Chapter 28 - Let's Talk About Death Baby

"What are we doing here?" I looked at the façade of the ice cream shop.

The white and pink awning was the same as I remembered.

It was early afternoon.

The sky was a cloudless blue.

There were people sitting in the patio enjoying bowls of the cold treat.

The enticing smell of vanilla, chocolate and candy sprinkles were more than enough to make me get one myself.

Sam switched off the engine and got out of the car without answering.

"Hey," I placed a hand on her arm when she turned towards the entrance.

"Can we go get ice cream first?" She pointed towards the door.

I frowned and remained standing by the side of the entrance.

"I am not going in until you tell me why we're here," I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Fine," She scoffed.

"I want to talk to you."

"You couldn't tell me in the office?"

"Would I bring you here if I could do it there?"

"I don't like this. You always bring me here when you have something serious to tell me."

"I do have something important to say," She didn't dispute what I said.

"But first, ice cream." She walked towards the door and opened it for me.

There was no one in the counter when we got in.

The teenaged girl who wore a pink cap with the pointy top greeted us with a smile.

"Is it still the usual?"

I turned my attention away from the menu board.

Sam was staring at me.

"Yes please."

She walked up to the counter and ordered a salted caramel ice cream for me and a pistachio ice cream for herself.

We went to the patio and sat from where we could see the bakery.

"I haven't been here in a while," My eyes settled on the white walls dotted with colorful circle resembling candy sprinkles.

"Why not?" Sam scooped a spoonful of ice cream.

"Do you really want me to answer that?"

"You avoided the places we used to go to even though you loved this place," She answered her own question.

"Right. It was hard to visit the places we used to hang out in. That's why I'm glad that most of it were really far. The commute alone didn't really encourage me to go. But that was not the reason why we're here, right?"

"No. But let's eat first before it melts," She pointed to my bowl that was starting to get runny.

"Being here is making me nervous. I won't be able to enjoy this so just tell me," I admitted.

"Alright then," She put the spoon back on the bowl.

"I'll be away for a while."

"Are you going on vacation?"

"No. I'm going for surgery."

"What? I thought you said the medications were helping."

"It was. The migraine episodes were reduced but when it happens, it was more painful than the last. I couldn't live like this. I have to fix the problem while it's feasible to do it."

Sam's calm demeanor made me more nervous.

"Does your grandmother know?"

"Yes."

"And Kirk?"

"That's another reason why I brought you here?"

"Please don't say you're inviting me to your wedding."

"There will be no wedding."

My mouth hung open.

"I cancelled it."

"Why did you do that?"

"I never wanted it in the first place. If I am going to marry, I would do it for the right reasons and not because I was forced into it."

"But what about your grandmother? What did she say?"

"We had a good talk. One of the rare occasions when I was honest with her about things. She understood."

"She did?"

"Yes. Believe it or not but she wasn't angry with me."

"Did you tell her the reason why? Or did you have to make up an alibi?"

"I told her the truth."

Sam looked so calm and self-assured.

There was none of the conflict that etched her pretty face when she was burdened with something.

I was the opposite.

Most of the time, I was able to think rationally.

But not this time.

Sam must have noticed how uneasy I was for she took my hand that was on top of the table.

"You don't have to be afraid. She wouldn't do anything to you or your family. I made sure of that."

"I just couldn't believe it. The last time, she was so angry with me. She blamed me for what happened. Your grandmother made it sound like I was the one who made you gay."

"I didn't need to be forced into something. I fell in love with you wholeheartedly."

She had a tender look on her face.

"I also brought this," Sam let go of my hand and took out a gray rectangular hard drive from her purse.

"What is this?" I stared at the slim gadget.

"It has the drafts and videos that you need to complete the story. Do what you want with it," She ate more of the ice cream.

"There's also a file there pertaining to my last will," She added when I didn't respond.

"What?"

"It's best to cover all my bases."

"Don't say that." My chest tightened with the mention of a will.

"Mon, once I'm under, I have no control over what's going to happen to me. My life is in the hands of the people whom I assumed know what to do. But there's always room for error."

"How could you be so blasé about it?"

"I'm not being blasé. I'm just being realistic."

"You're not making things easy for me," I pushed the bowl of ice cream away.

The bottom was now a pool of liquid.

"Dying is not new. We will all go there at one point."

The impassive expression didn't change.

