Chapter 11 - Jealousy Jealousy

I sat across from Sam and booted the laptop.

She shifted in her chair when she heard the sound of the computer.

"We have to start from the beginning," Her cool expression was not comforting.

Behind her eyes was a raging storm.

I knew she was upset.

I have learned to recognize the subtle and not so subtle ways she expressed her real feelings.

But I don't want to deal with that right now.

We haven't done any writing since this morning because all we did was argue.

"By that do you mean the old high school?"

"Yes," The reply was curt.

"Makes sense. That's where we met and..." I didn't finish my sentence.

Her eyes flashed in recognition.

She knew what I was talking about.

"We should go there."

"I just came back."

"And whose fault was that?"

There it was.

With just a simple reply, I managed to let her blurt the truth.

There was an accusing look in her eyes.

The storm was now full blown and I walked right into it.

"It was for work. Miss Nita texted you didn't she?"

The hard expression didn't change.

"Does she like you?" She asked pointblank.

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb."I held my breath so I don't say something I would regret and felt the tension went up to the back of my neck.

"You're the one who's beating around the bush."

"You know who I'm talking about."

"Why don't you ask her yourself if you're so curious?"

The fire in her big brown eyes met mine.

I held my stare for as long as I could.

Sam was the first one to look away.

In high school, it drove me crazy because she had a different way of showing her emotions.

What she said was the opposite of what she felt.

It took me a while to figure it out.

Her friends helped me understand Sam better.

There were plenty of times when I wanted to pull my hair but when we started dating, we came to an agreement to be open with each other.

I wasn't sure if the same thing still applies now.

For one, we were ex-lovers.

Definitely not dating.

"Why did Nita ask you out while we were in the middle of conceptualizing? That time you were together could have been spent thinking of more ideas."

"I gave you lots of ideas but you shut it all down. Now you decided to go with my very first suggestion that this story should begin where we first met."

"You told me that already?"

"Duh."

She scowled at me.

"Besides, I don't think the reason why you're like this was because I lost a few hours of work."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Now who's playing dumb?" I challenged.

Sam grumbled then let out an angry exhale.

"You're so naïve sometimes," She blurted.

"Nita was blatantly flirting with you and you don't even notice."

"She's not. You're just overthinking it."

"Let me ask you this," She leaned forward on the desk, "is she the same with the others?"

"I don't know."

"I have seen Nita with your colleagues and that was how I knew she favored you. I don't like that stupid smile on her face when you enter the room. She touches you without permission and you just let her," Her hand was vigorously waving while she spoke.

"Why are you acting like this?"

"Like what?"

"Like a jealous girlfriend."

"I'm not," She was quick to disagree.

"I am only pointing out my astute observation."

"Is that so?"

"Yes."

"Okay. If you're acting like this because of your astute observation, then let's get to work. There's no reason for you to get all riled up over Miss Nita's treatment of me because she doesn't like me like that."

I angrily clicked on a Word file but the only thing there was the blinking cursor.

Even with my head down, I could see Sam glaring at me.

She pulled the pen from its holder and twirled it.

It switched from one finger to the other in a fast motion I thought it was going to fall.

But she always caught it with her thumb only to repeat the same movement.

I placed my hands on the keyboard to start typing when she spoke again.

"I am jealous." She admitted.I looked up from the laptop.

Her jaws were set so tight as she gritted her teeth.

"Of what?"

"You're doing that thing again. It makes me mad."

"What thing?"

"Playing dumb."

"Sam," I closed the laptop cover.

"Why on earth would you feel like that?"

"Because you meant a lot to Nita and I don't mean just professionally. If she could date you, I have no doubt that she would."

"There is no policy against office romance."

"You're not helping your case," Her eyes narrowed even more.

"There is no case," I straightened in my seat and look her in the eyes, "even with or without a policy, I never like Miss Nita that way."

"Why not? I mean look at the woman. She's gorgeous, rich, smart, empowered and she obviously likes you."

"I don't want to date my boss. Period."

"That sounds so final."

"It's less complicated that way. I like my job and the people I work with. If I start dating my boss, that would open up a world of problems. My coworkers would hate me. They wouldn't open up to me anymore for fear that I would snitch on them. I don't want to lose my friends."

