the life of her; she couldn't understand it.

Lily was never going to be the mother she wanted, not the woman she'd dreamed about growing up when she'd given so many names and faces inside of her head when she'd dream up her biological parents.

Bird thought she'd made peace with that.

Perhaps it wasn't the loss itself that was affecting her, but the missed opportunities that seeing her mother's dead body set in stone.

She was dead and somehow now felt even more so once Bird saw her lifeless corpse and for reasons still beyond her ability to grasp, she was sad.

Pinning her eyes shut, Bird pulled in a shaky breath and tried again to shake the mental images of Lily's body, but she couldn't.

They seemed to be held to the back of her eyelids with superglue.

It wasn't until she felt an arm slide around her lower back that she even remembered Jim was still sitting on the steps with her.

Without even looking over at him, she pushed away from the railing and let his grip tighten around her as she leaned against his side and rested her head against his shoulder.

Even though her mind was still reeling from the day, her head seemed to quiet some in his embrace.

She couldn't help but remember a time when she thought Harvey Dent was the only one with the ability to do that.

Slowly she raised her head and looked at Jim, internally swearing that she'd take the truth of what happened with Lily to her grave.

She didn't regret what she'd done, but she also felt like no one else could begin to understand why she'd done what she did and that wasn't worth losing anyone over.

Especially not Jim, who already knew a lot of the bad she'd done and yet was still staring back at her like she was the reason the stars were shining so bright that night.

Oh, what she'd give to bottle that look in his eyes up and keep it forever.

Have it on hand for the nights that were too dark for the stars to shine.

When he leaned down, his head moving closer to hers until finally his mouth was on hers, she didn't shy away.

For someone who considered themselves selfish, Bird often put the things she wanted out of life on the back burner. Put others wants and needs above her own and even tricked herself into believing that she didn't deserve the things that would make her happy.

But not this time.

She couldn't pinpoint the exact moment in time in which it happened, but somewhere along the way, Jim Gordon had become someone she'd not only fight for, but one that she'd fight to keep in her life.

Even once the kiss was broken, they'd hardly moved.

Still close enough that with only a slight head tilt, his forehead rested against hers.

Jim knew exactly how he felt about her -it was something he'd known for quite sometime.

Even when it wasn't right and left them both walking a knife's edge while being in committed relationships with someone else.

He loved her.

Even in her darkness and the times where their moral compasses were in complete disagreement with the other, that hadn't changed.

With his thumb gently caressing her cheek as they sat in silence with just the sounds of passing traffic fading into background noise -both of them admitting and accepting that there was no where else on earth they'd rather be than in that moment together.

•••