"Why do you have to include me in your will?"

"Because I want you to have Miss Duanpen," I took a bite of the ice cream that was more like a milkshake now.

"Your car?"

"Yes," She kept eating.

"But why?"

"You know how to drive but you don't have a car. It doesn't make sense to me."

"It shouldn't."

"Why are you digging your heels about it? Nita told me you got upset and she hasn't brought it up since."

"She told you?"

"Yes."

"Why did she tell you?"

"I don't know. It just came up. I'm surprised she hasn't gotten you a car. Not that she couldn't afford to give you one."

"I don't want a car as a gift or a stipulation in your last will."

"You are seriously rejecting Miss Duanpen?"

"It had nothing to do with the car."

"You don't want me to die?"

"Do you want to die?"

"No. Not yet. You haven't forgiven me. If I die during the operation, then I wouldn't know if you have."

"Are you asking for forgiveness now?"

"My surgery is tomorrow. It wouldn't hurt to know the answer. I would have waited until after we finish the story but at this point, who knows what's going to happen."

"Sam, you are seriously scaring me."

The more we talk about this, the more I felt as if the air was being sucked out of my lungs.

"Mon, nothing is guaranteed for anyone. We could only take each day at time. But it doesn't mean we couldn't prepare for the future. That's what I'm doing. If there was something that writing this story taught me, it was to be brave everyday. If you didn't do this with me, then I wouldn't have talk to my grandmother and Kirk."

I had no idea how big of an impact this project had on her.

But this was unprecedented.

"I don't know your reasons for not putting your driving skills to the test. So...," She fished out the car key from her bag, "while I'm recovering, do what you want with Miss Duanpen." She pushed the key towards me.

I didn't touch it.

"You are not going to die."

"How do you know?"

"Because I don't want you to."

"Mon, this thing that I have scares me. Everytime I have an episode, I always feel as if I won't survive it. I don't even want to think about the next one because it kept getting worse. I don't want to die too. But even if I deny it, there was no fighting the fact that we will all go there at some point. Now," She pushed the key closer, "take care of my baby while I'm indisposed will you?"

"We still have to go back. Why are you giving me this now?"

"Because you are driving us to the office."

"You are worse than Nita."

"I know. But I have my ways on how to convince you."

"You've really pushed it too far this time," I scowled.

A thought occurred to me.

"I have one condition before I agree to this."

"What is it?"

"I'm not going to forgive you yet."

"Huh? Why not?"

"Because I want you to get out of this surgery alive."

"Didn't you hear what I just said a while ago? About leaving my fate to the so-called experts?"

"Well, they'd better live up to their name. Because the only way I'm going to take that," I pointed to the key she was still holding, "is if you come back alive."

"We both know it's ridiculous."

"And so is pushing me to take care of your baby?" I argued.

Sam thought for a moment.

I was determined not to take the key.

"Fine," She raised both hands in surrender.

"If something goes wrong during the operation, I will make a deal with God not to take me yet. How's that?"

"Deal," I stuck out my hand and Sam shook it.

"You don't have to worry about anything. If you need gas or maintenance, all the information is in that flash drive."

"You really thought about this didn't you?"

"Of course. If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail." She winked.

***

The blaring sound of an alarm startled me.

I opened one eye and felt for the phone by the bedside table.

I was alone in my bed and not in Nita's house.

She flew out of the country to attend a business conference.

I refused to stay at her place because it was lonely there without her.

My heart was still beating fast from the vivid dream.

I thought I was with Sam at the ice cream shop.

Our conversation came back and it dampened my mood.

Waking up to talks about death was not something I expected this early in the morning.

I pushed myself out of the bed and checked the messages on my phone.

Nita sent a picture of herself while brushing her teeth with the words captioned I miss you.

I ran my hands on the smooth screen to touch her face.

She had been away for two days but it felt longer.

What Sam said in the dream was true.

I got upset with Nita because she brought up buying a car again.

She kept pushing me to do it that I got mad.

I told her so many times that I was not ready yet but she kept insisting that the longer I wait, I won't do it.

"It was nice to be driven around but what if no one's here to do that for you."

"There are other ways to go around."

"I think there's a deeper reason you weren't telling me."

"I'm not ready. Is that not good enough?"

Nita didn't say anything else.

A text notification flashed on the screen.

There was a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach when I read it.

"Let's go for ice cream."