"What if you fell in love with your boss?"

I frowned at how she stressed the last two words.

"You mean you?"

Sam pressed her lips together.

"You have a boyfriend and your grandmother would probably kill me for real this time."

"She wouldn't."

"What exactly are you trying to tell me? Are you making a suggestion that you want me to fall in love with you again?"

She had no quick answer.

Her arguments about Miss Nita were now lodged in my brain causing me to doubt how innocent my former boss' intentions were.

"You're doing that thing that I hate."

I looked at Sam whose arms were now crossed over her chest.

"What thing?" She frowned.

"Playing dumb," I slammed the laptop cover shut.

"You go around in circles instead of telling me what you really wanted to say."

"I don't know what I want to say."

"Yet you confronted me about Miss Nita and told me you were jealous. Why would you say something like that if there was nothing more?"

My voice was getting louder and my heartbeat quickened.

There was warmth that crept from the back of my neck up to my face.

"What do you really want from me, Sam?"

The angry look in her face was replaced with tenderness but she still didn't answer.

"You said you wanted my forgiveness but since the day you got here, all you did was make me upset."

"Mon," She reached for my hand across the table but I snatched it away before she could touch me.

"I don't want any part in whatever it is you're planning. I was doing fine without you," I fought the tears that threatened to fall by biting my tongue.

But I couldn't do it.

Before I made a fool of myself in front of her, I stood up and grab my laptop.

The last thing I heard as I ran out of the office was Sam calling my name.

I wanted to leave and just forget about the project we were working on.

But when I reached my desk, my phone pinged.

There was a direct message from Miss Nita on the company chat.

"Mon, it was good to talk with you today. Good luck. Can't wait to read your next story. I have no doubt that you will make me proud."

I turned around to wipe away the tears.

Miss Nita was the reason why Sam and I fought.

Again.

I was upset because she made me see things in a different light.

She was right about Miss Nita not being affectionate towards my coworkers but I didn't put malice on her actions.

I knew she favored me.

Sam wouldn't be the first person to point that out.

Even Yha and the rest of my friends at work teased me about it.

But unlike Sam whose reasons were personal, my friends would always mention my output and how it was not surprising that Miss Nita was impressed.

There was tangible evidence of my hard work on the Wall Of Fame board at the office.

A picture of my smiling face had been posted there for months.

To be fair, Miss Nita wasn't touchy-feely like how Sam accused her of behaving.

When I was called to her office, she didn't make a move on me.

I always stood or sat behind her desk.

She didn't cross the lines and neither did I.

Our conversations were always brief because we were both busy.

"Are you okay Mon?"

I turned around to see Yha, Noi and Auntie Mhee staring at me.

"What happened? Did she hurt you?" Yha stepped forward to comfort me.

"No," I shook my head.

"I'm having period cramps," I faked a smile.

"Why don't you go home? It's past 4 o'clock anyway," Noi suggested.

"I can't. I have to work on this story."

"But you're unwell," Auntie Mhee was also concerned.

"I'll be fine. I took meds already. I'm just waiting for it to kick in," I lied.

"Do you want me to make tea or coffee before I leave?"

"That's nice of you, Auntie, but there's no need. I will be okay," I smiled bigger hoping to convince them to go.

It made me feel guilty that I had to lie to them just to cover up what really happened.

I'm sure that if they knew the real reason, they would hate Sam even more.

When she was around, they avoided her on purpose.

I couldn't blame them.

The snacks she bought a few days ago was the first nice gesture she did since she got here.

Sam hasn't done anything more to win their trust.

She doesn't even say good morning to them when she comes to the office.

They compared her to Miss Nita who was always congenial.

Despite her busy schedule, she finds the time to ask how we were doing.

"We're leaving then," Yha spoke.

"Are you sure you don't need anything from us?" Noi asked.

"I'm sure.""Okay, Mon. Take care on your way home. Don't work too late," Auntie Mhee said.

They said goodbye and once they were gone, I took a long deep breath to recover from what happened a few minutes ago.

Sam and I were always at odds with each other.

