Chapter 16: Could've, Should've, Didn't

*Joe's POV*

Russian wasn't on my Duolingo list to learn willingly, so the only thing I could make out through my one AirPod was her name. Natalia Ferrari. I had to keep the other AirPod in my tote bag, otherwise that really would've blown my cover of being seemingly disinterested in our second to last rehearsal.

Off my phone, I watched her make magic with her graceful movements along the ice, gaining momentum for executing tricks and spins that always made the crowd cheer. She wasn't lying when she said she was 'really damn good'. She was better than really damn good. She was mesmerizing.

"Yeah, but then we'll be completely off schedule," Nick's tense voice caught me off guard, my head shooting up while pausing Natalia's figure skating routine video on my phone to hop in the middle of the conversation as if I'd been engaged the whole entire time, "And there's no chance we're taking one of our biggest hits off the setlist. That's what the fans would be looking forward to."

"Okay, so what if we skip this one and go straight to 'Waffle House'?" Kevin suggested, pointing to the paper in his hand as he tilted it in front of Nick.

"That won't work," Nick ran his hand through his curls, something he did when stressed or uncomfortable, "This part right here has to be consistent, otherwise it won't flow correctly."

I took my AirPods out of my ears, leaning back into the chair as I audibly honed in on the headbutting back-and-forth. My gaze stayed into the abyss, the overwhelming aura creating a stormy shadow above us.

"Take 'Walls' off," I bluntly stated in a monotonous tone, abruptly halting all the opinions that were being proposed.

Nick blinked, taking a moment to soak in my baffling suggestion, "What?"

"Take 'Walls' off," I repeated more clearly, "Everything else will fit in our time slot by doing that. It's the most logical choice."

He shook his head, "But that's your song. I'm not going to do that—"

"Just take it off," I remained adamant, "It's fine. I don't care."

Truthfully, I did care, but it wasn't worth keeping the song in if it meant the arguments wouldn't stop. Taking the easy route beat my happiness so long as everyone else was happy. It wasn't like I wasn't used to it anyways.

"Okay," Nick breathed out, glancing back down at the papers Kevin still held out in front of him, "I guess we're taking 'Walls' off the setlist."

After that, the room's energy shifted into contentment with how easygoing the rest of the planning was. My sacrifice was enough for me to go back to watching Natalia's competition videos with no complaints from our team and, more surprisingly, my brothers.

I wanted to reach out, ask if she worked it out with Noah and secretly wishing the answer was no. But I was stuck on watching her past performances on a small screen instead. My stubbornness was too powerful to battle, just like protecting my heart from love.

Besides, she had my number. She could've reached out too. It wasn't on me, especially with how our night ended.

Multitasking on clicking on another video from a different competition, I stood up and walked over to the concession table. Snacks upon snacks lined up for all of us to enjoy freely. I picked up a few puffed-up popcorn kernels from in a bowl and stuffed them in my mouth.

"Never took you as a guy with an interest in figure skating," the weight of Nick's arm relaxed over my shoulders as he came up beside me, getting a small glance at my phone until I lowered it out of both our views.

"What can I say," I took one AirPod out of my ear closest to Nick, "I've got many surprises."

"Like earlier when you decided to take off 'Walls'?" he moved my arm to squeeze my shoulder, "You fought me to keep that on the list."

That I did, for the past two tours if I wanted to get factually specific. But I didn't have it in me to listen in on the tour struggles any longer. It wasn't like it was gone forever. I knew if I asked, I'd be able to perform it in a future show.

"So what's up?" he took my phone swiftly out of my hand, raising it while swerving away from me as I tried to seize it, "Is it about a woman? Her?"

"Nicholas, I swear to fuck if you don't give me back my phone," our commotion grabbed the attention of a few others in the room, "It's none of your business, so stay out of it!"

His playful demeanor diminished, surrendering into allowing me to grab my phone back in my possession, "Okay, okay. Sorry. I didn't know it was something serious."

"It's not," I murmured, sliding my phone in my pocket, removing my other AirPod, and walking past Nick to lay my back on one of the couches.

My head rested on the armrest, the white ceiling above me being the closest I'd get to Heaven. At least until I was able to see my daughters again in just two days. Physically, I mean. I tried to FaceTime them when we were apart at least five times out of the week.

Kevin tapped my shoes once approaching us to give him some room on the couch. Nick decided to stay standing, taking the whole bowl of popcorn with him in preparation of the entertainment I was about to give him.

"I read it all wrong," I sighed, lifting myself up in a sitting position as Kevin slouched next to me comfortably, "I thought something happened and that she needed a friend, but no. All I am is her personal driver she knows she can lead on and manipulate. Someone that can make her feel good when her boyfriend can't."

"Manipulating you how?" Nick asked in between chews.

"We almost kissed," I disclosed, replaying our time at the ice rink, "We were so close. But then it got ruined with her mentioning she got in a fight with her boyfriend. It was like, she knew I liked her, you know? And used that to her advantage before guilt took over. Seriously, how do I get her out of my head?"

Kevin and Nick glanced at each other with a mix of the smallest of smirks and rapport.

"I mean, who calls some other guy twelve times in a row just because they got into a small ass fight with their boyfriend?" I blurted out, my eyes gazing to Kevin's.

His smirk left, a wrinkle of concern forming between his eyebrows, "They don't."

Shit. I should've reached out. No, I never should've left her in the first place, taking her words personally like sharp daggers to my heart that she somehow bulldozed my barriers to get to. I had no room to judge her unkempt and dulled physical appearance, but now acknowledging that with all the other small pieces of the puzzle, something more had to be going on that she was hiding.

"What do I do?" I asked, fumbling with my AirPods in my hands.

"Text her," Nick's wise ass replied.

"I second that," Kevin agreed before his smirk reappeared, "And not because you like her."