It was as if she still knew which buttons to push to make me mad.

When we were in high school, we often argued about her jealousy.

It mostly had something to do with Nop.

Sam was convinced that we weren't just friends even though I told her many times that nothing was going on between us.

She disliked that Nop waited for me all the time and that we go home together.

If it were up to Sam, she would drop me off at the house everyday.

But her grandmother was very strict.

She had to be home after school.

If she had choir practice, Sam had to call in advance.

Kirk was the designated driver so he always waited for her no matter how late we stayed for practice.

"Mon."

A soft sound startled me.

I looked behind me and Sam was standing right there looking downcast.

"I'm sorry," She knelt down.

Sam usually did this when I was really, really upset.

"What are you doing?" I looked around to see if any of my coworkers came back.

But it was just the two of us.

"I didn't mean to hurt you again. Tell me what to do for you to forgive me," A fat tear rolled down her cheek.

"Let's start with you standing up," I held my hand to help her up.

She took it with a firm grip and when she pulled, I was carried along by her strength.

Our bodies collided and our faces were only a few inches away.

Sam was looking at my lips and I was looking in her eyes.

I got caught in the earnestness of those big brown beautiful orbs.

The words were caught in my throat swimming upwards but never really reaching its destination.

It melted at the tip of my tongue and I swallowed the letters fast until they were gone.

Her hand was on back, the warmth of her soft fingers seeping into the flimsy fabric of my pink polyester top.

The air conditioning was still on and yet I was sweating, unable to understand how after all these years, she was still able to make my body feel this way.

"Are you okay?" She removed her hand and took one step back.

"Yeah, yeah." I stammered.

"I'm really sorry, Mon. I don't know what came over me. Well, I know and I shouldn't have said those things about Nita but it's just that I couldn't help myself. When it comes to you I'm a mess.""Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"I don't know. But I thought of what you said and I don't want you to not be okay just because I'm here. I know everyone is walking on eggshells around me and I don't want that. Especially not you, Mon. You know me better than anyone." She looked sad.

"I want things to be okay between us. I told you so many times that I'm willing to do the work for you to forgive me so can we start over?"

"Why is it so important to you?"

"Because if I wanted to move on and the only way for me to do that was to have closure from what happened us."

"How do you propose we do that?"

"Through this," She fished something out of her pants pocket.

It was a black USB stick.

"What's that?"

"An outline on how I would like to work on my forgiveness."

"Oh....kay," I was confused but intrigued.

"Why don't you plug it in so you can see what I'm talking about?"

I took the thumb drive and stick it on the side of the laptop.

When the file loaded, there were pictures from years gone by.

The first one was of our high school with its white paint and blue trim standing tall and mighty against a backdrop of the setting sun.

I scrolled through the fourteen slides and the more I look at the photographs, the anger I felt was replaced with an ache that was much harder to control.

I looked away from the screen.

"The Story Of Another Us? That's what you want to call it?"

I turned to Sam who pulled a chair and sat beside me.

"Yes," She had a sad smile.

"I was thinking that for our story to be more authentic, we should revisit the places we went to when you know?"

"We used to date?"

She nodded.

"Why would we do that?"

"Because I wanted to say goodbye to them."

My heart shrank when I heard that.

"Why do you want to say goodbye?"

"Because maybe then you will see that I'm honest with my intentions," She looked up and tears glistened in the corners of her eyes.

"I don't want to hurt you again, Mon. That's the farthest thing from my mind. But lately it seemed that I'm not doing it right."

I saw that she was truly sorry and it tugged at my heart.

My mother used to say that I forgive easily.

She didn't mean that in a bad way.

On the contrary, she admired that I don't hold any grudges.

But sometimes I wish I did.

Maybe if I did that, I wouldn't be talking to Sam right now.

But it was hard to go against my nature.

Besides, she knelt in front of me.

How could I deny that gesture of pure contrition?

"Where should we start with our journey then?" I asked.

"Let's visit our school."

"But what about the article?"

"I called Nita and told her we're not done yet."

"And she was okay with it?"

Sam nodded.

"Okay then," I stood up.

"Let's start this trip down memory lane."